I’ve worked with many kids. I’ve been a teacher, a babysitter, a camp counselor, an au pair and a performer in countless children’s theater shows. And while I recognize that kids are the future, and their brains are amazing, creative sponges soaking up so much knowledge and sharing much more wisdom than they often get credit for, no child is perfect. In fact, some are even annoying. (Sorry!) Children who demand things without saying ‘please’ or ‘thank you’, who pick on their peers, and who throw a fit any time they lose a game are my least favorite kids to come across. And while they will likely grow out of this behavior, it’s always extremely clear which children have been taught at home how to be respectful, kind and compassionate.

In honor of those kids and their parents, we’ve gathered a list down below of qualities Reddit users have been sharing that indicate that someone was “raised right”. From being able to own up to their mistakes to always holding doors open for others, this article is full of some of the most refreshing behaviors to observe in others. Keep reading to also find conversations we were lucky enough to have with Scarlet Paolicchi, the woman behind Family Focus Blog, and Amy Morrison, founder of Pregnant Chicken, to hear their thoughts on the topic.

Be sure to upvote all of the responses you agree with, and feel free to pat yourself on the back for all of these ideas you’ve also instilled in your little ones. Then, if you’re interested in reading about the telltale signs that someone was not raised right, you can find a Bored Panda article exploring that topic right here!

#1

How well they treat people in the service industry. Not just waitstaff in a restaurant but security guards, cleaners, hotel housekeeping, etc.

Image credits: JohnJaywalkin

To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to Scarlet Paolicchi, Nashville-based mother, author and the woman behind the Family Focus Blog. First, we wanted to know what being “raised right” means to Scarlet. “To me, ‘raised right’ means your parents taught you to value others and treat them in a manner that reflects this,” she told Bored Panda.

“Telltale signs that indicate that someone was raised right are little things like being polite. The golden words like, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are huge indications,” Scarlet explained. “Of course, being genuine is one of the most important signs they were raised right. That is meaning what they say and having actions and words that line up. Another sign is showing respect to everyone equally, not just to someone you are currently trying to butter up.”

#2

I have a perfect story for this. Last Friday night I was a chaperone at my daughter’s prom. I had been observing the students dancing and enjoying themselves to notice one girl, without a date,standing just on the periphery of the dance floor slowing swaying to the beat. She never danced with the group,but appeared to want to. The last slow dance of the evening started and to my heartwarming joy a college aged young man, a brother of one of the students, walked confidently over to her, politely asked her to dance, and focused on her the whole song. At the end of the song he bowed and stepped away, all with cool grace. Never once was he bothered or seemed to be focused on anything other than her enjoyment at that moment. He was raised well.

Image credits: antwonllama

#3

Cleaning up after themselves in public places like movie theaters.

Image credits: manWithAPlan22

We were also curious if Scarlet believes parents have to go out of their way to instill these lessons in their children, or if setting a good example is enough. “Certainly, it begins with a consistent example,” she told Bored Panda. “But for most kids, it also takes 100 gentle reminders in addition!”

Scarlet also provided some wise words for parents who are worried about “raising their kids right”. “I’d say one of the most challenging parts for parents is not spoiling children and giving in to their every whim. This behavior will create children who think the world revolves around them,” she explained. “Therefore, it is unlikely they will be able to really respect and care for everyone as equals. Being raised right is definitely more than just saying please and thank you. That is only a start. Kids need to have empathy and an understanding that we all matter.”

“I think the phrase ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’ is a good foundation to build on,” Scarlet added. If you’d like to hear more wise words about parenting from Scarlet, be sure to check out her website Family Focus Blog right here!

#4

They take responsibility and try to learn from their mistakes instead of trying to put the blame on others.

Image credits: -eDgAR-

#5

Out on a lake with my son and he turned his jet ski around in the opposite direction we were heading…so he could pick up some plastic trash floating in the lake.

