Some questions, like ‘What’s the meaning of life?’, are difficult to answer because they’re, well, difficult. However, there’s also the other end of the spectrum. I’m talking about questions that are so basic, you start wondering if the people who came up with them are alright. Recently, reddit user waldo06 asked the internet ‘What’s something you can’t believe you had to explain to another adult?’ and the responses started pouring in. It has received 15k upvotes and 11,462 comments in just days, proving that we all sometimes suffer from brainis fartis.
Why a room below sea level on a cruise ship would not have a balcony
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I had to explain to my friend that the earth wasn’t 2019 years old.
That Halloween has never and will never fall on Friday the 13th. It was my mom.
I had to explain to a teacher, in front of her class, that a penguin was a bird.
I didn’t want to be like that but she was adamant that if it didn’t fly, it wasn’t a bird.
Was tipped a twenty dollar bill to be spilt between myself and a coworker. I handed her $10 I had in my pocket and took the $20. She said it wasn’t fair that I had $20 and she only had $10. I tried to explain to her that I already had the $10, so another $10 equalled $20. She couldn’t wrap her head around it, insisting I was trying to rip her off. She gave me back the ten bucks, took the twenty to a register and made change of two 10 dollar bills. As she hands me mine I showed her that now I still have $20 and she has $10, but somehow she was satisfied she’d thwarted my attempts to short change her. Needless to say I didn’t stay friends with her after that.
This is made all the more ridiculous by the fact that she had once told me she was forced to repeat grade 12 math class because she got 100%, and the teacher accused her of cheating. The following year she got 98%. I’m thinking something fishy is going on there
Yes sir, when you sign up for insurance you’re agreeing to pay for it.
Told my roommate that if he cooked food on less than the highest level of heat, he wouldn’t burn as much food, and would generally have more success.
A week later, I explained to him that when he was just boiling water, high heat was okay.
“Well, sir, it’s not illegal to serve food that tastes bad….No, this isn’t a police issue”.
My mom asked me why you couldn’t see the borders of states when you were in an airplane.
An ex was convinced that the reason the ozone layer is thinning is because airplanes poke holes in as they pass through. No telling her otherwise.
I had to explain to my mother that muscles are meat.
A piece of meat was tough, and so I must have said something about what part of the cow the muscle came from. No, we weren’t eating muscles, we were eating ‘meat’. She was sickened by the concept that anyone would eat muscles. Somehow this got to the point of her claiming that humans didn’t have any ‘meat’ on them because they aren’t food.
I did not ‘win’ that argument. Humans have no meat, meat is not muscles. Period. Oh, it turns out people are not part of the animal kindom either.
It was a dismal childhood.
There are more than 6 bones in the human body… she thought it was head, back, arms and legs.
6 inches isn’t 0.6 of a foot. She had been slowly, unknowingly, overcharging our company for materials for years.
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How to use packing tape! You haven’t lived until you’ve told a 40 year old man to put the sticky side on the box.
In regards to the North and South poles, neither is “the one that is always hot.”
That no matter how much you might want to put a camo pattern on your walls, you (not the paint) have to determine what that pattern looks like and you will also have to purchase multiple cans of paint tinted differently because “camo” doesn’t come out of a can that way.
I once had to explain to a college friend that Indians didn’t have spices running in their blood that allows them to eat spicier food.
That Earth has one moon. The new moon on the calendar every month confused her.
Had to explain to my wife that pickles were made of cucumbers
She didn’t believe me, still not sure she does
When a ‘smart’ bomb strikes a building and blows it up, it doesn’t just kill the bad guys, it kills everyone in the building. Smart only means it’s going to hit the building instead of a random location.
Don’t bring your dog to work and let her pee/poop on the carpet. Tiny poop and little puddles are not ok just because they’re tiny. She weighs 4 pounds. He said she’s so little it doesn’t matter. He said he never even notices at home and if I had a dog, I’d feel differently. (Have a dog. Still don’t want urine and feces in my carpet—at home or at work.)
My mother told me nobody can live on $40,000 (USD) a year, and I was unable to get her to understand that it is pretty normal to make $40,000 or less and people do fine with that salary.
My friend worked at Office Depot and had to explain to a customer why he couldn’t make him photocopies of a 20 dollar bill
Canada is part of North America
Had to explain to someone that islands don’t tip over if you put too much weight on the edge.
