The savage art of the comeback is something that we should all take the time and dedication to master. There are very few things in life as satisfying as completely and utterly decimating someone with your wit, your snappiness, and your banter. And if you throw some good old-fashioned logic and common sense into the mix? Whew, you’re a legend.

The place that celebrates these “well-constructed put-downs, comebacks, and counter-arguments” is the legendary ‘Murdered By Words’ subreddit. Boasting a whopping 2.5 million members, r/MurderedByWords shares the best comebacks that we all wish we came up with ourselves. And, well, during the actual arguments, not days later while we’re shampooing our hair in the shower.

One of the moderators helping manage the vast r/MurderedByWords community answered some of my questions about the community. “The way we see it, a murder should (but doesn’t always have to) be more than a quick response or retort. The best murders are well-constructed, thought-out responses that leave the opening argument completely without any ability to reply. In other words, their point has been totally demolished,” the mod explained to Bored Panda.

“Now, obviously there’s more than one way to murder with words, and sometimes a quick rapier thrust or stab to the heart (a short, swift reply) can be just as deadly as a drawn-out murder, and you’ll frequently see both types in this sub,” they added. Scroll down for the moderator’s insights about how they and their colleagues tackle the challenges that come with managing such a large online community.

Check out the best online verbal put-downs, upvote the ones that impressed you the most, and be sure to give r/MurderedByWords a follow if you’re a fan of their stuff. When you’re done with this article, you’ll find some more inspiration for your future epic comebacks by checking out our previous features of the subreddit here, here, and here. Somebody call the police and the coroner because these ‘word-murders’ are out of control.

#1 Yes, The Answer Is Yes

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#2 The Media Makes It To Be A Feel Good Story Over A Dystopian Nightmare

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#3 I Like The Second Guy’s Energy

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The moderator representing r/MurderedByWords shared with me that they have a very thorough vetting system in place for new mods. “We manage the community by being a tight-knit group of moderators who are all carefully vetted before being given the position, to ensure the stability of the subreddit and that good content gets through,” they said. However, it’s not just the mods who decide whether or not a comeback can be classified as a ‘murder.’ That honor is also given to the community members themselves.

“Overall, we believe in letting the subreddit determine what is or isn’t a murder, and try to step in or remove posts only when the rules are broken or we see the same post for the gazillionth time,” the mod explained.

According to the moderator, the community has its own challenges, just like any other large subreddit. “Every single post will always have someone who says, ‘Not a murder,’ ‘This sub is dying/dead,’ ‘Mods suck,’ etc. That comes with the territory of any subreddit, from smallest to largest,” they told Bored Panda that these sorts of comments are completely unavoidable, no matter what the community might be. However, a bigger issue is… politics.

#4 Who Doesn’t Love Irony?

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#5 You’re And Asstrovert

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#6 Let’s All Make A Pledge

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“Another challenge that came up was when we decided before the US Presidential Elections to ban politics from the sub (there is a sticky at the top of the subreddit outlining what is/isn’t allowed). Somehow, we managed to have both sides of the political spectrum pissed off at us for that one. Democrats complaining we had caved to the Republicans who kept getting ‘owned,’ and Republicans complaining because this was one big left-wing [echo chamber] and now they couldn’t even respond with their own posts. We then made the ban permanent, but we still have to remove plenty of posts which fit the criteria for the no-politics rule.”

But at the core of it all are practical challenges like finding ways to keep the subreddit growing and full of fresh content that will keep redditors happy. “We’re lucky in that we frequently create posts that reach the front page and receive tens of thousands of upvotes (many have even passed the 100k upvote mark), which in turn helps draw attention to the sub, which creates more content, etc.”

#7 Yeah, That’ll Work

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#8 I Think This Belongs Here Too

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#9 Am I So Out Of Touch? No, It’s The Children Who Are Wrong

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Nearly two years ago, I had a friendly chat with redditor Xor50, who’d been one of the moderators helping run r/MurderedByWords. They told me a bit about the community that has been running since December 2016, the type of content the subreddit features (and how it differs from similar subreddits like r/clevercomebacks), and how to give your put-down more substance.

“A ‘real murder’ in terms of this subreddit would be [this]: A murder should be a response to something or someone that totally, for lack of a better word, destroys them. They are, of course, subjective, and should be more or less based on fact,” Xor50 told Bored Panda previously.

