Automotive engineer Norman Garrett wrote an essay to any would-be thieves who think they’ve hit the jackpot just because they found an unlocked Porsche. I started reading it and felt right at home, because I have two very old Camrys that I never lock because no one would want them anyway for some of the same reasons. But his story is more involved, better written, and quite hilarious.
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Welcome to my Porsche 914. I imagine that at this point (having found the door unlocked) your intention is to steal my car. Don’t be encouraged by this; the tumblers sheared-off in 1978. I would have locked it up if I could, so don’t think you’re too clever or that I’m too lazy. However, now that you’re in the car, there are a few things you’re going to need to know. First, the battery is disconnected, so slide-hammering my ignition switch is not your first step. I leave the battery disconnected, not to foil hoodlums such as yourself, but because there is a mysterious current drain from the 40-year-old German wiring harness that I can’t locate and/or fix. So, connect the battery first. Good luck finding the engine cover release. Or the engine, for that matter.
Oh yeah, that’s just the beginning. You’ll get to know this particular car quite well as you decide whether or not to steal it -or try to. The connection with my own cars was suddenly severed at the end when he recommended that the thief find “a nice, reliable Camry to heist” instead. You’ll enjoy this description of automotive adventure at Hagerty. -via Metafilter
(Image credit: Norman Garrett)
Source: neatorama