Many of us Pandas know who our real friends are… or at least we think we do! The folks we think are our closest allies and who deserve lots of space compartment in our hearts and minds might not think the same way about us. In fact, we might wholeheartedly believe that we’re in our friends’ inner circle when, in fact, we’re on the far outskirts of their social circle.
The moment you realize that your friends don’t actually like you as a person hurts. Badly. However, the moment the scales lift from your eyes can give you the clarity to help you move forward. Redditor u/noweverythingisair asked the crowd over on r/AskReddit to share the moments when their illusions about being firm friends with someone were completely and utterly shattered.
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Scroll down for a heavy dose of blunt honesty, soul-searching, and raw emotions, dear Pandas. When you’re done reading these powerful confessions, tell us all about the best and worst, real and fake friendships that you’ve had in the comments.
Bored Panda reached out to Suzanne Degges-White, a Licensed Counselor, Professor, and Chair at the Department of Counseling and Higher Education at Northern Illinois University, who was kind enough to answer our questions about the differences between authentic and superficial friendships, why we shouldn’t be telling our secrets to just anybody, and how to make friends after we finish school and university. Read on for our full interview with Suzanne.
I became friends with a group of women my own age, mid 20s, through a mutual friend we all shared and I thought we were getting along really well. We would meet up at least once a week and do dinner and movies at one of our homes, I was invited to weddings, hosted baby showers, we all belonged to the same social media group and chatted constantly. Then gradually I started noticing I was no longer being invited to things. I would show up at an event and be totally out of the loop as far as major life changes were concerned and no one would bother telling me anything or filling me in. I then found out through that mutual friend that the group had gotten tired of me and instead of saying anything they had created a new social media group without me and were just waiting for me to take the hint and leave them alone. So I did. I stopped trying to stay connected and just let the four years of friendship die.
I saw them all at that mutual friends wedding recently and tried to have a casual conversation, catch up and everything, but not a single one of them even looked at me or said a word to me. I felt really stupid and conf
“Friendships are built on trust and mutual respect, so if you don’t feel in your gut that this is what a person is offering to you in the relationship, they aren’t a true friend. Also, friends recognize that the ‘giving and taking’ in friendships needs to be balanced over time,” Suzanne explained to us that true friends understand how reciprocity works. Someone who’s always asking for favors like loans, rides, or a place to crash, but is never available when you need help might not be a true friend.
“Friends who talk about us behind our back, aren’t there for us when our lives are crashing and we need someone to talk to, or aren’t there for us when we want to celebrate our successes—those friendships don’t reflect authentic deep friendship. When a friend takes advantage of us or lets us down repeatedly, then it is time to re-think whether this is a relationship that is worth the risk.”
Another indication that someone’s a false friend is that they ask you to do things that they wouldn’t do for you. The relationship between you might not be as deep as you think. However, the best way to distinguish between real friends and fair-weather pals is to check to see whether they’re there for you as the circumstances of your life change.
“Real friends are those people who are going to be there for you whether life is going beautifully for you or life has tanked and you feel like you’re in over your head. Friendships are about emotional and instrumental support—it’s a totally mutual, voluntary, reciprocal relationship. Therefore, we can all decide what we want to put into a friendship,” Suzanne, from Northern Illinois University, explained to Bored Panda.
Got pretty sick and was in the hospital for a week. Not one of my friends in a small group (of supposedly close friends) reached out to see if I was getting better. They never visited, didn’t even so much as get a text from them. We hung out almost daily for the past two years and they knew I was in the hospital.
When I finally got better I decided it was time to get some new friends.
They all told me they had canceled their plans to go to a lake over the weekend, I found out they actually went, and had replaced me with someone else through their snap stories
According to the licensed counselor, it might be nice to have some superficial friends at the organizations you belong to, to meet up for drinks, have fun, go out together, or do whatever else you might want to do. However, we shouldn’t invest more into these relationships than we can expect to get in return.
“Authentic friendships are built on mutual respect and reciprocity and affection—there’s an emotional commitment there that doesn’t exist in superficial friendships. Don’t tell your secrets or your vulnerabilities to a superficial friend, because you can’t be sure how they might use this information. With authentic friendships, we can be completely ourselves and know that we will still be loved,” Suzanne warned that we shouldn’t be opening up our hearts to everybody within earshot.