He hangs out and eats at his girlfriend’s house a lot. I offered some grocery money to his parents (as I know how much 19 year old boys eat). She said not to worry about it; that she enjoys cooking for him; and did I know that he does the dishes for her after she cooks?

Also, after he got his own car, he developed a hobby of stopping to help other motorists who were having trouble (jump starting their cars; helping to push their broken down cars to the gas station, etc.)

Sorry for the humble brag but he’s a good kid.

Image credits: mom_with_an_attitude

We also reached out to Amy Morrison, founder of the site Pregnant Chicken, to hear her thoughts on this topic. Pregnant Chicken helps countless parents feel prepared and excited about welcoming new members into their families, so we knew Amy would be able to provide some words of wisdom about what being “raised right” means. “To me, it means taking other people into consideration and trying to see things from their point of view. Simple things like saying ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and ‘excuse me’ also come to mind,” she told Bored Panda.

#6

How they treat/react to animals. Whether they know how to pet the damn thing can tell you volumes.

Image credits: _princedom_

#7

Manners. Pleases, thank yous, courtesies like that..showing respect

Image credits: echoicdecay313

And when it comes to some of the telltale signs that someone was (or wasn’t) raised well, Amy says, “When I encounter someone being empathetic and observant, I feel like their caregivers did (or are doing) an exceptional job. These people can recognize the needs and perspectives of other people regardless of their education, wealth, social status, gender, ethnicity, religion, where they live, etc.”

“People who belittle, judge, or conduct themselves like they are the only person who matters make me wonder what kind of life they grew up in and who their role models were – or weren’t,” she added.

#8

They consider other people around them or who they are with when making a decision.

Image credits: 3EyedOwl

#9

I knew I’d like my in laws when my now-husband did the dishes without prompting. I also knew they raised him right when he immediately helped my dog when she was dealing with back problems. He swaddled her up, carried her to the car while my Mum called the vet and cuddled me and her the whole way to the vet. The dog is completely healthy now and very happy. But seeing how he just helped and made sure we were okay told me he came from a good family.

I love my in laws. They are generous, funny and have good morals. Also, they live two hours away.

Image credits: lostmysoultothedevil

We were also curious if Amy thinks parents need to try to instill these good habits in their children, or if setting an example is enough. “I think kids learn more from what they see far more than what they are told,” she told Bored Panda. “If a parent extolls the virtue of kindness but then takes out their day on an innocent service worker, their child will notice.”

“Be the kind of person you want your kids to be and spend more time modeling ‘raised right’ behavior rather than trying to actively instill it into your children,” Amy explained. “Kids are smart and look to their parents as their guide to the world. I feel if you’re mindful of how you consider others, your kids are more likely to have a strong moral compass as well.”

#10

They don’t feel entitled to something any more than another person is.

Image credits: anon

#11

When she was 4, my daughter got knocked over by a teen on his skateboard. He immediately stopped to apologize – and when he saw she was bleeding (cement scrapes) he ran to get a first aid kit from the shop we’d just come out of. He stayed and didn’t leave my daughter’s side until he knew she’d be OK, and gotten her to smile.

We brought the first aid kit back – the shop was his parents and they were as apologetic as their son. Even though it was an accident, the teen owned the accident, and did everything he could to make it right.

Compare that to the little s**t who knocked her over a few months later and kept on riding… She had some choice words about how well he wasn’t being brought up, and I had to try not to laugh.

Image credits: picking_up_pieces

“Personally, I find my kids are a great mirror,” Amy added. “Good or bad, I try to take a hard look at where they get their ideas from. I feel like it’s my job to model better behavior, so they understand how much of an impact it makes when you decide to choose empathy over judgment.”

If you’d like to hear more parenting words of wisdom from Amy or the rest of her team, be sure to check out Pregnant Chicken right here! 

#12

They put their shopping carts up instead of just leaving them out in the parking lot.

Image credits: CorporalD

#13

They respect boundaries- for themselves and with others. They are not afraid to say “No” and respect when others do the same. Unfortunately, a lack of boundaries is an issue for a lot of people. Children who grow up in a healthy environment typically have secure attachment with others; handling boundaries well in adulthood is a good indication that they were “raised right.”