#10 Don’t B Confused

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#11 Far Too Many People See The Answer To This As Being “Yes”

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#12 How Dare We Give You The Correct Amount Of Changes

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“What is the difference between a ‘murder’ and ‘burn’ anyway? The mod team and even the MBW community has struggled for over a year to try and define the difference. It’s quite subjective and nearly an ‘I know it when I see it!’ situation, however, there are some generalities,” the redditor explained that there have been debates about the details of what constitutes a ‘murder.’

“Murders tend to be longer. It’s nearly impossible to ‘murder’ someone inside of a tweet. It’s just not long enough. You can burn them pretty good yes but a ‘murder’ is far more complete,” they said.

“Basically, anything that you would think is a witticism, one-liner, snappy comeback, or hot take is going to be a burn. Those may be a better fit for /r/clevercomebacks. Murders tend to be long-form, taking a minute or several to read, and thoroughly deconstruct an argument and/or the person making it.”

#13 The Ol’ Switcheroo

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#14 Bit Of A Stretch

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#15 Columbus Day

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Xor50 added that your personal passion for a topic can help inspire you to find a clever way to put down someone’s bad arguments. “Think about a topic you’re really passionate about and imagine you’re talking to an idiot who just doesn’t get it. That’s how I imagine it,” they said.

The art of the comeback isn’t out of reach for us, no matter how epic and unreachable some of these slap-backs and roasts might seem. 

#16 Why Go Out Of Your Way To Be An As**ole?

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#17 Murdered By Wit

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#18 Good Luck To The Women In Your Future

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British comedy writer and stand-up comedian Ariane Sherine explained to me during an earlier interview what the most important parts of a comeback are. “I think the most important thing with comebacks is speed. Even if the joke isn’t a total zinger, people will be impressed by your quickfire response,” she told Bored Panda.

According to Ariane, most stand-up comics actually have a “repertoire of comebacks” that they rely on while on the stage. This way, they can be prepared for hecklers and (at least some) unexpected situations. There’s a lot of prep that goes into being a good comedian!

“We’re not all as fast and talented as it seems! But if we’re doing stand-up, our own routines will be original—it’s just heckle putdowns that might not be,” she said.

#19 Women Aren’t People, Apparently

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#20 Trying To Gatekeep Conversations

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#21 God vs. Humanity

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Ariane revealed to Bored Panda that comedy professionals build up emotional resilience with time and experience.

“Heckle putdowns are generally shared among comics so there’s no code of honor when it comes to using them (but you mustn’t nick original stand-up material!),” Ariane told me where we can find some inspiration for clever comebacks.

#22 Red Shirts Everywhere…

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#23 Linus Getting Roasted By His Wife

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#24 Entitled Karen Getting Stabbed By Words

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The comedy writer also pointed out that comebacks can either be spontaneous or more planned out (if you’ve got the time), depending on the actual comic. 

“It [the comeback] needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable,” she said, adding that it’s relatively rare in her experience to have spontaneous eruptions of genius all the time. “That’s relatively rare in my experience. I’m sure many other comics are more natural than I am!”

#25 Oh, No! Anything But That!

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#26 Classic Karen

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#27 Handle With Care

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#28 You Can’t Justify Her Actions No Matter What

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#29 I Don’t Really Know If This Counts But..

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#30 Just So We’re Clear

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#31 I’ve Had A 32″ TV For Longer Than I’d Like To Admit

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#32 Get Wrecked…

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#33 Better Check Those Facts

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#34 More C-19 Experts..

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#35 It’s Almost As If

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#36 Is There Even One?

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#37 That’s Got To Hurt

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#38 Rip Sportsball Fan

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#39 Who Ever Will Fight A Wolf ?

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#40 You Could Say These Facebook Moms Got Murdered By Numbers

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#41 Seriously What Is Wrong With You

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#42 This Doubles As A Til About The Spanish Anthem

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#43 Gravity Falls Creator Alex Hirsch Murders Disney With Words

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#44 “Totally Insane!”

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#45 How Dare You Work Only One Job To Support Your Family?

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#46 Doctor Of Reading?