“One of the biggest differences between friend types is the amount of emotional energy they are investing into the relationship and the depth of their appreciation for your presence in their lives.”
Back in highschool, I thought I was best friends with a girl on my sports team for 3-4 years. Through thick and thin I’ve been there for her. I supported her through devere depression, bullying, abusive home life, multiple suicide attempts, giving her my clothes when her dad periodically burned hers, bringing her food from my house, spliting my bus tokens so she didnt have to walk home from practice late evenings(you have to qualify for them), letting her wash her clothes and bathe at my house so she didn’t get ridiculed, stuck up for her during a time she nearly got expelled wrongfully, and just being a good friend to her in anyway I could.
Long story short, senior year, between classes when I asked her where did she want my mom to take her out to eat for her birthday this year (my mom was doing this the past few years), she told me she was going to out with ‘A’ and ‘B’ this year because “I only want to hang out with friends, but I’ll see you on Monday.”
I didn’t even know what to say and stared blankly at her, then went to class then practice. I felt hurt and was so salty that McDonald’s could’ve used me for their french fries for a long time after that. I haven’t spoken to her since.
Went to a sleepover when I was about 12-13 y/o. It was for my best friends birthday. They said “let’s sit in a circle and list our favorite things about each other!” sounded wholesome, so I sat in the circle. When my turn came around, everyone in the circle had nothing positive to say about me. “buttwiped, you’re actually really annoying and we don’t like you”…. my best friend looked sad for me but didn’t say anything… damn kids are mean
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I didn’t get the little going away party at work. It’s a silly thing, but it was a close, friendly workplace and when people would quit they’d set up cheap little themed decorations from the office printer and add some other funny stuff about the person that was leaving. I brought a cake and it was fine and I know my coworkers didn’t dislike me, but I guess everyone sort of forgot about me because I’m not the most expressive person. I was sad I never got my themed decorations. I worked there for two years.
Some of you Pandas know for a fact that it can get harder and harder to find friends once you leave school and university, which are very social settings.
“In our jobs, we don’t have nearly as much variety in the people who are there and the time we have to spontaneously strike up new friendships is much more limited. Fortunately, as we leave school, we also are entering a new stage of life where our goals begin to solidify and we begin seeking companionship and friendship with folks who are swimming in the same stream that we are,” Suzanne told Bored Panda that people ought to look beyond just the workplace to find potential pals. Though the office can be a great place to find friends as well.
They all went to an amusement park out of town on a weekend without telling me.
When I found out they said it was because they didn’t want me to be all mopy and depressed all weekend.
Been at my job almost a year. Noticed on snapchat everyone was together for some drinks, managers, staff who started decades ago, staff who started weeks ago…
Except one other person. I texted her out of curiosity about it and she responded with “yeah, they asked me but i couldn’t go”.
I tried to laugh it off but man did that hurt.
I always thought i had a good rapport with my coworkers but i wonder now am i just being tolerated by them.
When one of them accidentally sent a message to me saying how annoying I was and urged to talk about it in their own group chat I wasn’t aware of and oh the sender used a codename for me
“The workplace is one setting where we can begin to form new friendships—and these may be cross-generational friendships which enrich our lives in important ways. As we get involved in volunteer activities in the community or special interest groups or classes at the gym, we can use these spaces to connect to potential new friends—you already know that we have something in common with these folks, since you’re showing up at the same place with the same aim, so friendships can naturally develop with folks with whom you have an affinity,” the expert pointed out that shared interests can lead to strong bonds.
“Taking classes related to your job can also give you opportunities to mix with others in your field. While some friendships from our early 20s may fade as we begin our professional journey, some friendships may endure or grow stronger. We need to recognize that friendships that thrive are those that flex and change over time as humans are dynamic and we don’t stay the same as we grow older.”
It can take a single moment to shatter the illusion that you matter to someone. It’s like a bolt from the blue that changes everything. You might not get an invitation to a social event. Your roommate might suddenly tell you to pack your things and move out.
Or someone might be very blunt and tell you that you don’t actually matter all that much to them. It’s harsh, it hurts, and it can make your emotions go topsy-turvy. However, this shouldn’t mean that you should stop being kind and caring altogether. Being social is a huge part of who we are as people and is vital when it comes to our happiness and health.
