Being a parent to a daredevil or two, you’d know how bold and in your face they may be. Often, kids don’t have a well-established filter of what to say and what is better left silent, and hence, there are an abundance of hilarious stories parents tell their dates over dinner many years later, making them blush.
Ask teachers, they know that very well. In fact, Redditor Moosepajamas did just that and posed a fun question “Teachers of Reddit, what is the funniest thing you’ve ever heard a student say?” As you can imagine, the thread blew up immediately with stories that push the term hilarious to a whole new level.
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Below we selected some of the funniest responses for your entertainment, so scroll down below and share your thoughts in the comments!
Math prof. I finished a proof and to check understanding, I asked “does everyone understand my choices?” One of my favorite students ever piped up and said “are we talking about your proof or how you’ve chosen to live your life?”
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“Over the years, teachers collect interesting stories from their students,” Lynn How, the positivity coach, experienced educator and author of “Positive Young Minds” told Bored Panda in an interview. Lynn specializes in supporting parents, teachers, and children as they navigate through mental health issues and prevention, and she also runs this Facebook teacher coaching group which is an excellent resource for teachers in need of support when leaving, changing their mindset, changing their schools or setting healthy work/life boundaries.
He asked me “If a synchronized swimmer starts drowning, do they all start drowning?”
I lost it in class
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A student hugged me goodbye, taking in a deep inhale as they did.
They then smiled up at me lovingly and said; “Your shirt smells like a grandma, but your armpits smell like chuck-e-cheese.”
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On Fridays, preschoolers and kindergarteners get their faces painted in the afternoon. Most kids want to be dinosaurs, fairies, or unicorns. One little girl asked to be God
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Having been in education for 20 years, Lynn has a lot of stories to share. “The most memorable for me has been the time where a seven-year-old girl relayed the tale of her father amputating his own leg to escape death 127 hours style. The ‘matter of fact’ delivery was priceless!” Lynn recounted. Turns out this was far from the only time.
On the other occasion, “the five-year-old who explained the arrival of her surprise cousin the day before, as mum didn’t know she was expecting. I couldn’t wait until the end of the day to get the full story! Then the boy who, after I had provided my class with a five-minute rant about something or other, didn’t get the memo about what you should do when the class is sitting in stunned silence post teacher rant, who just said very loudly, ‘Miss, I think you need to calm down.’ He was right.”
Once when I worked as a lunch lady, one of my favorite little kindergarten girls was getting ready to run out to recess. I stopped her and said, “Hannah, you should wash your face before you go out – there’s spaghetti sauce all over it.” She took off anyway screaming, “IT’S MY WAR PAINT!”
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I worked in an innercity school. First day, I got around hard to pronounce names by calling out last names to check attendance, and asking my kiddos what name they preferred… and explained even nicknames were ok, so long as parents knew who I would be calling about. I get to one particularly dark skinned young man and he says something that sounds like “bluk boi” I look around and no one is laughing. I ask him to repeat himself a couple of times and finally and clearly says, “black boy”. Rest of convo went like this-
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Me laughing: black boy!? You want me to call you black boy?!
Him, totally serious: yeah, everyone calls me that. Even my grandma.
Me: so let me get this straight, when I need your attention you want me, a white guy, to shout out “hey Black boy come here.”, “hey black boy, sit down”, “hey black boy pay attention”? Other kids finally realize what I’ve been laughing about and start to laugh too.
Him: yeah (said like I’m an idiot)
Me: you’re just trying to get me fired aren’t you
Him: so you’re not gonna call me black boy?
Me: I can’t man. Did you get another nickname?
Him: How about Monkey
We settled on BB for the year.
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Middle school field trip to a different state. One of the chaperones (a large black woman) wanted to get in a little nap in the back seat of the bus, so she made one of the students move to a seat in the front that was far from his friends. He got in the seat and started sulking. He was normally a pretty lively kid, so I leaned forward and asked “dude, what happened?” To which he replied: “I think I just got reverse Rosa Parks-ed!”
“Finally, the information that you find out from children’s news reports on a Monday morning, which, in one school, involved tales of slightly drunken parents who frequented a bar named ‘The Horny Toad.’ That was a fun conversation at parents’ evening,” Lynn recounted when asked about the most memorable things her students have said.
I had a student who was a newcomer (just moved to the US, almost no English) from Latvia. This kid is very bright and was one of my favorite 6th graders ever. We were having our annual jogathon, which is linguistically and culturally not translatable from Latvian.
Student: So I pay you and you make me run?
Me: Yeah, that’s actually how it goes.
Student: This is simple. I don’t pay you, you don’t make me run.
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I had a student ask me when the world stopped being in black and white and changed to color.
