Looks like it’s your turn to get into the barrel this year, and you’ve been selected as the unlucky host for your family’s 2018 Thanksgiving gathering. It’s a burden, a hassle and an imposition. But luckily for you, we’ve got a great, passive-aggressive way in which you can unhealthily vent your frustrations.
The key is to quietly inconvenience your unliked relatives–you know, the ones who dare to have different political views from you–but you’ve got to be slick about it. The communal nature of Thanksgiving precludes you from making crap food, because you’ve got to eat it too. But the sheer number of bodies you’ll be allowing into your domicile provides an opportunity to exploit rag-tag seating situations, since there’s not enough room for everyone at your dining table.
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The sturdy banquet table stored in the basement? Bring it out and set it up for your med-school cousin and her family. Someday she’ll be a doctor and save someone’s life, so she deserves the best. But your worthless other cousin who works in Fashion or Marketing and chews gum at the table despite being a grown man, he and his lousy brood should be seated at a rickety card table.
It doesn’t have to break immediately, but it should rack and wobble enough to make using the gravy bowl feel like trying to refuel a PT boat in stormy seas. Choose an uneven patch of floor to increase the drama.
Amazon is awash in folding tables. Sadly some of them run $100 and are actually sturdy. So we recommend you go with a lousy $26 model like this one. While it has some good reviews, the one-star reviews had this to say:
– “Poor quality table, legs are not even, the surface is curvy and useless.”
– “When I went to use it a few months ago, I noticed that there was a huge crack in the bar between two of the legs.”
– “Two screws were missing from the bottom support.”
– “I am very disappointed with this table. Don’t expect to put any weight on it because its surface is only supported by a thin layer of Masonite. The table edges are surrounded by a poorly fitted piece of rubber/plastic. I suspect it will fall apart if it is exposed to high levels of humidity for any length of time or gets wet.”
You hear that? Make some soup! Or get an extra-large gravy boat.