That drinks have caloric content. A coworker was complaining how she was having trouble losing weight and didn’t realize drinking 4 hot chocolates a day was not really conducive to weight loss.
As a server, there are so many times I have to explain to guests that chicken can’t be cooked “medium rare”.
Press up when you want to go up in the elevator and down if you want to go down. She thought you had to guess where the elevator was and if it was under you lets say, you had to press up.
To make pasta you have to boil the water
My wife and I had to explain to the neighbor that our dog is part of our family, and no they can’t just have him.
Their kids wanted our dog, which was cute, until the mother also decided that she wanted our dog and it was only fair that they got to have him on the weekends because we get to have him all week long
You can’t/shouldn’t iron your clothes while you’re wearing them. One guess as to how this came up.
That power tools need to be turned on in order to work.
You can still get diarrhea even if you believe in Jesus…
You have no idea the number of people that believe we are a part of Mexico.
Had to explain to someone in college that “3 seconds of dish soap” was not necessary for each plate you wash. As in he would turn the dish soap upside down, and squeeze for “1…2…3”. For. Each. Plate
That I couldn’t just go to the bathroom and pee my period out to be done with it. He was about 19/20 at the time and obviously didn’t have sex education….been married 25 years. He will never live that down.
Them:” So where are you from?” Me: “South Africa.” Them: “Wait what?…Aren’t you supposed to be black?” Me: “uh yeah no”
Them: “So which country are you from?” Me: “South Africa.” Them: “Yeah but which country?” Me: “yeah I just said South Africa.” Them:”come on dude just tell me the country – I know where South of Africa is. Me:”No, actually South Africa is a whole country…”
That you cannot convert between square meters and cubic feet without additional data.
SQUARE meters. CUBIC feet.
That all babies, including the first one after marriage, take 9-10 months to develop. Just because the first one comes along in under 9 months, doesn’t mean that it takes less gestational time.
I was in my mid twenties, and she was several years older.
You can’t use an electric blanket to dry your bedsheets.
When you travel at 60mph you will cover sixty miles in an hour.
If you don’t go to work you won’t get paid, especially when you’re constantly complaining about always being broke. You can’t call out whenever you don’t want to go in, and then wonder why you have no money.
Had to explain to a neighbor that the sun and the moon were not the same thing.
A dear friend of mine phoned his mother, on his first week away at college, to ask her how you cooked eggs. He was having trouble working the shells in. He wasn’t kidding.
Alcohol has calories.
I had to be the one to tell my friend when she was in her mid-20s that the vodka she loved has calories. She was so shocked and said, “What!! I thought since it was clear like water it didn’t have any calories.”
That raisins are dried grapes
Had a coworker who said she didn’t eat eggs because they’re “forced abortion babies”… Chick refused to accept that unfertilized eggs don’t hatch and she didn’t have to worry because she’s just eating the chickens’ periods. After this conversation carried on far too long, she proceeded to eat a bowl of pasta that I’m 97% sure was made with eggs.
Pasta does not grow on trees.
Mybe she was an adult yet though, but she definitely wasn’t a kid either. Late teen I suppose.
Food isn’t vegetarian just because it has vegetables in it, and lack of vegetables doesn’t automatically mean it isn’t vegetarian.
Story time. I went to a restaurant and was looking over the menu, which had vegetarian friendly options marked. Pretzels with cheese weren’t marked, so I asked the waitress if she knew why. If it was just something in the cheese, I still wanted to split the pretzels with others at the table and skip the cheese dip. Her answer? “Well, it’s like, um, so pretzels don’t have any vegetables like broccoli in them, they’re just bread, so they aren’t vegetarian. But if you wanted something that is, then you could maybe get the chicken and broccoli because it does have a vegetable with it. But like the mac and cheese wouldn’t be because it doesn’t have vegetables.” Mac and cheese was marked vegetarian friendly.
You have to use water to cook rice in a pan
A coworker of mine recently quit without notice. A few weeks later, she wasn’t liking her new job much and said she wanted to come back to the store. She could not comprehend the concept of being ineligible for rehire. If you quit without notice, they’re not going to take you back!
I had to explain to a lady that dinosaur bones at the Museum of Natural History in DC were real. She thought dinosaurs were mythical creatures…not real.
If you’ve found a dog and are making a sign it should say “found dog” not “lost dog”
If you don’t pay your utility bill then said utility will be turned off – everyday at work I have to say this to customers. Every. Day.
