Turning the other cheek when someone wrongs you matters. But you know what else does? Thinking twice before being a jerk to other people. Nearly everyone has experienced the overwhelming urge to get payback and balance the scales of justice when someone has cheated, harmed, or insulted them.
Thanks to the Petty Revenge subreddit, people have a place to celebrate small victories over those who made their lives miserable. With 1.3M members and counting, this online community is packed with the weirdest and funniest acts of vengeance that beautifully illustrate how even the smallest crimes have consequences.
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From getting back at annoying neighbors to putting entitled bosses right in their place, we wrapped up some of the wildest stories that reveal wicked levels of creativity. So continue scrolling and let us know which ones you enjoyed most in the comments! And if you’re in the mood for some more retaliation goodness, take a look at our previous posts here and here.
You say dogs barking is just what dogs do huh?
I had a neighbor that had a dog that I s**t you not, barked from bout 7pm til 5am NON STOP. They worked nights I believe. They kept it outside. I knocked numerous times, and they said: “Dogs bark, what do you expect?”
Their house was directly behind mine, we shared a divided wall. I recorded their dog for a full day. The minute they brought him in, and felt like they were sleeping, I popped my phone into the dock and played it on my stereo full blast facing their yard at 9am.
They came over raving mad to my wall by about 12, asking me to shut my dog up. I said “Its your dog, I recorded him, since you miss out on what dogs do. I’m just playing the radio at normal allowable city time and I will do this everyday.”
They started bringing the dog in at night after that.
Image credits: Your_acceptable
Dad got decade long revenge on my aunty.
A little set-up: My dad is one of 9 children to my grandparents. When the oldest sister (my aunty) let’s call her Margaret got married, one of the gifts she received was four very poorly made clay pots from one of her friends who wasn’t super close to the family. They were all very different to each other and didn’t match at all. I assume they came out of a first-timers pottery class or something.
Anyway, fast forward 15 years and my parents are getting married. Margaret shows up at the wedding. As does everyone else. The ceremony and reception pass with no dramas and everyone goes home.
The following week my parents begin to sort through all their wedding gifts. Unwrap Margarets to find a very old worn-looking cardboard box with the old tape still underneath the new tape put on there by Margaret to hold the lid closed. Dad opens the box to see the 4 pots that had been given to Margaret 15 years prior. My parents knew this was a gift to Margaret originally because at the bottom of the box was a cord of congratulations on your wedding… addressed to Margaret. She hadn’t even bothered to take the pots out of the box when she was gifted them or checked the condition when rewrapping them. This thoroughly pissed off my dad.
Then his anger turned to determination as he started to develop a plan that would stretch almost a decade.
With Christmas fast approaching my dad rewrapped the pots in the same box with the same wedding card addressed to Margaret. essentially in the same condition he had received it in. He then wrote another card addressed to another of his siblings explaining his plan. He gave the present to the youngest of his siblings, the newer card explained that she was to hold on to the pots until the next Christmas, making sure to unwrap it and make sure that everyone could see the pots in one way or another. the card then explained to leave the wedding card in the box and to not let anyone see it. My aunty would then hold on to the box, pots and card until next Christmas. She would then gift them and my dads note to the next sibling above her in age (my uncle). This cycle would repeat another 8 times until it reached the oldest sibling. Margaret. In my dad’s letter, it instructed the last sibling before Margaret to not give her the letter written by him regarding the plan.
9 years after giving the gift away. My dad and all his siblings watched as she pulled out the pots that she had seen being passed around from sister to brother to sister for the last decade. She then noticed the note still in the box. She opened it and a category 4.2 earthquake was registered as her jaw hit the floor.
Now, most people would expect her to erupt in rage but Australians have some of the best senses of humour on the planet. The family all had a good chuckle about it and moved on to Christmas lunch. The pots are now separated. one going to my dad, Margaret, my grandparents and the last being the trophy of the annual cricket game. It was sadly destroyed by a rouge ball in that very same yearly tournament and is now only half a trophy.
Hope you enjoyed.
Image credits: Ok-Caterpillar-2804
Mom won’t believe nsfw site was popup ad, son “shows” her it can happen to anyone.
When I was a kid my mom caught me looking at a porn site and I claimed it was a popup but she clearly didn’t believe me. A few days later when she wasn’t looking I pulled the same site up on her work laptop and hid it behind her browser window and pretended to catch her in the act when she closed her browser and the porn site showed up on her screen. She was flabbergasted and claimed it was a popup and I was all “yeah right because that apparently doesn’t happen” and she apologized for not believing me before.
I was f***ing diabolical
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Image credits: lion_OBrian
My roommate enjoys nice long showers in the morning using all of the hot water. I realized that he literally jumps out of bed and runs into the bathroom when he hears my alarm. I started putting my alarm on silence for a while and this was working well enough but I still missed my morning shower several times because of their unreasonable long showers. So I just started moving to two alarms one alarm about an hour and a half before I normally get up. This has caused him for about two weeks now to get up really early run the hot water out and be out with enough time for it to be warm again. Small victories are nice.
Image credits: [deleted]
Take my parking spot?? What goes around comes around
This may be the pettiest thing I have ever done.
So in my city there is a pub that’s attached to a doughnut shop that serves the best doughnuts in the city (which always causes a long line). Because its attached to a pub, it doesn’t close shop until 9PM as there is a solid flow of business rolling in.
Anyway, my girlfriend and I get a serious hankering for some snacks so we decide to head to the doughnut shop and arrive out around 8:30 P:M by car. Now, there are only three parallel parking spots a little up the street from the place, and they are all 15-minute spots which are usually full. We see up the street that, count our lucky stars, a spot is free! My girlfriend pulls a little ahead of the car in front of the spot, turns on her indicator, and begins backing into parking spot when this little white vespa driving behind us whips into the spot. I roll down our window and call out to the driver “Scuse me, we were just backing in”. The driver seems to be a pretty univ student who shrugs her shoulders and calls out to me “sorry, first come first serve!” while her and her friend share a good laugh.
My girlfriend suggests we just get doughnuts another time, and I tell her she can drop me off here, Ill buy the doughnuts since I know what she likes, and she can loop around. She agrees, and I pop out of the car, pass the little white vespa where the girls are still gathering their things, and head to the shop. As always, the line is super long for doughnuts and since this is the last batch, the doughnuts are slim pickins. The girls are behind me looking at the 5 or so different flavors that are left, talking about which ones are best and which they havent had yet. I hear one of them jokingly mention “thank god we got a parking spot” and they burst out laughing. I get to the front of the line, and when asked for my order, request two dozen doughnuts, which is every last one remaining. The girls behind me didnt listen to what I ordered, but eyebrows of confusion started to form on their faces and they slowly saw each doughnut loaded into the boxes and their options dwindle.
One of them (the driver) in desperation asked the baker who was loading them in “what, you’re not even gonna save a few for us though?” to which I turned around and said “sorry, first come first serve”. She honestly looked like she just simultaneously solved a movie mystery and s**t her pants, its difficult to put into words but truly an expression I can never forget.
Best doughnuts I ever tasted (and enjoyed by the rest of my office the next morning)
Image credits: SloppyMoses
Small revenge against hoarders
Saw a couple who had filled their trolley with toilet roll arguing with an elderly couple who had asked for one packet because there wasn’t any on the shelves and they’d ran out. These 2 were a right piece of work and being quite abusive to the elderly couple. I went over to the elderly couple and told them to finish their shopping and that I would come and find them. They go off and arsehole couple carry on what they’re doing. When their backs are turned I grab 2 packets out of their trolley, go and find the elderly couple and give it to them. I then went and found a shop assistant and told them about arsehole couple being abusive to the elderly and when they get to the checkout their trolley is taken off them and they’re escorted out by security. This has made me extremely happy.
Image credits: wonderingwomble
Say goodbye to your cheque!
Short and sweet – I was waiting in line at the bank. They have you line up outside, not a problem. This particular day it was a bit windy, again not a problem… for me.
A guy gets out of his car, cheque in hand. You know where this is going, ha. The wind whips the cheque from his hands and somehow I managed to step on it as it scooted by me.
I wasn’t really expecting a thank you to be honest, but what I definitely wasn’t expecting was the guy to chew me out for dirtying up his cheque. “Thanks for stepping on my cheque, the bank probably won’t accept it now”
Call me an asshole but I lifted my foot up and let it blow away in the wind down the street and said “well they definitely won’t accept it now.”
The guy flipped his s**t as he was chasing it down the street and I got called up as next in line. Sorry not sorry.
Image credits: Dire_Raven
City tries to fine me for not mowing my lawn. So I threaten the city with a fine for not mowing theirs.
The city would send me letters telling me my lawn was too tall and that if I don’t mow it they’ll send out a contractor to mow it at a price of something like $50/sqft. So I stopped mowing their lawn. My property ended 15 feet before the curb. Not a 15’ easement, it ended there. My easement was 10’ back from that meaning 25’ from the curb.
Then after it got too high, I copy pasta’d their letter to me and certified mailed it back to the city. They also sent me a letter saying I needed to mow it at about the same time.
I looked up my plat in the county records and referenced it back to them. Took pictures with a tape measure and reiterated that if they don’t take action soon I’m going to hire a contractor to mow it and charge them the same absurd rate they were going to charge me.
About a week later I come home from work and it’s been mowed. No bill just mowed. So I continued not mowing that 15’x50’ strip of grass for the next 5 or so years I lived there. I had even hired a kid to mow for me as I’d gotten too busy and very specifically told him not to mow that strip.
Image credits: Why_T
Neighbor won’t turn his flood lights off
Some years ago we had some new neighbors move in next door. Nice enough people but we had a problem with them. The husband traveled a lot and his wife was afraid of just about everything, the dark, thunderstorms, you name it. The problem was the flood lights over their garage doors. She would leave them on all night, every night, even though you couldn’t see them from inside of their house. They were positioned such that they would shine into our bedroom at night. We were not able to block them effectively with our curtains. We asked them politely several times if they could turn them off at night since they served no effective purpose. They adamantly refused. I offered to pay for a timer that would control them. No way they would consider it. I thought about taking the bulbs out, shooting them out with my pellet gun, etc. The solution that I arrived at was to simply loosen them up enough that they wouldn’t come on. Since they couldn’t see them from inside the house it was about 5-6 months before they realized that they were not working. They screwed them back in. I waited a couple of weeks and unscrewed them again. Another few months went by. Finally, one day, my neighbor asked me if I ever had any trouble with my outdoor lights. I told him yes, as a matter of fact I did. I said that they would loosen up occasionally and I would have to retighten them. I blamed it on vibration from the traffic on our street. He said that he had the same problem. I told him that I finally just gave up and left them off. He eventually did the same. We were happy with the final outcome and we were able to keep peace in the neighborhood.
Image credits: upshot
I use to go to this arcade and play a certain basketball game (as my name indicates). I was climbing the all time wins leaderboard in said game (very close behind number 1)when one day my account vanishes! None of the other accounts do, and i learn that somehow the #1 wins player (who works there) had a hand in it. I waited until he played another game and watched as he put in his code for his initials/account, then waited 30 min when he was done, logged into his account on that machine and tanked a game pretty hard. When i was done his record dropped to 210-1. Unfortunately i did not see his reaction, but i got way too much vengence satisfaction from it.
