“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
While I totally understand what Shakespeare was getting at when Juliet uttered those famous words to Romeo, Shakespeare did not live in the age of the internet. Maybe in the 1590s people could get away with naming their child “Rivirlyn Wyld” or “Scindrela” without facing more than a bit of neighborhood gossip, but nowadays, there are online groups dedicated to shaming the atrocious names parents bestow upon their children.
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Let us introduce you to the “That name isn’t a tragedeigh, it’s a murghdyrr” Facebook group. The group’s about page describes itself as “for when CSI needs to be called for the poor sad decomposed body of a name”, and the over 35k members do a great job investigating the internet and bringing to light the most outrageous excuses for names. From taking far too many liberties with spelling to naming their children after random words, we’ve gathered a list of examples that will make you question why anyone is allowed to be a parent. Be sure to upvote your favorite “names” (and I use that word loosely…), then if you’re interested in hearing even more names that should have been illegal, you can check out another Bored Panda piece featuring a similar page riytte heere.
#1
Image credits: Allan Hoover
That name isn’t a tragedeigh, it’s a murghdyrr was created in June 2021, but the page has already gained so much popularity because the internet loves roasting baby names. And some people, particularly Americans, love going out of their way to choose the most unique names (or strange spellings of common names), so their children can be the only ones in the world with that exact name. Of course, no one else on this planet would be crazy enough to name their child “Kreightlynne Dyanna”, but the point still stands. At least she’s one of a kind.
Gone are the days of choosing a common name that has stood the test of time like Sarah or Elizabeth. No, no. Why choose a name that everyone has heard before and knows how to spell? Wouldn’t you rather have your kids receive a funny look every time they introduce themselves? It’s best to set our children up for a life of bullying and constantly correcting teachers and peers about the correct pronunciation and spelling… Right?
#2
Image credits: Group member
#3
Image credits: Mallory Kuykendall
I totally understand the appeal of avoiding super common names. My parents had the same idea, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told, “I’ve never heard that name before” or “Wow, what a pretty name!” To this day, I have still not met anyone (in-person) with the same name as me. However, it is a real name. My parents were not bold enough to start at the drawing board and just pick letters out of a hat then attempt to form some sort of name with them.
And I can tell you the downsides of having a unique name as well. As much as I love and appreciate my parents for naming me Adelaide, for every compliment my name has ever received, it has received three more mispronunciations, misspellings, and responses along the lines of “What did you just say?” “Your name is Natalie?” and “Can I just call you by a nickname instead?” And again, my name has been around for generations.
#4
Image credits: Ashlyn Dewlen
#5
Image credits: Katie Hare
#6
Image credits: Group member
Naming a child something incredibly unique may seem tempting when you’re in the delivery room overwhelmed by the joy of welcoming your little one into the world, but the reality is that name will stick with them for the rest of their life. They will certainly feel the impact of their parents’ decision once they enter school, and they’re the only child who can’t spell their name correctly or who makes the teacher feel like they’re doing a tongue twister every time they call on them. Kids are also extremely creative when it comes to nicknaming other kids, and they’re not always very kind. Bullying should never be tolerated, but don’t make your kid an easy target. Children find the silliest things to mock one another for, but I don’t think Michael and John have ever been bullied for their names.
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#7
Image credits: Cassi Apple
#8
Image credits: Raven Liriope
#9
Image credits: Nikki Nik
So why is naming a baby so hard? There are obvious options you can cross off the list like the names of your exes or people who bullied you in your youth, but narrowing down your possibilities can be extremely daunting. Even if you manage to choose a unique name, you can’t predict whether or not the name will become common in the future. My mother has warned me about this, as two of the three “interesting names” she chose have stood the test of time, while one has become extremely popular in the last 25 years. Still a great name, but nobody’s giving my older brother a nickname because his name induces headaches. For a lot of parents today though, the desire to find a unique name outweighs the fear of cursing their children to a life of constantly being referred to as various mispronunciations of their name.
#10
Image credits: Raven Liriope
#11
Image credits: Group member
#12
Image credits: Hayley Warner
This rise in uncommon names is not only happening in the United States though. While Americans are the most notorious for questionable name decisions, there is apparently a rise in NFU, or Need For Uniqueness, happening across the globe. According to the BBC, Japan and China have seen increases in more common, less traditional names as well. Yugi Ogihara, author of a study of Japanese baby names conducted by the Tokyo University of Science, explained that in the past, it was important for young Japanese women to conform to society and be given names that allowed them to blend in. However, now, “More parents hope for their daughters [to] become more independent, unique and autonomous to fit into changing societal norms and expectations,” she says. “Thus, it’s assumed they [give them more] unique names.”