He was 16.
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In the middle of class, one kid let out this high-pitcher ‘awooga-boots’ noise followed by a deep sigh.
He then looked around the classroom and very genuinely apologized that he “just needed to get it out. It was doing no good inside.”
We all understood.
I asked how you teach kids boundaries of what they can and can’t say to their teachers, and Lynn said that the bottom line here is teaching children respect by earning their respect. “It’s often interesting to hear the way in which they talk to their parents, as they would generally never talk to you like that.”
Moreover, she explained: “Teachers are nurturing people and when a boundary is crossed in this department, then they will explain to the student that the way in which they have spoken has not been respectful. Although in some instances, getting support from more senior colleagues in schools is important as I’m hearing of more and more occasions when students have increasing difficulty in understanding these boundaries.”
I teach Koreans. There is no “V” sound in the Korean language, so a lot of stuff with a “V” becomes a “P” or “B”. Balentine’s Day, for example. They know what a “V” is, so pronunciation just depends on if they’ve read the word using the Korean alphabet or the English one.
One time, a group of students wanted to do a skit about Sailor Venus. So the whole skit was about “Sailor Penis,” “Sailor Penis” fights using Penis’s power of love, and ties down enemies using her special penis love chain.
I teach band. One day I’m working with the high school jazz band and we’re going to start mapping out some basic compositions. I pass out blank sheet music for them to use, which is simply blank 5-line staves with no notes, no symbols, etc.
One kid gets his sheet music expecting it to be a new song we’re going to work on, sees that it’s blank, looks up, and says “Wow, budget cuts must’ve hit us hard, huh?”
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“I thought Astronomy would be easy because I know all about it but he hasn’t even brought up horoscopes yet and we’re 6 weeks in.”
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For those who’re wondering of a teacher’s reaction after getting a very uncomfortable question from a student, Lynn says that teachers are used to fielding difficult questions, especially from younger children. “Generally, a sense of humor is all that is needed to combat many lines of enquiry. For personal questions, we can just say, ‘that’s not a question I’ll be answering,’ or ‘please, could you ask your parents that one?’ Ultimately, we want students to ask questions as we want them to have enquiring minds, so there are lots of times where I have just answered the question, even if it was a bit awkward. Often this was at lunchtime when the rest of the class had left!”
Lynn added that “of course we also want children to feel that they can approach us with any worries or problems and we should always be on the lookout for those questions or disclosures that warrant further investigation.”
Was tutoring after-school a couple of years ago. A kid asked, “What time is it?” I joked, “Time for you to get a watch.”
He responded “Time for you to get a new joke,” without a moment’s hesitation.
I had to laugh at getting shown up by a 5th grader. Two reading levels behind but witty as hell.
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One time a kid asked me what I wanted to do when I grow up.
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I have a fantastic story for this. Tl dr at the end.
I’m Not a teacher but when I was in 8th grade we had a teacher who was pregnant and often chewed us out.
She taught us in an elective class that was basically for fun projects and creative learning. The class was a reward for students who scored highly enough on exams.
Not that we were saints by any means but the way she was rather mean toward us wasn’t appropriate looking back.
One day she gave us an extended lecture on how tomorrow’s historical society powerpoint presentations were to be of the utmost seriousness. God help us if we don’t treat this like our lives depend on it.
So naturally, our class clown hatches a brilliant idea:
He memorizes word for word his entire PowerPoint on some ancient culture, makes some edits, and the next day very seriously turns the flash drive over to her.
He starts, and he has (unbeknownst to anyone) changed the entire PowerPoint font to WingDings, which is just random symbols hahaha.
He proceeds to do the entire presentation with dead-faced stoicism while we all laugh our a**es off.
She said nothing.
The following Monday she had resigned and requested a transfer to another school. Our favorite teacher replaced her making it the best class we all would take.
All hail the WingDings guy.
Edit tl;dr: kid memorized and gave an entire PowerPoint in wingdings and it caused a teacher to quit.
Besides being called Mom numerous times, I’ve been called Grandpa once. (I’m female.)
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When observing another teacher during my training year.
Q: How do you make a hormone
A: Don’t pay her.
Could not contain my laughter.
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I teach elementary band. One time we were preparing for a challenging playing test and a student said “Man, I need to practice.” Without missing a beat the kid next to him says “My mom says I need Jesus.”
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Not a teacher but when I was in middle school our teacher started the day by ranting about how kids these days need to go outside more to get Vitamin D because it’ll make them not depressed and a lot happier.
Halfway through the class she gets into an ungodly rage probably about something trivial. The minute she’s done, without skipping a beat, my buddy says:
“Why don’t you go outside and look at the sun?”