Image credits: Nbajamkiller99
Use my email, face the consequences
I have a remarkably simple email address, something similar to a JohnSmith at gmail. I got in on the early beta for Gmail. The problem with this is there is one person in TX and another in California that insist on using my email address as their own. I have attempted to reply all to group messages asking these peoples friends and family to contact this person and politely ask them to stop using my email address. After several months of this, I gave up and settled for petty revenge:
Oh, you booked a service at the dealership? let’s just cancel that. Rental car reservation? Nope, don’t know what happened to that. I stopped short of cancelling a Doctor’s appointment on them, but I think they finally figured it out.
Image credits: gearkitty
You can have the furniture but I’m taking the hex keys & screws!
My ex and I broke up. We lived together. I sold most of my furniture to keep his, and we used that money to buy new things for the apartment like decor & bar stools for the kitchen. He not only wanted to keep all of his furniture, but 50% of the stuff we bought together. Tried to explain that everything became ours 50/50 when I sold my stuff to keep his. It wasn’t worth fighting over, he was being pretty vindictive, so I said f**k it and let him take it all. I ended up with a desk, a rug, 2 bar stools, and some kitchen & decor items. He took all the electronics including TV, couch, coffee table, tv stand, bed & bedframe, etc. All of the really important and/or expensive items. He also returned all the gifts he got me for Christmas/my bday, but kept his Christmas gifts (more like, left me the boxes but took the items out of them).
My petty revenge… Most of the furniture was Ikea. All of it being built with hex keys. I helped him disassemble his furniture for the movers. Then, I took his entire bag of hex keys & hardware (the screws and whatnot). He put the furniture in storage so he won’t notice for another month at least. Replacing the hex keys is pretty simple, but good luck tracking down the exact screws and brackets and etc!!
Image credits: Upper_Stranger8219
Step dad tricked me into eating something he knew I wouldn’t like, so I waited a whole year to plan the perfect petty revenge.
Obligatory, this happened a couple years ago.
Context: When I was about 19/20 I absolutely hated the taste of alcohol. Yes, I would still drink, but I’d pick the fruitiest least alcohol tasting drinks possible. Also for context, it should be known That I LOVE maraschino cherries. My step dad knew all of this.
Well, one day my step dad goes “would you like some maraschino cherries?” Umm OF COURSE!! So I popped this cherry into my mouth, and not even one second later I’m GAGGING and my tongue burns. He’s laughing. Everyone is laughing. It was a moonshine soaked cherry, apparently those exist.
So, I took a long time to plot my revenge. A whole year, in fact. Even got his mother to get in on the revenge with me! I know he HATES black olives. He’ll gag. He also loooves chocolate covered nuts. You can see where this is going, right?? 🙂 a year after his moonshine cherry shenanigans, his mom and I made a whole bunch of chocolate covered nuts, then a couple chocolate covered black olives. Gave him all the chocolate covered black olives. It was sooo glorious! He unsuspectingly popped a chocolate covered black olive in his mouth, enjoyed it for maybe 1 second with a smile, until suddenly his face turned to disgust and confusion. We all started laughing!! He spit it out and I revealed my deviancy, laughing at the revenge and him not even suspecting it because it had been so long. I filmed it of course. That’s probably one of my best petty revenges.
Image credits: depressed-slut
Grumpy neighbors ruined my birthday, my dad never let them enjoy their backyard ever again.
Just came across this sub & thought of this story instantly.
We are going a ways back here, think I was 8yo so that puts this story in the late 90’s.
I grew up on a busy street in a suburb, all the houses are basically right next to each other.
On one side of the house we had the grumpiest most miserable old couple in their 70’s as neighbors.
We have a big family & enjoyed cook outs during the summer months. They hated us having parties & we weren’t even doing anything out of the ordinary. Just the type of people that would bitch about basically anything for no good reason.
Well it’s my 8th birthday party & we have our typical big family get together. Well my favorite gift that year ended up being a globe trotters basketball. We had a hoop & had a blast playing around.
Eventually the day goes sideways when my ball bounces over grouchy neighbors fence. All that separates our driveway/basketball court from their backyard is a stockade fence. Well asshole neighbor was outside, proceeds to grab the ball take it into his shed & stab it with a screw driver.
I’d never seen my father so angry in my life. But he’s not an idiot & didn’t do anything stupid.
From that day on he never let them enjoy their backyard ever again. We could see their yard from our house & anytime they would go outside he would go outback crank up his air compressor in the garage & slam a basketball against the backboard as hard as he could until they went inside. Didn’t even pretend for a second he was doing anything but making as much noise as possible.
He never gave up, never stopped until the grumpy guy eventually died 2 yrs later.
We take petty revenge seriously in this family.
Image credits: Blue-Collar-Nerd
My mum and her friend had a massive fight, and my mum’s friend sent a letter to my mum scolding her and pretty much saying “We’re no longer friends” and my mum, as an Ex-Teacher, took out a red pen, corrected all the spelling mistakes and grammatical mistakes, and mailed it right back to her
Image credits: YourApril27
I have a friend whose pumpkinfall display at the end of his driveway would be run over by the neighborhood jerk. happened every year. my friend decided to put a stop to it.
he withdrew money from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest punkin he could find, along with several large bags of Quikcrete. filled that puppy up and made a real pretty display.
the jackass broke the axle of his shotty car when he hit that pumpkin. could not drive away. my friend had his car towed away, too.
Image credits: cuddlenazif**kmonstr
I was dating this girl. Thought she was the one. So I gave her the keys to my apartment. I worked late for my job. I was just happy there was someone in my bed. when I got home at 2 in the morning. Came home one night, and she was awake. She confessed to using my apartment to cheat on me with 7 different people. So I packed her stuff up, she was still living with her mom anyways. So I lied to her, and said I moved to Seattle. I moved to Hawaii instead. 3 month’s after being in Hawaii I get a phone call from her. I answer, and to my surprise she’s called me from the Seattle airport. She flew out there to try and fix things between us. The dialog goes as follows
Me: So you’re in Seattle? Her: Yeah! weren’t you listening? I came here to fix us. Me: oh…well that’s bad. Her: what’s Bad? Me: I’m in Hawaii!(then hung up the phone)
(Phone rings I answer)
Her: YOU LIED TO ME!! Me: huh, how does it feel? I hang up again.
I don’t know if that’s petty, but to me was a good revenge.
Image credits: Alucard1886
Neighbor took my parking spot after I shoveled. I poured water in his windshield.
It was a cold winter day. 8 inches of snow had fallen the night before, and the windchill made it feel as if it were in the negatives (Fahrenheit). I drive an all wheel drive SUV so I have no issues getting out. My wife on the other hand drives a Prius, which slides with the smallest amount of moisture on the road.
My car was down at the time, so we had to take my wife’s car. I spent 45 minutes in the freezing cold shoveling that car out so we could get to the store. We were gone for an hour, and when we came back, our neighbor had taken the spot I had shoveled.
Our apartment complex doesn’t have assigned parking, but in the winter, it’s understood that if you shovel a spot, it’s yours. So when I saw his car in the spot I had just shoveled, I was pretty pissed.
I went inside and filled two gallon jugs of water. Went back out and poured them on his windshield. Rinse and repeat. I must have poured about ten gallons of water on his car. Being how cold it was, it was already freezing by the time I poured the last gallon on. It sat like that overnight.
The next morning, I got to watch as he helplessly tried to scrape all of these layers of ice off his windshield.
Don’t take my goddamn parking spot.
Image credits: topathemornin
I put a fake note on a Corvettes windshield that read “Sorry I hit your car, you probably won’t even notice the damage” because it was taking up four spots.
So title is fairly self explanatory but I’ll elaborate. I was trying to find a parking spot at my university. The lot was notoriously crowded but my campus didn’t have a lot of options. While searching, I saw a Corvette taking up FOUR prime spots near the front of the lot. After about ten minutes of waiting/looking for a spot one opened up towards the back of the lot. Furious at the nerve of the driver being so inconsiderate, I wrote a note saying, “Sorry I hit your car, you probably won’t even notice the damage” and left it on their windshield. When I got out of class and was headed back to my car, I saw a very stereotypical college aged Corvette owner frantically searching their vehicle while yelling into their phone. I don’t know who they were talking to, but I feel bad for them having to deal with this person.
Image credits: sdf_qwerty27
Driver gets mad about traffic and gives me the finger
I was driving home from work on the freeway one late afternoon. Like a typical day in Los Angeles, there was a lot of traffic. I’m driving along and there’s this minivan behind me that starts tailgating me. It’s not like I can go any faster so I ignore it. Then the car proceeds to start honking. Still nothing I can really do. The driver than cuts to the lane next to me, rolls down her window, starts yelling and gives me the middle finger. I usually ignore stuff like this, but I was pretty annoyed at this point so I rolled down my window. I point at her tire while she’s yelling at me and yell “You have a flat.” She’s still yelling at this point so I say it again. She’s shocked and proceeds to pull off to the side. I watch her in my rear view mirror from a distance as she gets out to inspect her perfectly fine tire.
Image credits: NaughTMilk
Calling her “fake quitting” bluff
This happened years ago but still makes me smile. I started working in a corporate office in a secretarial position for my first job after college. There were two older ladies who were also secretaries working in the office. One of them was just fine, but I spent most of my time sitting beside and working with Agnes. Agnes was quickly approaching retirement age but wasn’t going anywhere without a big push. This was in the days where we just started getting computers and she was absolutely hopeless. She’d pull stuff like “I can’t answer the phone – I’m on the computer.” Multi-tasking was not in this woman’s repertoire. She was super fussy, and annoying. If I ever came back from lunch 5 minutes late, she would exclaim loudly “OMG – there you are! I was wondering what had happened to you!”, making sure the whole office knew I was late. Meanwhile, she was usually late coming in in the morning, and often left early for various appointments. If I made a typo in a document, she would make sure the rest of the staff knew about it, loudly.
She tended to pout when when things didn’t go her way, and she would “quit” her job when someone pissed her off, and then my boss’s boss would talk her into staying. I’d heard about this tactic of hers and one day, our boss did something that annoyed her and she “quit” again. My boss’s boss was away that day so I had my chance. I quickly advertised and planned a big retirement party for her. It was a done deal by the end of the day. People were dropping by and congratulating her and everyone looked forward to the party. At that point, I guess she figured it was too late to pull her usual shenanigans and she actually retired. I told my boss to not bother replacing her because it was damn easy to cover the little work she actually accomplished every day.
Image credits: 10S_NE1
My husband can NOT make a fire in the fire place. I refuse to make a fire in the fireplace even though I can.
He has tried and every time they go out within 30 min. It is low key hilarious. I can make a fire. I grew up in New England, long miserable cold winters. I know how to make a fire.
However, when I advised him, he shushed me. My dear husband. The man I love shushed me. So, now I refuse to make a fire. I literally just watch this man make a fire and re-make a fire all day, for the past 4 days and you know what? I am going to continue and let him struggle as I sip my tea and keep my mouth shut.
Eventually, I will make a fire but I’m going to wait until he is so frustrated he’s cursing in his mother tongue. He’s not quite there yet.
Image credits: CoffeeAndCats2000
We were kids staying at the seaside on holiday with our family. My little sister would always make a pretty sandcastle, and the next day it would have been kicked down and she’d cry. We wanted to find out who was doing it, so one day we stayed behind to spy. We watched as a bunch of jerk older boys came by and kicked her castle down, laughing smugly. So the next night, we covered a big beach rock in sand and decorated it. Like clockwork, the jerk kids came with their smug faces and this time kicked a solid rock with all of their might. The yowl and the look on their faces was the best revenge ever.
Image credits: AmyDiaz99
Caused my food stealing roommate to make his mom cry
So this happened way back in 2013.