My friend group had a group chat called “The Crew” which was made in between sophomore and junior year of high school. It was used somewhat regularly for a while, up until the middle of senior year, I noticed that it straight up wasn’t being used anymore. While I was around some of them one day, I noticed them having “The Crew” notifications pop up on their phone and finally I asked my best friend (like one of the 3 people in that group I’m still friends with today) if they made a new group chat and he said yeah. It was basically the old one minus me and plus like 10 more people. It sucked but whatever, f**k em
When email was starting to become a thing, my classmates and I were having lunch and a bunch of them were excitedly exchanging emails. When I asked one of them to give me hers, she said: “Why do you need it? We see each other everyday.” She gave it to everyone else.
My friend circle was really good. We would all stick together and had each others back. One jealous guy in our group turned a couple of guys against each other because of a mediocre issue. People found out, discussed amongst themselves that we needed to let him go.
However, my friends didn’t let me know about this whole issue for like a month. And since I didn’t know, I kept talking to that jerk. I later found out that they had an altogether different whatsapp group and everyone was in it except me. I did some serious self analysis and found I was not at an fault what so ever.
Then later on I found out that kept me away since I had some academic issues. They thought I was dumb and hence were singling me out. I even requested them to add me to the group but they ignored. I later got into depression and had some serious mental health issues. No one talked with me, as if I never existed.
I’ve moved way to ahead in my life. I’m now fortunate to have really good friends who care about me, and I care about them as well. (knocking on wood). I am thankful to God for having them in my life.
Also, thank you very much to the whole reddit community. So many positive people here! God bless you all!
Vanessa King, the Head of Psychology at ‘Action for Happiness,’ previously explained to Bored Panda that a large part of our happiness as human beings stems from helping others without expecting anything in return.
We evolved as a social species and we’re meant to live in groups. And lending a helping hand, working together, and acting altruistically are all things that act as social glue. Kindness is essential in keeping families, social groups, society, and civilization all functioning and whole.
“If you think about it, human beings are social species, we evolved to live in groups so working together and doing things to help each other is the social glue that keeps us together,” Vanessa explained to us during an earlier interview.
I remember one Monday in high school I sat down in the cafeteria with my friends and we start talking about how our weekend was.
Friend #1 mentions a Will Ferrell movie he saw. I ask if it was funny and he tells me one of the scenes he really liked.
Friend #2 chimes in to say “Remember the scene where…?” and recounts another hilarious moment. They both laugh in agreement.
“Oh, you saw the movie, too?” I ask and friend #2 confirms.
Then friend #3 says: “And remember when friend #4 threw up from food poisoning!” and everyone laughs — including friend #4, who had no shame.
That’s when I realized: they all went together and I was never invited. Unfortunately, I developed quite a bit of shame.
I found messages of them talking s**t about me. Everything I said, did, tried to do was just a damn joke. Wasn’t even looking for the messages, had to borrow a computer they were synced onto. That hurt. We supposedly talked it out which turned into them detailing about how it was all my fault and I forced them to act that way, no apology, nothing. Can’t cut them out as they’re my spouses sibling but yeah. Still haven’t gotten over it.
When they took all the proceeds from the project we had worked on together, and to which I had contributed a great deal of labor, then went to Disney World for a week. Without me.
The expert stressed that we are hardwired for cooperation. Children as young as 2 years old have been seen sharing which just goes to show how much kindness is a part of who we are as humans.
“Participating in group activities and community events makes us happier too. When we do things for others, it activates the reward center in the brain, so when we give a gift, it feels the same as receiving a gift,” Vanessa said.
Some of the small ways in which you can practice being altruistic involve giving money to charity, donating to food banks, or volunteering your time over the holidays. You can also help out your elderly neighbors by leaving them a food package or a friendly note. There are countless ways in which you can spread joy… and plant the seeds of future friendships.
“Maybe at first, you start out doing things to help others only to get attention and praise, but you will find that doing things for others helps you feel good when you see people’s responses. Once you see the difference you can make in the world and to your own happiness, altruism can grow naturally,” Vanessa said that, eventually, most people learn that kindness is rewarding in and of itself.
The group of people I often hung out with decided to have a sleepover/ movie night. I was not invited because they forgot to tell me. Next day at school they told me it was actually for the better because they all got drunk and I was known for never drinking.
