Don’t forget to cut the crust off their sandwiches. Don’t mention that you snuck spinach into the lasagna. Don’t joke about Santa Claus not being real. And don’t make fun of the fact that your child always skips one letter when saying the alphabet.
Sometimes parents have to be super careful to tiptoe around their little ones to avoid causing any problems. Sure, we want them to grow up to be resilient and understanding humans, but we don’t always have time for a meltdown before school or on the way to soccer practice. Some days, it’s best to just pick your battles.
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Occasionally, however, parents make innocent, hilarious mistakes, despite their best intentions. And to celebrate all of the monumental mishaps life throws at loving parents, we’ve gathered some of the most chaotic and hilarious stories from the Today I [Messed] Up subreddit. This community, which currently has over 18 million members, is a place where people can come together and bond over the moments they really wished they had a time machine. Enjoy these stories that every parent can relate to on some level, and be sure to upvote the ones that you find most amusing. Keep reading to also find an interview with mother and comedian, Deva Dalporto. Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article featuring hilarious parenting struggles, we recommend reading this story next.
I (37 M) was at the park with my kids yesterday and I tell my youngest (2 F) how impressed I am with how fast her climbing is getting. I tell her she’s almost as fast as her older sister.
My oldest daughter (6 F) is unimpressed that I’m not complimenting her so she jumps down from the climbing frame to talk to me.
“Dad, you have got to stop saying racist things all the time,” she says to me loud enough for all the other parents in my immediate vicinity to hear.
I gulp and look around feeling awkward, the stares of judgment from the other parents bearing down on me.
“What do you mean honey, what have I ever said that was racist?”
“You always turn everything into a race and I don’t like it,” she replies.
Bless her little innocent heart.
Image credits: Magnetickiwi1
To gain some insight from a parent who is open about the hilarious struggles that come along with raising kids, we reached out to Deva Dalporto. Deva is known for sharing comedy videos online about her experiences as a mother, as well as writing and blogging. When asked what inspired Deva to start sharing comedy content about parenting online in the first place, she told Bored Panda, “My life inspires my work. I just take all of the messy, hilarious parenting moments and expose them for all the world to see! My kids will tell you I have no filter.”
“I made my first video nearly a decade ago as a family joke,” Deva shared. “This was long before ‘mom humor’ was all over the internet, so it was just a fun, cathartic creative project to help me cope with the insanity of parenthood, and we were stunned when it went viral. Since then I’ve just tried to laugh about the craziness of parenthood, because it is CRAZY! I always say if you don’t laugh, you’re going to cry. And I’d rather laugh!”
For the past couple of months, Kiddo has been saying “Dada” and “Da” quite a lot to refer to me. He says it when I walk into the room. He says it when he hears my car pull into the driveway. He says it when he wants my attention. A dozen times a day at least. Let me tell you, there are few pleasures in the world as great as coming home from work and having a toddler look at you and exclaim “Da!” with a huge grin on his face.
Now, he’s said “Mama” and “Ma” before to refer to his mom, but it’s rare. I know she wishes he would more, and I want her to get that feeling as much as I do, so I decided that I was going to work with Kiddo on saying “Mama.”
In my 16 months of parenthood, I’ve learned that my kid picks up skills okay from watching and listening, but that they stick best when he learns by doing. With this in mind, I’ve been trying to get him to say “Mama” on his own accord. He has already demonstrated in the past that he knows his mom’s name is “Mama,” so I’ve been working with that. Whenever she walks into view, I’ll excitedly say, “Who’s that?” He basically never says that it’s “Mama,” but he does run over and give her a hug. At least there’s that, I guess.
After a week of no progress, Kiddo came running into the kitchen yesterday morning, looked right at his mom, gave a big smile, and said, “Who’s that?” Ouch.
Maybe he learns better by listening after all.
Image credits: Jack_Mackerel
When asked how often parents make what their children would consider to be “monumental mishaps”, Deva told us, “In the eyes of their children? Every. Single. Day.” When it comes to some of her most hilarious mistakes, Deva shared, “I cursed in front of my son’s friend the other day. A big, fat f-bomb when we were in the car. When I apologized my son said, ‘Don’t worry, Mom. Everyone’s immune to you by now.'”