I was living in a large space with 5 roommates. One of my roommates was know for borrowing food including expensive stuff like meat but never replacing it.
Well one day I knew his mother was coming to visit and stay a few days and his mom absolutely loved horses, so what I decided to do was bait this roommate with horse meat.
It’s not common in the US but legal to buy imported so I acquired some nice thin cuts and I sliced most of it and salted and left in a Tupperware I the fridge while I went it the rest of the package with the horse meat store label in the freezer.
Well sure enough in the evening I noticed some of the horse is gone so I make a big deal about someone stealing some of my horse meat in front of his mom.
They go ‘haha. Very funny. Sure it’s horse meat.’ And my roommate owns up to borrowing some meat he used to make him and his mom steak and eggs for breakfast and lies that he’ll replace it. That’s when I pull out the package from the freezer and prove it was in fact horse meat and his mom burst into tears crying to her son ‘how could you feed me horse.’
He definitely at least stopped borrowing my meat after that.
Image credits: Cunts_and_more
How do you take your coffee?
An unfriendly coworker used to use my Keurig in my cubicle all the time. She brought her own pods in so I really didn’t care. Then she started emptying my Brita pitcher to fill her water bottle up every day after I left and never refilled it. Annoying, but whatever.
Then one day, a friendly co-worker was standing at the entrance to my cube talking to me about a serious operation his wife needed to get soon. He was clearly worried and needed to talk to someone. The unfriendly walked up behind him, tapped him on the shoulder and snapped “you’re in the way.” The guy seemed embarrassed, apologized and walked off. She walked in, started her coffee and walked off while it brewed. I grabbed my bottle of Mio blackberry water flavoring and squeezed probably 1/3 of the bottle in her cup as the coffee filled it. She never used my Keurig or water pitcher again.
Revenge on bratty kids
Yesterday my kids (6, 4, and 2) were being terrible, mainly because they were stuck inside all day. Screaming, fighting, and just generally not pleasant to be around. I tried to distract them with games, puzzles, and coloring, but nothing seemed to get them out of their bad moods. By dinner time, I was ready to snap. While trying to hide in the kitchen to cool down, I saw my revenge staring at me. I knew I had to act fast, because a parent only gets 30 seconds of peace a day.
So I drank their last Capri Sun.
The mispronunciation war
I work with a Nigerian woman with a clearly African name, who I’ll call A here. She’s perfectly happy to tell people how to pronounce her name if they’ve not come across it before, but it really isn’t difficult to get right once you’ve been told.
Enter O (anonymised despite being an asshole). He decided that her name is too hard a name for him to bother even trying with even after she’s told him, and calls her Abby. Apparently it’s “just easier” for him to give her a “normal American name”.
I can tell that this irritates A the more he does it, so we hatch a plan together. I only refer to him as Ólafur (Icelandic) and she only calls him Odunlade (Nigerian). Of course, he gets pissed off, but we both tell him how it’s “just easier” for us to give him a name from our respective countries.
It took him just under two weeks after that to start calling her by her proper name.
Though he never got my name wrong (I suspect because I’m a white European man), the solidarity still felt good.
Want to sit by the window seat? Okay.
So my ex-boyfriend and I once went on vacation and he had never been in a plane before. Our seats were separate because of late planning and it was cheaper. I had a window seat somewhere and he had an isle seat. So I offered him mine. He happily accepted and that’s that.
So on the plane back home he actually had a window seat and I had a middle seat. I asked him if we could trade now so I could sit by the window. He told me no, it was his spot and he wanted to sit there. I was kinda bummed but okay. What do you know, five minutes later the stewardess comes to ask me if I could change seats with someone upfront. Because of her crutches she wasn’t allowed to sit near an emergency exit. So I got the seat in the front, with no one beside me, next to a window and a s**tton of extra leg space. My ex came whining to me that he wanted to switch seats now. So I happily told him to f**k off.
The relationship didn’t last very long after that.
I’ve told this one before, but it makes me happy to retell it.
I had a boss 7-8 years ago whom I hated. She was the fakest and most entitled person I had ever met. One day, she decided that she didn’t like the smell of microwave popcorn…so she waved her magic office wand and had it banned.
Fast forward a month or so. I was browsing Amazon and found one of those USB sticks that emits a smell when plugged in…the smell of buttered popcorn. I bought it, plugged it into the back of her computer, and she had the sweet smell of PopSecret in her office for six f***ing months. She complained almost every day. It’s the sweetest revenge I’ve ever tasted.
So, you wanna snoop in your daughter’s texts?
So I’m married to a wonderful woman. She’s smart, funny and very kind.
Her mother is generally very nice and tends to have a great attitude and be very enjoyable, a bit of a prude but generally enjoyable, however can be a bit of a major snoop. If my wife leaves her phone sitting around she will just pick it up and start going through it. My wife has kind of laughed this off as a remnant of her mom being controlling when she was a kid.
I’m not a fan of this because my wife and I will sometimes text about thing that simply don’t involve her mother and I don’t feel are hee business at all.
So over Christmas my I saw my wife set her phone down on the kitchen counter and I had a brilliant idea. Her mom was still in the kitchen and I sent my wife the most sexually depraved text about all the things I was going to do to her when everyone left. (Honestly most of them are things we haven’t even done, but I had to make it extra scarring …)
I sent this text from the bathroom. And maybe it was my imagination but I could swear I could hear an audible ghasp shortly after her phone went off.
When I went out her mother absolutely would not look me in the eye. Then not-so-discreetly asked her daughter to come talk to her in the other room.
When my wife came back into the living room I thought she had been crying, however upon closer inspection she was laughing. Her mother had questioned her about me sexually abusing her and if I always talk down to her like that.
My wife had told her kindly that what we do is between us and us only. Probably the best gift this christmas.
Image credits: can_ducks_give_stds
When my boss has me work outside of work hours, I make him work outside of work hours.
I work with a big company that lets me work 4 – 10 hour shifts a week and have Fridays off. Occasionally at the beginning of this I would get a text on a Friday from my boss. Or a text when I’m off on vacation. These annoyed the hell out of me. Nothing about my job has that level of urgency.
The biggest annoyance to me was when I had the day off so I could move out of my house (just across town) and he texts me that morning. I certainly ignored it. Then he calls me. I ignore it. He calls me again a few minutes later and I answer it. What he wanted to talk about was something that “could wait until Monday” but he called me anyways.
So I decided to start handling things with a little pettiness. Anytime you want to text or call me on a day off, that’s fine. But I won’t respond until after 6pm and I will always ask a question with it which makes him work when he isn’t working.
After a few tries of this, he figured it out (subconsciously or consciously) and never texts me when I’m off anymore.
I Served You Decaf for Two Years
Hey Mister Verizon Man,
You sold my dad refurbished iPhones and told him they were new. They were Hanukkah presents for my brothers and I. My dad was so mad that you sold him used phones— you lied to him. And he returned them. He returned them and he swore off iPhones, and I didn’t get a smartphone until I was eighteen. Mister Verizon Man, I was (nearly) the only one in my class who didn’t have an iPhone because of you. And you made my dad very angry on our favorite holiday.
Mister Verizon Man, you didn’t know me, but I knew you. And when you walked into Dunkin Donuts, you ordered an extra-large hot coffee from me. Black. Mister Verizon Man, you ordered that coffee from me every morning I worked for two years. And every morning, after you ordered, I or my friends behind the counter would pour you decaf coffee. Every morning for two years, you thought you were sipping that sweet, caffeinated Dunkin coffee. But you were enjoying some lowly decaf.
I hope my subtle revenge has made you a sleepy guy behind the counter lying to customers, selling refurbished phones in place of new. Maybe you pocket the difference in money, I don’t know. But anyways, Mister Verizon Man, screw you.
Take my parking spot that i just dug out? Fine, I’ll bury your car
This happened a couple years ago. It had snowed a bunch and so I went out to clear a spot for my boyfriend at the time for when he got home from work (police officer). I spent a while digging it out, and as I was finishing up some girl drove up and parked in it (while I was still shoveling it!). I told her that I just dug it out intending to use it and asked her to move, and she didn’t. She then got out of her car and walked away… Turns out she lived two buildings down so she normally wouldn’t park there anyways!
Our complex had a mini snow plow and the dude was plowing in the area and saw this all go down. He helped me move all the snow from the pile he just created and put it all around her car. We buried it up to the door handles on all sides. He then dug out a new spot for me.
Saw her later trying to dig out her car, turns out she didn’t have a shovel. So, naturally, bc I’m petty I went out and reshovelled the sidewalk from the lot up to our building, and threw all of the snow on her vehicle while I did it. Then went inside and took my shovel with me.
Edit: emphasis added for people who don’t get why I was so petty
Edit 2: thanks for the gold!
Edit 3: answers to questions for clarification. I only mentioned bf was a cop to justify why he was at work during all the snow, which was why I was digging him out a spot. Also, the spot was between two other cars so she couldn’t even walk along the side of her car to get to the door, which also meant that it didn’t take much snow to bury her car in.
Image credits: otanotherdonut
How do you like that doughnut now?
This happened about 20 years ago when I was a teacher in a small high school. There was one teacher who was toxic, and would say inappropriate things to students about the teachers he didn’t like. He once told some students of mine that I didn’t get invited to parties because I was a “stiff.” His dislike for me stemmed from the fact that I was vying for promotion to vice-principal and he felt threatened by it. He did a bunch of other things that gave me a slam-dunk workplace harassment case against him but I never pursued it.
One day, he brought in doughnuts and left them in the staff room. However, being the guy he was, he put little toothpick flags in them with everyone’s names on them but mine. He also left a note on the table saying “Help Yourself — Not you .”
The one with his name on it was one of those powdered, jelly-filled things. In full view of some of the other teachers who were gob-smacked by his behaviour, I took a straw, sucked all the jelly out of it, then refilled it with mustard. Then I put it back into the box, unwrapped my sandwich, and waited.
He came into the lunch room with a s**t-eating grin on his face as he looked at me and nodded. I munched my carrot sticks. One of the women thanked him for the doughnuts. He just smirked, picked his up, and took a big bite of it right in front of me. The look of horror, confusion and disgust on his face was priceless.
I stopped a kid playing fortnite
Im a tradesman and I was working on the power at a house when I asked the man who owned the place if he could turn off any tvs or computers that were on for 10 minutes while I worked on the power points. He went and told his sons to turn off the tv while I worked on the power.
Not 30 seconds later this little 12 year old brat came marching up to me and demanded I restore the power as he was in the middle of a very important fortnite game. His dad didn’t even flinch at this like it was a normal thing for a kid to say. So I told the kid very politely that if he gave me 5 or so minutes I’d have it back on for him.
Not 2 minutes later he again marched up to me and demanded an update and asked what was taking so long, again I was polite and told him that I wouldn’t be long.
At this point I was pretty annoyed at both the kid and dad so when I had finished working on the power instead of turning back on straight away I left it off for another 10-15 minutes while I cleaned up just to spite the kid.
Petty but worth it.
How I made bratty Thumbelina stop flirting with my boyfriend
Back in high school, I dated a guy who we’ll call Jared. After school Jared and I would hang out at his place with a group of 3-5 friends.
One girl in our group of friends was…interesting. We’ll call her Trixie. Trixie was a petite girl whose entire personality revolved around being cute and petite. Also, despite being in a relationship herself, she was clearly into Jared. She would claim that things were too heavy and ask only him to carry them, comment on how tall he was compared to her, ask him for piggy back rides, just general nonsense that made us both sort of uncomfortable. I wouldn’t tolerate this now, but we did at the time because we liked hanging out with her boyfriend.
