We’ve all had this problem: Sometimes you want to electrocute a lot of people all at once, and a single taser gun won’t cut it. So you think, “Wouldn’t it be great if I could hose all of these bastards down, like with a fire hose? Well, water conducts electricity, so what if I could hose them down and electrocute them at the same time?”
The Tactical Systems department at Mega Engineering Vehicles, a producer of specialty military and police vehicles, might have the solution. First off, Mega produces the friendly-looking riot control vehicles you see here. This first one looks like a school bus full of whoop-ass:
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These ports on the side can be opened to allow officers to fire outside of the vehicle. Technically I suppose they could also be used to dispense lollipops in times of peace.
Then there’s this beast, which would have no problem getting out of the driveway after a snowstorm:
That fun-looking red thing up top is a hose. It’s also equipped with cameras, powerful lights and loudspeakers. (Every protestor’s wish: “Say it, don’t spray it.”)
Even more fun is that a “Foam Pro” console inside lets the operator dial in the foam and water levels. I’m guessing you can start with a gentle pulsating massage, then ratchet things up as needed.
Now, the problem with electrocuting people via hose is that water tends to break up into a spray, dispersing the electricity. With that in mind, “Tactical Systems was experimenting with additives (salt and additives to reduce the breakup of the stream into droplets) that would allow electricity to be conducted through water,” the company writes. “They have demonstrated delivery from a distance of up to twenty feet (6 m), but have not yet tested the device on people.”
I looked for the sign-up sheet to volunteer for the testing, but couldn’t find it on their website.