“Throw The Whole Man Out”: People’s Reaction To Dude’s Wedding Vows

Seeing as wedding vows are so important, if you’re not going to use the standardized vows, you’d better pour your entire heart into them and make them about your spouse-to-be, right?

Well, this is a story about a guy pouring something else into his vows, reading out a whole bunch of limp, suggestive jokes with the most deadpan expression, while his wife’s are touching and sensitive.

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The groom’s suggestive and cringy vows shocked people, especially after hearing the bride’s touching and cute ones

Image credits: Emma Bauso (not the actual photo)

“Since the day we started talking, after falling through my bedroom window, within minutes, I could tell you were the one for me”

“Then as time went on, and I was falling deeper in love with you, I was and always will be one of the easiest people to please – only two things are required to keep me happy – keep my belly full and my balls empty. So you’re amazing at half of it, we really need to get you some cooking lessons.”

Image credits: lensculture

“Even when my belly isn’t full, there is no one I could ever love more in this lifetime unless I actually get a chance to meet Margot Robbie”

“Since the beginning, I always told you I was going to make you the happiest woman in the world and give you everything I could possibly give. Well, today I’m taking it a step further and giving you my last name, the last name of champions. No one deserves it more. With you and the girls by my side, I feel like I can conquer anything.”

Image credits: lensculture

“Y’all make life worth living, giving every breath of every day a purpose”

“Life gets even better when the kids fall asleep, and you tell me to come to the bedroom. Nothing is better than the sound of gagging and headboard slamming. Everyone keeps telling me that marriage is going to ruin a lot of things, but I feel that’s only if you let it. Even if we fight, argue, or don’t see eye to eye on something – it’ll never affect the way I love you.”

Image credits: lensculture

“Marriage is something I take seriously, and I only want to do it once”

“After almost 10 years, I still stand by the fact that you’re my soulmate, and it’ll never change. After today, the only thing changing is me having to deal with the ring on my finger. You will forever have my heart, and that’s a promise, till death do we part. P.S., since you’re so good at making decisions like marrying me, you can choose whether tonight’s gonna end with being a toaster strudel or a Twinkie?”

Image credits: lensculture

“My knight in shining armor, my best friend, my biggest pain in the a**”

“Our venture started a little shy of 10 years ago. And in that 10 years, we have already accomplished so much together and created a beautiful life. When I met you in high school, I started crushing on you, but I didn’t dare let it be known because I thought you were too good for me. So I let it go. They say if you truly love someone or something, let it go, and if it comes back to you, then it was meant to be.”

Image credits: lensculture

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“Now here you are, standing in front of me on our wedding day”

“I’m more than thankful for every day with you. You have completely stolen my heart, and I honestly never want you to give it back. You are one of the most selfless, funniest, caring people I have ever met, not to mention very accident-prone. ”

Image credits: lensculture

“We’ve created two of the most beautiful girls in this world together”

“We bought our first house. We’ve made it through the rough times and the good times. And since I have you, I know we will always make it through. Thank you for choosing me to create your life with. I know I’m no model, by far not a good cook unless you want some meatloaf. And as we all know, I’m the real Sleeping Beauty with a temper. But thank you for loving me still the way you do.”

Image credits: lensculture

“You are literally making the fairy tale I always dreamed of come true”

“Well, maybe a little more funnier than I imagined. But it’s still way more than I could ever ask for. I will forever want you rocking beside me when we’re old, talking about our day, making jokes, recalling memories. If you could leave out the passing gas, though, I’d greatly appreciate it. I love you so much, Michael John Lentini, and I promise to choose you every day for the rest of my life and beyond that.”

Image credits: lensculture

Watch the original videos here:

@lensculture Replying to @jasmine.sills Here is the full version for those requesting it! @fishcatcher777 #weddingvows #groomsvows #ohhno #brideandgroom #weddingbloopers #vowsgonewrong #weddingceremony #videographer ♬ original sound – Jonathan Pajak
@lensculture Replying to @lizthebis22 Yall wanted it! Hers vows! @destiny010513 #weddingvows #bridesvows #brideandgroom #weddingbloopers #vowsgonewrong #weddingceremony #videographer #floridaweddings ♬ original sound – Jonathan Pajak

The internet was shocked after hearing these vows, saying that the entire performance was full of red flags

As you can see, the reason why people are horrified is plainly obvious. If that was somewhat unexpected. Just know that after being asked what he wants to say to his future bride (while being filmed by the wedding photographer, not a buddy or anything), he said “I hope we have a lot of s*x. A lot.”

If those vows, filled with suggestive jokes, physical characteristics, and deadpan delivery only matched by morgue attendants, weren’t bad enough, know that their daughters were present in the ceremony. Oh, and his mom was officiating, telling him off in another video, saying he was “grounded”, which seems appropriate for the groom’s maturity level.

Now it may seem that it’s not such a big deal, but traditionally, vows are considered as a sacred promise to your better half. According to Art of Etiquette, it’s a set of promises that you’ll be returning to during the best and worst moments of your life together. 

Another important thing to consider is that a lot of the time, couples share their vows before their weddings. It’s actually suggested to do so, in order not to surprise your partner with something that they wouldn’t be comfortable with others hearing.

In a Quora discussion about this, the overpowering sentiment was that vows should be shown to your partner. People share their stories and mention that it made their vows better during the ceremony, helped them with their delivery, and, most importantly, the couple was on the same page about them.

Another new tradition is sharing your vows before or after the ceremony. Brides says doing so is more intimate, helps with vow anxiety and can be more personal than vows said in front of all the wedding guests. This was actually recently popularized by Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, who said “this thing, this spectacle is for the world, but we want our union between us.”

Professor’s House talks about whether the frequency of s*x should be mentioned in wedding vows. They mention that it is out of place to do so in front of the guests and parents, but should rather be done in private.

Image credits: Jeremy Wong (not the actual photo)

There are loads, hundreds, thousands of vow examples on the internet, from funny to touching. But the truth is that no matter how many examples you read and how many resounding statements you add to your vows hand-plucked for the internet, they won’t sound better than something you can come up with yourself.

Even if you aren’t a good writer and are feeling desperate about them, you’re sure to come up with something touching if you just sit down with yourself and a pen. You can write down things about your spouse-to-be that you love, that make you smile, when you think about them.

Inside jokes can also be added, alluding that your guests are witnessing the tip of the iceberg of your love, but only you and your partner are privy to experience each others’ honest feelings.  

Shutterfly has a great guide for writing vows, with steps and tips for a great text. They suggest surrounding yourself with warm memories of your love and asking yourself questions about your relationship, how you met, why you decided to be together, and what the future holds for you.

They also mention that you should discuss vows with your partner and encourage people not to add anything embarrassing or too personal.

The video with the short recap of the vows got almost 27 million views and more than 60k comments. The subsequent vids of their vows got around 5 million views, with the bride even commenting on one that none of this is a red flag, emphasizing that they’ve been together for 10 years. What did you think of the vows? Let peeps know in the comments!

Commenters were horrified, to put it mildly, challenging the groom’s maturity frequently

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The post “Throw The Whole Man Out”: People’s Reaction To Dude’s Wedding Vows first appeared on Bored Panda.

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