The class starts dying with laughter, but the teacher doesn’t find it so funny. He actually got suspended for that one.
It was my formal evaluation day. My evaluator (my assistant principal) was in the back of the room, writing down everything I said and did and everything my kids said and did. I had great kids so I wasn’t in the least bit worried. It was during the first period and they were quiet and working on assignments during announcements. Quiet and engaged and working. Beautiful. Then we got to the joke of the day.
“What did the wave say to the shore?”
And my class smarta** (who I adored, btw, he was hilarious) YELLS
“WHAT UP, BEACH?”
I totally laughed.
Did fine on my evaluation.
Wore a Captain America shirt to school since the student council had a superhero day. A student said I looked like Captain America, before the injections
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I was giving my student silent e spelling words. Me: your next word is “cute” 6-year-old boy: Oh, so you mean I should just write your name down here?
His dad was so proud lol
Student asked me if I had a job. Completely serious.
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6th grader: “Would you rather get stabbed in the stomach, or have a bar of chocolate?”
A student’s mom offloaded a hamster to the kindergarten class I was student teaching in. I asked the kid what the hamster’s name was, and he simply responded “Bob Taco”.
We were talking about cheetahs. Some kid said he could beat a cheetah in a race. The class predictably laughs and the kid shuts up. A minute later he just turns around and says “I can beat a FAT cheetah in a race.”
I teach elementary school. Last year, I had a very bright kid who was on top of it except for his desk. Looked like multiple tornadoes hit that thing. I tried to appeal to his scientific side by telling him about a study about how clutter affects the brain. His response? “I’m from Europe, it’s different for us.”
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I’m a physics teacher and I used to do a problem where I shoved a random boy group off a cliff (I think that year it was one direction). Anyways I set up the whole scenario and problem and I look at the class and ask “what’s the first step” a boy who was usually fairly quiet chimes in with “Mr. we need to hide the bodies”
Not a teacher but was working as a camp counselor, and we were teaching the kids about life cycles. One guy holds up a box with an adult frog skeleton in it and asks the group what stage of life this frog was in. One kid raised his hand and with all seriousness said, “The Bone Stage.”
Picture this: 7th Grade Science
Student A: Miss drivesonacid, where do babies come from?
Student B: Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they get a bottle of Scotch and a cheap motel room.
I loved that kid. He graduated a few years ago. His father thought that line was hilarious. I love parents like that.
Another class, 9th grade Earth Science
Student C: Miss drivesonacid, what’s at the end of a black hole?
(Me preparing to actually explain black holes)
Student D: TuPac
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First grade. 6 yr. old lil dude about 3 ft. tall and 80 lbs. walks in late from recess.
Me – why you late?
Kid – grabs his hunk of belly with both hands like a ball of cream cheese and says “The ladies love this!”
Sits down like nothing happened with no smile.
Divide a fraction by a fraction? Is that even legal?
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At the time I was teaching middle school math and we were going through solving 2-step equations. We came to the point of having the students make their own “real-world” problems for them to solve and then have a partner solve the problems each made. The one caveat I put on the activity was that each situation had to be appropriate. One student then chimes in with,
“So, that means we can’t make a question about dead hookers right?”
It was extremely difficult not to laugh in front of a classroom full of 13 and 14-year-old middle schoolers. My step-mom still brings this up 7 years later.
One time my student said can you ask my dad if it’s ok that I want you to my “real mom”. I said you have a wonderful mom and he said but it’s not you. I wish you could put me to sleep at night bc I would feel so good. I never forget this or the job I signed up for.
I hope this comes outright since it is being typed.
I had a student-run up to me and say…
(exaggerated American accent) “I am half American and (exaggerated proper British accent) half English.”
I thought I would die laughing.
Me: Can anyone tell me some of the things we get from farms?
4th grader: Hamburgers.
Me: Ok. Sort of. If we take a hamburger apart, what all do we get from a farm?
4th grader: hamburgers come from hamburger farms Mrs. I read about it online.
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I teach high school. Last year a student asked, “wasn’t the Great Depression when there was no day?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like it was never day…”
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“OF COURSE I HAVE MOOD SWINGS! I’M A 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL!”
So many things. But a couple of favorites: 13-year-old student, “I know that this isn’t math, but I can’t remember — is ham a fruit or a vegetable?”
Another time I was sharing information about math in art and mentioned Leonardo da Vinci. A student said, “the pizza guy?”. I was confused, but later she said, “See! The pizza party!” We were looking at The Last Supper.