#13
Image credits: Kathleen Huebner Olson
#14
Image credits: Betty Elaine Mounce
#15
Image credits: Group member
According to The Atlantic, in 1950, 28% of American babies received one of the top ten most popular names of their time. In 2020, however, that number had fallen to 7%. On one hand, it’s probably good news for new parents to hear that even the “most popular” names today aren’t that common. So you shouldn’t be discouraged from naming your children something you like purely because it’s popular. But on the other hand, there is now an increased pressure to pick the perfect outstanding name for your kid, otherwise they’ll be the only kid in preschool who doesn’t hear, “What a unique name!” on the first day. One reason for people avoiding popular names after the 1950s is because baby-naming trends became common knowledge through books and magazines in the 1960s. Suddenly, people went from knowing maybe one or two other Jennifers in their middle school to realizing that there were probably thousands in the state.
#16
Image credits: SarahAnn Bibb
#17
Image credits: Rachel Amman
#18
Image credits: Lorna Marie Ní Bhriain
Laura Wattenberg, founder of the naming-trends site Namerology, told The Atlantic that the act of naming kids has drastically changed over the past few decades. “We are deep in an era of naming individuality, where parents assume that having a [name] sound distinctive and unique is a virtue.” Her website features a Name Atlas, where users can see the most popular baby names in various countries, as well as many resources to provide parents inspiration for choosing names. But Laura told The Atlantic that choosing a name is much more complicated today than picking a traditional family name or something that simply sounds pretty; it has become a strategic decision. “Parents are thinking about naming kids more like how companies think about naming products, which is a kind of competitive marketplace where you need to be able to get attention to succeed.”
#19
Image credits: Tina Corbin
#20
Image credits: Lorna Marie Ní Bhriain
#21
Image credits: Group member
Naming a kid is obviously a big decision to make, but should we put so much pressure on it? What is the actual impact of our names? Aside from determining what letter we can use in “ice-breaker” games at camp where kids are required to pair their name with an adjective that starts with the same letter, our names can actually impact our careers. To test whether hiring managers showed a bias against ethnic sounding names, researchers from the University of California at Berkeley and the University of Chicago sent 83,000 example applications under “randomly assigned and racially distinctive names” to 108 entry-level job openings at Fortune 500 companies. They found that “distinctively Black names” received far less responses than White sounding names. While this is an issue of addressing racism in these companies, rather than choosing the perfect name, it’s a clear example that our names do have an impact on us.
#22
Image credits: Amber Kerr
#23
Image credits: Jessie Erin Smith-Reese
#24
Image credits: Group member
Before naming your kid, be sure to consider every aspect of their name, including the flow of their full name and their initials including their middle name. On What to Expect’s list of Things Parents Wish They Had Known Before Choosing Their Baby’s Name, one mom from South Carolina realized that she might not have been as thorough as she should have been. “My two daughters and their friend were enjoying a late summer day at the neighborhood pool and were writing their initials on their snack cups. When my daughter realized that her initials — TRD — ‘sound’ like ‘turd’ I realized that perhaps my husband and I were remiss in thoroughly analyzing all aspects of our second daughter’s initials prior to naming her… Moral of the story: think about what the initials ‘sound’ like before naming your child.”
#25
Image credits: Brie Bollman
#26
Image credits: Beth Askvig
#27
Image credits: Hadley Ritter
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to give your child a name that’s as special as they are, but you have to consider the effects that name will have on the rest of their life. If you’re considering creating a new name from scratch, understand that there’s no shame in picking a classic from the popular baby names lists. Especially if you don’t know what it’s like to have people constantly misspell and mispronounce your name, it might be unfair to put your child through that. Enjoy the rest of this list of questionable decisions from parents, and remember to upvote the names you think warranted a call to CSI. Then let us know in the comments if you’ve ever met someone who you would recommend a name-change to.
#28
Image credits: Group member
#29
Image credits: Group member
#30
Image credits: Tim Clark
Source: boredpanda.com