You know that feeling when you’re having a heated conversation, and you want so badly to come up with the perfect response, but your mouth just can’t seem to form the words? Your brain glitches for only a second, and suddenly you’ve missed your golden opportunity to craft the perfect insult or comeback because the moment has passed. Well, if you’d like to be prepared for the next time that opportunity arises, pandas, we might have the perfect article for you.   

If you’re not familiar already, allow us to introduce you to the Rare Threats subreddit. This intimidating group is dedicated to sharing the most creative and brilliant threats the internet has ever seen, and you just might want to keep some of them in your back pocket for the next time you find yourself in a heated argument. From oddly specific to frighteningly ominous threats, this subreddit has it all, so enjoy scrolling through this list and be sure to upvote any rare threats you plan on utilizing in the future! And you better read them all, or I’ll hide all of your fruit in the oven and you won’t know until you preheat it for dinner then open it up to find blackened apples and bananas.

#1 Found On R/Skyrimmods. Op Got Flamed For Asking A Basic (But Genuine) Question

Image credits: not_mel_torme

#2 Organic Carrot

Image credits: theDogofDeath

#3 ?

Image credits: SAR_and_Shitposts

The Rare Threats subreddit has been around since January 26, 2019, and it has already amassed an impressive 60k members, likely through its expert use of intimidation. This isn’t the first time we’ve featured the Rare Threats subreddit at Bored Panda, though. And lucky for us, the last time we covered the group, about four months ago, my colleague Jonas was able to get in touch with one of the sub’s moderators, Left4pillz.

Left4pillz was kind enough to provide some insight into how the group formed and what it has been like running it. Apparently, the post that started it all was a man’s bizarre threat to continue taping fish onto out-of-order ATMs until they were fixed. You can find that full post right here. That inspired the mods to create Rare Threats, and the group has only been growing ever since. 

#4 Spotted This Sign At My Local Community Garden

Image credits: kylie-420

#5 Ok?

Image credits: mushroom_l0rd

#6 There Is No Worse Sin

Image credits: A_Salty_Cellist

We also previously asked moderator Left4pillz about the challenges of managing the Rare Threats community, and they shared that the biggest difficulty is simply having enough time for the subreddit. “Between my job as a cycle courier, and the hobby of porting and recreating older video game maps for Pavlov VR, I don’t really have much time to spend moderating here,” they told Bored Panda. “Thankfully, the report system makes it easy enough to see the posts that break the rules more easily without having to spend tons of time looking at every post.”

Left4pillz also shared what they personally believe makes for the best rare threats. They noted that creativity and brevity are always key, urging threat artists to avoid “[going] on for paragraphs.” Incorporating humor is also a plus, they added!

#7 Cheese?

Image credits: Penna_23

#8 Taste Buds

Image credits: NEUX2007

#9 So That’s How I Died

Image credits: Specialist-Glove4586

“Generally the best posts are threats/warnings that are found naturally, rather than ones made specifically for the sub,” Left4pillz previously told Bored Panda. “And in my opinion, the real best of the best ones are found in real life as they’re typically much rarer, like these two,” the mod said, referring to these hilariously threatening signs right here and here. And while it may be hard to spot rare threats such as these in real life, it seems to become easier and easier to find them online nowadays, considering that they can be found on any social media site and even other places online. And I have to admit, I’m extremely thankful for the unlimited content the sub has now. Although, I might be a bit frightened if I heard any of these threats directed at me…

#10 Discord Discorse

Image credits: UnTypicalHuman

#11 Tortilla Chip

Image credits: Nonkel_Jef

#12 Why Does It Always Involve Kneecaps

Image credits: North_Classic_5232

As with anything in life, threats are more fun when executed with a bit of creativity and eloquence. Gone are the days of ending a threat with an ominous, “Or else…” We have evolved, and now we know that it might be even more effective to threaten to make someone’s skin vanish or to utilize very realistic fears like choking on a tortilla chip or getting shampoo in your eye. But while the Rare Threats subreddit may be only 4 years old, the act of using rare threats actually goes much further back. We can credit some of the best rare threats to the man who was a brilliant writer of comedies, tragedies and insults: Shakespeare.   

#13 Interesting

Image credits: givememymarblesback

#14 “You Put A Block Of Cream Cheese In A Casserole Dish, I’ll Put One On Your F***ng Tombstone”

Image credits: CoodereRainy

#15 No Amount Of Dietary Fiber Could Make That Easy

Image credits: Rogueshoten

Shakespeare might be better known for his insults, such as, “Away, you starvelling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish!” But he was also a master of the rare threat. For example, “By this hand, I will supplant some of your teeth.” And, “I will deal in poison with thee, or in bastinado, or in steel. I will bandy with thee in faction; I will o’er-run thee with policy; I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways.” They may be mouthfulls, but they’re certainly effective. Some of my other personal favorites are, “Your hearts I’ll stamp out with my horse’s heels and make a quagmire of your mingled brains.” And, “I will beat thee into handsomeness.” And finally, “I’ll spurn thine eyes like balls before me! I’ll unhair thy head! Thou shalt be whipped with wire and stewed in brine, smarting in lingering pickle!”

