Common sense, respect, confidence, and politeness are rarer than you expect. In their place, it’s far too common to see entitlement, anger, arrogance, and vitriol. Especially on social media and online chats. Though it’s often men that get called out for incredibly rude and sometimes even disgusting behavior with women on social media, the truth is that toxicity has no gender, and everyone’s capable of being a huge jerk.
The ‘Incel Stories’ Twitter page shames so-called ‘nice’ guys and gals by sharing screenshots of their posts and messages. If you’ve got any faith in humanity left, lock it up tight, because we’re about to take a dive into the murky part of humankind where desperation, rage, and resentment are allowed to flourish. Here, people think that you have to be a total jerk to make someone attracted to you or that being nice somehow entitles you to romance. And that niceness involved is all just a facade that crumbles the moment they don’t get the attention they think they deserve.
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As you’re reading these stories, think about what makes these people behave this way, Pandas. And if you’ve ever had to deal with toxic people like that, you can share your experience in the comments, so it acts as a warning to others.
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Dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man project, was kind enough to share his thoughts about rejection, neediness, and asking someone on a date with Bored Panda. He noted that if your emotional state depends on how another person reacts, behaves, or treats you, then you can be considered to be needy.
“The key to not being needy is to be emotionally independent. This means that you are confident, happy, and secure in yourself regardless of how others behave around you. If you can only be confident, happy, and secure in yourself when people are treating you well, encouraging you, or supporting you, then you are needy,” he explained.
Meanwhile, the dating expert pointed out that people should “realize that no woman is compatible with every man she meets and no man is compatible with every woman he meets.”
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“However, if a man is getting rejected on a regular basis by women he likes, he should consider learning about how a woman’s attraction works, so he will be more attractive and appealing to a high number of women,” Dan, from The Modern Man, told Bored Panda.
“For example: Many men who become angry when rejected are those who mistakenly think that they need to be as nice as possible and then the woman will like them. It’s a naive understanding of women that causes so many men to feel angry and insulted when they don’t get what they want after being very nice to women,” he said.
“A man needs to understand that women don’t choose a man based on who is the nicest. A woman does want a good man, but she is also looking to experience a feeling called attraction, rather than just feeling neutral or nice around a guy who is only focused on being nice. When a guy knows how to make women feel attracted during interactions (e.g. by flirting in a confident, charming way), he will see that more women like him,” the dating expert shared that niceness alone doesn’t necessarily lead to attraction.
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In Dan’s opinion, men should learn how to ask a woman out in the right way. Playfulness and ease, instead of seriousness, are key. “Some men ask women out in a way that is too serious and definite, which results in a woman feeling the need to keep her guard up. A man needs to be more relaxed and easygoing when asking a woman out, rather than coming across in a way where he is essentially saying, ‘If you say yes to going on a date with me, then we are going to be boyfriend and girlfriend.”
The dating expert revealed to us that a first date should be a more relaxed meetup “where the two people will have a chat, see if there’s any chemistry and take it from there.”
“So, it’s better for a man to say something like, ‘Hey, we should catch up for a coffee sometime this week,’ rather than, ‘Would you like to go out on a date with me?’ Some women are fine with being asked out on a date if they have a high level of interest in a man, but if they don’t, a date will seem too serious and she may decline.”
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The ‘Incel Stories’ Twitter page shares ‘an entire story in a screenshot’ and features the most horrendous ‘incel moments and rants.’ Created very recently, in June of 2022, the account had amassed 44.6k followers at the time of writing.
If anything, ‘Incel Stories’ is a how-to guide on how not to behave. Ever! The sad fact is that many of us know at least one person who could easily take the place of the folks whose posts got screenshotted. Some people are unable to take steps to improve their lives and instead blame the world, women, men, and society for how ‘unfairly’ they’re treated. Instead, some choose to fake being nice in order to get what they want.
They feel like they’re entitled to love and respect no matter how horribly they treat others. And dealing with rejection in a mature way is a foreign concept to them.
If you’re unfamiliar with the term ‘incel,’ it’s an abbreviation of ‘involuntarily celibate.’ Often used in a derogatory manner, it refers to people who are ‘least fit to reproduce,’ according to Urban Dictionary.
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Incels are considered by internet users to be people who behave in very unattractive ways and treat their potential romantic partners poorly. They often feel entitled to someone’s romantic feelings and lash out if they don’t get what they want. As such, they have a lot of pent-up anger and feel like everyone else is to blame for their unhappiness. They rarely, if ever, admit that they’re at fault for being unable to find love. They rely on manipulation to get what they want and they’re easy to anger when things don’t go their way.
Far from everyone has the focus and willpower to admit their flaws and then work on improving their situation in life. However, those that are willing to be humble and learn, can find that their quality of life improves as they take actionable steps to correct how they live and treat others. When you’re feeling energetic, confident, and love yourself for who you truly are as an individual, it can be easier to be kinder to others.
Fitness expert and entrepreneur Jack Bly previously explained to Bored Panda that everything comes down to the choices that we have to make. “You can endure the pain of workouts and different eating habits OR you can endure the pain of obesity, brain fog, poor mood, early death, low energy, medical bills, and low confidence,” he said that, in his opinion, it’s choosing between these two ways of living. “It isn’t much of a choice at the end of the day.”
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The fitness expert shared some recommendations about staying fit and dieting. “The foods you are eating need to be high in protein and high involume in order to fill you up,” he said. Jack recommends lifting weights in order to lose weight, as well as mixing in some cardio for optimal gains.
“Weight lifting is more of the ‘long term fix’ as when you put on muscle mass, your body burns more calories just at rest. Thus, this makes it much easier to burn fat and keep it off long term,” the expert said.
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Psychotherapist Silva Neves previously explained to Bored Panda how healthy and toxic masculinity differ from each other. He noted that toxic masculinity doesn’t necessarily cover specific behaviors but instead deals with a “general attitude perpetuated by systemic misogyny.”
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According to the psychotherapist, toxic masculinity is a set of distorted ideas about “what men should be like.” At the core of this is the idea that men ‘shouldn’t’ be weak, soft, or vulnerable and that, instead, they ‘should’ “always be winners.”
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“Men with toxic masculinity usually have negative views towards women’s rights (including their rights to the freedom of their own sexuality) and they tend to be homophobic,” Silva told Bored Panda during an earlier interview.
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“A man with healthy masculinity is the opposite to these traits: someone who is self-reflective, embraces their emotions including sadness, anxiety and crying, a man who isn’t afraid of their own femininity and believes that women are equal, and therefore are very clear about respecting boundaries and consent with women,” he said.
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From Silva’s perspective, healthy masculinity means that someone “embraces gender, sex, and relationship diversities including gay men and transgender people. Someone who is comfortable with their opinions to be challenged and able to have debates.”
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Source: boredpanda.com