Every parent wants what’s best for their child. Name included. But what makes a good name that will follow the baby through life is debatable. Some say it has to stand out from the crowd, others think it should still be a human name and not the name of a fruit (like Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Apple), and here you have different parenting styles and approaches clashing again and again.
But let’s take a look at what random people, passersby on the streets and fellow members of society have to say about the baby names they cannot stand. At least they’re a little less biased and may as well give us some fresh perspective.
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Below we looked at a couple of Reddit threads where people weigh in on the weirdest and plain worst names to give to your kids, and here’s what we wrapped up. After you’re done, be sure to check out Bored Panda’s previous feature with baby names that people say are better skipped for good.
Pennis. Pronounced like Dennis but with a P. Why would anyone do this to their child?
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I went to high school with a Chinesegirl Thumbelina (that’s her first and middle name).
Don’t have my yearbook at home but found a mugshot.
Image credits: Fargabarga
When I taught in South Korea we had to give our students English names. A couple of the names I gave my kids were Tupac, and Rambo. It was all fun and games on my behalf until I met a student named squirrel. (She named herself)
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I know this girl named Feline, most people just call her Kat.
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Jathan. This child has been damned to constantly sound like he has a lisp.
“Hi, I am Jathan” “ohh nice to meet you Jason” “…no, its actually Jathan, my parents hated me”
My wife is a teacher and had to stop Neo from peeling glue off his hand. He aint the one.
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There is a woman named Lasagna that comes into the store I used to work in. She was born and her mother saw her and thought. LASAGNA.
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Not a teacher, but I work at my county’s welfare office. There’s a family and these are all the kids’ first names from oldest to youngest:
* Crowned Prince
* Prince Mowgli
* Princess Modica-Nordica
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I wish I was kidding.
I was subbing in a class once and had a kid named Insurance.
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Not a teacher, but theres a girl at my school named Lollipop…
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My coworker named her baby “Strawberry Rain”, which would be a great name, if she gave birth to a bottle of shampoo.
Craigs aren’t born, they pop into existence at 40 years old in dad jeans.
Her parent is apparently a fan of Beyonce & the Kardashians. I feel so fucking sorry for that kid.
Moronica. She works at Walmart.
I used to work with refugees who had recently moved to the US. There was one family with a baby named “Ice Cream”.
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I’ve always hated the Hayden/Haiden/Jayden/Jaiden/Jaylin/Jaelin/Braeden/Brayden names, but I lost my mind at Drayden.
Worked at a Juvenile Treatment facility, had a kid sent to us middle name was “Ice Cold”. Turned out to be a really good kid just terrible drug/gang infested f**k heads for parents.
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Anyone remember KVIIIlyn? I do.
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Had a girl in class whose name was “Peonme.”
The boys had many variations of her name.
(Staff members thought her parents meant to name her “Peony,” after the flower, but got it wrong.)
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Lovely Butts. Not even lying. (Butts is the last name)
Met a guy whose 100% legal, unchanged name was “Lord Stormwalker”.
I do teaching for undergraduate physics. I’ve already seen the class list for next year and, starting in September there will be a girl called Framboise in the first year class. Framboise means *raspberry* in French and, by the way, this is a French speaking city so it’s not like her name is going to go unnoticed. Can’t wait to meet her.
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My grandmother was a teacher in the “deep countryside” in Argentina back in the 50s. There is a hmm… tradition inherited from Spain I think, where you name your child with the name of the saint of the day he was born. Each day is the day of a saint, and they would sell these calendars with the name of a saint each day. So if your baby was born on the day of St. Rodrigo, you call him Rodrigo, for example.
The problem was that some of these calendars also had the national argentinian holydays marked. So July 9, May 25, etc, were marked as “Fiesta Cívica” (something like “Civic Celebration”) instead of with the name of the saints. Basically she told me that she had children who were born one of these days, called literally “Civic Celebration”.
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Had a kid named Penelope, pronounced by her mother as Peen-a-loap.
Interning in the counseling department at a high school. It’s early Monday morning and I’m chugging coffee to perk up. They finish up mornings announcements and read off a list of students needing to go to the office for various reasons. The last name read was “Indiana Jones”.
I immediately check the school student roster and there he is, Jones, Indiana. The kid was actually fairly well adjusted and well liked.
Shithead (pronounced shi-theed), Da Boss, and Sexy Beth. Sexy Beth was just referred to as Beth, because who wants to call a 12 year old sexy, and her mom was not happy about it. She came into the school numerous times ranting about how her daughter’s name is Sexy Beth, not Beth, and we better get it right
Poultry….no I’m not making that up.
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I’m a TEFL teacher in China. The kids here have some fascinating names. Some are obviously just mistakes (Like Biran or Windy). Some are quite clever.
One girl about 15 said she wanted to be called KFC. When I asked her why she smiled and said “Because everybody likes KFC!”
Another very shy girl about 19 called herself shadow…which I thought was a lovely name.