Well, it being that time of the month, I bought a new box of tampons to keep under the sink. It was one of those variety packages that includes different sizes (important for later). Later that afternoon I went to grab one and noticed that 6 or 7 of the “light” tampons were already missing. What the hell? Then I realized Trixie had been going to the bathroom A LOT. Being so aggressively petite and adorable, I guess she considered it beneath her to use regular tampons.
When we hung out the next day, she finished all of the light ones. I was wondering what she’d do when she approached me off to the side and asked if I had any more. I quietly told her no, sorry, but she could always use a bigger size so she wouldnt have to change them so often. She answered very loudly, looking right at Jared, “Oh, I can’t use those jumbo tampons like you, I’m way too tiny!” What. The. Hell. I guess she thought it would sound sexy or something…
So what did I do? I hid the entire box of tampons in his room and replaced it with a box of diaper-thick maxi pads that I only wear to bed. The next time she went to the bathroom, she was in there a long time, probably searching for the tampons I’d moved. When she finally came out wearing one of the diaper sized pads, she crinkled like a f***ing NEWSPAPER wherever she walked. Jared, knowing full well, asked the room at large “What’s that sound?” She left shortly afterward.
She also cold-shouldered me from then on, which was just an added bonus as far as I was concerned. As a cherry on top of the cake, I heard through the grapevine that she’s gained at least 50 pounds since high school. Hopefully she’s found a new personality trait or two!
The time I made my ex mad by making friends with the woman he cheated on me with
In my early 20s I lived with my ex boyfriend. I was gullible and believed every word that came out of his mouth. I believed him when he said he worked late hours abs came back at 4am and made up excuses to keep me from meeting his friends and family and let him isolate me and hide me away.
Well, one day his grandmother passes away from natural causes (this is pre covid) and he was devastated so I asked if he wanted company or to be left alone to grieve. He of course wanted to go alone and so, I let him.
I got a call from someone who knew both me and my ex informing me that he did in fact take his girlfriend to the funeral but that person was not me. She had been introduced to his family, taken on date after date, and he had played dad to her one year old. My heart sunk right to my feet that day and so did hers once she found out about me.
My friend got us in contact and we talked for hours. We laughed, cried and in the end decided to dump that man and be friends. He absolutely hated it. We became extremely close after that. I took her to her 21st and drunk sat her after she got sick all over me and we took each other on a “date” and even to a concert that her family got tickets for. To this day, I have her in my phone as “the wife” even though we are both married to wonderful men.
Upstairs neighbor doesn’t care, so I made them care.
I used to live in an old renovated farmhouse with one apartment upstairs and mine below. I would have to get up for work at 3 am everyday. Hardworking mom upstairs worked two jobs for her very obnoxious kids. Everytime she worked an overnight shift, they would throw parties and be rowdy like a mother f**ker. Loud music, banging on the walls, and what sounded like them bouncing medicine balls on the ground.
I went up several times and knocked and told them, “look, I’m not gonna tell your mom or call the cops, I just want some sleep. So keep having fun but please keep the noise down so I can wake up for work at 3.” Did this several times in a week one time and they finally told me, “go f**k yourself old man” (I was 23).
I knew my landlord and he knew I knew how to work on houses so he gave me the only key to the basement where all the electrical, hot water heaters, etc were stored.
After being told to go f**k myself I had enough. I went downstairs, flipped off the breaker to the upstairs apartment, locked the door and went back for a peaceful night’s sleep. Woke up at 3 and turned back on the power as I left for work.
Everyday the parties got loud for the next two weeks, I would simply go turn off their power and enjoy a nice night’s sleep.
After that, no more parties. I think the message came through.
Sent new neighbor to the police station for a few hours
We live in an apartment block, and occasionally have new people move in and out, yesterday we encountered a new resident, a short red haired lady who, through dwarfism and food, manages to be about as wide as she is tall, my boyfriend greeted her with a simple “Hello” he also tried to say “welcome” but she cut him off with “Shut up, i don’t know you” okay, not the sociable type, neither are we, lest not get friendly then!
Today when returning from grocery shopping we found her trying to pick the lock with what looks like a piece of a paperclip, because you know, that’s going to work, and she’s apparently been at it a while cause before we could open the door with our key a patrol car stopped and an officer called out to her.
We stopped to watch cause, well, it was happening, the officer asked her why she was breaking in to which she responded she lived here, she turned to us and said that “They know me.”
Boyfriend smiled and said “I don’t know you.”
We entered the building after the officer asked us to confirm, and boyfriend repeated “We don’t know her.”
Can’t wait to have more contact with her…
Spotify hacker got a surprise
I noticed my spotify had a PS4 with a German name connected to it, which is odd because I don’t have a PS4. Spotify was unable to disconnect me from it using my account, so I decided to take it into my own hands and blast Attila at full volume on their PS4 at midnight Germany time. I think they may have been in game since they let it go for a few seconds then attempted going to the next/previous songs and pausing it a few times (to no avail). Eventually they uninstalled spotify and I changed my password, but damn that felt good.
I published a poem about my ex in a literary magazine he’d been trying to get in to for years.
We were both in high school, and at the end of the relationship he told me he was “just in it for the sex” that he “didn’t really mean any of it”, and that I obviously “just wanted him because I was horny”. He then went and had a hot and heavy make out sess with my best friend and came back and told me I was “a bad kisser compared to her”. Yeah, he was a jerk.
Well, flash back to a few months previous. I was angry at him because he was being really hot and cold and so I wrote an angry poem about him. The magazine he had been trying to get into had a website and would publish poems based off of popularity on the website. He had gotten me to join a few months previous and I only had a few poems up. I decided against posting it then because it would “be too mean”.
Well after he had pulled that s**t I decided I wanted a little revenge. So I posted the poem. And suddenly it was getting A LOT of popularity. And I get a notification from the magazine saying they want to publish it. So what was the first thing I did? Messaged him that I got published in this magazine. He got excited for me and congratulated me, until… he read the poem.
Several million people have read the poem in the magazine, and to this day, he still hasn’t gotten published.
Image credits: [deleted]
Teacher denies bathroom privilege, student asserts his dominance
I originally posted this as a comment on another post, but my SO thought it was worth sharing as a standalone. I’m adding a bit more detail and correcting some spelling and grammar. Also, posting from mobile, so apologies for formatting. Context: This happened in the early 90’s and at the time the teacher had been teaching for 30 plus years. It was a rural area, so many of my friends parents had also suffered through at least one year of primary school with this awful woman. I’ve seen a grown woman cry recounting memories of her experiences –she was really that bad.
My second grade teacher took pride in being a mean old cunt to her students. Wielding control over our tiny little bladders was something that gave her a particular satisfaction. One day during cursive lessons this kid named Joseph asked to use the bathroom. She told him he should’ve used the bathroom during morning recess and would have to wait until lunch. A little while later he started squirming in his seat and again asked to use the bathroom, this time with more urgency. At this point our teacher starts berating the kid by telling him he is a little baby for not holding his bladder like a big boy and suggesting that he should wear diapers. Joseph gets tired of her s**t, stands up from his seat, stares her directly in the eye and proceeds to unleash the most epic man-sized piss he could muster. As fate would have it he was wearing those mesh material basketball shorts so the piss just flowed unobstructed down his legs and pooled on the carpet beneath him. A wave of giggling quickly spread through the classroom, which was basically the second grade equivalent of a slow clap. Our teacher just stood there dumbfounded for a moment before grabbing Joseph by the arm and dragging him off to the principal’s office. As they exited the room Joseph glanced over his shoulder with a big grin on his face.
A legend was born that day and we all enjoyed our newfound bathroom privileges for the remainder of the school year. Teacher retired the following year.
Image credits: EmeraldEmesis
You’re cc’ing everyone about my supposed cockup? Fine, I’ll reply-all with my response
This is a short one.
We recently launched a project to a select group of beta testers. Late on a Sunday evening (I’m not paid to be on call or work on weekends), I get an email from the boss, cc’ing everyone involved in the project, that the entire site is down, please can I get it sorted urgently, as this makes the company look bad. Complete with screenshot of the problem.
I’m really glad for the screenshot. I didn’t even need to open my laptop to see what the problem was. I’m mildly peeved at the tone of the email and I don’t think including everyone plus the janitor was really necessary. So I reply-all to all, saying that the reason the boss is getting that error is because he has typed the wrong website into his browser.
I get a sheepish mail from him the next day saying that no, it was actually one of the beta testers that had sent him the message about the website not working and screenshot, and he had just forwarded it, and wasn’t he glad it wasn’t actually a problem. Suuuuurrrre, buddy.
Very petty, but I got a kick out of it.
Image credits: dominyza
Roommate was stealing my marked leftovers. Made a chocolate cake with habanero peppers, labeled it with my name, and wrecked his world.
Title is pretty straightforward but I’ll elaborate. My old college roommate didn’t know how to cook or do dishes and didn’t go food shopping much. This led to him eating my food, especially my leftovers as those were prepared meals. I would use my leftovers to meal prep for the week, and told him to stop as it was expensive as well as inconvenient. The behavior did not stop and he actually seemed to be eating more of my food out of spite. To punish him, I baked a chocolate cake with habanero peppers and mixed the frosting with wasabi. I labled it with my name and a bold “Do Not Eat” and waited. This guy has a very low tolerance for spicy foods so I thought he would take one bite quickly realize the error of his ways. About two days later, him and a couple of his friends got really drunk while I was at work and decided to dig into my food. Somehow, they ate about a third of it before realizing, and when they inevitable went to throw up from over drinking and eating spicy foods, got hit by the cake a 2nd time. Don’t know for sure but it couldn’t have felt good coming out the backend. When he asked me why I made this monstrosity I told him I found a chocolate habanero recipe online that I wanted to try. He stopped eating my cooking after that.
Image credits: asdf_qwerty27
Shorten my name? Ok then, guess I’m shortening yours.
UPDATE: my name has already been guessed guys. You can stop guessing lmao.
I have a 3 syllable girls name that isn’t that common but nearly everyone has heard of it before. There is a common shortened one syllable nickname for my name but I personally hate it. I always introduce myself by my full name, and I always sign off emails using it.
As a mutual courtesy I always call people by the names the introduce themselves to me with or sign off their emails with.
Recently I have been getting really frustrated of people I work with shortening my name, so for petty revenge I’ve started shortening their names back and seeing them look uncomfortable.
Oh Andrew, you don’t want to call me by my full name, you’re now Andy. Same goes for you William, you’re now Bill. Lachlan? Sorry you’re now Lachy.
I’ve even taken to shortening people’s names where a short version doesn’t exist. Claire is now Clar, Jake is now Jay, and Julie is now Ju.
It’s petty af but it’s yielding results. For the first time ever today Andy called me by my real name.
Loud Outside Hot Tub Orgy In A Residential Area
Many years ago, my husband and I bought a house. The house behind us was filled with a changing roster of college guys. We lived in a university town, so we expect this and many of the disturbances that come from living near college kids.
The only major problem that I had with them was the loud hot tub orgies they had 4 nights a week. Wednesday through Saturday nights were orgy nights. Asking them to at least keep them quieter so our 2yo could sleep got no results. We didn’t want to call the cops because that would likely put them all on the sex offender registry. It was fairly new and our local cops were really cracking down on public nudity. Where I live in the US, being outside naked in your own yard is still considered public nudity by the cops.
Our house was at a slightly higher elevation than their house. So if I was on my back porch, I got a full visual of the orgy. It wasn’t something I wanted my 2yo to see. It wasn’t something I wanted to see either. If they were quiet, I probably would have ignored them, but they were so very loud all the time.