At Christmastime, I bring out an Elf who does mischievous things in the classroom and leaves the kids notes. One year I overheard a discussion between my students if the elf was real or not. One of the students replied “of course it’s real, Mrs. EnchantedOcelot would NEVER lie to us”
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6-year-old kindergarten student “My nana lives in Las Vegas.” Oh, that’s cool! “Yeah, but my mom is in jail.”
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Not a teacher, but once in my physical science class in 11th grade we were all sitting at our desks listening to the teacher talk about the planet Saturn not 1 second after she said, “Saturn” we hear some kid in the hall yell, “Saturn Sucks!!” And runoff. The whole class busted out laughing, even the teacher chuckled. It was so funny.
I teach sophomores. One day, this girl was sitting at her desk, looking very concerned, and obviously wanted to ask me something. Finally, she blurted our, “Did anybody else see the moon in the sky during lunch? It’s supposed to be out at night, something is wrong!”
I’m not a teacher but I heard one of my classmates ask another “are you Asian or Chinese?”
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student 1 playfully called student 2 gay and student 2 yelled “he just called me the G word”, student number 3 says “what, giraffe?”
One time I was asking students their birthdays. One boy told me that his birthday was September 31st. I tried to explain that this was not possible, but he insisted. Later, I looked it up. I then informed him that his birthday was November 17th. He looked at me kind of confused and said “ohhhh”. Then his face brightened and he said, “Well, last year I KNOW it was September 31st!”
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“Miss, I HAD to get my eyebrows done over the weekend because they were basically married. They were so close together it was like ‘you may kiss the bride.’”
Teacher to student: “Were you in class yesterday?”
Student, sounding more lost than anything and probably answering too honestly: “Physically… ?”
It wasn’t so much an attempt at humor as just the summation of how we all felt in that class, one of those “it’s funny because it’s too true” things… we all were showing up, we were all sitting in the class physically… but being there? That was another question…
Last day of the school year I gifted the 7th grade with candy and allowed them to eat it in class. When they finished I said, “I don’t want to see any trash on the ground!” So one of the kids picked his friend up and said “come on, the teacher doesn’t want to see any trash on the ground.” It was silly and I just couldn’t stop laughing for a good 5 minutes.
Grad Student, I have to TA for various professors, In my medieval history class, I had a student write in his paper “The story of Hrafkel’s Saga takes place in the mythical land of Iceland.” all the medieval studies grad students still laugh at that one.
Also for a film class, I TAd we were watching Schindler’s List and the professor shared a story about Holocaust survivors in her family, then a student said, in front of a class of 150 “Oh you mean you’re Jewish? I thought they were extinct” I (also Jewish) and the professor just laughed. “People have tried for centuries but we naturally have thick hides” I ended up saying, at least we started a very heavy subject with some levity
One of my fourth graders said that she saw the movie, Lincoln, when it came out. She started talking about it and then got really sad and said, “And then he died in the end!”
I was like, oh my gosh. That’s shocking.
I teach high school, and one of my sophomores referred to merry-go-rounds as “miracle rounds”. He legit thought that’s what they were called. I corrected him and he refused to believe me lol
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Michaelangelo’s sculptures look like dudes with boobs slapped on them.
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Me: What does the word creep mean? Can you give me an example of something that may creep up on you?
Kindergarten Student: White People
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Not a teacher, but my English teacher was talking to the class and it somehow morphed into a discussion about money.
Teacher: If I cared about money, I wouldn’t be doing this job
Kid: But ms, don’t you have to take a lot of your work home with you?
Teacher: Yeah we do.
Kid: If I had to do that, I’d kill myself
“Pennies aren’t worth anything because you cant buy anything with them.” I then had to explain what if you had a lot of them lol.
“Didn’t your family pass away already?” A four-year-old asked me this out of nowhere.
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Taught ESL for a year. Had an adorable 6-year old who could not say clock. We worked for weeks at it with her, she just could not say it.
“Poppy, what time is it?” “Its 6 o’cock!”
I couldn’t help but laugh every time.
Teaching seventh grade Language Arts. Failing at trying to put together a Socratic Circle. One student was leaning over his desk and stretching, letting his arms hang over the desk.
Other students: “You got some long a** arms, boy.”
Also, during a writing assignment where they were supposed to choose an object, they would be: “Fast food because first, you love me then I kill you.”
I had to tell him it was inappropriate but… it was a creative answer.
I live in Redding. during the carr fire last year, we weren’t sure how long the school would be open. the air quality was awful and hot, burnt leaves and ash were raining down. my kids were all tuned into the radio, trying their hardest to figure out what was going on. the radio said that highway 299 was closed. one of my kids, about 6 years old, instantly had this look of panic on his face and asked me “911 IS CLOSED???” I just about peed my pants laughing.