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#47 Meg Does Not Understand Sunflowers

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#48 Sex And The Church Have Always Gone Hand-In-Hand

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#49 Protecting White Cops

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#50 That’s Exactly What You Are Supposed To Do

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#51 Be Better Or Get Roasted

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#52 On The Right Track

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#53 Wendy’s Twitter Is Savage

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#54 Some People Are Just Dumb

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#55 Comment From A Youtube Video That Was Generalising Millenials As Instagram Addicts That Only Care About Instant Gratification

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#56 The Entire Race Of Karens Would Like A Word

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#57 But How Will They Make Money If They Can’t Take Advantage Of People?!??

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#58 I Once Knew A Peacock

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#59 Research Before You Sprouts Anything On Social Media

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#60 Why Beat Around The Bush?

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#61 That One Might Sting A Little In The Morning

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#62 What Are Crab Cakes?

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#63 Reply Is On Point

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#64 Once Wasn’t Enough, He Came Back For More

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#65 Extremist Vegans

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#66 I Still Don’t Know How He Had -3 Yards For A Whole 16 Game Season

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#67 Shots Fired. Man Down. I Repeat. Man Down

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#68 Not To Mention She Beat Out Two Other Drivers…

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#69 Everyone Just Needs To Make Love, Not Warcraft

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#70 Got Eeemmmmmm

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#71 A Wonderful Secret

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#72 Found On R/Whitepeopletwitter

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#73 Shaq With The Smackdown!

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#74 Bandwagon Minister Getting Burned

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#75 Maybe Don’t Argue With The Writer?

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#76 She Doesn’t Look Ancient Egyptian To Me

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#77 Much Ado About Nothing

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#78 Local Dog Warden Gets A Fakely Horrible Review; Reviewer Gets Called Out On Their Bullshit

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#79 He Had No Reason To Kill That Poor Guy Like That!

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#80 Mighty White Of You

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#81 “That’s Not Fair!! You Cheated!!” *stamps Feet And Pouts*

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#82 He Should’ve Been Wearing A Helmet

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#83 How To Slay A Troll…

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#84 Apparently I Own KFC And P*rnhub

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#85 I’m Pro-Control Over Women

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#86 He’s Got A Point…

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#87 Out Of Touch

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#88 I Too Hate Freeloaders

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#89 That’s A Spicy Rost

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#90 Tell Me You Have No Idea What Crt Is Without Telling Me You Have No Idea What Crt Is

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#91 Murdered By Facts

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#92 Someone Is In Need Of Some Additional Schooling

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#93 I Love My Grandma So Much. She Got Her Point Across Without Being Mean To The Family Friend

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#94 Anti-Vaxxer Thinks Vaccines Are Dangerous Drugs

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#95 I Guess Cancel Culture Only Works One Way

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#96 New Theory: The Earth Is Made Of LEGO And We’re All Being Mind-Controlled Into Thinking It Looks Normal /S

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#97 Parent Of The Year

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#98 Maths Is Hard

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#99 Holy, I Didn’t Expect Discord To Hit Me That Hard

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#100 Too Many Actual Flesh-And-Blood People Fail The Turing Test

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#101 Wait, Are They Not Supposed To Do That?

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#102 Cooking Elitism At Its Finest

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#103 And Then Going To A Government-Funded Burn Center

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#104 Decline Of Births In The Us

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#105 Nothing But A Chalk Outline At The Murder Scene

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#106 Lil Nas X Claps Back At Yet Another Homophobe

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#107 Yeah, Well, That’s Just, Like, Your Opinion, Man

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#108 When The Nz Opposition Thinks He’s Asking Important Questions On Total Healthcare Reform

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#109 I’m Not A Racist Asshole, But…

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#110 Step 1: Open Mouth. Step 2: Insert Foot. Repeat As Necessary

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#111 How To Change Earth’s Orbit?

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#112 Literal Chad Murders Twitch In Steam Deck Launch Tweet

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#113 Gotta Love Sports Rivalries

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#114 You See, Mexican Goats Are More Potent Than American Goats

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#115 Was Going Through My Screenshots When I Found This. Dunno If It’s Appropriate For This Sub Or Not

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#116 Robot Bugs. No Way That Could Ever Go Wrong

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#117 He’s Still Looking For A Model

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#118 I Never Know What To Title Cross Posts

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#119 Well He’s Not Wrong

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#120 An Apache Helicopter Has Machine Guns And Missiles. It Is An Unbelievably Impressive Complement Of Weaponry, An Absolute Death Machine

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Source: boredpanda.com