I finally had enough and took my new rechargeable flashlight out onto the porch. I shined that light on them and they stopped moving almost instantly. All the females and some of the guys took off running for the house. I yelled that I had some great shots if they wanted copies!!
A couple of weeks of blessed silence followed. One day I was out working in the back yard and one of the guys asked me about the photos. I told him I didn’t actually take any, I just wanted them to stop having loud sex in public. He complained rather bitterly that none of the girls he knew would come over for hot tub sex and I had ruined his entire college career.
I’m leaning on a stranger because he moved the arm rest.
So it’s the morning commute and my wife and I are on the train on our way to work.
We’ve managed to find a table seat where we can sit opposite one another to chat. We both have to ask the occupants of the other two seats to move their bags, which is annoying but fine.
So I sit next to a chap in his 40s or so and pop down the arm rest in between us, I like to rest my elbows when I sit on the train. It slightly brushed past his arm on the way down.
Before we’ve set off I lean forward to tell my wife something and when I lean back this chap has moved the arm rest back up. Which is ridiculous. Obviously he hates having comfortable elbows.
Of course I’m far too British to actually say anything or even to just move the arm rest back. So I do the next best thing and begin resting my elbow on his arm. Of course he’s far too British to say anything in return and has resigned to slowly leaning away from me as best he can. However the more he leans away the more I lean towards.
My wife just WhatsApped my telling me I’m incredibly petty. Don’t care, take away my arm rest you can become my arm rest.
I blocked a shoeless man from going to the bathroom on an airplane.
Apologize for formatting on mobile still on the plane.
I (22m) am currently on a flight that’s about 5 hours. I’m stuck in the middle seat so, obviously, already aggravated.
The person to my left (important later) took his shoes off about 5 minutes into the flight. I asked him politely to put his shoes back on because it smelled like cheezits and sweat. He responded “I’m more comfortable like this”. So at this point I’m beyond livid. It’s just rude.
So about an hour later he asked to pee and I responded “I’m more comfortable like this”. I sat there until he put his shoes back on. It’s gross that he wanted to go to the bathroom without shoes on??? Whatever. Hope you enjoyed.
Girls in middle school thought that I did not know Spanish just because of my appearance
Background: I am Hispanic born in the U.S but my appearance made me look like I am Asian because I have squinted eyes from my Dads side and I speak two languages Spanish and English.
So it was my the end of my 4th Period and after that period I go to lunch. So as I am going towards the lunch line I meet up with some of my friends and go to the lunch line together and while in line we began talking about video games and such and as we talk a group of girls that were behind us waiting in line thought that no one can understand there secret language which was just Spanish but I think nothing much of it until they start talking bad about other people in the lunch room like for example “look at that kid he looks like a dog” and such which gets my attention for a bit and ignore them. As soon as I started to mine my own business with my friends they started to talking about me and saying that I looked so ugly and other swear words in Spanish which really pissed me off. As soon as they were about to say more about my appearance I say in Spanish (loud enough so that they can hear) “Imagine calling people ugly even tho they look worst”my friends knew what was going on at that point because they understood Spanish also ,so they started laughing and saying things like “ that’s so true “ at the girls. Those girls turned pale after they realized that we understood there language as well and left the lunch room. It was the best feeling ever because they got what they deserved and they learned there lesson after that.
Shoplifting can cost you a job you haven’t even gotten yet
An interesting coincidence happened today when I was stocking shelves at my side job and two girls decided to shoplift a few items and my supervisor asked them at the door if they were going to pay for those items. They were petty items as this was at a Dollar Tree, where everything is $1.25. they proceeded to call my manager a “racist asshole” and a “bitch.” All three of them, the two girls, and my soft voiced manager, were black. They walked out with the items because as many people know, retail employees can be sued for physically stopping you for petty theft unless you’re a properly designated security guard. We’ve been getting ravaged lately by theft and our location is getting flak from regional for low margins, as our hands are tied.
The coincidence came when me and a coworker who managed it decided to grab a bite together at my other job, where I could get us the employee discount. My coworker noticed after we walked in that the same two girls were sitting down across the lobby. I chuckled and we started eating when one of them was called over by my manager there for an interview to begin. Then the other one interviewed. After they were done and walked out, I motioned my manager over and explained the incident that happened less than two hours prior. My coworker backed me up and she was very happy to dodge those two bullets. They are no longer under consideration for a position.
The old uno reverse card
One day I came home from work and someone else’s car was parked out front of my house, no matter, I park outside my neighbours house. When I wake up the next day and go out to my car to leave for work, there’s a note tucked on my windshield. I unfold it and it reads “DO NOT PARK HERE EVER AGAIN, OR ELSE” in a font so large in takes up the whole page of paper. I folded it up, placed it in my glove box and there it sat for nearly a year. Until the day he parked out front of my house. I tucked the note he left me on his window and went to bed. The next day as I was enjoying my morning coffee i watched his wife go to get in the car and notice the note. She read it with a puzzled look that quickly turned to rage. I thought she would storm over to ask me about it but apparently she recognized her husbands handwriting and went to ask him. He had to sheepishly explain to her that he left it on my car and she brought him over, tail between his legs to apologize. We had a beer, he stared at the floor the whole time, it was cool.
Who knew changing coffee could cause such carnage
When I was a student I took temp jobs through the summer holidays to make ends meet, and I worked through an employment agency.
I (M19) was placed in an office full of catty women way older than me, who made it clear from the outset that they didn’t want me there, and were rude and isolated me. One of my jobs was to buy the coffee and load the coffee machine each morning and afternoon as necessary.
Revenge was simple – for an entire week I loaded de-caf coffee and watched them slump, get snappy with caffeine withdrawal and generally suffer a little bit. The next week, I loaded “lava java” by Taylors instead and watched them run around like monkeys on crack.
It was joyous.
Make him repaint for no reason? You’ll love the result
My friend had a long-term lease on a home (5 years) which stipulated that he has to repaint every room the day he moved out. So he found popular neutral paint colors, hired a handyman, and had the place freshly painted the day before his moving truck showed up.
Well, his landlord showed up waving their contract, yelling. The wording said the DAY he moved out, not the day BEFORE. The landlord was convinced that the movers would scuff up the walls. He wanted the house left pristine. He really was ready to take the case to court.
My friend was crushed. Between painting, moving, and the deposit on his new place, he had no money to repaint or to go to court.
I was furious with this landlord. I went to the house and saw the paint job was fine, not scuffed.
My friend and I met that night at the old house. Per his contract, we repainted every wall. SOLID BLACK. We even did some ceilings. (Would’ve done them all if we had time.)
I don’t know if it’s just me; I have a fascination with hidden images. I took clear glow in the dark paint and illustrated demons in the closet walls and in shadowy corners. (They were all pretty shadowy by the time we left.)
We left a copy of the contract for the landlord. Walls freshly painted the day he left. He never specified the color. We also had before and after photos printed out.
EDIT: This was over ten years ago, and there was no fallout. The same letter-of-the-law mentality that would’ve allowed the landlord to take the renter to court also allowed us to get away with this. The glow in the dark paint was fun, but didn’t work very well- so the pictures are just a really ugly black apartment.
TL;DR: landlord made my friend repaint a day after he painted because of some specifics in the contract. We painted the house black with hidden glowing demons.
Just take your stuff go! Ok
I caught my ex wife cheating a few years ago and during the ensuing argument she said just get your stuff and go, if you’re going.
Ok no problem, next day she goes to work, I take the new TV, fridge freezer all my clothes and electronics and the front door, which I’d just replaced and it was still outstanding on my credit card.
I leave about 5 minutes before she’s due home and the neighbours keeping an eye on the place until she gets there.
As you can imagine I got a really interesting phone call which I sent to voice mail.
About an hour later I get a call from the police she’d said that I stole the front door.
I offered to show the police that it’s on my credit card and hasn’t been paid for yet so it’s mine.
Never went back or spoke to her again, always wondered how she managed with no front door until she got it replaced.
Sorry dude, you lied to the landlord so no you cannot come play my new Xbox
I had an opportunity last week to purchase an Xbox Series X from Best Buy so I jumped on it and was finally able to pick it up Tuesday after having to wait a week for it. A few weeks before that our next door neighbor in our duplex knocked on our door and accused us of smoking weed and a lot of it apparently in our house that his house was smelling like ‘a bong’ and his mother who he lives with ‘shouldn’t have to smell it.’ I informed him that A. We don’t smoke and B. we live in a completely legalized state and there are other people around us who smoke outside and even grow it so if his house stinks then it’s more than likely from other neighbors and shut the door on his face.
The next day I got a text from the landlord that said the neighbors had complained and wanted my side of what happened and reminded me that any kind of smoking in the unit was violating our lease and was grounds for eviction, so I told her that he was pretty rude and made a big huge accusation about something he was totally wrong about, I reassured the landlord that we have not ever smoked in the house and don’t smoke because my significant others and I’s job require random drug tests but I also took the time to tell the landlord that the neighbor smokes cigarettes right by our front doors and the smell seeps into my house and I was tired of it, so she said she would tell him he has to stand no less than 10 feet away from the building from now on which means he can’t stand under the carports and smoke.
So Tuesday I picked up my Xbox Series X from Best Buy and as I’m pulling into the carport I see dude smoking under it clearly not caring that the landlord told him not to, he sees me and his eyes light up once he realizes I have the new Xbox in my hands and says ‘OMG how did you get that! Can I come over and see it and play it once you get it set up?’ I looked at him and said ‘Yeaahhh, no. Remember a couple of weeks ago you tried to tell the landlord we were smoking pot in our house and lied and almost got us evicted, well because of that incident I would just rather you not come into my house, ever.’ and walked inside, pretty sure I saw a tear under his eye before I closed the door.
Didn’t “Pay it Forward” to Karen
So this morning I had to take my puppy to the vet (nothing serious, just time for his next booster shot). On the way to his vet appointment, I decided to stop for coffee. I’m not a huge Starbucks fan, but the drive through is nice with my puppy in the car, so I decided to go there.
The line was super long and out the entrance a bit. Your typical Karen driving a Ford Explorer packed with kids pulls up behind me and immediately lays on the horn. There’s no where for me to go because the line is just crazy long so I don’t move. Karen then decides that every time the guy in front of me rolls even an inch, she’s going to immediately lay on the horn. This goes on for the entire line, all the way up to the window.
I finally get to the window and go to pay, but the girl excitedly tells me that the guy in front of me paid for my coffee. In fact, they have a streak now of the past 8 people paying for the person behind them. Would I like to pay for the person behind me?
I took my coffee and told the girl, “that’s really nice of them, but I’m not paying for the lady behind me. She’s been a dick this whole line.” And then I drove away.
I’m six months pregnant and recently started lactating. I told my boyfriend I needed some breast pads so it didn’t get everywhere and he keeps pushing it off. I don’t have a car and am currently unemployed, so I can’t just go get some myself.
Last night I was leaking and told him yet again I really needed some breast pads, and of course he said “Later!”
So, I took my shirt off to avoid getting it soaked and laid down on his chest. He thought nothing of it as I do this all the time. And then he noticed his shirt was wet.
“Oh gross stop drooling on me” “I’m not drooling.” “Then what is that?” “Breastmilk.”
He’s getting me some breast pads on his way home this evening.
So a guy has mislead me and I mirrored his own s**tty behaviour knowing it would hurt him.