#16 Low-Key Making Me Hungry

Image credits: SirDaddySpank_

#17 Edit

Image credits: goodee33

#18 Ah Hell Nah Not The Michal Jackson Plastic Nose

Image credits: Terraria_Fan_I_Guess

One famous character of Shakespeare’s who was a master of the rare threat was Prospero in The Tempest. One threat he gives Ariel, a spirit servant of Prospero’s, is, “If thou more murmur’st, I will rend an oak and peg thee in his knotty entrails till thou hast howled away twelve winters.” Prospero also threatens Caliban, his slave, with, “If thou neglect’st or dost unwillingly what I command, I’ll rack thee with old cramps, fill all thy bones with aches, make thee roar that beasts shall tremble at thy din.” 

And finally, Prospero threatens Ferdinand, his soon-to-be son-in-law that if he sleeps with his daughter before the wedding, “No sweet aspersion shall the heavens let fall to make this contract grow, but barren hate, sour-eyed disdain, and discord shall bestrew the union of your bed with weeds so loathly that you shall hate it both.”

#19 Delicious

Image credits: Jeweljessec

#20 Last Place I Expected To Find A Rare Threat Like This Was In Anime

Image credits: QuickSilver010

#21 Here’s A Threat That Doesn’t Involve Kneecaps

Image credits: wawreeuh

Obviously, on paper, threatening others is not really a great skill to have. But when it’s done in a comedic way by someone who does not actually have any harmful intent, threats can be enjoyed like clever jokes or even poetry. And if you’re interested in crafting some of your own rare threats, it might be best to think about niche fears that your target has. If your roommates keep stealing your food, perhaps you can put a label on your products threatening to put anything they steal in their beds or write, “If you eat this without asking me, I will tell the cute barista that you like that you got arrested for stealing donuts from the grocery store.” Something along those lines, feel free to get creative. 

#22 Gummy Bears

Image credits: Weegee_1

#23 2 For 1

Image credits: lambo_sama_big_boy

#24 Baked Beans

Image credits: Biggie_Cheese_Albums

While rare threats can be found anywhere, there are some brilliant ones that have been featured in films. In They Live, John Nada utters the famous line, “Put on those glasses or start eating that trash can.” In Anchorman, Ron Burgundy states the threat, “I’m going to punch you in the ovary. That’s what I’m going to do. Straight shot. Right to the baby maker.” And in Gangs of New York, Daniel Day Lewis, as Bill “The Butcher” Cutting, threatens, “You see this knife? I’m going to teach you to speak English with this f****** knife!”

#25 It’s Finger Licking Good

Image credits: aless2209

#26 An Interesting Title

Image credits: AcejokerUP415

#27 Crock Pot

Image credits: IRefuseToBreathe

Are you feeling like you’ve mastered the art of rare threats, pandas? Whether or not you plan to utilize any of these in the future, we hope you’ve enjoyed scrolling through them and learning just how creative people can get with threats. Threatening is an art form, really. Keep upvoting your favorites, and feel free to let us know your best rare threats in the comments below. Then, if you’re interested in checking out even more threat inspiration, you can find Bored Panda’s last article featuring this intimidating subreddit right here! 

#28 The It Customer Services Guy ?. (Credit To My Friend)

Image credits: BrightScarlet

#29 Clash Of Clans Gets Serious On War Day

Image credits: SlushyInf1nit

#30 Salting Someone’s Liver

Image credits: Nomad_BO4

#31 Oh- Oh My

Image credits: Lazy-Drink-277

#32 The Second Name In Question Is ‘Fournier’ Btw

Image credits: Wan1__

#33 The People I Have To Deal With (Jk I Love Them)

Image credits: I_Eat_Clothes

#34 Make It Stop

Image credits: so_what_do_now

#35 Found On The Oatmeal. About “Gif”… You Know What Happened

Image credits: Severe-Flower2344

#36 He Is Truly In Danger

Image credits: TheSteveBeans

#37 I Thought Cereal With Water Was Strange, But This

Image credits: Otherwise_Wasabi_489

#38 I Found This In R/Teenagers

Image credits: TallCryptographer394

#39 I Don’t Know A Title

Image credits: Bee_Pin

#40 Stimcky

Image credits: RiptideMatt

#41 Aggressively Unique

Image credits: Inkmare_GlitchedSwap

#42 Average Threat From My Friend

Image credits: robuxman29

#43 (Context Break My Face Is A Song And I Insulted A Different Song)

Image credits: reddit.com

#44

Image credits: BrayWyattFan1

#45 Skin

Image credits: lunatic_512

#46 A Short But Rare Threat

Image credits: SamsungSmortFridge

#47 Medium Rare Or Well Done ?

Image credits: Puechamp

#48 Waffle House

Image credits: IFeelScaredSendHelp

#49 Thorax Arson

Image credits: CyprusTheSergal

#50 Mmm Gas

Image credits: Digi_girl_

#51 Feeling Awfully Sluggish

Image credits: maracrossite_YT

#52 Vroom Vroom

Image credits: Such-Comment5642

#53 Lung Cancer

Image credits: Kilo2716

#54 Hee Ho!

Image credits: SomeRobot141

Source: boredpanda.com