Image credits: Smiles_in_the_dark

#14

– When they apologize (or admit they screwed up), even if it’s for something minor. You’d be amazed at how few people do this and really mean it.

– Someone who openly admits that they don’t know something.

– Someone who has an openness to communicate with just about anyone, regardless of race/social status/occupation/etc.

Image credits: symbiosa

#15

When they don’t assume being religious makes them a good person .

#16

They find value in the lives of everyone.

#17

I have a friend that’s a high school teacher. It really bothers her that some of the poorer students have such a hard time with everything so for Christmas she used her own money to buy groceries and made hampers and donated them to those of her students she figured needed it the most. She didn’t even want to distribute them herself so she asked the principal of the school to call them in discreetly to his office and give them out. Principal decides it’s too good a story to cover up and distributes them during assembly and publicly praises my friend. This made her so boiling mad. In fact the only reason I found out was because she was so mad she called me to vent. I suspect that she does this regularly and just never tells anyone.

Image credits: pmMeYourBoxOfCables

#18

People who wave at you when you give them space to merge/turn in front of you.

#19

Whenever someone actually takes in what I say when I disagree with them and gives it a think. Right or wrong, I admire when someone knows to question something they believe. I hope my own son can be skeptical within reason.

#20

Many excellent points here- also how they talk about other people.

Gossiping is pretty normal but how a person speaks of others and carries the secrets shared with them is a big indicator of their morals and how I ‘see’ them as a person.

It’s one thing to share with a husband, wife, or closest friend the secrets or shortcomings of people you know and your blunt opinion about them. It’s another thing entirely to use this information as social ammo, stepping on the heads of people who’ve trusted you with details about their life by sharing them flagrantly. Being trustworthy and seeing the best in others, even when they can’t see it themselves, is a mark of being raised well to me- the ability to be a good person and not take the easy cheap shots.

#21

Watch how a person treats someone that can do nothing for them. Most people are only nice for their own motives.

#22

Not talking over someone while having a conversation.

Image credits: Quarlmarx

#23

They’ll hold the door open for other people even if they don’t know them.

#24

They bring their dishes to the sink or wash them when they are eating at someone else’s house.

#25

Just passed a Father pushing his family’s cart through Target and overheard him teaching his son to walk closer to the cart, “so you’re not in anyone else’s way while they’re shopping.” We locked eyes and I have an approving nod.

#26

When my fiancée and I were heading to a 5K run and we were picking up a friend on the way there, my fiancée said “Bring the sunscreen for our friend, just in case they didn’t put any on.” Simple, but reminded me of just how thoughtful my fiancée is.

#27

People who listen. I have had friends who I had lots of fun with, but they ignored half of what I said. It’s dehumanizing. Ironically enough they do it to their parents who are nothing but respectful and loving. I didn’t have parents like that. And they wont even give them the courtesy of listening.

#28

They’re able to contribute back to society and do things because they want to, not because they have to.

#29

They respect other’s property and personal space. I’ve met so many people that just do not do this. They are the type of person to walk into your house and start touching everything or sit on the couch and put their feet on the coffee table.

Image credits: -eDgAR-

#30

First time my bf picked me up from my house, he rang the doorbell, came in, and introduced himself to my family (immediate & visiting aunt & uncle). After dating guys for years who’d just text, “I’m outside,” it was refreshing & I immediately knew he’d been raised right.

Hasn’t proved me wrong yet, either.

Image credits: notacareerserver

#31

People who get up and stand to let an older person sit on a crowded bus.

#32

They won’t take the last serving of something served family style. Instead they divide it in half repeatedly until the remainder is at a molecular scale.

#33

An anecdote rather than a generalisation, but:

Was at a buffet the other day, little girl (3) comes back to the neighbouring table with her dad, and the straw pops out of her drink, immediately her brother (6) says “you can borrow my straw” – the immediacy of his response, and the selflessness…I think they’re being raised right. 🙂

#34

They know the importance of communication.