That was about 8-9 years ago and I never felt like part of a friend group since then.
I recently got a message from an old school friend. Apologising for the bullying i received from them and the rest of my circle. I didn’t realise i was being bullied. 20 yrs later and i only now find out that the people i though i was closest to at school didn’t actually like me. That hurt.
The day I was informed that my presence wasn’t necessary for the annual Christmas party. After I had spent what little money I had made that year into presents for the friends that I thought were supportive of me.
I still have the presents.
There is a practical side to being altruistic, too, however. By being nice, we become more liked and the odds are greater that someone will help us out when we need support. And yet, we still shouldn’t expect these things when acting kind. It’s best to have few expectations and not to expect any sort of reward for being a decent human being.
“There’s an important point too here for people on the receiving end of kindness. If they can, it’s, of course, great to say thank you and add the positive impact it has for you, e.g., ‘Thank you, It’s great to know that someone cares.’ That can really boost the glow for the giver and encourage them to give more,” she told us a simple ‘thank you’ can help encourage positive behavior in others.
“It may also be helpful for the person to think about why they are seeking attention and reward from an external source, a key part of being happy is feeling comfortable with who you are and accepting life the way it is. I’d suggest that the person take time to build up their self-care to become happier and more resilient. Perhaps start with a personal gratitude practice to appreciate what they already have in life, writing down three things each day that we are grateful for can boost happiness.
When my friends said they don’t go to the movies just to go there without me. I saw them because I went with my older sister instead
I spent my free time over a fall and winter helping a friend restore a fishing boat (25’ish Mako). Sanding old rough fiberglass (this is agonizing work by the way, you have to have all of your skin covered, goggles, respirator, gloves or the fibers inbed in your skin.) Putting down new fiberglass. Sanding that smooth. Priming, painting, gel coating. Lacing a new canvas onto the T-top. Guess who didn’t get invited on the first trip. Yup. We don’t speak anymore.
Broke to with the girlfriend because she was treating me like s**t.
They all took her side.
Crazy part is, they didn’t know her before me and she is only friends with them because she can sway them. F**ked me up good.
I suggested a group vacation to the beach. Split a rental for a week… lots of fun. They booked it and didn’t invite me. Burned a little.
In college I had a group of friends (4 guys and 4 girls, including myself). I realized I was out of the loop when for Christmas all the girls gifted each other a friendship bracelet and I was the only one without one. It was also kind of humiliating since this was during a Christmas party with just the group while we were opening presents in a circle, so the guys noticed as well.
At that moment, I realized that even though it hurt, all the pieces started to fit about the girls’ attitudes and interactions with me and I decided I didn’t need people like that in my life. Although it was hurtful, I was more surprised that they could act so petty and childish for being juniors and seniors in college. I just wish I noticed all the red flags earlier since I did consider them as good friends, but at least now I know.
Had my second child. Granted, the second children I know aren’t typically as big of a HUZZAH! as the first, especially when she was another girl, but still. This was 2 months after the sudden death of my dad from a massive heart attack. Only 1 of my group, of what I thought were my close circle of friends, actually came by to see me and my baby or let alone call.
By the way my own sister is included in that group. (Truth I know she was having just as hard of a time coping as I was. But this was the one thing that could have helped us bond again and start to heal the gaping hole in our lives.)
Two months of maternity leave gave me a lot of time to think about and reevaluate every single friendship I had.
Horrible way to find out your worth to people you thought loved you at least as much as you loved them.
One time my friend Mel moved to San Francisco and asked for help because she knew I could borrow a truck. . It was a two-hour drive each way. She had actually enlisted both me and our friend Chris to help, with each of our cars loaded with her furniture and boxes. When it was time to leave, she jumped into Chris’ car and I realized I’d be driving to SF with a truck full of her stuff.
Now, granted, she HAD to choose one vehicle to ride in, but it wasn’t mine!
My husband has longtime friends and they all work for the same company and are often out of town. The wives/girlfriends have gotten to know each other and for a while had regular girls nights … the woman who planned them worked at the same place as I do, and would ask what I was up to each weekend as we did stuff at work. Girls nights were always planned after I had confirmed that I would be out of town taking care of my grandmother. I don’t know if it was truly on purpose or not, but it felt like it was.