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“I guess that means I’ve made soooooo many mistakes that they’re just the norm,” Deva told Bored Panda. “Speaking of cursing, when my daughter was 2-years-old we had a stray cat who used to come into our yard. Every time I saw it I would mumble ‘There’s that f-ing cat’, but using the whole word. One day we had a playdate with this perfect mom and her perfect child and in the middle of playing blocks my kid gets up, walks to the sliding glass door and yells, ‘Mommy, look! There’s that f’ing cat.’ And yes, she used the whole word. We never had another playdate with those people.”
My ~6 year old son came running into my home office the other day and said, demandingly, “Dad! Kick me!”
So I did.
Hear me out, please. The kick was a 3/10 on firmness. Not gentle, but not painful. He’s a kid, he likes to play fight, and as he’s an only child, I feel like I need to provide a bit of rough and tumble so that he can learn boundaries. I also want him to “lose some,” and to learn to “roll with the punches.”
Anyway… I performed a front kick whilst making the Bruce Lee Noise. I trust that you know the one.
My son recoiled. He looked shocked, sad and disappointed, all rolled into one. He didn’t cry, but it was close.
He blurted out, “I said KISS me!!!”
Image credits: ausmomo
Finally, we asked Deva if she had any tips for parents who are fearful of making mistakes in front of their kids. “Don’t be afraid of making mistakes,” she says. “They make the BEST stories later in life!”
“If you mess up as a parent, it’s ok to admit it and apologize to your kids,” she continued. “I have said ‘I’m sorry’ to my children so many times (because I mess up all the time). It helps remind them that you’re only human and we’re all just doing our best.”
If you’d like to hear more about Deva’s hilarious experiences while parenting or check out some of her comedy content, you can find her website right here.
So my wife and I have a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old. When our 1-year-old is up to mischief and we tell him “no” he immediately looks up at us and starts crying. It’s actually pretty adorable.
In order not to upset him we frequently refer to it as the “N Word” when he’s around.
Queue two weeks ago when our 4-year-old is in daycare and telling all his friends and the teacher that “Mommy and Daddy use the N Word all the time and it upsets his brother and makes him cry.” Teacher berated my wife and told her we were horrible people and didn’t really get it when my wife explained that it was a big mix-up.
We also got child protective services called on us anonymously. Think it’s the teacher but it may have been a parent.
Image credits: NotReal8262018
My kids go trick or treating. We live in a great candy neighborhood, so every year they come home with 100-200 pieces.
When they’re young we tell them Santa brings every boy and girl a present on Halloween and the more candy you leave him, the better a present he’d leave in exchange.
When the kids get old enough to realize Santa is a hoax, that’s when we start paying in cash. 25 cents per piece.
Did this with our oldest two and it worked great. They’d give up about 3/4 of their candy and buy a toy.
Our third child is 8 this year so called us out on the Santa thing. We explained the new deal.
He said “So then it’s my money and I can buy whatever I want with it? A new skateboard even? Anything?” “You bet.” “Swear?” “Yep.”
He goes and brings us all his candy. Even every Kit Kat, his favorite. I was shocked, but he’d been saving up for a skateboard for a bit so must’ve decided to go all in to push his savings over the edge.
Getting all the sugar out of his room was a best case scenario, easiest $31.75 I’d spent all week.
Next day I brought the candy to work. Then we went to Walmart after school and the kids ran to pick out their stuff. We met at the check out.
There’s my son, who has raided the clearance aisle and found two hundred Kit Kats for $10.00.
I started to tell him to put it back, but he said “What? You said I could buy whatever I wanted! You swore! I want my candy back then.”
His candy had already been eaten by my coworkers. And I did swear, and we put a lot of emphasis on the importance of keeping your word.
So… my son has almost twice as much candy as he would have from just keeping his trick or treating… and a new skateboard.
I don’t know who’s more p*ssed, my wife that this plan backfired so horrifically, or his older brothers that they never thought to do this.
Image credits: rectanglerefuge
Being a parent is no walk in the park. Whether you’re changing diapers, teaching your kid how to ride a bike, or picking up your teenager from detention after school, the struggles and challenges never seem to end. Even if you are the world’s best mom or dad, inevitably, there will be moments where you wish you had a time machine. This could be because you accidentally revealed a secret to your child, you unintentionally embarrassed them, or you found out that something was a surprisingly sensitive topic. And although these moments may be painful at the time, at least they make for great stories to tell later.
