Socializing is difficult. It takes time, effort, and patience to go through multitudes of people and try to strike up a conversation with them. It’s more difficult to find someone that you can have a good bond with, or be a friend. Being an adult means that you might pour most of your time into work, education, or family. Sometimes, it’s hard to allot time to try and broaden your social circle. Also, sometimes we’d rather be alone than with others, to take a break from our daily grind. Quartz has some tips on how to make friends, even with the stress of adulting:
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Turning someone into a friend clearly requires a personal investment that can come at the expense of other things, like hobbies, work, or even other relationships. Within the first six weeks of meeting someone as an adult, you’re lucky if you see that person more than once or twice, never mind the 80 to 100 hours that science says it takes to turn them into a friend.
In part, that’s why the most effective way of making new friends, says Kumashiro, is to gravitate towards people who share the same interests as you.
“Join a club of some kind,” echoes Dunbar. He pegs choir as ideal—“singing produces this instant sense of belonging; it’s absolute magic”—but says any club will do. “Hiking, jogging, kayaking, church groups, bridge clubs, you name it—as long as there’s opportunity for people to circulate, and therefore talk to and get to know the other members of the group, that works.” Dunbar calls this the “ice-breaker effect.”
This is a space in which technology and social media can actually help. There is a thriving global market for friend-making apps, like Squad, Hey! VINA, or GayBFF, and websites like Meetup also offer opportunities to meet people who are interested in the same things as you.
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