Delivering the perfect wedding toast is far from an easy task. But ruining it? That can be done in a heartbeat.
Proving that nobody forgets a bad speech, we at Bored Panda put together the cringiest and worst things people have told brides and grooms on their big day.
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From a best man talking about losing his virginity to a priest who thinks he’s at a funeral, here’s a collection of stories you wouldn’t like to see at your own ceremony.
I work as a banqueting chef, and last year after the wedding had happened, vows said, rings exchanged, and bellies filled with food and wine, the groom stood to say the following: ‘Today I married the woman of my dreams, and I’d like to thank her for everything she has done for me. I would also like to thank my best man, who has been f**king her since we got engaged…
…With that, he mumbled a ‘cheers,’ downed his champagne, and got a taxi to the airport to start his honeymoon alone. It turns out he found out four months before the wedding and had told the father of the bride everything was costing more, [the father] was writing cheques to cover his little girl’s special day, and all the money went toward the groom’s new life out of the country.
Image credits: coolez-nunez
Μy sister got married in a small Ϲanadian Mennonite community. The grooms bеst man, Josh, was black. Josh started оff his speech by saying “I’m Josh, thе one you have been staring at аll day”. Everybody laughed so hard.
Image credits: KeanusDracula
Father of the bride described her as the ‘ugly duckling’ of the family, got booed.
Image credits: Maihashi
I’ve only been to one wedding, and it was my dad’s cousin’s wedding. My dad’s uncle (the groom’s father) did a toast when the groom and bride were at the altar (is this normal? Everyone around me seemed confused), and he said, ‘I’m glad I made it out here today. I just want you guys to know that I have cancer and I’m going to die soon. Congrats to my son and his beautiful bride. Enjoy your time!’ Everyone was in complete silence. It was the most awkward thing I’ve possibly ever witnessed. FWIW, this was in 2008, and the groom’s father is still alive.
Image credits: backupcoin
The best man: ‘When you told me that someday I would be your best man, I never thought it would be a half a year later. I just hope you know what you are doing.’ They got divorced four months later (they had only been dating a couple months).
Image credits: Nero29gt
Was at a wedding where the father of the bride was giving his speech and talked about his daughter’s butt and had her stand up and turn around so everyone could see it. He then proceeded to talk about the bride and groom getting it on.
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At a wedding I went to recently, during his speech, the best man went off on a super-awkward tangent about how he lost his virginity to the bride and how he never would have guessed she’d end up with his best friend (the groom).
Image credits: grapejam
“This (possibly apocryphal) story was told to me by my friend’s wife at the dinner table, as I was very nervously preparing to make a speech at her wedding. I’m not sure how she thought it would help. I was planning to do some edgy enough jokes so, in retrospect, she may have intended it as a warning. Anyway. Some friend of a friend of hers was at a wedding of some people I’ll call John and Kate. The best man told a joke:
‘After John and Kate’s first night together, John told Kate he’d make her breakfast in bed. He reappeared minutes later and presented her with a piece of lettuce on a plate. Kate asked ‘Why are you giving me lettuce for breakfast?’ To which John replied, ‘I wanted to see if you ate like a rabbit too!’ According to my friend, Kate took this joke very badly, and her family was extremely offended.”
At my parent’s wedding the priest started with “We are gathered at this funeral today…” the worst part is he started going on with the typical funeral speech until he was stopped. To be fair he was well past retirement age.
Image credits: McJennifer
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‘I can’t believe you got her pregnant and haven’t told anyone yet.’ —(very drunk best man). Whole crowd goes silent enough that you can hear crickets outside; father of the bride’s face just goes bright red in rage.
Image credits: jking11
My wife’s best friend/maid of honor called me the wrong name in her toast. The name she called out: my wife’s ex boyfriend. I laughed it off at the time, but to be honest I was pretty humiliated.