And while every child and every family is different, it seems that some parenting mistakes are common occurrences. Mom and writer Kim Bongiorno wrote a piece for Momtastic detailing “Rookie Mistakes Every Mom Has Made”, and some of them might be painfully relatable if you’re a parent. For example, she notes leaving a sharpie or container of sugar unattended. That’s just asking for a big mess. But as adults who know how to use those items responsibly, we might not realize how dangerous they can be in the hands of a child…
I was cleaning my 6-year-old son’s room, and doing my annual purge of cr*p he’s managed to hoard. I have this big pile of stuff to throw out in the living room, when he comes in, pulls some stupid paper butterfly out of the trash pile and tells me I can’t throw this away because it was a present.
He goes to a lot of birthday parties and gets a lot of goodie bags with this sort of thing, so I tell him it’s junk and it’s going in the trash. Besides, it’s all bent up and I tell him (like a d**che-dad) that if he values things he should take care of them.
He leaves, and some five minutes later he returns, visibly distraught (he’s clearly been thinking hard about this). He says, “It was a present… for you.”
“For Father’s Day.”
I swear at that moment I heard every angel in heaven slow clapping.
Image credits: ubernatural
Some of the other rookie mistakes Kim notes that parents often make are believing their children in certain situations like when they say it’s Pajama Day at school or that they wiped their bottom well after going potty. Yes, we should believe children most of the time, when they tell us they are sad or hungry or tired. But occasionally, we should be a bit skeptical. It doesn’t hurt to get a second opinion or check for yourself if your child tells you something that is suspiciously beneficial to them or a bit too convenient.
Kim also says that it’s a rookie mistake to tell your kids “about something you might eventually do some day together that could possibly be fun if the opportunity perchance arrives”. Basically, kids don’t like uncertainty, and they will never forget if you mentioned something exciting. “Oh, we’re going to the zoo? Yes, you said we are! We have to go! When are we going to the zoo? You didn’t LIE did you, mommy? You taught me that lying is wrong!” It’s amazing how children can forget to wash their hands before eating, yet if you told them 3 years ago you’re considering a trip to Disneyland, they will still bring it up.
My kid loves bubble baths. I love giving my kid bubble baths because of the pure joy that lights up his face when I put on a bubble beard for him.
Here’s where the FU comes in. This is 2 hours ago as of posting this. My kid is taking a bubble bath. LOTS OF BUBBLES. Admittedly, I put too much in. But he’s loving it regardless. I can’t see through the thick bubble barrier to the tub bottom. Unbeknownst to me, the kid has shit in the tub. Found out he had corn at daycare today. No grunts, groans, or farts when he let it out.
I am letting him fill up his water cup and dump it all over my head and face. Even put some water in my mouth and spat it back at him. Pure joy. I drain the tub and realize what has happened.
I AM UNCLEAN. No amount of tooth brushing or showers can rid me of this disgust.
Image credits: nastyblasty904
Today. Wife having terrible period, yells from downstairs toilet “get me a tampon!”.
I’m upstairs, grab one, see my daughter, think I can outsource this.
Me: “honey can you go give this to mommy?” Her:”what is this?” Me:”its a tampon for mommy” Her:”why?” Me:”its for her period to stop the bleeding” Her, alarmed:”she’s bleeding?! Where?” Me, idiot:”oh its ok she’s just bleeding from her vagina, its normal, her period, one day you’ll have it too” Wife, screaming from downstairs:”i need the tampon its bad this time!!” Daughter, instant bawling:”oh my gaaawwd Mommy’s bleeding from her vagina! Aaaahhh call the police please daddy make her vagina stop bleeding I don’t want her to die! I don’t want my vagina to bleed! I don’t want to die!”
Been 20 minutes, daughter still sobbing at thought of death by period. Only just got my wife the damn tampon.
Image credits: ThrowawayyyholeAd4
My wife is working out of town for a couple weeks. Sometime over the weekend I noticed my son playing with this little silicone cup that kinda looked like a tulip. I asked him what it went to and what it did and he proceeded to show me it’s versatility- over the next few days it helped the Paw Patrol save the town, it was a treasure chest holding tiny pebbles guarded by pirates, a force field protecting a space ship. It came with us to the park, grocery shopping, and even out to dinner one night. I loved that it had its own little satchel and assumed it just went to a play set.
