There are so many things we wish our children would grow up knowing. However, separating the wheat from the chaff, the wisdom from the illusions is always a tough thing to do. And some things that our kids end up learning do more harm than good, don’t you think, dear Pandas?
Well, the parents of Reddit have been pitching in and sharing their takes on what harmful things are being taught to children in a viral thread over on r/AskReddit. From advice on how we should always be double-checking information to embracing failure instead of running away from it, some of these tips and tricks are spot-on and help kids grow into healthy, happy adults. (And don’t tell anyone this, but some of us adults could use a handful of these tips, too.)
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Have a read through them below and upvote the ones you agree with. Got any additional tips on what things children should and shouldn’t be taught? Be sure to share your thoughts with all the other Readers in the comment section.
I reached out to Lenore Skenazy to learn more about how to overcome the passive mindset that kids are taught to embrace in school and to be actively driven by curiosity into adulthood. Lenore is the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement and the president of Let Grow, a nonprofit organization that fights overprotection, promotes independence, and makes kids ‘future-proof.’ and the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement. You’ll find her insights that she shared with Bored Panda below, dear Readers.
The lie that life is fair and things happen for benevolent, valid reasons.
Then we let them get burned and figure it out themselves.
Being wrong is bad. That’s why many people don’t change their mind when they were given trustable sources, they don’t want to be wrong
That you can be anything you want in life.
Sorry but this just isn’t correct. Poor Eddie who can’t grasp basic division isn’t going to be an astronaut
In an earlier interview with Lenore Skenazy, the president of Let Grow, and the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement, told Bored Panda about how kids can keep their curiosity burning and their desire to learn bright and well-honed as they grow.
“I’ve been wondering this myself: How to stay curious when hit by ‘the blahs?’ Next to Covid (and in great part thanks to Covid) the blahs are the most catching virus around. You get tired and bored by being tired and bored, talking about being tired and bored, and succumbing to them,” Lenore said about how the pandemic is making all of us feel less energetic, physically and mentally.
That they shouldn’t question an adult
“No “tattle tails” or “snitching”
How many kids are abused or bullied and won’t come forward because of this?”
My mom would often punish me for something, and whenever I asked why or what I did I was told “I’m the adult and you are the child” or “because I said so” or “you shouldn’t need a reason”.
“Unfortunately, the whole thing is self-reinforcing: A feeling of listlessness leads you to scroll through your social media of choice, which makes you feel more blah, leading you to scroll some more, etc.”
Lenore put it bluntly: if we want to be curious about life again, if we want to be constantly learning, we have to start off by getting off the couch. “Force yourself out the door. Why? Because beyond your four walls, things are never exactly the same. Weather, animals, people, sounds, smells, clouds—they’re all swirling about.”
It seems like forcing kids to eat everything off their plate is pretty harmful, it doesn’t matter if they’re full, they have to clean off their plate and they can’t leave the table until they do
Boys don’t cry.
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Let the damn boys cry
What to think instead of how to think
She continued: “Ask yourself to start noticing new things. I did that this morning with a friend. We took a walk around our neighborhood and started looking for interesting details in the homes and buildings we passed. It went from a walk down streets we’d seen a million times to a sort of treasure hunt. And the big thing we were really hunting for? Curiosity! When you’re curious, you’re alive again—noticing, thinking, making connections. You can’t do that if there’s no new information coming in. So your first step is to force yourself out of a rut by leaving the house (harder during the pandemic, but not impossible).”
This is more at a highschool level, but that trade schools or learning a trade is a lessor option compared to a standard college degree.
Trade schools and learning a skilled trade need just as much emphasis as a college degree.
Along those same lines, collage (or trade school) show be treated as a busy investment. Time should be taken for kids/teens to examine how long it will take to repay their schooling and if that degree is worth the money. Especially now with previous generation living longer and staying in the job market longer. Combined with more and more people graduating with degrees, there is more supply and the demand is not growing evenly in all areas of expertise.
That everybody is a winner. No. Losing and disappointments are part of life and they are integral to your growth both emotionally and socially. We have a lot of people who enter the real world who have been told they are deserving of things just because and cannot take rejections and losses in their personal and professional lives with any grace whatsoever. This is also resulting in mediocrity being accepted as a norm cos nobody wants to call out ineptitude. While the hard work and dedication being put in by people who do end up in good positions are being played down. It’s a little harsh but it’s true. Kids gotta learn how to lose before they can truly start to win. That’s the only way being gracious in victory will ever come about.
Political views, at ages that children are really too young to understand them. They just spout off their parents thoughts
If you look at the pandemic from a different perspective, it might motivate you to start learning new things. For instance, think about what you’d wish you’d learned or a skill that you’d like to have honed by the end of the pandemic.