This experience is similar but not totally the same as the prompt:
I had two very close work friends. We had connected by all going to Dragoncon in Atlanta, Georgia the year before. One of those friends found another group of friends at work and split his time between our group and his. Last year my father had a stroke (he survived). I was going to have lunch with my two work friends that evening, but I texted them in the group chat the situation and I couldn’t make it. One friend immediately called me and offered help and tried to console me. The other friend (the one with the other friend group) never responded to the text. To this day a year later we still see each other at work and he never has asked about my father. I dropped him not long after that, he was acting strange aloof, and never hung out before that incident. I also found out later from someone who used to be in his other friend group he’d been talking s**t about me for some time.
You get the news last of what happened with the group members and you don’t get an invitation from them, they only invite you when you invite yourself through them. Meaning that when they discuss the plans and you happen to be there so they must invite you. But i was always like that. This above was just a summary of what i experienced. Ive never had that kind of friend group that actually cared about me, so i never had an “oh s**t” moment.
When they all were planning a trip to the mall and I asked if I could come, my mom would have driven me so a ride wasnt the issue, and they said they only wanted three people going.
Also when they chose to speak in a language I didn’t understand for a whole lunch period just so I didn’t know what they were talking about. They did it a few times and I just started bringing a book to lunch.
After about two years of hanging around the same group almost everyday and being the only one with a car I knew after I broke down that they were only using me for rides. My tire blew and no one would answer me. After no one made sure I was okay and they stopped talking to me. Oh well
Last day of school before spring break. The day ends and I go home. I check on social media and I see that all of my friends went to someone’s house to practice for band. I’m in band (we literally met through band) so I was kinda offended, but just brushed it off.
The second time is when a group of them decided to hang out at a park that isn’t even a minutes walk from my place without me. They never brought it up. They’ve come over before so they knew I lived there.
Turns out they were mad at a joke I made about a month prior, and instead of being mature and telling me, they made a groupchat without me and started doing things without me until I left them alone.
Two of my friends ditched me at high school ski club by skiing fast ahead of me intentionally. I ignorantly raced up to rejoin them, only later to realize that they intended to ditch me. I didn’t know why it was awkward until later.
When you hear more and more stories about what they’ve done together, and you find yourself saying, out loud, something along the lines of, that must have been fun. First few times, you don’t think much of it. Eventually it clicks. Maybe get a pity invite somewhere down the line, and while excited, you still feel like you’re the oddball there, because you’re wondering, where did this come from? Ends up being like an obligation sort of thing, because these other people have known you for a while, and then you’re done. Probably didn’t help that you might have tried too hard in some spots, on that one excursion, but you feel like there’s all that pressure.
Freshman year of college, I hung out with a group of kids – girls and guys – in my dorm building (my floor was all girls, the next was all guys, the building had 3 or 4 floors that alternated).
Not five minutes after I left someone’s dorm room, I saw one of them had posted on facebook about an inside joke I’d just laughed at, tagging… every single person there except me.
i think it was when i went to a different school then all of them. we’re all in a group together on discord, all 10-15 of us. they rarely talked to me and invited me to stuff. and when they would make plans, i was never invited or was told i couldn’t go? the two eldest people in the group said they would come sit with me on my lunch,(they graduated a year or so ago) but never did. they would also talk about the person that i have a restraining order on and wouldn’t listen when i said it made me uncomfortable. they also didn’t seem to care about me when i was morning death and upset about my ACT score and would also change the subject when i was talking about my issues. when others had problems, everyone else would listen and talk to them. they pretty much pretended that i wasn’t real because i went to a different school. and now they all seem to care about me now that i’m going back to that school?
Hadn’t heard from them in over a week, then learned they were all on a cruise. I had no idea they planned, booked and went on this cruise so it became clear how much I had been kept out of the loop.
i was in class with my “friends” and the teacher said there are two open seats on the other side of the class and my “friends” said let’s go and left me
I realized I initiated every conversation with her (and by extension her crew) unless she needed to use me for something. Always guilted me into driving them to get weed, driving them to get booze, driving them to their d**k appointments and picking them up after because “it’s hot, I’m sensitive to heat” or “it’s dark now”. Rarely offered gas money and would always get pissed if I had something else going on and had to say no.