Fast forward to this morning and as we’re getting ready for school Alexa reminds us that it’s show and tell today at school. So my son grabs his little silicone cup and off to school he goes. I pick him up after school and his teacher asks to speak with me. My son looks happy so I figure he’s not in trouble, or if he is in trouble he did something cheeky that he’s proud of.
Teacher: Ben’s show and tell was…interesting.
Me: Yea! It’s cool right? We’ve been playing with that thing for days.
Teacher: Uh, Mr. Scott, do you know what that is?
I start to panic- oh shit it’s not a toy…
Teacher…that is a, uh, menstrual cup.
I get confused.
Teacher notes my confusion: it’s um, used to collect menstrual blood…
I’m still confused…
Teacher: it uh, goes inside, and uh…collects blood
Me: It just…stays in there?
Me: are you sure? I don’t think that would, uh, fit….too, uh…comfortably…there.
Teacher: oh it folds in half then springs open inside….
We’re both clearly uncomfortable.
Me: alright then…..so where do I get a replacement because my wife will probably not be too pleased when she returns home and will not want to continue using this one.
My wife laughed hysterically when we told her. My son is non the wiser and is having a tea party with the cup right now.
Image credits: sothishappened2
Another rookie mistake Kim mentions is leaving the house before everyone has had a chance to use the bathroom. Even if you’re running late, make them go first. Even if the car ride will only be 15 minutes, make them go first. Even if they went an hour ago, make them try again. It can be hard for kids to have a great understanding of their bladder’s capacity, and usually when they decide they need to go, it needs to happen immediately. I can’t tell you how many car rides were interrupted as a kid because my younger brother told my parents, “I need to go now.” And he wasn’t exaggerating. Thankfully, my parents always believed him and did their best to make it into a gas station restroom on time, but it’s preferable to make sure everyone tries before leaving the house. Having to go back home to clean your car and change your child, who is now also screaming and crying out of embarrassment, is usually not worth the hassle.
Let’s start off by saying I’m a single dad and my son is in kindergarten. His teacher sent out a message yesterday that said, “Tomorrow for Pi day we have a parent bringing in a snack.” I had only glanced at it. Ten minutes later, I got a message from my son’s mom asking if I have a matching set of PJs for him to wear. I replied yes, and then never looked at the teacher’s email again.
Fast forward to this morning, and I dress my boy in his favorite PJs and take him to school. As I approach, I notice that no one else is wearing PJs and my son is trotting around in bright red Spiderman pajama pants. So I get him to the door of the school, send him in, and immediately pull my phone out to look at the email. I had to read it twice before I noticed that it didn’t say “Pj Day” at all, but f*cking “Pi Day”!
So I sent an email to his teacher explaining the mix-up and asked her to make him feel comfortable today. She said she glossed it over with the other kids and made it a non-issue. Luckily, they are only 5-year-olds in kindergarten with little self-awareness.
So sorry, son! Here’s a little lesson on being different!!
Image credits: [deleted]
My son was not doing his homework so I confiscated his GBA [Game Boy Advance]. I told him he would get it back next week.
Well, he’s a pretty clever dude and knew all my hiding places, so I put it someplace he would never look.
Except I suffered a TBI [traumatic brain injury] a few years earlier and I forget stuff. So when he did his homework and asked for it back after a week, I… could not find it. Aargh. I looked everywhere.
Narrator: Obviously not everywhere…
Then we moved… And I still didn’t find it.
SpongeBob: 18 YEARS LATER…
I was donating some coats I had not worn in a long time. And in the pocket of a Viennese trench coat from the 1930s, I found… his Gameboy Advance. And turned it on. And it WORKED. Pokémon appeared.
I put fresh batteries into it and handed it to my 28-year-old son. Who proceeded to laugh for a good five minutes. Then played it for a few hours. Then proceeded to tell my wife and other adult children how silly I was.
Image credits: cbelt3
When I picked them up from school today I was requested to go to the principals office. First thing I thought was “what the hell did my dumbass kid do this time”. Stroll on in only to find out that The administration was concerned that both my kids have bruises on their legs, arms, and face. I immediate thought “oh shit they are about to call CPS on me”
Now, I don’t beat my kids in fact, I’ve never laid a hand on them. You see, my kids train in jiu jitsu and have been going hard on their training now that COVID restrictions have been relaxed. It was a very interesting conversation. I had video evidence of my kid getting a foot in the face and they ended up being very embarrassed about the whole thing. Honestly though, I’m glad they called me in because you never know what home life is like and hopefully they’ve gotten some kids out of a bad situation.