I think what we’re not taught is more harmful. For example the fact that we never learn (at least in my country) how to fact check things.
That complaining is the same as not being grateful. Can’t count the number of times growing up when adults basically told me to shut up whenever I was complaining about something and that I should be grateful that I was born where I was. Like sure, I’m glad I wasn’t born into some starving African family, but that doesn’t mean everything is perfect over here and that we shouldn’t try to improve things here as well.
Making children hug or kiss someone (usually a relative) that they are uncomfortable with is not good. The child may just be grumpy and or not wanting to show affection or their warning bell sensors could be going off and they do not know how to communicate that. Plus forcing them to hug/kiss sends mixed messages about personal/physical boundaries and affection itself
“Think of something you’d like to be able to say you’ve been working on, especially once life returns to normal: ‘Well, I wasted a lot of that free time I had, but at least I started…’ Or, ‘At least I learned…’ For my sister, she’s taking ballet online. For my husband, he’s learning film editing. For me, it’s… oh God! I better come up with something fast! Um…let’s say I will learn how to create a Clubhouse program. Ok?” Lenore quipped that even the best of the best can struggle with this during the lockdowns.
That the world outside your house is a scary and dangerous place. In the United States, it is largely not. Let them explore without fear.
Little girls get told all the time that boys are bullying them because they like them
Kids are starting social media so early these days, and I think that’s very dangerous because it puts a lot of pressure on the kid to attribute their worth to their social media success. I also think parents are way too open with their social media when it comes to their kids, and it’s totally a violation of the child’s privacy, of which some parents will never admit
Even leaving the house to get your blood flowing is a great step toward learning a new skill. What’s more, feeling envy toward someone who’s good at a particular skill or particularly learned is a good way to get yourself motivated to strive for more.
“Do not worry if you are taking that first step as simply something you’re doing thanks to social pressure, or for someone other than yourself. Change is change—the motivation doesn’t matter,” Lenore told Bored Panda.
Nobody cares about children’s/teens issues. “Well it’s only going to get worse from here”. “You think school is hard? Have you ever paid a f**king bill” “You’re just a kid you can’t feel this way”.
It breeds an emotional disconnect from parents and their kids. And makes kids feel alone in their emotional struggles, that nobody cares because they’re not adults and they don’t have “Adult Problems”.
How to internalize stress and implode as teens and adults.
No is a ‘bad’ word. It’s a strong word but not a bad one.
Lenore believes that we should always be questing to learn more about the world while verifying whether or not something is actually true. That means navigating the world of false claims and fake news.
“When you’re reading an article that seems to be so shocking that you’re amazed this is the first time you’re hearing about it, take a short phrase from the piece and Google it. If something strikes you as fishy, go fishing,” she said.
That failure is bad. Failing should not be considered as an obstacle but a step in the learning process. Demonizing the failure and stigma associated with it makes many children lose their interest once they fail.
Not owning up to their mistakes or blaming them on others.
“The issue is that kids are told what’s important, not how to evaluate what’s important.
Are grades important? Sure, but why do they care? You don’t need a 4.0 from a crippling pricey college to get a good job that will allow you to live the lifestyle you want.
Is money important? Sure, but what so you need money for? You don’t need to work yourself to death to save for retirement and live a lifestyle that makes you happy.
Are friends important? Sure, but you don’t need to be a social butterfly with huge parties every weekend. If you’ve got a few people you like to spend time with, don’t worry about it.
Are material things important? Yeah, at a certain point, you do need some stuff to lead the lifestyle you want. But you don’t need the nicest car, newest phone, most exclusive clothes, or the best-decorated apartment.
The key is decide what life you want to live, and wrap your choices around it unapologetically, and that’s a tricky thing to figure out, and it has to be personal. No one can make that decision for you, even if they can give you valuable advice on how to get there.”
“As for whether or not your fishing will lead you to disinformation rather than the truth, try not to fish blindly. If you’re curious about crime stats, for instance, look these up on a government website, not some random blog,” she explained. Checking websites like Snopes to see if some shocking stories are real or not is a good move.
My son’s preschool has a strict “you do not have to play if you don’t want to” policy. No one has to play with anyone they don’t want to play with. They say that no one has to to hug or touch anyone or be touched if they don’t want it. No one has to share their toys or other school supplies if they aren’t done with it. In fact the preschool teacher will go over and referee and say “is Bobby done with the toy car? No? Then Mikey, you have to wait until he is done.” It’s pretty refreshing. I wanted to let you know there are new philosophies and my son’s preschool really strongly teaches body autonomy. Your body is your own and no one can touch it or make you do anything with it without your permission
that its ok to take your anger out on other people
and that everyone should have social media and compare themselves to those who look “better”
Teaching them to respect authority instead of learning to freely question everything
That you shouldnt hit a woman. Dont hit anyone! (unless its self defence) If my child is being hit by a woman, and bullied…equal rights equal fights
Going too far on the “find your dream job and it’ll never feel like work” stuff.
