This Twitter Account Collects The Most Cringe-Worthy Examples Of Men Writing About Women In Books (79 Pics)

Making a character in a book seem realistic and interesting is no easy task. It’s not down to just your skills as a writer, though. You actually have to know a bit about who you’re writing about. In other words—do your research. Unfortunately, there are some male writers out there who seem to have major problems writing female characters and seem shy about asking their female friends for advice.

That’s where the ‘Men Write Women’ Twitter page comes in. It documents the scariest and most cringe-worthy examples of men writing about women without having any idea about them or their anatomy. Scroll down and read for yourselves, dear Pandas, because some of these examples have to be seen to be believed—that’s how unreal they are. Remember to upvote the best of the worst.

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The project was started back in 2019 when Meghan Vondriska launched her version of the ‘Men Writing Women’ Reddit community. Now, the ‘Men Write Women’ Twitter page has 63k followers and there are 666 fans who follow their Instagram page. Very spooky and perfect for Halloween. “Women just want to be written as human. That’s it. There isn’t some wild scientific equation to writing women, and it isn’t difficult. Write them as human, with complex feelings, not as body parts that happen to be put together into a feminine form,” Vondriska told Bored Panda.

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#1 We Don’t Get Real Pockets In Pants Because We Have Tiny Purses In Our Vaginas!!! (Stuart Woods, Desperate Measures)

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#2 This Is The Best One Yet

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#3 This Made My Breasts Frown

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“I’m an avid reader, but the straw that broke the camel’s back was a novel my boyfriend lent me, where the female character was described by her breasts and the male character was described by his personality. Working in advertising, I tend to be Very Online, and so taking my anger to Twitter seemed like a natural parallel. I was familiar with the Men Writing Women subreddit, but created a Twitter account in order to craft a consistent narrative and to build a community that wasn’t hidden behind anonymity,” Vondriska revealed what inspired her to create ‘Men Write Women.’

Vondriska, from Wisconsin, devours 3 to 5 books each week. (Meanwhile, our piles of started-but-unfinished books keep on growing.)

According to the founder of the ‘Men Write Women’ Twitter page, a lot of male writers who tend to be thought of as the “founders of the literary canon” are continuous offenders. “John Updike, for instance. But the greatest repeat offender is definitely Stephen King. His portrayal of his female characters is honestly offensive,” Vondriska said.

#4 She Was Flesh And Blood, Not The 2D Woman He Was Used To Objectifying On Television, And For That She Was All The More Special (A Time On Earth, Vihelm Moberg)

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#5 Well Damn, Where Are All My Kids Then??

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#6 “3 And A Half Milliboobs Per Handful”

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However, it isn’t all doom and gloom in the literary world. There are male writers who can write women well, too. “Terry Pratchett is wonderful, and I’ve yet to see a submission from Michael Crichton,” Vondriska shared that she, like many of us, is a Pratchett fan.

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Vondriska also pointed out that, in her opinion, the best writers are well-read. So she encouraged all of us to read more and (most importantly) read more widely.

“Pay attention to what you’re reading, and who you’re reading. You have to make sure your bookshelf isn’t made up of just men. Add in some spice—some female authors, some nonbinary authors, authors of color. And lastly, just because you were assigned a book in high school, doesn’t mean its good!”

#7 Let’s Not Forget This Gem Either

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#8 Men Write About Women

#9 Yes, Men Would Be Amaaazing At Handling Pregnancy – Evolution Really Screwed This One Up. Bonus Points For “No Woman Gets Raped Unless She’s Looking For It.”

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#10 ‘the Shining’, By Stephen King. Its Always Breasts

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#11 The Count Of Monte Cristo- 1884

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#12 Ugly Women Without Good Personalities Should Kill Themselves [rivers Of London By Ben Aaronovitch]

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#13 Unsurprisingly, The Book’s Terrible Writing From A “Proclaimed” Writer Does Not End Here (The Wedding Plot, Jeffrey Eugenides)

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#14 *me To My Friend* Excuse Me, May I Please Borrow Your Eyeballs?

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#15 I’m Sorry, Her Breasts Do What

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#16 The Rest Reads “Dad Is Looking Like He Made A Better Decision Every Year”. What?!?

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#17 Thank God For The Bikini Wax.

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#18 Breasts Totally Get Scared

#19 Wish I Had Pillowy Breasts! Taken From Ben Fountain’s Brief Encounters With Che Guevara

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#20 She’s Eleven And Scared But Let’s Talk About Her Nipples

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#21 That’s Not How Any Of This Works

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#22 Only Sluts Have Hairy Legs (The Things They Carried, Tim O’brien)

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#23 Literally No Woman Would Ever Do This (Misterioso, Arne Dahl)

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#24 For Those Asking, This Is Iq84 By Haruki Marukami

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#25 Plz Put This On My Tombstone #submission (The Dogs, Scott Smith)

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#26 Be Horrified With The Rest Of Us

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#27 Male Authors Writing Women Are Actually Just Horror Stories And Here’s Why

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#28 #menwritingwomen No Wonder Some Of Them Think Our Breasts Stop Us From Doing Stuff If They Think We’re As Obsessed As They Are. We Can’t Get Away From Them. Oh Must Do This Important Thing But Wait!