Image credits: Emoretal
Kim also mentioned that parents need to have a heavy filter on when talking in front of their children because if you accidentally let a swear word slip, your kids are likely to cling onto that word or phrase. How is it that they never hear you when you ask them to clean their room or was the dishes, yet somehow when you say a swear word in the other room, their hearing is better than a dog’s? Kids are truly amazing, and their little minds are curious about anything and everything, especially words they don’t often hear or they know they’re not supposed to hear. The same goes for revealing secrets that other kids might not know, though. If your child is the only one in the class who knows Santa and the Tooth Fairy aren’t real or how babies are made, you can bet that a week later, their entire second grade class will have all of the information as well. Can we really blame them though? Even adults are terrible at keeping gossip to ourselves.
So my 4 year old son liked to dance around naked after baths and while changing him. As cute as he can be, it gets old after a while, and if you’ve ever had a boy, you know how they can become obsessed with their peckers. I told him one night that if he didn’t put it away, the Pecker Snatcher would come and take it. He looked at me with some disbelief and said I was kidding him. I told him it was the truth, and that is what happened to his sister. His eyes got big and he put his pants on.
Fast forward a couple days and him and his sister have now elaborated on the story, and the Pecker Snatcher is now a man who has a basket full of peckers that he carries with him, and other elaborations on the story. All was good and well until he explained the entire mythology they created to their grandparents and teachers. Now I’m the weirdo. Parenting is dumb.
Image credits: Hawgsnap
So my son moved back in with me because of the pandemic (he had to take a pay cut.) This isn’t really an issue because we get along great and I raised him alone. I also have a big enough house that he he has more of his own space. I’m 43, he’s 24.
My basement is a makeshift boxing gym. I have some free weights, punching bags, and boxing gloves, among other things. So when my son moved back in we both decided this could be a fun way to stay in shape and bond. We practice a few times a week.
Yesterday, we were sparring (no holds barred but we were wearing boxing headgear) and I guess I didn’t wrap my glove tightly enough, because it fell off and I didn’t notice and neither did my son.
So I go to punch, he gives me this deer-in-the-headlights look, like OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and then I punched him, bare knuckled, in the face, without holding back.
He has a broken nose. I have two broken fingers.
Image credits: sonpuncher
My husband is a hospital tech so he’s been on call non stop and I’ve been trying to find things to entertain our triplets. I’m running out of ideas but I found a bath bomb making kit and thought that might be fun. My kids got to add the scent and colors and put them in different molds. I was a bit zoned out and was mostly just watching to make sure they didn’t put anything in their mouth/nose/eyes.
We go to test out the bathbombs and they kind of suck. They fizz a bit but break up and sink to the bottom pretty quickly. They did, however, make the water a nice purpley blue and smelled pretty good. My kids were actually excited to bathe for once so I loaded all three of them in and let them sit for a while.
I pulled them out and noticed that the water stained the towels and tub a bit, but whatever. It wasn’t until one of my sons was running around shirtless later that I realized that he was blue from the shoulders down. All three kids were. I didn’t notice immediately because my kids have dark skin, but in the sun, they are navy blue. Turns out they used way too much color in the bath bombs and I didn’t stop them because I wasn’t paying attention.
On the bright side, my husband finds our little smurfs hilarious so I’ve been sending him pictures of them out in our yard posing with their blue slide and sandbox. The kids can’t wait to take another bath and dye themselves another color
Image credits: Vivid-Golf
Although it can be easy to sweat the small stuff as a parent, because you care about your children so much and just want the best for them, it’s important to remember that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. So don’t beat yourself up when you make mistakes. As Childpsych explains on their site, we want to teach our kids that nobody is perfect, so we need to lead by example. It’s much more important for kids to feel safe and loved than for them to feel like they do everything right all the time. “Children must be able to make mistakes without the fear of major consequences, in order to learn,” Childpsych explains. “Unfortunately, perfectionism can easily rub off on children too. They may think they have to be perfect all the time and this can put them at a higher risk of developing serious mental health problems, including anxiety, depression, and eating disorders.”
My husband and I have always had an inkling that our son was on the LGBTQ spectrum. My son coming out to me was not a shock in the grand scheme of things.