Image credits: Moto341
My brother’s best friend (been friends since childhood) gave a speech at his wedding that lasted about five minutes. He said nothing about the bride at all, only mentioned that my brother was a ‘good guy,’ and then proceeded to talk about his failed marriage (his ex-wife was in attendance), his child custody battle, and how much it pained him to see how happy the newlyweds looked since it brought back memories of his own failed marriage. To top it all, he spoke in a really even, unemotional monotone.
Image credits: alanaldasweater
This was at my cousin’s wedding. My cousin and his buddy had a pact if you will, they would be each other’s best men. OK, all well and good, only catch is during their toast they had to MOON the RECEPTION at the end of the speech. So back to cousin’s wedding: He is giving his speech, yada yada known this guy forever. Then at the very end he is about to pass the mic back. ‘Oh wait, almost forgot.’ Sets the mic down, turns around stands on a chair, and moons the wedding reception. Bride’s family promptly left. I think my cousin forgot all about that because he looked blindsided. Luckily my side of the family found it hilarious.
One wedding I went to, the pastor started giving the typical ‘marriage is hard work’ speech. He talks about how many marriages fail and all the people he’s counseled through divorce. He goes on about how on their wedding day, they’re just like this couple who thinks they’re going to make it but six months later they’re getting a divorce…
…I’m trying hard to keep a straight face, the groom is starting to look like he wants to punch the guy, and I can hear people behind me disguising laughing as coughing. I keep expecting him to bring it around to something positive, but he doesn’t. Fifteen minutes of ‘marriage is hard and lots of them don’t work.’ Find out at the reception, he was a family friend. With a lifelong unrequited crush on the bride.
At my cousin’s wedding, one of the groom’s best friends gave a short speech that was honestly quite touching, until he stumbled over his words, and said “Well, if these two can get married, uh, anyone can.”
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The bride made a speech to thank everyone for coming, but it turned out to be a speech about herself and how amazing she is, nothing about her new husband, she ended up explaining how she always licks her plate clean, then she licked her plate clean in front of 250 people. In her defense she was so drunk she could barely stand. Gotta love working weddings.
Image credits: candlessmellgood
At my father’s wedding to his new wife, he mistakenly called his bride by his ex-wife’s (my mother’s) name during his speech to her.
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At a friend’s wedding the bride’s sister gave an excruciatingly awkward speech about how her sister was able to find love before her and she didn’t feel complete. It went on for about 5 minutes and she was blubbering and sobbing up a storm. Then she topped it off by singing an off-key song.
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Best man’s speech recounted the tale of when the bride urinated in someone else’s shoes under a table.
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The best man rifled through all the groom’s failed past relationships, in some detail. Then he made fun of the bride and groom for meeting on Christian Mingle or some s**t like that.
It was pretty brutal. Really killed the mood.
Image credits: wigg1es
Went to my uncle’s wedding a while back. His bride had been divorced and chose her family pastor to officiate. The pastor called my uncle her ex-husband’s name during the vows multiple times… My family was not happy.
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At my brother-in-law’s wedding the grandmother of the bride was asked to say grace before the meal. My father and I happened to be standing by the bar after getting one last drink before it closed during the meal. We figured we would stand there during the 30 seconds or so while she blessed the food. She pulls out three pieces of paper, completely full front and back, and starts in on the history of the bride’s family. Here is what so-and-so is doing now. When and where everyone has moved into their current homes. Updates on nieces, nephews, cousins’ parents, grandparents, everyone. No one knew she was going to get up there and talk for 15+ minutes about people nobody cared about. My dad and I actually finished our drinks and ordered two more by the time she was done. I refer to it as ‘The 3 Drink Grace.’
Image credits: Jesterotr
My brother was my best man and told a very touching story about when I was 16 and lied and cheated to skip baseball practice to instead hang out with my girlfriend on the bleachers. I met my wife when I was 18. Thanks, bro.