Then there were the parents who had an extra child by accident and called her…extra. Seriously. There are also parents who name their child after an inanimate object like “telephone” or “train”. “Tiger” is a popular name for boys too.
There’s also a boy named monkey; “apple” is quite common, and many others like this. For some reason there’s a fair few older girls 20+ named Queenie; these days the name seems to have fallen out of fashion. These are the names the parents or kids themselves have chosen, we teachers aren’t trying to make fun of them.
Edit: Forgot to mention I work with a Chinese girl whose name is Tim.
In high school we had an Asian kid whose last name is Shen. His first name was Eric. The lolz didn’t occur to me until I actually had a class with him and the teacher was doing roll call, and I thought she loudly said erection in class.
I work at a call center, here are some winners of children I have seen (all teenagers or younger):
– Maxx Gay
– Wanna (middle name Smoke, dead serious)
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Not a teacher but during med school, rotated with a pediatrician in Berkeley, Ca and came across a kid named Starshyt. When asked why that name parents said “you ever see a shooting star and behind it kinda looks like s**t…?”
I arrested someone last week, legally named Fuck.
Had a kid named Griffin, spelled Gyrophone…. also had a Mister, a Chi’Arion, and a Eusavio. Then there was my year in the inner city where there was one white girl in the entire school and she was in my class. Her name was Ivory…
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It’s not a weird name, but I had one named Isis. This was last year and people were just starting to talk more about Daesh and still calling it ISIS most frequently. The girl was already having trouble fitting in so I had to divert their attention several times when the news would be a topic of discussion… The last thing she needed was kids calling her a terrorist.
Obligatory not a teacher, but….a friend of mine from high school is naming her new daughter Espn. We were told it’s because she likes sports. Well, so do I, but you don’t see me naming my kid Fox Sports Midwest, do ya?
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My neighbors name is Tiger.
A girl at the preschool I work at is named Legend Derry.
A girl I worked with named her child Lexi Jewel. Not weird but sounds like a premade porn star name.
I’m sure there are others but I can’t think of any right now.
Nasteo…pronounced Nasty Ho. ?
There is 1 person in the US named Gay Bowser.
I’m a teacher, but I didn’t come across these names teaching. I was working as a steward in my students union (basically, you know at night clubs, when you’re dancing on a chair and some scrawny guy in a polo shirt comes up to you and says in the deepest voice he can muster, “Can you get down from there mate?”- me right there) while at uni.
Anyway, I’m playing with the student search on the tills out the front, and I work out how to use the wildcard function. Like if you search “s?ith” all the people named smith come up. I did what any self respecting infantile MF would do and did all the swear words.
There was a Ding Dong. A Mrs Poo. I’ll let it sink in that she married into that name.
Miss Fukunda Mbabwe.
And my two favourites, whom I will never forget:
Miss Bumtita Thongsari.
And, I don’t know if you’ll read this the way I did: Mr Wancalerm Siruphand.
I knew a 10 year old girl named Felanie. I don’t think the mom thought that one through.
I knew some people in school named TrustInTheLord (she went by Trust) and her brother JesusIsMySaviour (he went by Saviour). The names they went by are honestly great, but those full names just made EVERYTHING inconvenient.
Ugh. I live in Utah. The terrible weird names are everywhere.
Worst so far? Sparkles. No, I’m not kidding.
Not a teacher, but in hs my son had a friend named Chris Growcock. He wears it proudly. As a bonus, his parents sent him to an all-boy high school and all day everyone asked him if he was “living up to his name.
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Sexy… I kid you not. Someone thought it a good idea to name their baby girl “Sexy”.
Can you imagine trying to call out her name at Kindergarden…
1st kid – January 2nd kid- February 3rd kid- March Etc. This list goes all the way to August
My nephew is named Fox. At first I was kinda horrified but now I see how the name fits him perfectly. Whenever he sees pictures of foxes he says “There I am.” He is 4 and it is freaking adorable.
I once had a coworker named Baby, I thought that was pretty bad. And yes, it was her real name. I never called her by her name because it’s so damn awkward to call a random person “baby”. I’m surprised she didn’t go by a nickname, she seemed embarrassed/annoyed whenever someone asked if it was her real name. I can’t help but wonder if her parents didn’t speak English and named her “Baby” by mistake.
Geronimo, Rickchild, Sirrobert, Mahnoor (poor thing), Shithead (pronounced Shy-Theed), Sukdeep, Precious Joy, Twinkle, Chery Hla-Tay (pronouced Cherry Latte).
Some of these weren’t my own students.
Pitts. I assumed it was a nickname but no! Apparently his Dad was a huge fan of the Pittsburgh Penguins he named his son Pittsburgh but Pitts for short.
I work in South Korea where many kids are required to take on English names in their English class. Some memorable ones:
Sha La La, Starcraft, Tinkerbell, Aragorn, Two Bottles, Pig
There are also weird names that come up that I don’t think are names in any language. This first that jumps to mind is “Poldy”
My dad always used to tell me about how he wanted to name me Testicules (test-ti-cue-lees).
I know people who named their sons Hunter, Forest and Kelley.