In a nutshell, was seeing a guy who I met randomly through a friend. He’s asked me on multiple dates and I have straightforwardly told him that I’m not looking for just a hook-up, to which he ensured me that his intentions were different that he felt like this could go somewhere. fast-forward a month of us going on dates, talking, him being the perfect gentlemen, we sleep together and two days later I get hit with a “I’ve realised I’m not ready for anything serious right now and I want to be transparent with you, let’s keep it casual” bulls**t. How convenient. So I’ve decided not to be an adult and play his game. I pretended to be confused but then said that it’s better for us both this way. He immediately called me and started asking why to which i responded “well i realised i don’t want anything serious with YOU”, which made him go insane. It’s been a week and he’s calling me everyday wanting to spend time with me, trying to make me want him apparently. One thing that changed is now he’s getting the full on random hook-up option treatment, obviously. Sort of been suggested this sub, after realising I’m by far not villain here.
Edit: I’ve worded the last bit incorrectly it seems. By the hook up treatment I meant the way we communicate, I talk to him like he’s a sneaky link and nothing more, told him that he should respect the boundaries we’ve “agreed” on and give me time and space to see other people. The sex isn’t happening, not worth it.
Don’t throw your gloves on the ground!
Quick and simple petty revenge.
I leave the grocery store this morning for my families essentials and as I’m loading my car, lady next to me takes off her gloves and threw them on the ground.
“Miss, don’t litter”
I’m given the sailor salute and she gets in her car.
So I just walk over, pick up her gloves, lift up her windshield wiper and jam them through them and smack it down. I can see her shouting and going crazy in her car. Don’t care. Get in mine and drive off.
Don’t f***ing litter a-holes.
Cunty lady just came up to purchase some Swiss rolls, says “Oh I smashed these..” and runs to put them back and get new ones before I could say anything. So I smash her new ones without her seeing. Enjoy bitch.
Basically the title.. a rude bitch just came in to my store and grabbed some random s**t including two little Debbie swiss rolls. As she’s walking up I hear her go “oh I smashed these.” And she runs and swaps them out with new ones. When she gets to my counter I say “Wow.. sucks for whoever gets those next I guess..” she goes “Oh I don’t care.” In a very entitled cunty tone.
She also has a pair of gloves sitting on the counter and as I’m reaching for them she goes “I don’t want those gloves anymore.” Alrighty then. So as I’m reaching for them, the Swiss rolls are directly under my arm, she turns as way for a second and I gently lower my arm down on top of her Swiss rolls and smash the s**t out of them.
Apartment neighbors pump their jam at 7:30 AM. I connect my phone to their speakers. A little Ween with your morning coffee, my good sir?
We’ve had an interesting playlist so far. Bloodhound Gang. Carly Rae Jepsen. Pantera. Cher. “Come Sail Away” as sung by Eric Cartman. NWA. Jon Spencer. Nelly. Die Antwoord. Corrosion of Conformity. King Missile. More Pantera. Freak Nasty. PJ Harvey. Baha Men. MC 900 Ft Jesus. The theme songs from both Buffy and Angel. Lucious Jackson. Wow, I have a lot of Pantera on my phone. They keep trying to disconnect to play their own music, but if I have to hear the bass through our shared wall, I’m going to choose the tunes. Let’s dance, buddy.
I don’t need headphones. That’s a you problem
I was riding on an Uber Pool this morning when an incredibly inconsiderate individual got in the passenger seat.
He pulled out his phone and started watching videos at full volume and blasting music.
“Do you happen to have headphones?” I asked
“No, why would I need headphones?” he responded
“Because you’re in a car with other people and it’s a considerate thing to do not to force everyone else to listen to your videos and music?”
“That sounds like a you problem” he replies going back to watching his video.
So I pulled out my phone and blasted Baby Shark from the backseat for the remainder of the ride. If he turned around or got upset, well that’s a you problem.
University bookstore tries to use me
I was commenting on a post from someone wondering if US students really paid $150 or more for text books that they couldn’t use a year later and realized my response actually kind of belonged here. Here is the extended version of it.
I took an economics class in 2014 and the version of the book we needed was outdated. Our professor said that she chose that version because it was available and about half the price of the newest version. Our bookstore carried it for about $300. It was available online for about $20.
My books were paid for by the VA from benefits of my Army service and I had to use a voucher system and purchase from the bookstore if the needed text was available there, so I did.
At the end of the semester I went to sell it back. I did this every semester since I could make a few bucks off them rather then let them rot in my house somewhere. I was offered a penny! Yes, 1 CENT because the book was outdated. Now, its not the kids fault, hes was just scanning the bar code and letting the computer pull the buyback price.
I knew they are going to turn around and sell it used for $250. Obviously, I was not going to let a business use me just to overcharge the hell out of the next student. I was so pissed that I held onto the book over the summer break and then when the bookstore opened again for the fall semester I got my revenge.
I waited near the bookstore for a few hours and handed it to the first person I saw buying the book. I told them they could have it for free and to please try and hand if off to someone else next semester if possible as the bookstore was only going to give them a penny for it. They handed me $20, thanked me, and told me to get lunch.
TLDR: I was offered 1 cent for a textbook by my university bookstore that they would resell for ~$250. I waited for someone who needed to buy it and gave it to them.
We don’t share alcohol in this house!
This story takes place a few years back, when I came home from university for Christmas holidays to visit my family. I was of legal drinking age at the time as well.
To set the scene, it’s just my mom and I having dinner at the beginning of our time off. She pours herself a glass of wine from an average bottle. (I’m not a wine snob, but she is). I ask for a glass as well to go with dinner, she declines. Her exact words are “we don’t share alcohol in this house”.
Okay, not a problem, I didn’t know this rule, and as I’m not a heavy drinker, I didn’t see the issue with just having a glass out of her bottle.
So, I go on off to the liquor store to grab myself a bottle to drink over the next few days and low and behold, I find her favorite bottle of wine. It’s Burrowing Owls. The liquor store only has a case of it and limits the number of bottles you can buy. It’s a rare find and I lucked out. I buy the max, which is two, and hid one, while I bring the second inside.
By now, it’s evening, and after dinner. My mom is in the living room finishing her wine. I open the bottle and bring both the bottle and a glass to the living room. My mom eyes up the bottle and asks for a glass. I look her dead in the eyes and say “Sorry mom, we don’t share alcohol in this house!” She offers me two of her bottles for mine, says I won’t know the difference, but I stand firm, we don’t share alcohol in this house. So I force myself to finish the bottle in front of her while she sulks.
Christmas morning, after my family has opened up all our gifts, I come out with the second bottle as a gift to my mom. She shared it with me that night.
Obnoxious girls get their food stolen while I sit back and watch
So my boyfriend and I went to the beach a couple of weeks ago, and considering it was midweek, it was pretty empty. So we walk for a bit, find a nice quiet spot, and set up our towels. Honestly there were like no one on the beach.
Ten minutes into tanning, these three girls walk up and set their stuff RIGHT NEXT TO US (the entire beach is STILL empty). They set up their things and begin chatting extremely loudly about the most unbearably obnoxious things (“I don’t understand why he wouldn’t like me, I mean I’m ticking all the boxes”) not to mention they’re eating and leaving their rubbish on the beach.
So after about an hour of listening to their bulls**t conversation and cackling laughter, I’m kinda getting pissed. I mean we walked this far down the beach to get away from the occasional couple of people around. I keep my cool, and I notice they all go for a swim, leaving their food out as they do.
About 5 mins into their swim, I notice a couple of birds (crows) come along and start picking open their Pringle container. Now for those who don’t know, crows are VERY smart birds. Together they help each other eat the entire contents of the container and begin to rummage around the other food.
At this point, the girls notice and are trying to call out to us to scare off the birds. My petty revenge part? I pretend I can’t hear them, and roll onto my stomach to continue tanning. By the time the girls got out, all of their food was gone.
They were pretty grumpy so they packed up and left. And I finally got to enjoy the peace and quiet I had originally hoped for.
Guy interrupts me whenever i spoke so i do the same to him.
Pretty self explanatory.
I (22f) work at a kiosk in the mall and “A”(20s M) works at the kiosk right beside ours. I disliked him from the first month i started working there because it was pretty self explanatory he’s a douchy guy and says a lotta mysognistic things.
I usually ignore and dont partake in the conversation but when its a joint conversation with my coworkers (who are all men) and I’m talking, if he gets bored or doesnt want to wait till im done, he’ll face the other guy and stop me halfway so he can talk qbout whatever he wants. The othet guys dont pick up on it or are used to doing this as well so i completelu stopped engaging if hes around.
Recently a new girl started working and he tried to do the same to her and she picked up on it. The very first time itself he tried to interject four times. He actively tried to stop her from talking four times and she would not budge, continued talking to me and our other coworker. At that point i just decided f**k him.
So now on whenever he struts over to our kiosk to talk and he tries to talk to anyone, i interrupt him midway and start a new conversation or pull my coworker into doing a task. Everytime without fail. Its enough to keep me content at work. We also dont let him get a word in when its just the girl and me and i full on ignore him if its just me at the kiosk. Mini win
Mom waited 5 years to get her revenge on my Grandpa.
This is a funny story my Mom always likes to tell.
Back on the year 1997, some days after my sister was born, my parents decided to visit my Dad’s hometown to show my Grandparents their first Grandchild coming from my Dad. They were in love with the little Girl. During the time they (my parents) were there, Mom and Grandpa were left alone, playing with my Baby sister and talking to each other, and went like this:
Mom: She is so pretty, she looks like me!
GP: Oh, don’t worry about it, they grow out of it!
This was obviously a joke, but my mother never forgot it.
Then, after 5 years I was born and again, my parents went to visit my Dad’s hometown, this time showing Baby me and my Grandpa absolutely loved me, and said “OMG, Look at him! So handsome and he looks like me!”. To which my Mom, not losing the opportunity, replied “Oh, don’t worry, they grow out of it!”.
They both laughed at it, my Grandpa knew that it was exactly what he said to her 5 years before and remarked on how she returned the favor yo him.
Just a little and harmless fun revenge from my mother. Hope everyone reading this has a great day!
“F**k you, sound-guy!” Oh yeah?
I supply and operate sound and lighting for bands. The singer shows up fully dressed in black leather with f***ing spurs on his boots(!) Shoves a cheap, s**tty wireless microphone at me without a word. I check it out and it has re-chargeable batteries in it. (This was a no-no back then as the batteries would discharge suddenly and cause the mic to fail in a performance) I tried to point this out to singer dude but he just death-stared me and told me to “F***en sort it”.
Half-way through the show, of course, the mic starts losing gain catastrophically. I try to increase the input gain but it’s hopeless. Mic gives out entirely and singer=dude gets on one of the wired mics and tells the audience, “We have to take a break to sort out this f***wit sound-guy”. Oh, really?
I go backstage and before I can even open my mouth this guy starts screaming at me, “You’re a f***en f***wit mate. Why dont ya just f**k off?!” Right in front of all the band and hangers-on.
Ok. I can deal. I went on stage and started rolling up cables and turning everything off. Venue manger asks me what’s going on and I told him. “No worries Dave, they’re a s**t band anyway, seeya next week”
After a while singer-dude comes out, all pally, “Hey Dave………ahhh, whatchya doin?” I told him, “I’m f***ing off mate, isn’t that what you wanted?”
Packed up, loaded out and got home early. See how your s**tty mic goes without a sound-system mate.
Wake my mother! It’ll cost you!