Image credits: coderascal
I went to a wedding where neither family was happy about it. The groom’s best man was his younger brother. The best man’s toast to the bride was, ‘We always thought groom would marry XX (points to woman at the back), but here we are, so bride, welcome to the family’…
…Both the groom and XX were former housemates of mine, and had been in a long relationship. I kinda thought they’d end up together too. Bride and groom moved in with her parents. Groom stopped talking to his friends. XX married someone else, left the country. I haven’t heard from either of them even once this century.
Image credits: heretical_thoughts
After stumbling his way through he awkwardly finishes with, ‘Sorry man, I’ll do better at your next one.’ The bride’s father pulled him aside and tore him a new one right afterward.
Image credits: thesarcasmic
The best man’s speech consisted of him saying “I hope your ups and downs are in bed.”
Image credits: General_PoopyPants
Fundie wedding two years ago. The minister took the opportunity to make a 45-minute sermon, said ‘obey’ many times. He stressed over and over again that the bride will never have a will of her own again. She was just a rib to the man she was now bound to. Father of the bride then had his speech. He gave a long-winded telling of the disgruntled ex-coworker’s shooting spree in the hospital. He told about his wife locking the door and hiding. He gave coroners’ reports of where people were shot and how one person that had been shot in the head had played possum, then called the police. The father of the bride wasn’t even there, but this shootout seemed to be the best thing that ever happened to him. He just showed way too much enthusiasm. Then to finish, he mentioned that the groom was the extra security hired after the incident and met his phlebotomist daughter. Then the testimonials began…
…The bulk was: It WILL get worse. Just get stronger with Jesus. Nobody shared stories of growing together and the adventure of raising a family. Nope, none of that. Life is over as you do your duty. It was like a eulogy.
Image credits: DarrenEdwards
Groom’s father made a speech along the lines of ‘we knew she was a keeper when he brought her home and we heard them f**king in the bathroom.’ AWK-WARD. Well, everyone pretty much laughed, myself included. The bride on the other hand looked mortified. Like bright red. My table kind of all looked at each other like, this is hysterical, but omg, that’s the father of the groom! He was pretty wasted from what I gather.
Image credits: lizzzellzzz
At my sisters wedding, my alcoholic uncle went up and said a couple words.
Them being: “I’m surprised you managed to have a successful wedding, how did this happen without your mom being the over controlling b***h that she is?”
A silence like no other.
Image credits: socialsmoker
Best man got pretty lit before the speech and goes off-script and tells a lighthearted funny story about how the groom bet him $20 he wouldn’t s**t his pants at the strip club while he was getting a lap dance. Long story short, he did s**t his pants, and then one of the groomsman took his mic away in a move straight out of Old School.
Image credits: thesarcasmic
When my cousin got married, most of the close family knew that the groom had been caught cheating multiple times in the past, but the majority of the people attending did not. During a small speech discussing the marriage counseling he had done with the couple, the priest went on a long rant about the groom’s past infidelity and how he was confident it would not happen again. Given how few people in the church knew about the issues, it became very tense.
Image credits: proto04
At my sisters wedding the grooms best man was basically airing out the grooms dirty laundry to everyone.
Pro tip: If your speech puts the groom/bride in a negative light, rewrite it. Don’t ruin someones happy day.
Image credits: [deleted]
A friend was getting married, and the best man decided that in his toast he would try to compliment how beautiful the bride was. He ended up saying “It took a team of bridesmaids and scientists to get her looking like that.” Nice try, really awkward.
Image credits: Wheresalltherumgone
The parents of the groom stood up there for their speech and went through each age (he is 30) and read blurbs from his report card. The speech itself was insanely long. At the end of it, they asked their son to please come back to their church.
At my brother’s wedding I accidentally said his ex wife’s name during my best man speech. They both laughed and took it well but I was 1000% mortified.
Image credits: level 2 [deleted]
There is a tradition in some circles where the best man’s speech “roasts” the groom. A well-done roast follows a cycle of build-him-up-and-knock-him-down, but I was at a wedding where the best man just basically insulted the groom for 10-15 minutes. After the first couple minutes, the discomfort in the audience was palpable…the laughs turned into polite chuckles and then into just silence.
