Chair Chat No. 17 with Rudy and Klaus: Kermit Sändwich™

Editor’s note: Due to extensive work on “The Stick Chair Book,” it’s been a little while since we published a chair chat, today we are back with a Swedish chair assembled with Fish Glue and primitive IKEA joints. Salty language about pizza, electrocuted meatballs and potatoes will follow so be warned. For those who are easily offended, here is a video with a dog on a plane instead.

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Rudy: Which one should we do first?

Chris: Show us the Swede!

Klaus: Bring out the Swede!

Rudy: OK, here it comes, drum roll.

Chris: I mean, points for using all your scrap wood to build this torture device.

Rudy: The arms remind me of Kermit the frog.

Chris: If Kermit had a meth problem.

Rudy: This is an early chair.

Chris: Made in the morning. Of course.

Rudy: Earlier than that – the evening before!

Chris: THAT’s early. It must have been really dark.

Rudy: So early, it’s late. It gets dark in Sweden, apparently all winter long.

Klaus: It does. That’s why all their chairs look like this.

Chris: So dark your chairs look like clothes hangers.

Rudy: This chair was obviously made in the winter. Without a candle.

Klaus: This is actually a very fine chair, considering it was built in darkness.

Chris: I think it’s pretty ingenious, actually.

Rudy: And all the parts are sandwiched.

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Klaus: It’s a totally fearless construction.

Chris: The fear is reserved for the sitter.

Rudy: The legs have something English, being so close to the edge of the seat.

Klaus: And their uprightness. Well, the front legs do have some splay.

Klaus: What the hell is happening here?

Chris: I saw that and was amazed this thing is still together. Swedes must not weigh very much.

Rudy: It looks like a repair, I see two nails.

Klaus: Yes, that little broken off piece is nailed back together.

Rudy: And a nice big knot in the part under it. Fearless.

Chris: It looks like the piece came from that same stick.

Klaus: I wonder if the sandwiched parts were ever glued together? Maybe he didn’t have glue. Just some Swedish waffle batter.

Rudy: What joints does IKEA use again?

Chris: Fish glue. It’s Swedish.

Rudy: Is this an early IKEA joint?

Klaus: Swedes don’t fish, Chris!

Chris: This could become a piece of flatpack furniture if the wrong person sat on it.

Rudy: Hahaha.

Klaus: Haha. Instant flat pack!

Chris: Do they steal your Norwegian fish, Klaus? Wait, what do Swedes do then?

Klaus: Swedes only eat potatoes.

Rudy: And meatballs!

Chris: From the ocean? Then why are there those gummies called Swedish Fish?

Klaus: Yes, ocean potatoes. Meatballs ARE from the ocean. You Americans know nothing.


Klaus: You’re welcome.

Rudy: I am Dutch and I didn’t know that. Does that make me an American?

Klaus: Yes. Instant green card.

Chris: Du-merican.

Klaus: Americish.

Rudy: Netherican?

Chris: Hahaha.

Klaus: Rudy and I talked about this chair earlier today and concluded that the person who died in this torture device of a chair probably thought about his meatballs.

Rudy: Seat has quite a bit of wear. It was probably sitting out in a barn for some time.

Chris: Maybe on the oceanside. Fishing for tater tots.

Chris: So what shape are the legs?

Klaus: Swedish Hexagons? AKA octagons.

Rudy: Pentagons.

Chris: Fish-a-gons.

Rudy: Meatball-a gons.

Chris: I still have my meatballs.

Rudy: That’s good!

Klaus: I wonder why the maker didn’t use the sandwich construction in the back of the arm where the sticks go through?

Rudy: Maybe it fell off?

Klaus: Yeah I was wondering the same.

Rudy: So constant in his doublings. Except at the doubler spot.

Klaus: Exactly!

Chris: It’s also weird that all the sticks are square. With square mortise and tenons.

Rudy: Agree. There is something Germanic about the chair. With the battens and all.

Klaus: How long do you think he/she took to build the chair?

Rudy: All winter, probably.

Chris: The comb looks like the logo for Pizza Hut.

Klaus: HAHAHA.

Chris: Do Swedes eat pizza?

Klaus: No.

Chris: Potato Hut?

Rudy: Really? No pizza with meatballs?

Chris: How are the angled back sticks attached to the comb? Nails?

Klaus: I bet the sitter was also nailed to the chair.

Chris: And was built like a sandwich.

Rudy: Hard to tell with the quality of the pics but yes probably nails. And fish glue.