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#29 I Just…

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#30 She Has A Fine, Beautifully Fleshed Skeleton, Guys. Author Jack Finney.

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#31 Ah Yes, Exactly How I’d Describe Myself (The Diamond Age, Neal Stephenson)

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#32 I’m Not Sure It’s Physically Possible For My Eyes To Roll Any Further Back In My Head (Code Of Honour, Marc Cameron)

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#33 Breasts Now Have Entire Personalities

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#34 This Is A Totally Anatomically Normal Thing For Breasts To Do #submission (We Can Remember It For You Wholesale, Philip Dick)

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#35 I’m Sorry Her What Winked?? (Eeny Meenie, Mj Arlidge)

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#36 Ah Yes, Women’s Most Base Instinct (Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep, Philip K Dick)

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#37 In This, We Are All Joe (Open Season, Cj Box)

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#38 This Whole Book Has Both My Eyes And My Boobs Rolling.

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#39 An Excerpt From A 1950s Newspaper Article, Very Obviously Written By A Man

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#40 Men Write About Women

#41 I Don’t Even Know Where To Begin With This “Speaking Of Which, Her Breasts” Sir We Were Not Speaking Of Them At All “A Body Assembled Of Flat Planes” What Is She, A Piece Of Woodwork? (The Murderer’s Daughter, Jonathan Kellerman)

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#42 Oh Yes, Totally Normal Metaphor For A Woman’s Ability To Carry Children (The Stand, Stephen King)

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#43 Well, My Tits Have Stood Up And Walked Out (Cosmopolis, Don Delillo)

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#44 Keeping Your Emotions In Your Nipples Since 1980 (Number Of The Beast, Robert A. Heinlein)

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#45 I Hate When My Titties Get In The Way Of Fighting

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#46 Mmm Please Only Describe Me As Carb-Based Foods From Now On

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#47 Two Pages In. I’m Afraid To Keep Reading.

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#48 Can’t Wait For Everyone To Tell Me This Is ‘Just How The Character Thinks’ Because The Narrator Is A Damn Dog (The Art Of Racing In The Rain, Garth Stein)

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#49 This Detective Just Can’t Handle Meeting Women

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#50 Talking About The Appearance Of A Woman In A Concentration Camp. Voluptuous?! Really?!

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#51 14 Pages In. These Girls Are 16. What The Hell Is “Light And Eager” Morning Sweat??

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#52 I’m Reading Joss Whedon’s Original Script For Wonder Woman

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#53 Please Hear Me When I Say That Stephen King Has Literally No Chill And His Writing Of Women Is More Terrifying Than Any Novel He’s Ever Written

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#54 Living In Squalor? Don’t Buy A Vacuum, Just Get Yourself A Woman! (John Grisham)

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#55 This Is More Terrifying Than The Clown, Tbh (It, Stephen King)

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#56 Literally What Part Of A Breast Looks Like A Goddamn Flower #submission (Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks)

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#57 David Mitchell Accurately Describing The Plight Of Woman For Something So Simple As Picking A Seat On The Bus. They’re Not All Bad

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#58 Men Write About Women

#59 Men Write About Women

#60 Ah Yes, A Completely Normal Way To Describe One’s Daughter.

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#61 Are Your Breasts Proud ?

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#62 Rosalind Franklin Was A Badass, And This Is How James Watson Described Her, The Woman Who Discovered The Molecular Structure Of Dna

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#63 I’m From The Midwest So When I’m Surprised My Breasts Say “Ope, Sorry About That!

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#64 Honestly I Think This Is The Most Sexist Description We’ve Gotten Wtf David (John Dies At The End, David Wong)

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#65 The Very Real Scientific Explanation™️ Of How Babies Are Made #submission (Cat Magic, Whitley Strieber)

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#66 Ah Yes, Nothing Like Seeing Some Casual Sexism Slipped In (Enders Game, Orson Scott Card)

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#67 It’s Not Sexist If You’re Comparing Her To A Boy!!!

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#68 Tbh After I Lost My Virginity I Thought, “Huh, So That’s Sex…” (Til We Have Faces, Cs Lewis)

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#69 What??

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#70 Men Write About Women

#71 All Confrontational Women Were Molested At Some Point.

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#72 Marion Deserves Better. “Had An Affair With Her When She Was Eleven.” Face Vomiting (George Lucas, Stephen Spielberg, And Lawrence Kasdan Brainstorming Marion’s Character In Indiana Jones)

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#73 Me: Maybe I Should Finally Give Writing A Real Shot Also Me: Nah I’m Not That Good, Why Bother Men:

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#74 After Reading This, My Breasts Are Now Crying Things

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#75 –I Don’t Even Know Where To Begin But There’s No Reason This Book Should Have 3.5 Stars On Amazon #submission (Journey To The Year One Billion, Gary Martin)

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#76 Ah Yes, The Only Three Professions A Woman Can Hold (Cocaine Nights, Jg Ballard)

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#77 Bc The Only Thing To Mourn About A Woman’s Death Is Her… Body? (World Without End, Ken Follet)

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#78 This Pussy Bites Back #submission (The Devil All The Time, Donald Ray Pollock)

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#79 Know We’re Not Supposed To Poo-Poo Someone’s Fetish, But This Is Downright Weird (Paris Trance, Geoff Dyer)

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