To make things worse, he had printed out his speech using a ridiculously tiny font, and kept losing his place. By the time the fourth or fifth pause came around someone actually shouted out “just say ‘cheers’ and shut up already!”, but sadly the speech continued.
(I found out later that the groom was so pissed off by the whole thing that he didn’t speak to the best man for a several months after that.)
Image credits: five_argyle_sox
My dad is a really funny and loving man, but he is not a good public speaker. When my younger sister got married a few years ago he gave this rambling speech about how she was a “plane that just taxied on the runway forever and you wondered if it would ever take off”. He was trying to say she was a late bloomer I think, but he made the hand motion of a plane just going on the runway and never taking off. We gave him a ton of s**t for that, because he essentially told everyone at the wedding that he didn’t think she “blossomed” until she met her husband who is the life of the party. So on to my wedding a few months ago… I told him that after my sister’s speech, he really needed to step up his game. I said this all jokingly, because I was so sure he got enough hell for his first speech that he’d put a lot more effort into mine. Nope. He told everyone that he thought I was autistic when I was young and ended it by saying “but I don’t think she turned out to be”. I spent the rest of my wedding night fake laughing at everyone’s autism jokes. Thanks Dad.
TLDR: Dad called my sister a plane that never took off and called me autistic. Love you Dad!
Image credits: PsychTest
We recently attended the wedding of one of my wife’s cousins.
We had never met the groom before and the cousin isn’t at family functions very much, so we didn’t know what to expect.
Three best men each gave a speech.
Each speech involved both the bride and groom being drunk.
I thought I had stumbled into a surprise intervention.
As an aside, the groom immediately shotgunned two beers as soon as the ceremony was over…in the church parking lot.
Image credits: Val_Hallen
At one wedding reception I attended, the bride’s teenaged sister gave the first speech. It was a twenty-minute crying jag about how mature her older sister was for “waiting until she had married the man she loved,” and how wise she was for not having sex with the first guy who crossed her path. Confessional toasts are never a good idea. Especially in front of your grandparents.
Image credits: wavesofgraceb
At my cousin’s wedding, her boss got wasted and told a story about her nephew watching p**n in a hotel on a family trip. It came out of nowhere and everyone was sufficiently confused and uncomfortable. I was young and someone had made the mistake of serving me wine, so I just laughed and laughed in the otherwise silent room. They had to turn off the mic and then just closed the speeches for the rest of the night.
Image credits: squashsoup
A couple years ago, my fiancé’s best friend got married. He and two others were the best men, but only two of them had decided to say something, fiancé being one of them. Anyway, he gets up and tells a funny story about the groom being so nervous about the first date. Then, the second guy gets up and whips out a good 30 index cards, and not the normal small index cards, oh no, the big ones…
…We stood there for a good 25 minutes while this guy took us through every little detail of the groom and his friendship… We had to hear about them meeting for the first time as lifeguards, then them playing video games, complete with what video games and a play-by-play of what happened in said video games. It was the worst speech. Finally the DJ started playing music to get him to stop — the kid still had about 10 more cards to go.
Image credits: ImCreeptastic
I was the best man at me Brothers wedding and I knocked the whole toast thing out of the park. I wrote this bit about him always being full of surprises and getting himself in trouble, just to make him sweat a bit, but I only mentioned the stuff everybody else already knew, nothing that was really bad or still a secret that I’ve heard about his fraternity days.
Later that evening after the drinks have been pouring one of his frat brother grooms men decided he got to give a speech as well. He decided to continue where I left off and recall stories that I willingly left out, stories of ex-girlfriends, run ins with campus law enforcement, and the like.
Thankfully most of the family had left by that time.
Image credits: level 1 [deleted]
I was best man at my dad’s second wedding, which I thought was a little weird but there was about a 5 second moment as I was walking up to the podium where it hit me hard how profoundly weird it was to give a best man’s speech for your dad. I was silent for a few seconds as I looked around like “What the heck is going on?”