I went up to my son’s room to ask what he wanted for dinner. I knocked and went in. I was tired after work and things weren’t really registering. He just said, “Mom, I’m gay.”
For some reason it just didn’t register that he had just told me something so major for him. I don’t know what part of my brain thought this was a good idea, but I just said, “Okay, do you want pizza for dinner?”
It took a few minutes for me to realize what I said and that I did not react properly. I went back to him and apologized and gave him the whole “I love you just the same” spiel and we laughed about my reaction, but I’m still SO embarrassed and mad at myself. Definitely wasn’t the way I had always planned to respond!
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I have a 6-year-old son named Bruno. He is absolutely just the life of the party and just always super energetic. Lately, he has been coming home really sad, and I try asking him what’s wrong, but he never tells me. I have also tried asking his teacher if anything is going on with some kids, but his teacher said she hadn’t noticed anything.
Anyway, recently the movie Encanto came out. I have not gotten the chance to watch the movie but I have heard the songs (which are super catchy). I get in the singing mood and start singing the song “We Don’t Talk About Bruno.” In the middle of me singing the song, however, my son gets super upset and storms off crying.
I was super confused and followed him to ask him what was wrong. And he said that first his friend[s] say not to talk about him, and now me. That’s when I realized what was going on. He told me everyone was making fun of him saying he had rats and no one ever wanted to say his name. I explained to him that I still loved him and was singing a song from the movie.
Just yesterday I talked to the teacher about it and she promised she would get the situation handled. He seems to be doing awesome now and we just watched the movie together. He loves Bruno and the song haha
Image credits: wedonttalkabt
So I’m at home for a little, sitting in my room, browsing YouTube as one does. Suddenly my dad bursts in the door and tells me he has to show me something.
I’m like “what” and he tells me I have to come look at the TV. There’s a lot of crazy news on these days, so I’m like “what’s up.” He tells me that CNN is doing a report on the stock market and it’s hard to explain, but he wants me to come take a look at it. Right now. He emphasizes that I have to come quickly.
Normally, I wouldn’t have wanted to see, but I figured maybe something interesting has happened, like happened to GameStop earlier this year. Plus, it couldn’t really hurt, and I wasn’t doing anything anyways. So I decide to humor him, get up, and follow him to the living room.
I am immediately greeted by 4 realizations:
The TV is on, but it’s not playing CNN
It is in fact MTV doing a throwback night. They’re playing 80’s music.
The Never Gonna Give It Up music video is been playing.
I have been rickrolled by my father.
Turns out my brother had told him about the meme, and I was the unfortunate victim of his first attempt. The most old fashioned rickroll I’ve ever seen, and I have to give him credit for it.
Image credits: Rebuildingz
As a parent, try to focus on what you are doing right rather than the few times you make mistakes. As psychology professor Dr. Nancy Darling wrote for Psychology Today, there are several things that children find much more important than perfectionism from their parents. After all, if a parent thinks they are being perfect by managing their household and excelling at their full-time job, they might be lacking somewhere else, like in spending quality time and building an emotional connection with their children. The first thing Dr. Darling writes that all children need is unconditional love. Meaning that if they make a mistake or fail a test, they don’t have to fear how their parents will react. They feel safe to share their failures because they know they will still find support.
This happened yesterday, but I didn’t realize what I had done until this morning.
I was in the car running errands with my four year old son when he suddenly asks, “Why are some people Joul-ish on Christmas?” I vaguely remembered him watching some cartoons where bad guys want to steal Christmas, and I figured he meant “jealous.” So I told him, “Well, those people are not nice, and they’re greedy, and they want all the toys for themselves and not share, and I don’t want you to be like that at all.” He seemed to accept this and the conversation moved to something else.
This morning my husband asked me if I told our son that Jewish people wanted all the toys to themselves. I immediately realized what happened. My son’s daycare celebrated Hannukah last week by coloring menorahs and making dreidels and he was curious about Jewish people.
Image credits: Mapuches_on_Fire
So, my 6 year old often likes to make up his own prayers at night time and it’s adorable.
So, tonight, he was kneeling at his bed in his jammies looking so cute I could just eat him.
Him: “Dear lord Jesus, please watch over me as I sleep tonight. Please look over mommy and daddy and teachers and friends too and the friends I haven’t met yet.