Image credits: shybbwkitten

#35

When they aren’t racist.

#36

I think about this when my husband freely shares his emotions 🙂 he’s always a team player and we are partners always. They raised him to be kind, caring, and to always be willing to work things through

#37

They do their own laundry.

#38

If they are kind or generous to the homeless, speak up when they see someone being mistreated or disrespected in public. The way they treat their parents and family is also indicative of their raising, in my opinion. How they respond to heated situations—if they are quick to anger and how they react to it. When they go to stores, if they choose not to purchase something, they put it back where it came from rather than leaving a mess for the employee.

#39

A big one for me is if they have integrity. Know right from wrong and do the right thing.

#40

When they have a strong and lasting relationship with their parents even as adults and talk about them as great people.

#41

Giving the middle seat both arm rests on flights.

#42

They know how to think for themselves and think critically.

#43

They’re respectful, show compassion and empathy toward their fellow human beings; solid work ethic, they are doers and not settlers; they are secure and knowledgeable enough about both their shortcomings and strengths to never feel so insecure that they have to put others down to elevate themselves nor do they view their abilities as so grandiose that they take on an elitist attitude.

#44

They instinctively know how to conduct themselves in social and business situations.

Those “raised right” find a good word to say, when appropriate, and know how to be respectful of others, even when they disagree.

#45

When they question everything. If you grow up, say, Christian, and you believe every word until the day you die, someone went wrong. But if you question it, and come to the conclusion that either

A. It’s not real and I should stop believing

B. It makes perfect sense after research and it strengthens my belief

You’re a better person for it

#46

Turns their hand over, palm side up to let a strange dog sniff their hand before engaging.
Also asking if they can pet my dog before accosting her. She’s very skittish and I simply don’t get how many people randomly pet her without permission and then get angry when she growls or snaps at them.

#47

Kids that stay close to their parents in public places without causing a ruckus or looking like they’ve just been beaten (or about to).

#48

This reminded me of when I went to go visit my cousin in California and he was just taking me around L.A. showing me the city and whatnot, all the cool touristy things.

Then we turn onto a road and he sees a car parked on the shoulder with its four ways on and two women standing outside of it. He immediately pulls over in front of them, gets out and asks them if they need any help at all or if they need to use his phone to call someone. They politely said no, and he got back in and we left.

Even as a Canadian, I was taken aback by his random act of kindness. Love my cousin.

Image credits: RooneyNeedsVats

#49

Helping a blind person cross the road or catch a bus.

#50

My dad excuses himself when he farts, even when he thinks he’s alone.

#51

When they leave your bathroom in the exact state it was already in. If the lid was down, it would be down when you leave. Or if they had the door shut, shut the door when you leave.

#52

Someone who was “raised right” is practically invisible. They leave no trace, make no spectacle, nor create any drama. A person who was raised right is one whose presence is as strong as their absence, and, if their presence is stronger, it is only in the positive sense. Either you give something, or you take nothing. Neither a nuisance nor a burden.

#53

They are not chronically late or absent from work. Also, they prioritize correctly.

#54

Taking their shoes off before entering someone’s house without being asked. Its such a small act but shows great respect.

#55

They aren’t an absolute nuisance to society.

#56

Someone who is compassionate and open minded. Someone who is secure in themselves and does minimal projecting.

#57

One sign is that they never talk about themselves or others being ‘raised right’.

#58

They like to try new foods. It weirds me out to meet an adult who refuses to deviate from food they’ve eaten all their lives. To me, that’s a sign that their parents didn’t try to expand their horizons and/or their parents let them get away with being a picky eater.

#59

They don’t judge off past decisions, willing to give someone a chance and reserve judgement on actions made now.

#60

They can teach themselves a new skill/topic.

#61

They pursue and are capable of having a monogamous relationship. A real one with no cheating.
Source: boredpanda.com