At my work a lady wanted a hamburger but with cheese on it. I said “Oh, so you want a cheeseburger”
The lady said “No, I said a hamburger with cheese on it”
I said “That’s called a cheeseburger”
Lady screams “No!! I want a damn hamburger!!!!! with cheese on it!!!”
Retirement is something you have to actually prepare for. Magic money does not create itself in a fund that you never started.
I am a manufacturing engineer and had to explain to a 33 year old engineering technician what a nut, bolt and washer were Friday.
This is just the icing on her grossly incompetent cake, and I have been logging these incidents with the intent of firing her Monday morning.
You shouldn’t put scotch in your baby’s formula.
Every St Patrick’s day in San Antonio they dye the river green. I work hospitality and I had a middle age woman asking me if she could drink the water from the River. I laughed thinking it was a joke but she was really serious about it and got mad saying I was being condescending. I told her no, you should not drink that water and she said that since there was green beer she thought the river could be beer. I reminded her there are ducks living there and I don’t think the city wanted drunk ducks going around downtown. She called corporate saying I insulted her. She was not drunk.
That oil isn’t easier to get in the Middle East because “you only have to drill through sand”.
Turn off the high beams for cars traveling in the opposite direction.
“No, you should not perform an auto-vasectomy at home. You should see a doctor for that”
There’s a girl I used to work with who didn’t know submarines actually existed.
I work with this guy who thinks that average precipitation us, like… Some sort of quota that nature is obliged to meet. For example, if it’s a particularly dry summer, he thinks it will just rain a lot in the last few days before summer ends.
That you can’t get aids through sexual intercourse if you don’t already have the HIV virus inside your body or your partner is carrying it. A guy I talked to once thought that gay men got AIDS simply by having gay sex, and that the disease just spontaneously appeared through the act of inter-anal insemination. I don’t even think that he understood the concept of a virus.
That the North Pole is an actual place on the planet and not just a mythical place where Santa and his Elves live. Also had to explain that the South Pole is real.
Granted, they did not think Santa is real. But they also didn’t believe me flat out about the poles, they first argued saying I was crazy and then Googled it.
How to use a new type of electric hand-drying machine (mounted on the wall) in a public men’s room.
The guy tried everything to make it work, other than following the simple instructions on the hand-dryer (it even had arrows pointing the way where his hands should be inserted to activate it).
That Australia and India do not “share a border.”
Had to explain to a 40 year old woman that the clitoris and “pee hole” are different.
That Spain is a real place.
That not everyone who speaks Spanish is a Mexican. And that Mexicans are called that because they’re from Mexico.
That titties and boobies are not the anatomical words for breasts.
That’s having sex on your period doesn’t automatically create AIDS. One of the two people need to already have AIDS.
I had to explain to my friend that we didn’t actually gain an hour of sunlight when we changed the clocks in the spring.
Had to explain to a female friend of mine that she doesn’t have to take out her tampon to pee because it’s two completely different holes.
i was explaining to my ex girlfriends brother that i will be travling to hawaii he asked “can you drive or do you have to take a plane to get there?” he’s 35
Had to explain to my 26 year old coworker that the moon does not in fact emit its own light and is simply glowing from the reflection of the sunlight
That milk comes from a cow the same color as you see it in the carton and is not in fact actually red milk that has been dyed white in the factory
That a prairie dog and a coyote are 2 different animals, this was a high school teacher.
That dropping “water bombs” on the Notre Dame fire is [frikkin] stupid. He just wasn’t hearing it, because of course I couldn’t know more about firefighting than the president… I’m a firefighter, I was in uniform.
That our sun is a star. It was one of the things that made me say out loud “seriously?”
No you can’t put that metal pan in the microwave . He was also driving a golf cart with my other friend and when he was close to hitting something he hopped out and tried pushing it away. Other friend hit the brake.
That Michigan wasn’t the capital of Detroit and that Jerusalem, not Jewersilum exists. My former best friend was and still is the dumbest person I’ve ever met.
That chickens can lay eggs without a rooster around. My dad and grandma kept trying to tell me there HAS to be a rooster or they don’t lay. I got to explain that to have fertilized eggs you need a rooster but regular eggs for eating don’t need a rooster
That getting a bunch of morning after pills from the student health center and having me take one every time we had unprotected sex was a recipe for disaster. And before you ask, he grew up in the Bay Area and was the child of two professors, so it’s not because of a lack of access to sex ed.