According to Stephanie Coontz, who teaches history and family studies at the Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., the idea of love as a primary reason for marriage began to spread in the late 18th century and early 19th century, partly due to the French and American revolutions.
Brought to us by the enlightenment thinkers, the “right to personal happiness” has set its roots in western society and now romantic unions have become the ideal.
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But not all partnerships are like that. Recently, TikTok user Jay Guercio released a video, explaining the relationship she’s in herself; Guercio calls it a platonic marriage, a legal union based on spiritual connection or practical love, rather than on sexual or romantic love.
Image credits: thelovelyjaybird
@thelovelyjaybird#stitch with @izacabela @kayem332 platonic relationships are just as valid as romantic ones. #marriage #platoniccouple #bestfriends #raisingkids #fyp♬ original sound – Jay Guercio
Here’s a transcript of the video
Image credits: thelovelyjaybird
The notion that a couple would marry out of love was considered almost anti-social and subversive in many civilizations. Parents would even disown their kids for doing it. “The Greeks thought lovesickness was a type of insanity, a view that was adopted by medieval commentators in Europe. In the Middle Ages, the French defined love as a ‘derangement of the mind’ that could be cured by sexual intercourse, either with the loved one or with a different partner,” Coontz writes in her 2005 book, Marriage, A History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage.
The main reasons couples wed were to make political alliances, to raise capital, to expand the workforce, and for a whole array of other purposes.
“Too much love was thought to be a real threat to the institution of marriage,” Coontz explained in an interview. “Earlier proponents of marriage were as horrified by the idea of a love match as late 20th-century people were by (the) idea of same-sex marriage.”
So Guercio and her wife Krystle’s arrangement isn’t anything new. Furthermore, marriage is a voluntary, legal union of a couple as spouses. They tie the knot because they want to, and the law says nothing about it being sexual or not.
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Image credits: thelovelyjaybird
Relationship expert Amie Leadingham told Brides that different couples enter a platonic commitment for different reasons. “Some people may not want to get married to a romantic partner,” Leadingham said. “They want stability with a partner they trust and more flexibility in their lives. I think this is a great solution for those that fall into that category. Having someone that has your back and you can trust is a wonderful feeling.”
Co-parenting aside, some practical reasons for a platonic relationship could be that people think they could take care of each other into old age or split their expenses better. They can file taxes together, be considered next of kin if medical problems arise and if things don’t work out, they can divorce like any other married couple. “I believe everyone should have their choice in how they want their marriage to be,” Leadingham added.
Here’s what people said after hearing Jay’s story
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