Looked down at my script and the performer in me came out, but those couple of seconds really stuck with me.
Image credits: Zeruvi
My aunt got married to a guy who tends to get really nervous in front of big crowds, and when the wedding officiant was having them repeat the vows, it took him like 20 tries because he kept stuttering and/or saying complete opposite words. He actually said “I _________, take you to be my lawfully wedded husband, uh, uh, uh, husb… Uh, wife?”
Image credits: RoosterShield
Went to a wedding where bride’s dad was sick with cancer. He also hadn’t been a great dad to her (wasn’t around when she was growing up, never paid child support despite having lots of money). The father of the bride’s wife (think evil stepmother) made a super long speech about how great he was as a dad and how strong he was for battling cancer, etc. She never said anything about the bride or groom just made a toast to thank father of the bride for everything he has done/ gone through. It was so inappropriate & awkward to make it about him not the bride & groom. Stepmom was also a huge factor in separating father & daughter throughout her life.
Image credits: peanut_shell
At one of my best friends’ weddings, I was a bridesmaid, and my friend (the groom), asked me to double check one of his groomsmen’s speeches as he was afraid that he’d say something that the bride wouldn’t approve of. His speech was actually pretty decent, I helped him with a few things (like he repeated himself a lot, so I helped him fix that, and he said something that could have been interpreted as an insult to the bride, [but wasn’t intended as such] and I helped him rephrase it so it sounded nice).
Now the worst speech, it wasn’t from the groomsman I helped, the groomsman that the groom was worried about… no, that would have been too easy, too preventable. No, the worst speech came from the best man. Why? Because he didn’t write anything, or even really think about it before hand, he figured “how hard can writing a speech be? I’ll just improvise”
His speech ended up being a slur of: “You guys are good together”s and “I hope you guys last forever”s mixed in with many, many “um”s and “uh”s. It was honestly embarrassing to listen to, and it went on for probably a good 2-3 minutes. I’m pretty sure everyone in attendance was communally cringing in empathetic embarrassment.
The groomsman I was told to watch over then gave his speech, which ended with everyone applauding (though it might just have been the contrast they were applauding…). As I said, his speech was actually pretty good before my intervening, clearly the groom had me editing the wrong person…
Image credits: Cerenitee
We didn’t really plan speeches, but we knew the family wanted to do some. So my husbands brother (best man) did one, it was funny, he was 18 at the time, so it was pretty good. Very heartfelt. His little sisters did one, they were 9 and 21. Really nice, wedding appropriate, and short. Both our parents did one. His was nice, and mine did a great job. Like the others, nice, heartfelt, and they kept it light and fun. Well……my sisters were bridesmaids, one the maid of honor, the other a bridesmaid. They were 22 and 26. The speech starts fun, a couple jokes….then in turned into a 15 minute speech about them. How, it was a battle over the maid of honor position, or who was the better sister, or who they thought would have gotten married first and so on. The speech was essentially about them. Nothing mentioned about me, or my husband (cause you know, we were the ones getting married) or the day, just them. I could see people cringing. I cringed, my parents cringed, everyone did… I was just glad when it was done.
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Best man gave the most redneck speech ever at the most redneck wedding ever and included the fact that most of the groomsmen hadn’t liked the bride when they met her and the funny time the groom and him got h*****s.
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“I’m not a man of many words, so I’ll just say – thanks for coming and good luck to the happy couple”
Father of the bride. I cringed a little inside. I can understand people who don’t like to do speeches (I’m one of them), but on your only daughter’s wedding day, I felt a little more than that could have been said!
Image credits: EasyTigrr
My wife’s friend got married two weeks ago, and the maid of honor said “ablutely” instead of “absolutely.” She also said that she was “excited,” but pronounced it as “ek-SKY-ted.” I couldn’t believe it…
Image credits: level 1 [deleted]