Thank you for dinner and inventing minecraft …”
I chuckle lightly
Him: turning to me angrily “IT’S NOT FUNNY!!”
Me: “I’m sorry sweetie, I won’t do it again”
Him: resuming his prayer “And please don’t let my toys come alive tonight. Amen”
And he hopped into bed.
My stifled laugh sounded like a loud pig snorting, so I just layed my face down in his blankets and pretended like I was praying deeply as I tried to compose my self.
Then I got up quickly trying to hide my face, and I sneaked one last look to say good night as I shut the door and he was giving me the death glare.
Image credits: Spookyredd
So we were leaving on a trip a few months ago. I work night shift. We were leaving as soon as I got home. I’d get home around 6am and then sleep in the car while my wife drives. This saves us a bunch of time. I remembered something I forgot to tell my 13 year old son. He’s the oldest of 4. So I text him, not even realizing that it’s like 1 in the morning.
Didn’t think anything of it but I get a call about an hour later from my wife. She’s laughing so hard she can hardly tell me what happened. My son got the text but was so sleepy he didn’t even think about what the noise was. He assumed it was his alarm and got up to get ready. Well he wakes the other three and tells them it’s time to go. So he showers and gets ready. They all get up, get dressed and get their luggage ready. He goes to get my wife and doesn’t know why she’s still in bed. She’s always the first up. Then he looks at the clock and it’s like 2am. Then he sees my text and realizes it wasn’t his alarm.
I guess I’m lucky he’s so responsible.
Image credits: vectorious1
Dr. Darling explains that children also require predictability to thrive. Uncertainty can be hard for anyone to deal with, particularly kids, and routines are comforting. But predictability can be utilized in all aspects of our children’s lives. “This isn’t just rituals like eating meals together at the same time each day,” Dr. Darling writes. “More importantly, it’s your emotional predictability. Do they know how you’ll react when they make a mistake? Or do well? Or do you make them anxious because sometimes you’ll praise them effusively, sometimes you explode and sometimes you ignore them for exactly the same behavior. Knowing what to expect takes worry out of kids’ lives.”
Being parents of an 8yo, it can be hard to find time to be intimate unless it’s 2am. A few days ago our daughter was busy watching a movie in the living room so we thought we might be safe to sneak to the bedroom and lock the door. Unbeknownst to us, were wrong.
Yesterday as I picked up our daughter “H” from the schools after care program one of the teachers pulled me aside and said “H has been telling all of her classmates that you have a mouse problem in your house. She said she went looking for you and your wife the other night and your bedroom door was locked so she couldn’t get in, but she heard a lot of squeaking noises through the door. She said we must have a lot of mice in there”
I’m sure the horrified look on my face was hilarious at the time but it was a bit of a surprise. I thought we had gotten away with it
Image credits: Trevors-Axiom-
My kid is Minecraft mad and has been since she was 5 years old. She’s a great builder and comes up with really interesting creations. But she’s stuck on consoles and her iPad and has been making noises about wanting mods for the past 18 months. I keep telling her bedrock doesn’t do mods and she always replies with “well buy me a computer”.
Well two weeks ago we were talking about her gym class she goes to where they do fun physical fitness stuff for kids. Its at a real gym with real gym instructors. She said they did a plank for 30 seconds as part of her class. And I (stupidly) said if you can beat my plank time id buy her a computer. Now my time is 2.25. And my wifes is around 3.15.
So the gym instructor asked all the kids what their goals are this year. Just a general life thing not related specifically to physical fitness. Some said stuff like “read more” or “finish X game” etc. my kid says “To do a 4 minute plank”. Well the instructor suddenly had something he could work with. So he said “ok lets do that!”.
In my kids bravado she had forgotten the original bet was 2.26 or better. In doing so she overshot it by a fair way and made it considerably harder for herself
By the end she was a sweaty crying mess, her form had gone to hell but it was definitely still a plank. The instructor yelled 4 minutes and she said “can i stop now?” between tears and heavy breathing. She stopped at 4.08.
Anyway, what’s a good mid level graphics card for Minecraft with some shaders?
Image credits: borgeron
So it was rather cold today and I put some nice, thick wool socks on my 4-year-old son. After running around a bit today, he came and gave me a hug… Zaaap.
I explained to him that he’s got to pick up his feet because dragging them on the carpet will build up a “shock.” My son looks at me and says “Like Pikachu?”