Really messed me up when I wasn’t “excited” about uni assignments and thought I had to change degrees
“The parents never make a mistake”
Giving the kids anything they want without them working to get what they want. Also, telling the kids all their problems will magically go away in time, without them doing nothing.
Generally just overprotecting them from the outside world. Kids that are raised in such a way have a hard time when they go out into real life.
That the news is completely reliable
You show me respect first because I’m an adult and have authority then I choose whether I should show you respect no other way!
In a nasty divorce, the parents may only talk about each other’s bad qualities and the kid(s) may have an issue/issues with their parents.
You do not have to play with everyone. There is a total lack of social accountability. If Laura is always cheating at tag it’s okay to not let her play. If Little Billy throws sand in the sand box Little Timmy does not have to play with him. Laura and Billy need to learn how to play appropriately.
Children do learn about sex at a young age, it just isn’t usually in a productive way. I know I did.
My own experience: questions like this are why I believe in being infinitely clear with my kids….”you are going to hear total [nonsense] from other kids. If you hear something you don’t understand, come talk to me. You can ask me anything and expect a decent answer.” And I would give examples of the total [nonsense] I had heard as a kid, most of which would result in pregnancy.
Son, age 6. Daughter, age 7. Riding home from school: daughter says “Tiffany said she had sex with my brother.” Which left me a grand total of 3 minutes to gather my wits before we got home.
OK, do you guys know what sex is? Blank looks. Sex is when you take off all of your clothes and rub privates together. You can make babies that way. Looks of shock and disgust. Do you think your brother had sex with Tiffany? Nooo! I think she was using a really bad way of trying to say she likes him, and maybe she watches the wrong TV shows where if people like each other they always have sex.
Were my kids really ready for a sex talk? No, not really. They didn’t care. Did we really need to have one about then? Yep. My job as a parent is to be there to put things that come up in context for them, not run around after them deciding what and when they need to know things.
Happened to my son in middle school, a kid sucker punched my son. My son then fought back and pinned the kid against the wall ( he has long arms) and punched him a few times. The school called me and my wife and told us our son was suspended. We went to the school and they said even though multiple witnesses as well as the kid said he threw the first punch that the school had a zero tolerance policy so our son would be suspended. We asked what the school believed our son should have done and they said he should just walk away. We told them that he would not be receiving any punishment at home and that the policy was f**ked up.
“No backtalk.” Many adults use it as “you’re not allowed to challenge what I have to say.” Makes sense if it’s a cranky toddler being negative for negativity’s sake, but suddenly older children can’t question things or raise valid points of their own.
I personally hate when I hear parents telling their kids white lies to stop them from doing something
If you have a different opinion than someone, you hate them and that’s wrong.
Bullies are only bullies because they feel insecure about themselves and you should sympathize with them. **k that, if someone is being s****y to you then they don’t deserve your sympathy.
Being discouraged to speak up about illness’s because it makes them weird/ somethings wrong with them. They talk about like, You need therapy, which isnt a bad concept and you probably do need it, but they picture it in such a bad light.
“She’s younger than you, just let it go.” “Can’t you be more compassionate? Your the older one here in this situation” “ She’s a little child, she doesn’t know any better”
Absolutely hate this information that was drilled into me since I was a kid
Doing the right thing will sometimes make others hate you. Be prepared for that.
Abstinence only sex education. This is more of what they’re not being taught. Proper sex education is important.
Edit: For anyone interested I’m posting a link to a John Oliver segment on Americas sex education system. Its very informative but also quite funny.
“If he’s mean to you he likes you” It just teaches little girls (mostly girls) to expect violence from people who love them
School is the only way to be successful and college is a requirement.
Basically all those s**t social media influencers that teach young people that it’s all about money and brand names
History from a single perspective. I am a history teacher and I firmly believe one of the most damaging things schools do is teach history from a single perspective, especially a euro-centric one. It just isn’t how history works and causes lots of issues for any person/group who doesn’t share that single perspective.
P.S. teaching what I call “great man” history is almost as bad. History was made by more than presidents, inventors, and celebrities. Teaching only about significant figure after significant figure minimizes the impact of the 99.99999999% of the population that isn’t super famous.