Last time we spoke I had to cancel on driving them to a concert because I was sick as hell and in urgent care and she told me she hated me and never wanted to see me again. No one in the group reached out to me after and I fully realized none of them really cared about me to begin with, only used me because they don’t have licenses. I guess hindsight really is 20/20.
I found out that they were all truly hanging out without me from one of their husbands who told my husband. Turns out they were hanging out with the woman who had been hitting on my husband (this was kind of a couples group from church of all places) and not including me because they knew I didn’t “like” her.
My “best friend” moved out of state for college. She came back to visit but told me she was too busy for anything but family. A month later, a mutual friend asked why I wasn’t at the party she threw. Every single other person in our friend group was invited. Still not sure why I wasn’t.
Oh well, she farted a lot anyways.
Started getting excluded as I was single, no kids, didn’t own a house and liked to travel.
My friends wives didn’t feel I fit. So made sure I wasn’t invited to anything. Apparently I was a bad influence. Friends of 15 years being so easily influenced.
Found a new group of friends now. Old ones reached out to me not long ago. Told them to f**k off.
It was when I noticed that I was putting more effort into the friendship only to be blown off most of the time. It was always the same excuse of having to work, but I don’t think that they remembered I had them on snapchat so I could see the bonfires they were having. The times they’d go to beaches or amusement parks. I know I definitely had my issues and can be occasionally toxic/petty but I try not to be and to better myself. I guess when it absolutely hit me was on a day we were supposed to hang out and they never even had the decency to message me that they couldn’t make it.
They said they forgot their phones in the group chat later that night and while I was skeptical I let it go. And then a few days later when I’m hanging out with one of them, she’s giggling about how they got together and one of them had weed in their bag and they had a barbecue, etc. TO MY F**KING FACE. I wouldn’t have been upset as much if they hadn’t of done this on the same day we were supposed to hang out and they ditched me. I still remember how pissed off I was and leaving her house after she said that. Ironically they said in the group chat that “I didn’t do anything that upset them to make them not want to hang out” but it sure as hell didn’t feel that way.
It’s been over 2 years since I’ve spoken to them and they still give me dirty looks when they see me in our neighborhood lmao. I remember not going out for a few months after we stopped being friends because I didn’t want to run into them but now I just ignore it because tbh I don’t have time or patience for drama.
In the late 90s/early 2000s I made friends with a group of people through an anime message board and we’d regularly hang out at various conventions. Some people in the group were in the crew/committees for the various cons so it felt like the group to be in for a budding weeaboo. I thought I was inner circle in this group until one day while we were having dinner together after a con they all started talking about some party they were going to and just basically walked off without me. I kinda thought I was supposed to tag along since they’d been discussing it with me right there, even though they all obviously knew about it beforehand and I didn’t, until one guy turned to me and was like “sorry kermi this is a private thing”.
A private event that just happens to exclude one person out of the group, who’s been part of this group just as long as everyone else? I kinda ditched the community after that, stopped going to cons altogether.
When the girl who I thought was my closest friend sent me a text message at 10pm out of the blue telling me to move out because she thought I didn’t fit in and made her + her friends uncomfortable. Best part? We were in a foreign country, so without her + the group, I was completely alone.
I later found out that the girl had a terrible reputation in her hometown + a bunch of people hated her so it actually wasn’t me.
I moved out of state and no one came to say goodbye.
Thought everyone on my soccer team were good friends. Then I found out about the groupchat that I wasn’t part of. Next, one of my teammates didn’t know who I was when I joined her livestream. I eventually took 3 months off because of a “knee” problem, and when I showed back up, nobody cared, nobody asked why I was gone, nothing. Just a few “oh, hey. You’re back.” I guess it doesn’t help that I played keeper, kinda the outcast position. Luckily, I quit soccer, so no more of that.
People I’ve only known for a few months said Happy Birthday. The people I’ve known for 10+ years haven’t. This is the second year they’ve done this.
High school ended. I got one email, and then they stopped. Even the ones who stayed in the area completely stopped sending me texts or email. And no one responded to mine.
These were guys I spent every lunch and often after school for up to four years with.