Klaus: Maybe clenched nails. Do the photos show?

Chris: The photos are too dang arty.

Chris: I keep thinking about the hands and Kermit. I want to put a little tongue in there.

Rudy: Haha agree! And two little eyes on top.

Chris: Yes! Googly eyes.

The Kermit Sändwich™

Rudy: From the front it looks like a solid seat, but from the back the battens are visible. I’m guessing the rest of the seat just fell off at some point.

Klaus: About the square tenons: I’m guessing that ‘s the first hand solution for many folks when you got square stock and no speciality tools?

Rudy: Good point.

Klaus: It’s much more difficult and harder to do, but still.

Chris: It is for non-chairmakers.

Klaus: Exactly. That’s my point.

Rudy: The guy was perhaps a cabinetmaker (and blind).

Chris: And I think this person qualifies as a non-chairmaker.

Klaus: How can you say that Chris!?

Chris: It’s a compliment!

Rudy: I think that is partially what makes the chair kinda cute!

Chris: I love it when ordinary Swedes make a chair thingy.

Klaus: Me too.

Rudy: It is definitely a very free design.

Klaus: The maker was probably an executioner for the Swedish empire.

Chris: It does looks like one of our American electric chairs. Put a few electrodes in there and you could charge up the frog.

Klaus: Rudy, what do you think the poor guy’s last words was when he was electrocuted in this chair?

Rudy: The leg mortise looks round.

Chris: He probably DID say that.

Klaus: Haha. His last words.

Klaus: – “The leg mortise looks round” *ZZZZZAAAAPPPP!!!!*

Chris: – “Tell my ma: The mortise looks round!!!!”

Rudy: – “It’s round, I did it!” *Dead*

Rudy: And also: – “Ge mig mina köttbullar tillbaka!” (Swedish for “Give me back my meatballs!”)

Klaus: So, that weird Potato Hut™ back… did it just end up like that because he had a crest that was too short?

Chris: The chair’s finish looks wild. Red (blood of the frog) and green.

Rudy: And paint stripped by a dealer (perhaps).

Klaus: Did we learn anything at all from this chair? Except that meatballs are really from the ocean.

Rudy: The whole thing looks a bit like a work in progress.

Klaus: Still not done.

Rudy: Some parts fall off, some parts get added.

Chris: I wonder if the angled sections were added later.

Klaus: Might be.. Or he just concluded that it looked weird and sat badly with that narrow back.

Chris: It would look better without the angled sections. But they make it more comfortable.

Klaus: Exactly.

Klaus: aertaoa4tzvfl 2j4t

Rudy: Get off the keyboard, kitty.

Chris: Are your kids in the chat?

Klaus: Sorry, I choked on my meatballs.

Chris: You must be limber!

Rudy: The angles on the legs make me feel so much better about myself.

Chris: Same. I don’t need to spread my legs that much to poop.

Chris: Is the arm made of like six or seven pieces?

Rudy: At least! Word has it, there were 13 pieces at some point.

Rudy: The seat. What shall I do, square or round? How about both!

Chris: Squround.

Rudy: Hahaha.

Klaus: The seat is actually only sandwiched where the legs go through.

Chris: But there are some little bits on the front edge of the seat too.

Klaus: So maybe the rest just fell off.

Chris: The cutting list for this chair might be 30 lines long!

Klaus: Haha.

Rudy: Hahaha.

Chris: Mid-center-forward arms section No. 4.

Rudy: That’s the thing with these Swedish chairs, always keep your fish glue handy in case any parts fall off.

Klaus: Actually, it’s recommended to always have a fish at hand.

Chris: Keep your glue fishy boys, I feel a part wiggling loose.

Klaus: And you can just rub the fish on the parts that are loose. I bet that chair smells nice.

Chris: When do fish go from slippery to sticky?

Klaus: Around three weeks at room temperature.

Klaus: We haven’t really talked a lot about how chairs smell before. This might be the first.

Chris: Smells like balls. Meatballs.

Klaus: I don’t know about your meatballs, but mine smell like roses.

Chris: Poor Norwegian Florists.

Rudy: Hahaha.

Klaus: Haha.

Klaus: So, what do we call this chair?

Rudy: Something with Kermit.

Klaus: My thought too.

Chris: Pizza Slut?

Klaus: Haha.

Chris: Kermit Sandwich?

Rudy: Kermit Sandwich is good.

Klaus: Kermit Sandwich is good, I agree.

Chris: NEXT!

Rudy: Bye, Kermit.

Chris: Hi-ho!


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