One day back in the late 90’s my mother tells me she has been getting phone calls between 2 and 4 AM every day for a week. She says she hears a strange noise when she answers it. I realise it’s a fax machine. So I bring my computer over to try and figure out who the hell it is. I set up the computer to receive the fax and spend the night. In the morning I pull up the fax on the computer and it’s for some paving company. It’s a bill for a private school in town. So I call the paving company and tell them they have the wrong number and to stop faxing my mother at 3 AM. The guy gives me attitude and hangs up. I leave my computer just in case. Next day same crap with the fax. This time though it was an advertisement. WTF! So I wait until after they are closed for the day and send them a fax back. It says stop faxing my mother at 3 AM at xxx phone number, then 200 pages of solid black to make sure and run out all the toner in the cartridge. Never got a call or fax again. Never mess with my mom!
Finding out I got the job my arrogant family friend (who told me I was stupid) got rejected from
I have a close family friend who I grew up alongside. We had an intense rivalry when we were kids, and he looooved to make fun of me. One of his favourite insults was to call me stupid, and make me feel super incompetent. I remember a particular gathering when I was in year 7 when I jokingly confessed that I messed up a math test. He then spent the rest of the evening telling everyone at this gathering that he was a straight A student and that I “was a failure.” (Verbatim) He made digs about me being an idiot routinely for years and at one point it genuinely affected my self esteem. ANYWAY, our families grew apart, I got older and stopped seeing him for several years. Last week though, I went to his sisters wedding and our families were talking. His mother mentioned that he applied for clerkships at the top tier law firms in our city (We’re both law students btw) and he was rejected by them all. Everyone else then tried to console him (he was visibly irritated by this) and commented things like “oh it’s really competitive, hardly anyone gets in these days”. I didn’t say anything but then his mother asked me if I was working and I said yes and then she asked where. At first, I contemplated saying something like “oh just a place in the city” but then I decided it was too good an opportunity to pass up so instead I chose to look him straight in the face and name one of the firms he was rejected from. Everyone went silent for a minute and I can’t explain how satisfying it was to see the astonished look on his face. (Just to clarify though – I don’t think grades or a fancy job are a measure of intelligence or a persons worth at all – but he definitely does and it was just a really petty win for me cause the guy was a total jackass)
Seller made cousin drive an hour and backed out of deal. We made him drive to my house and got paid less than agreed before.
So about a year and some change ago my cousin was stationed at the Air Force base close to my house and was living with us. He is a tool shopaholic. He says things are cheaper where I live. He finds 25 rolls of 12/2 wire at almost 50% less than at the store. Obviously my cousin thought it was a bargain. He made an offer and the guy accepted. We drive down an hour and this guy says he got a better offer, naturally my cousin gets pissed and bummed out.
I told him we should totally mess with this guy. I got the same app and found the post. I made an offer for full price of the cable which was steep I can’t remember how much exactly but it was more than 2000 dollars.
After messaging for hours and making him drive an hour past my house (he lives south I live north) he tells me he’s at the random store where we agreed to meet. I blocked him.
A few minutes later he messages my cousin telling him the buyer backed out. Cousin makes a counter offer even cheaper and the guy shows up at my house, gets less than 50% and unloads the cable for him.
Cousin wasn’t sad anymore.
I’m not sure if we’ve met before. Remind me — are you the one who name-called me for no reason?
About a year and a half ago, I went to a bar with some mutual friends. One woman brought her sister, who we’ll call Meanie. Meanie seemed to instantly pick me out as her punching bag for the night: interrupting me/talking over me, rolling her eyes at things I said, trying to discredit any point I made no matter how petty. Classic one-upper, too. I couldn’t say anything without her scoffing and coming up with a “better” story. She relentlessly made fun of me for saying I don’t like horror films and kept trying to get my friends to join in, then even had some ugly words to call me when I went to the bathroom and asked my friends why they’d hang out with me.
I didn’t bite back because I had heard Meanie was going through a tough time and probably just wanted someone to take it out on. My friends apologized after that night and said she wouldn’t come around again. It was kind of whatever but also kind of got under my skin — she called me a bitch/slut for nothing. Very very attention-starved.
So a few weeks ago (a year plus after that night), I run into Meanie and her sister at a party. The sister, forgetting about the original night, goes to introduce us, when Meanie says we’ve met before. I very politely said “No, I’ve never seen you before, nice to meet you!” and she seemed instantly put off. She insisted we’d met. “Hmmm, no,” I said, “I don’t remember you.” She got visibly irritated and said once again that we’d met. I went on: “Sorry, I don’t recognize you. Can you describe the night you think we met?” and watched her fumble trying to describe the night without admitting to being cruel. I cut her off and said “Yeah, I still don’t remember, but it’s lovely to meet you now. Have a great night!” She seemed super pissy about it. Thought it was pretty petty (and effective!) to not give her a drop of the attention/memory she so clearly sought 🙂
Knock on my door despite my no soliciting sign, just sit on the curb and forget about selling anything in my town for the rest of your day
We moved into a new cookie cutter neighborhood and since then, we have been bothered by pest control, carpet cleaners, lawn care, solar panel firms, etc. This was multiple times a day at first but then we put up a no soliciting sign and for a while, it worked pretty well.
Fast forward to this week, salespeople have rang my doorbell daily despite my sign. I started by chewing them out and finding their business online to leave bad Yelp/google reviews about the encounter. Then I researched city ordinances. Apparently they need a permit which most don’t have and they can’t ignore a no soliciting sign. Its 250$ per violation – awesome.
Had my first victim yesterday who acknowledged he read my sign but thought his info about solar panels was something I’d want to hear even though I specifically had a sign because I didn’t want to be bothered. I chewed him out and when he left, called police non emergency number.
The police came after only 15 minutes and caught up with him down the street. I don’t know if he was cited but he just sat on the curb after the police left, probably because they told him to stop knocking on doors period, due to a lack of permit. He had to wait there for at least an hour and half for his ride.
TL;DR – sales guy ignored my no soliciting sign deliberately, got talked to by police, possibly fined and had to sit for a few hours waiting for his ride.
You forgot your burrito.
Ten years ago or so.
I was camping with friends outside Fruita CO. The day after a long night of drinking and bad sleep I was trying to grab a nap in my tent.
A friend of mine thought it would be funny to throw a leftover burrito from previous night’s dinner at my tent repeatedly, giggling every time I cursed him for doing it. Finally I had to give up on the nap and go the hair of the dog route instead.
The next day the trip was over and we all headed home. Cue petty revenge. While my friend wasn’t looking, I placed said burrito quietly in his glovebox.
Now this was middle of summer, friend lives in Denver where daytime highs in the 90s.
Two weeks later I get call from friend who, after cleaning his entire car and looking for dead animals in his engine, finally opened his glove box to foulness I can’t imagine. And the best part is the second he saw it, he knew who put it there and that he deserved the Hell out of it.
Sometimes revenge is best served hot and fetid.
Guy was a cocky jerk, so I had him promoted
I worked at an auto parts store and we had just hired a new guy that seemed to have prior experience in the buisness but christ was he a cocky bastard. He was super jealous of my position and I had gotten a raise and I’m not shy about it. So anyway I’m a sales lead and hes under me. He constantly undermines my authority and is just a general pain in the ass all the time. Ignores my instructions and always tries to threaten me with policy. So what I did was drop a hint that there was a store manager position I was considering, which normally was a good position, but this store was a wreck and everyone knew it. Never held a manager for over a month. So ofcourse he applies for the position just because he thought I did and got it by default, nobody else had applied in over a month of it being open. Pretty soon he was working 120+ hours on salary with no OT and the store barely broke even so he didnt even get very good commissions, which is supposed to be like a 1/4 of their pay. I was making over double per hour with all the chill cushy shifts in a fully staffed store that made bank. The store ended up shutting down and he got moved somewhere else. Didnt ruin his life, but it had to be miserable for a while and he made less money per hour than he did before. Dont assume your smarter than people you dont know. TL:DR I tricked my subordinate in taking on a promotion, a super extra crappy job because he was cocky
I don’t care how nice you keep your waist long hair, I don’t want it on my desk.
When I was in high school there was this girl who anyways flipped her super long-ass hair on my desk. The first time I kinda subtly brushed it off thinking it was an accident and not wanting to embarrass her. Instead she shouted at me for touching her hair which just f**king infuriated me. Lucky me though, I had ceramics right before that class and regularly would bring what I was working on to other classes to continue working on. My plotting began.
So one day I brought in a piece of pottery I’d been painting (a total throwaway piece that I’d COATED it in red paint which like, isn’t even how you’re supposed to do it) and when she threw her f***ing hair on my desk it got COVERED in red f***ing paint and I gasped super loud and over dramatically. She tried to get mad at me but before she could tell the teacher how I’d ruined her hair I shouted that she’d ruined my pottery for ceramics because she regularly threw her f***ing ponytail around. Instead of me being in trouble she got in trouble and moved seats and I felt so f***ing good about it.
Let’s dine & dash but forget we’re wearing team jackets
I was a server for a while at an Italian restaurant. A group of teenagers came in, very clearly a sports team of some kind. I don’t expect much in way of a tip from them because teenagers, but that’s never stopped me from giving good service.
They’re rowdy af, constantly making me run back and forth for every little thing they could think of, just being all around d-bags. I noticed a few of them had taken off their coats.
When it came time for the bill, they asked me to get a pitcher of water for them to share before they left. So I did, and when I got back they were all gone without paying. Awful, right? Except these absolute MORONS forgot they were wearing their jackets that said “local high school wrestling team.” You bet I immediately called that school. You bet I told everybody I talked to that the team had stolen from the restaurant. You bet when my step-uncle showed up and told them that they stole from his niece that every single one of their lives were made more miserable for the rest of the season. I was okay with that.
I also got paid for that check and a 40% tip.
I had my cousin’s car towed from my driveway
So basically my cousin parked his car on my driveway and he’s blocking my work truck. He parked on my driveway because he didn’t have a residential parking permit to park on my street. However, he parked directly behind me instead of the other side, when we have a four car driveway. He left from the local airport to avoid paying for parking. The worst part is that he took his keys with him on his trip. Also, I couldn’t squirm my way out either. I have a 2500 Denali and a classic in the garage that I wouldn’t consider damaging for this inconvenience.
Moreover, he didn’t ask for permission or even give a heads up. I literally woke up and saw him blocking my driveway and I texted him to move his car. Then he told me he’s in Texas and won’t be back for a week. My cousin and I never established a real relationship. Our relationship is just superficial.
Ultimately, I called my pd and had his s**t towed. I don’t intend on paying for this either. I have not notified my cousin about his car being towed. He will find out this Thursday.
So long and behold, I finally contacted my cousin about his car. I texted him and told him to contact SMPD for his car because they have it. I received several calls and turned off my personal cell. I haven’t been home all day or heard anything from him. That’s it as of today, until I cross paths with him again
Take my table? Okay, guess I’m joining you for lunch.
This happened about 5 years ago when I was a freshman in college. I had 45 min between classes so I stopped by the dining hall for a quick lunch. I had nothing with me except my student ID and phone and was “plugged in” listening to an audiobook for class. The hall wasn’t overly crowded but not empty either. Probably 75% of the tables were taken. I loaded a tray with food and, as all the 2 person tables were taken, sat my tray down at an empty 4 seater. Then I went to go get a drink. When I came back, not 30 seconds later, there were people sitting at my table. They had taken all 4 chairs and my tray of food had kind of been pushed to one edge. I did not know these people and the whole thing was a bit bizarre. There was another empty 4 person table just like it two tables over so I saw no reason that they would feel the need to take this one that already had a tray of food on it. Not to mention I had never heard of anything like this happening before, the school was relatively small and most students were open friendly people.