We were in different classes so everyday at lunch time, I would wait for them outside their classroom. They were all in the same class together. Not one time did they acknowledge me. As soon as the bell rang, they’d just leave from the other door and walk straight down the stairs. I used to approach them until I realized they didn’t care at all. Didn’t even get a single glance.
I was sitting at the lunch table with them and they were talking. It then dawned on me that they never talked to me during lunch or reached out to me during break. I was basically following them around like a stupid lost puppy all the time while they couldn’t care less.
In high school near the end of senior year. I was crying because I thought I was gonna fail, and when I went to my friend at lunch, I was told by the one I thought I was closest to, “If you’re gonna keep crying, could you do it somewhere else? You’re killing our fun vibe here.”
Never asked me what was wrong. Nothing. Only two people stood up for me.
They always told me in this ‘I really pity you’ tone to go away every now and again when they were talking, because we weren’t close enough to let me hear it. They also got really uncomfortable when I tried telling them about my feelings or tried venting about stuff to them, but they expected me the always listen to them. Always told me a reason they couldn’t go to events I invited them to. Kept on casually mentioning all the times they had a great time during something they were doing together; and that it ‘didn’t matter that I wasn’t there, we had fun anyways!’ Looking back, I just thought the phrasing was pretty weird, but now I really feel my blood boil whenever I think about it.
I broke up with my boyfriend of three years and one of my ‘friends’ started dating him within a couple of weeks. Everyone knew and not one of them told me. I talked with the group about some really personal stuff relating to our breakup, not realising that his new girlfriend was sitting there taking it all in. I have no idea why nobody told me but I was so hurt when I found out (his sister posted a photo of her and her brother’s new girlfriend on Facebook on Xmas Day – that was literally the first I knew of it).
When I tried to ask a couple of them why they didn’t tell me the whole thing got misconstrued as I was angry that they were dating, rather than the fact I was hurt that not one of my ‘friends’ told me what was going on. That was a very swift end to the friendship with the whole group.
They told me about the parties they throw every summer, and on the day of my birthday, which they know, they held one and didn’t invite me.
Was a part of a group chat between friends and family, only four of us in total. We were all really close for a number of years. One day I get a girlfriend who two of my friends liked the look of for a little while. They went to school with her and I met her for the first time when I turned 23. A year after dating my gf (still going strong 3 years later) I start to notice I’m not included in a lot of activities the other three get up to. I’m not invited to the cinema, meals out, staying round each others house, going out for drinks etc…
Tbh I didn’t take much notice to begin with as I didn’t know they were still going out doing things together as I’d only find out by other friends/family as they’d ask, “did you go out with X last night”? Those sorts of things. I just assumed they would think I’d say no because I’ve settled down and moved out with my gf.
I remember one weekend my family member said he was having a takeaway and asked if I wanted to come, I thought to myself, yeah brilliant as I’m actually being invited out. I then ask if my gf can come too and he simply replied, “Sorry, there aren’t enough seats”. I felt so s**t. Not enough seats?? I just took it as I’ve been kicked out the group… I still to this day believe they don’t talk to me as often simply because of my gf and I being together. She is a brilliant person and she is nothing but nice to everyone, I just guess they are jealous of the fact she saw me for the first time and a week later we are starting to see one another.
When I invite them all to my birthday and nobody arrived. Turns out, they got together elsewhere that same day and just decided as a group not to show up.
Had a tangential friend group. They were fine people and I was new to the city. Bought a boat and all of a sudden we’re BEST FRIENDS. The immediate rise to central friend made me step back and go “yah no.” So when I took notice of when I wasn’t invited to normal day to day stuff in the group like concerts and dinners versus when the Thursday flurry of texts came in about the weekend on the boat. I distanced myself.
I got DVT in my right leg at 19 and had to be in the hospital for a bit to bust the clots. I had blood clots in my leg for about 2 weeks before I ever got it treated (I didn’t know I had them and it’s unlikely for 19 year old to have them). I later learned I had a congenital heart affect and that’s why I got them so young. Only a couple out of the large group of people I talked to and associated with even talked to me and asked if I was okay. I’ve been riding it sole ever since which has been mainly due to the traumatic depression I got from it. On a bright note though, I at least know who’s actually there for me and have gotten closer to those people
We all make a big deal out of each others birthdays and tend to have a big night out or a crazy dinner outing. We obviously split the bill and the birthday boy gets a free meal.