No, their last name was not Green.
Kind of cheating because I taught in China for a while, but I had one student that had picked Goblin as her English name.
I was at the grocery store not too long ago, one older lady asked me what was my baby’s name, then said her grandson was the same age. I asked her what was his name, she reluctantly said Dolphin but we call him Finn. Poor woman…
Posted this before, but whatever it’s my favorite. I’m a nurse and there was a case with two women who were related, I think cousins, and both pregnant with girls and they had their due dates around the same time. One had her baby first and named it Da’Finest. The other women was so angry that her cousin had her baby first and ‘stole her baby name’ she tried to get back at her by naming her own baby Da’Prettiest.
I went to college with a girl named Trillion and her brother Seven. They were named BEFORE the Seinfeld episode. Trillion was absolutely gorgeous.
I went to school with a “Chandelier”
Fahmi. Harmless enough, huh?
In his native Somalia, it’s supposedly to be pronounced Fuch-mi , something his Mother was always quite passionate about enforcing upon her 5 year old son. Made for some quite interesting inter- school sports team events, with large crowds of 5 year olds all screaming in unison “Come on, Fahmi!” in a field full of totally oblivious, outraged parents, students, and teachers, from neighbouring schools.
He was from Burkina Faso (French Speaking) so he did not know how hilarious his name was.
This kid was born before 2001 was named Jihad.
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My daughter went to primary school with a boy named Azmataq.
Nuhtorious and Difr’nt Money.
100% legal names for those kids.
I was once a school photographer and a parent named her twin daughters Storm and Tempest.
First name: Dafinest Last name: Blackman
I knew a girl named Star once. Her brother was Sunne and her sister was Skye
I had a girl in my girl named Constance Payne which sounds like constant pain.
Shadynasty (shah – die – na – stee)
Andromeda Aurora. The dad was wearing a Star Trek tshirt and mom was wearing Dr Who.
Was looking through my mom’s high school yearbook from the late 60’s, and came across a gent named Ringling Bell. That poor guy!
Obamaniqua. Graduated HS the same year Obama took office, and a girl I graduated with thought this was a good idea.
I know a boy named Legolas.
When we were on holiday in Senegal we met a local names Crevette. For the people who don’t speak French his name was Prawn.
I had a boy named “Mister” and there is a kid named “Sir” at my school. Those are pretty unusual.
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Worked at McDonald’s for my first real job and had a stereotypically Southern guy complete with mustache and mullet turn to his young daughter and say “Whiskey, hon, whadda ya want?”
My brain nearly short-circuited.
Not a teacher, but I had a guy in my school called ‘Awais Mann’. I’m in the UK btw and this is basically pronounced ‘waste man’, which is a common diss around here.
Angel, last name Fish
I took care of a trio of sisters. First one was Kaisha, the second Aisha and the third Isha. I hope their parents didn’t have any more daughters…
Went to school with a kid named Wonderful Terrific Monds, he played minor league baseball for a while if I recall correctly.
A brother and sister of hippie lineage. I can get on board with the name *Sage*, but not so much *Cinnamon*.
A little girl called Wraith.
Fucking KEITH? For a child. He was 8 when I met him about 5 years ago.
I always believed Keith’s were born aged 35 on wards.
I volunteered at a preschool for a high school project. It wasn’t in the best area, and most of the kids’ parents weren’t in the picture, or only had visitation rights with their kids. Sad sometimes, but the kids were fun and cute.
Anyway, one little boy’s first name was Aero and his last name was Smith. Aero Smith.
My mother is a hairdresser and she cut a young boys hair this year. His name was Trout, like the fish…
Went to school with a kid called Floyd Floyd and another called Michael Jackson. Someone I went to school with named her daughter Indiana Jones. I am a teacher. I have taught a boy called Swann. Got my class list for September. I have someone called Jupiter.
Part of my job is auditing attendance and child rosters for daycares. Came across a “Moonlight Slaughter”. Metal AF
First name: Wrangler. Last name: Maxfield. Constantly told him how badass that name was. Had a Bric, last name Walls.
It’s not the weirdest name ever, and it is unfortunately becoming more common, but I was working in a school and there was a girl called “Princess”.
And, unsurprisingly, she was a total dick.
I am not a teacher, but had a girl in my elementary school whose entire family was named after the weather (Stormy, Misty, and Snowy).
Not a teacher but met someone with the name “KMNOP.”
I am a newborn photographer at three different hospitals. Worst names: Android Scientist (Mom vetoed Rockstar Ninja) Yur’Majesty Solomon
I had an Aanjhrue in one of my classes.
I know a girl who’s name is Kenisa because her parents are Ken and Denise
First name: Thunder
Middle name: And Lightning
I once heard the name Mario Hahner(Or Hana, not sure) being called out at a ikea. In German that sounds almost identical to Marihuana. I laughed, than i felt sorry for that kid.
I’m not a teacher but I grew up in Oakland:
* Phouc Yu
* (Every Mongolian Ever)
All of these are spelled correctly