… So a bit after my talk to my son about static electricity, he goes to his room and grabs his Pikachu plushie. Drags his feet all the way to the office where my wife is playing Frostpunk and says “Donder Shok!!” while zotting her with a nice snappy static shock.
As he runs away, clutching his plushie, all I can say to my wife was, “I think Pikachu’s been teaching him some tricks.” She was not amused.
Image credits: PsychoPhrog
Finally, Dr. Darling explains that kiddos need you to expect their best. This does not mean having impossibly high standards or punishing them when they have an off-day at basketball practice, but it means teaching them what they are capable of and praising them for doing their best. “We once did a study where we interviewed over 100 teens, many of whom were involved in fairly heavy drinking and substance use,” Dr. Darling writes. “When we asked them what their parents would think about it, many said ‘they wouldn’t care’. They didn’t just mean they wouldn’t be punished if their parents found out. They meant that their parents did not care enough about them to be upset. Setting reasonable, high expectations is one way that parents show their love.”
My almost 8 year old son with autism will fixate on certain things he hears (and the more related to body parts or functions the more he fixates) and repeat them. Over. And over. And over.
On the day in question I sat down on the couch and started watching The Office. My kids love it so they eventually all ended up in the living room with me watching. The episode in question was one where Michael and Dwight trick Jim in to driving with them to the Utica branch to “prank” them for trying to steal one of their employees. During the drive Dwight pees in to an empty soda can in the back seat. Michael notices and starts driving badly which causes Dwight to loose his balance and eventually say “I think I cut my penis on the lid!”
I think you probably know where this is going.
The rest of that day and today my son repeated that line approximately 8 thousand times. He’s still saying it to anyone in ear shot, including the neighbor kids and my super conservative mother. There’s also nothing I can do about it. Bringing attention to it will just make it go on longer, so I just have to wait until it loses its comedic effect and wait for the next, highly inappropriate but hilarious phrase he decides to fixate on. Hoping by the time he goes to therapy tomorrow night he will have stopped saying it. Fingers crossed.
Image credits: oodleshanks
Actually happened yesterday. The effects are still rampant this morning.
Grocery shopping with my one year old girl. She’s just the sweetest. Really loves cooking and shopping with her daddy. Is chatty with anyone that will talk to her and waves at literally everyone.
So of course we’ve been teaching her to say every day words as well as any new ones we think she can pick up on. She’s getting quite the vocabulary for being so little.
As it goes I decided to grill some chicken and have a nice garden salad for dinner with a homemade balsamic vinaigrette. I took my little angel to the store with me to grab a few things and when I picked up the balsamic vinegar, I heard a familiar question:
I told her it was balsamic vinegar, which she pronounced “ba salty n-word” I tried to correct her to no avail. Her decision was concrete.
My adorable little girl is passing out n-words. I’m mortified. She’s loudly and proudly saying her new words.
We scurried out with no groceries/people staring and ordered pizza for dinner. She’s still asking this morning when we’re going to EAT ba salty n-word.
Image credits: accidentalnword
So my genius plan did not go how I wanted it to. I was laying in bed browsing Reddit as what else is there to do in your day off. She just kept coming in and bugging me wanting me to take her places. “She is 15” I have been telling her all summer to walk live in a small town nothing is more than a 15 minute walk.
So I grab a towel and lay it next to me. When she walked in I grabbed the towel and through it over my lap. “I was wearing shorts nothing was actually out.” Well all she did was laugh and now she calls me spanky and has gotten my wife to start as well.
Now I need to find a way to get a new nickname as well as get her to learn to knock before coming into the bedroom. Having teenage kids is like being back in high school some days I freaking swear. I don’t even know why my wife thinks it’s funny she is more irritated about her not knocking than I am.
Image credits: AlwaysObamasFault
We hope you’re enjoying this list of hilarious parenting mishaps that you may or may not find extremely relatable. Having and raising kids is not for the faint of heart, so all parents need to keep their sense of humor to fair well. Keep upvoting the stories you find most amusing, and then let us know in the comments if you have any embarrassing or hilarious parenting mistakes you’d like to share with your fellow pandas. Nobody’s perfect, so this is a judgment free zone. I’m sure your kids will or did turn out perfectly fine, and it’s great that they have parents who are able to own up to and laugh at their monumental mishaps.