They all completely forgot my birthday to the point I didn’t even get a text message. Turns out I just made the bill cheaper for the rest.
I used to hang out with a group of people about once a week, because my best friend was the center of the group and introduced me to them. I thought we were all really close, but when that one friend left for school last year I stopped getting invited to hang out with them, even though they were all still in town. After a bit, I even realized I had been kicked out of our group chat. When my friend came back for the summer, she invited me to hang out with all of them again, but then texted back a few minutes later as I was getting ready to leave saying that “plans had changed”. Haven’t spoken to any of them for more than a few minutes since.
For me it was my first year of high school. I was on my school’s JV basketball team, and during a half day of school all the girls decided they were going to go out to lunch together. I was one of the only 2 girls on the team not invited. I was already feeling pretty lonely that year, but that was the icing on top of the f**king cake. I went home and broke down, and to make matters worse I had to face everyone later on at practice. It stung like hell. Mind you, I had known a majority of these girls for several years and had gotten along with them quite well, so I was quite confused on why I wouldn’t have been invited. The next day I asked someone why no one invited me, and I get slapped with the “oh, I thought we did?” Clearly my presence mattered so much…. Several years later I unwillingly embrace my loner status.
They stopped meeting up in our usual meet up spot.
In college one tried to recruit me into his fraternity so we were hitting bars on weekends. After a few nights out, he gets more than a little drunk and says “you aren’t nearly as bad as they said. You’re actually fun to hang out with.”
Oh? I say… go on.
Seems my entire senior year they held “secret meetings” on how to avoid me. You know that hormonal teenage angsty phase most go through where you think people are talking about you?
Yeah… it was true in my case.
Ironically, the rest of my class actually held me in pretty high regard.
None of them contacted me ever again after high school. That was quite the wake up call.
When they start making plans with “the group” while youre standing right there and you just know youre not invited.
The night we were all hanging out at the house I lived in at the time with my “best friend”, and they were talking about a night out they were planning.
I piped in, (being the only one in the “group” who didn’t have kids, btw), and said “I have that night off! Sounds like fun!”
My “best friend” looked at me and said, “We figured you’d be willing to babysit…”
I am on the autism spectrum and have trouble reading social cues, so I have unintentionally stumbled into this more than once.
Everyone but me went to a movie a together. It wasn’t a movie i wanted to see so not a big deal but it kinda hurt.
After 5-6 years of health problem and as I got better and actually made some real friends.
Realised that most of the people I considered friends I could count on at most 2 hands the number of times they had contacted me in that time span.
They asked me to take the picture. Not be in it.
I hate this.
Alright, so I think this has been me throughout most of my life. This is soley based on a trend that I noticed a few years back. I’m the initiator of every conversation I’ve had with my past friends. Were I not to message them, I’d never speak to them again. And that’s exactly what started to happen. Friends I’ve had for years gone because I never started up another conversation. Looking back I’d be in the middle of a story and then get interrupted only to have the group go off on that tangent while I sat by quietly listening. That has developed into me speaking in a very quick manner most the time which means my thoughts get jumbled and now i dont make any sense. Only when I’m typing am I pretty well managed.
I’ve managed to make some relatively new friends in the military where we all check up on each other. I know that out of everyone I met, 3 would actually still talk with me, 2 initiators, the 3rd is really socially awkward to start something but a better friend none the less. I’m grateful for the few in my life that care but I’m always weary of them leaving…
I broke up with another person in the group (ish amicably) he started dating another friend and i was never invited to anything after that. So they only hung with me bc i was dating him.
when i cut off contact and nobody at all even cared lol. i was essentially depressed and suicidal. they wouldn’t have known i was suicidal or whatnot but they didnt even bat an eye when i just did that out of the blue. had it not been for the fear of death and my cat i probably wouldn’t be here right now.
When I would show up to public places, like my apartment pool or nearby bars and see my “friends”. They would be hardly excited and feign interest in what j was up to at the time. Oh and they’d act like I was invited but showed up late. Not the case and it hurt
Does it count if, you want to go meet up with your friend, but he is with his roommates friends and warns you (and them) that we may not get along. Only to get there, meet them, get along great and have a great night and then his roommates friends saying to you that they didn’t like your friend very much? That was a fun night actually..