So, I could have picked my tray of food up and found another table or confronted them and asked what the hell, but I had had a hectic day, I was starving, and only had 10min to eat my food before I needed to walk back to my studio (long story short I was in no mood for this) so I simply pulled up and extra chair at the end and started to eat my lunch. They all sort of gave me odd looks and I just smiled and continued to listen to my book and eat. I finished in about 5-8min all the while them sitting in awk silence. Then I got up to put my tray away and went on my merry way. I never saw those people again.
3months ago I decided to quit my job, as a parting gift I worked extra hard to raise our targets
EDIT: This DOES NOT take place in the United States. USA’s customs, traditions, laws or lack thereof, DO NOT APPLY. 3 months long notice is normal and regulated by labour law. Long story short I’ve been transferred to a team with bad statistics, bad workflow, attitude.. bad everything. It came to the point that when I said to a colleague „please get back to work, there’s backlog” it blew into a fight how I’m a princess who thinks is better than the rest. I had troubles blending in with this team. I work and I don’t mind it. I hate nagging and complaining. Don’t like your job? Ok, cool that you let me know, but you’re in here at your own wish. Besides, one time is enough. After a year and half of arguments, attempts to tell HR how I ruined the team (for making them work) I left my notice at my manager’s desk. For the last three months of my notice I’ve been working extremely hard, giving my 150%. Our higher ups raised monthly targets three times already and will do it once again. But this time they will not achieve them. They have never achieved them before I came. Petty? Very much. Do I care? No. For everything they’ve done to me they deserve it. People aged 25-40 acting like a bunch of lazy high school bullies.
Supermarket cashier gets revenge on a Karen
This is a tale of petty revenge I did not commit, but I got to observe and enjoy firsthand.
I had picked up some groceries at our local market and was in the checkout line. In front of me was a Karen on her cell phone, loudly complaining to the person on the other end about the lack of choices in the store — and the lack of toilet paper. During checkout she talked trash about the grocery store and its employees, all but ignored the cashier, and then stalked off in a huff as soon as she paid.
As the cashier began to ring up my groceries, he noticed that Karen had forgotten to take a package of chicken she had paid for. Barely raising his voice, he called out, “Ma’am? Ma’am? You forgot your chicken.”
He made a show of looking around, and then said, “Oh, well. I guess she’s gone. Want some free chicken?”
Petty revenge chicken tastes pretty good.
Housemates steal my rum. They regret it.
This was a while back, when I was in my early 20’s. I wasn’t a heavy drinker, but when I did I wanted something nice. My liquor of choice was (and still is) rum. Nothing crazy mind you, like $40 a bottle. But expensive for me at the time.
Ny housemates on the other hand were the were party guys. They would line up shots, shotgun beers, etc. Usually didnt bother me since my bedroom was in the finished basement and well insulated.
But then I started noticing my rum didnt taste right. At first I thought it was just me, but it definitely wasn’t. They were pouring shots and then filling it back up with water.
Knowing how they would pour several shots then all pound them together I planned my revenge. Bought a new bottle, emptied it into a different container, and then filled it back up with Thai fish sauce.
I never did find out which (if not all) of them it was. But nothing of mine ever went missing again.
Call the police on me? Have your car towed.
I was showering this morning and like to have music on my phone while I shower. The music was playing on my iPhone X on the bathroom counter not on a speaker or anything. I keep the window open for ventilation. The lady that lives two houses away from me was walking her dog and apparently could hear my music (it’s coming from an iPhone so it’s really NOT very loud. I can barely hear it in the shower) Ultimately she called the police and complained that I was “blasting music at 6am and waking all the neighbors” First of all I’ve lived here for 15 years and I know all the neighbors.. she’s lived here for 2 months and has been a total Karen the whole time to all of us. Anyways, her house only has 1 parking spot but she has two cars. There is a spot on my property but I have a very clear sign that says no parking violators will be towed at owners expense. She’s parked here before and I’ve let it slide because I don’t want to make waves with my neighbors. Well, the police showed up and she showed the police a video she took this morning. An officer and I laughed privately as he told me how ridiculous she was being. Then I noticed her car was in my spot. Her car just got towed away 🙂
My mom trolls a renter stealing food from our fridge
TLDR: Renter pockets hard boiled eggs on her way to the bus station. It’s neither hard nor boiled.
My mom rents out her basement, which is heavy in demand in our area as we are close to the subway and bus station. The basement is furnished with its own kitchen, but the renters are free to use any additional space in her fridge if theirs is full.
One renter decided to use that as a go-ahead to take whatever was available in the fridge, and later, on the dining table. My mom was too nice to say something but she can be a bit of a troll.
One day, she set out some eggs on the table, as she does sometimes when she cooks some hard boiled eggs for me and my sister. The renter, on her way out, saw the free snack and pockets a couple on her way out. Needless to say, they broke in her pocket while she was walking.
Half an hour later, she comes back to the house to get a change of clothes, never making eye contact with my mom. I don’t think I’ve heard any complaints about missing food again after that day.
Asshole neighbor knocks on my door at 3 am for the last straw today
Backstory I manage my landlord’s IT services in exchange for a couple dollars off my rent. Occasionally, standing up a server or converting systems to VMware, etc. I live in an apartment split in a single family home with one guy who is on a separate level/apartment.
My neighbor continuously has been making noise at 1-3:30am whether it’s hammering, vacuuming or knocking on my door complaining. My landlord asked him to stop but after a knock around 3:30 complaining how the internet is slow I had it. The second time I’ve awoke due to him knocking on my door in the past 24 hours. I’ve f***ing had it.
I logged onto our router last week and blocked all the porn in pettiness. This time I blocked his devices from connecting period until he grows up. It’s always him cussing in a drunken rampage at insane hours in the AM. I went to knock on his door around 7 am to tell him to f**k off and we’re having internet problems.
i’ll turn it back on sometime. Next time I’m gonna route his traffic through something and cause a 1 second delay in his streaming.
tl;dr blocked internet services for loud drunken neighbor who thinks I work for him lol
Here’s 33% of your website
I had a trophy-wife-client who had a frozen yoghurt business paid for by her husband. They contacted me and asked me to design and build a new website for her business. I gave them a quote and they asked if they could pay in three instalments. After we all agreed to the terms, I had written approval and I received my 33% deposit, I got cracking.
We had regular check-ins and they were happy with the progress until one day they just went quiet. They were already behind on the second payment and I was growing impatient. I was done with the site and just needed final approval and payment before launching it but I couldn’t get hold of either of them. I eventually got hold of the lady at her day job after weeks of being ghosted. She calmly told me that they found someone cheaper and that they won’t be paying the remaining 66% even though the project was complete and all their feedback was addressed. She told me that I could just give her 33% the files and move on with my life. I made it clear that websites don’t really work if you only upload 33% of the files, sarcastically, at which point she hung up the phone.
I still had their ftp details for their brand domain that housed their current (old) website, so I decided to take revenge. I created a page with an animated, fake loading bar that was stuck at 33%. Underneath the loading bar was the message: “This company does not pay their suppliers. They decided to pay only a third of the price so now they have only a third of a website.”
I went as far as to download the website files, split it up in roughly three portions (file size), and upload a zip folder containing a third of the files to the ftp folder. This way I actually gave them the 33% they paid for and I could show the file size to prove it.
I also permanently deleted the old site’s files from the folder so they couldn’t restore from a backup. Not that they’d have a clue how to do that. They threatened to sue me, I’m still waiting.
Try to take up and entire train seat? Guess I’m gonna be your new best friend.
I take the train in to work every morning. Its nice to sit and have a coffee and get ready for the day on the way in. In the trains, most seats will fit two people, except for the end car seats, which can fit up to four.
And the trains fill up on the way in and usually people end up having to stand in the aisles if they have the misfortune of getting on at the later stops. Luckily, I have an early enough stop that there’s always seats available.
I noticed that there was one guy who was getting on and then taking one of the end car seats and then spreading his bag and computer and everything else out across the seat so no one else could sit in the end car seat.
So I’ve made it my goal every morning to find him on the train and before he’s able to pull all his crap out and spread it all over the seat to seat down right across from him. So far I’m up to 8 days in a row. Hah.
You are not passing me again just so you can slowdown again
As a trucker I come across slow drivers and when I pass them, they speed up to pass me and slow down again. Don’t know the logic behind it. Today I came across another one and thought “time to teach him a lesson”. I had to pass that guy 2 times and he was going for a 3 time to slowdown in front of me. Well I accelerated to catch up to a car in left lane (2 lane hwy) to block him in. Dove for few minutes and watched him thru my hood mirror screaming/raging. Stars have aligned for me and there was cop entering hwy. I slowed down near on-ramp to 55mph as our crazy drive floors it flipping me off. Cop got his lights on and 30 seconds later had him pulled over. I kept going
The school janitor wouldn’t let me throw up in the bathroom so I threw up on floor and watched him clean it up
Back in high school it was final exam week, I was very ill but I had to pull through the day. I threw up every hour on the hour. There was only one bathroom on each floor for students, it sucked major ass because you usually had to walk far to go. I felt ok after puking for the millionth time but that soon faded after 20 minutes so I go sprinting for the bathroom. Everyone is in class or taking exams so the hall is free and clear.
Well the janitor decided this was the time to clean the bathrooms. While he’s cleaning one bathroom he locks the other bathroom for some reason, I tried to use the girls bathroom and he stood in the way. I told him I had to throw up and he said
“Do it somewhere else” and blocked the door.
The boys restroom was locked so I leaned over the trash can attached to his cleaning cart. He yelled at me and shooed me away. I was pissed and couldn’t hold it anymore so I threw up on the floor 15 feet down the hallway. I probably dragged a good splash of vomit 10 feet down the hall.
The vice principle came out of the office as this was happening. She was actually my English teacher for years before she became vice principle so we were close, she took me to her office and cleaned me up. I told her what happened, she made him clean up my puke, I watched from the office and then she then fired him on the spot. He had been an asshole to multiple students, my experience was the last straw apparently.
Don’t like what I wear to school? Fine then go blind.
Back in highschool I had one teacher who would bully me outright. He would openly mock my clothes, questions, or even how I talked in front of my peers. He even acknowledged the behaviour, as though being sassy and sarcastic to students was a source of pride. It is important to note this teacher was also in charge of student government, which I was a part of.
Our student government organized a spirit week with theme days where students are encouraged to dress up engage with different theme days throughout the week. Neon day came around and I didn’t have any real neon clothes. I wore some shoes with electric blue stripes and while it wasn’t much I hoped for the best. Unfortunately I ran into the aforementioned asshole teacher, who then yelled at me in the hallway shaming me infront of everyone. Essentially he went off on me because I was student government and according to him I was not putting in enough effort for the event we organized. I tried to brush it off, but not too long after I went shopping with my family and found a fluorescent orange wind breaker jacket. This is where the fun began.
I proceeded to find the brightest neon orange shorts to match, and several highlighter yellow shirts. I decided at this point to make it my personal fashion style to be neon, 24/7. For the first week, the teacher mocked my fluorescent fashion choice. However after about a week he realized it was physically difficult to look in my direction, and made the mistake of admitting it to me. I knew what I had to do then. I kept this fashion statement going for a year and a half until graduation, frustrating him every day. Soon he had moved me to the back corner of the class because he couldn’t see while lecturing. It coincidentally became a lot harder for him to make crappy remarks when he couldn’t even look at me.
TL;dr: Mean teacher yelled at me for not wearing neon, so I wore only neon for the rest of highschool. He had trouble looking at me.