Building a life with someone is far from easy, and most of us will do whatever it takes to make it work; however, when your partner neglects and undervalues you despite all your efforts, perhaps it’s better to part ways and focus your energy on something worthwhile.
“Women who took on the load of a relationship: what was your lightbulb moment it was time to end the relationship?” – this netizen took to one of Reddit’s groups, asking ladies what particular moment brought an end to their one-sided relationship.
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He likes to say he is the man and I need to do as he says. He said this to me when I was practically begging him to help me around the house. He’s the man of the house even when I pay for 100% daycare, 100% utilities, 100% groceries and half our rent and took care of our kids, the pets, cleaning and cooking. Sadly, it wasn’t that or the abuse or the cheating that woke me up. It was my kid telling me we can make it without him. We never looked back after that.
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He called me a ” cnt” , after he lost his job again, did nothing for 3 weeks while I worked 150h with 2 days off imbetween, cleaned , made food , paid all the bills for nearly 5 years .. he called me a cnt, cause I was a bit in a mood after I finished my 11h shift and came home to him scrolling through fb and the house a mess. I decided I wasted 5 years on him, how many more years am I ready to waste ? Decided that none .. been single for more than a year now and I’ve never been happier with myself and my life
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When his dad asked me why I was staying with such an AH when I wasn’t even related to him. “You don’t owe him anything. Neither do we but he’s our son.” It made me realize I’d been waiting for permission to leave the whole time…
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When I started looking forward to him LEAVING the house. It felt like a weight off my chest whenever he was gone
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When I had suffered through 1.5 years of post-partum depression without realizing it, and I was sitting on the couch with our child sleeping in my arms, and I was sobbing to my then-husband, saying “Something is wrong with me. I need help. I can’t do this alone.”
He didn’t even look up from his phone. He just kept scrolling and flatly said, “I already raised my kids. This one is yours.”
Stayed with him 8.5 more years for a total of 12.
Finally out now, tho!
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When he screamed at me for leaving a light on while he was sleeping, two days after I had brain surgery and was still on some very strong painkillers. The best decision I ever made was leaving him.
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When he didn’t show up while I was hospitalized pregnant with our baby. When he didn’t show up to the NICU. When he wouldn’t even bother to wake up on a Saturday to spend time with me. I’m in it still but I want out
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It occurred to me one day that there would be no relationship if I stopped trying. I was doing 100% and he was doing 0%. So one day, I just stopped everything. We didn’t have a final conversation or anything at all. I just stopped talking to him and we never talked again. It was a 4 year relationship.
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I quit drinking and realized I hated him
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When I started to look forward to his business trips, because everything was so much easier and more pleasant when he was gone. I was only cleaning up after myself and an infant! (Which, that sucks in and of itself, but…) There was no second adult making messes and waking me up in the middle of the night to pester me for sex.
I got the idea, this could be every day.
I made it happen. And then the baby was the only one waking me up, because that’s what babies do
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It just…stopped. I had no more mental energy. We were living in a somewhat ‘fundamentalist Christian’ community and I had no support as a wife or a woman. I reached out for help and no one was there. I [wanted to hurt myself]. It was oddly enough his boss telling me that I had to be a better wife or leave today. I left that day.
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My husband was gone for a few days and the kids and i didn’t even notice lol
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When he spent daycare money on cigarettes. Our rule was diapers first, even if it meant we ate ramen a few times a week. I scrubbed toilets to cover rent when he lost his jobs. This was after 7 years of me doing 99% anyways, but once I couldn’t make up for his deficiency and it impacted my ability to care for our kids, that was the lightbulb.
Been almost 4 years. Best choice I ever made.
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When he slapped me during a disagreement.
I was not going to support his a** after that.
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When he punched out my rear view mirror while I was driving because I asked how his job search was going.
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Oh hell, mine was the moment back in 2010 when he called his mom on the phone and ask if he could go live with her. He didn’t mention if WE (myself and our 5 year old son) could also live with her. I had to ask him very out loud (so she could hear me) “What about us??!” Then he changed it to, “Oh yeah and them too”. I knew then love was no longer a thing between us and I’d fallen out of love at that very moment.
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He asked me to look up nonprofits to dedicate my time and his money to in the future, despite the fact that I was the breadwinner at the time and he knew very well that I had lofty professional goals. He automatically assumed that I would assume a housewife role and abandon all of my goals to cater to his career. Turns out we weren’t on the same page and he didn’t like that.
Thankfully, I’m with a supportive partner who sees me as his equal and am well on my way to actualizing those goals.
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When I came home from work he was laying on the sofa playing video games.(He was unemployed at the time.) Dishes in the sink, the bed wasn’t made, the house was a mess. He didn’t even lift his head to greet me
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When he sat me down after a long day (of me working 2 jobs, going to school and raising our child) to tell me about how I’m not meeting his “needs”
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When I could adjust myself to be absolutely perfect for him, everything he wanted, and he still didn’t respect me, demanded more from me, and then started demanding that I return back to the person I was before I changed myself for him
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I kept going to take a shower and realizing I already had. The only time I had a minute to myself was in the shower. It was like working two full time jobs. Worked all day in the office to drive home to do house work/child care until bed. I would wake up hating life. Now I’m single and so much happier.
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When I kept trying to ask him to communicate with me, talk to me about our problems so we could fix it but he just ignored me and disrespected me, and told me he was only with me because of our daughter. That’s the time I knew the marriage was doomed.
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when he was nearly 30 and pretended he didn’t know what a baking sheet/cookie sheet was because I asked him to make dinner one night – it was a frozen lasagna, the instructions were to put it on a cookie sheet and shove it in the oven.
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When he had an affair while I was busy taking care of everything so he could golf on the weekends to “relax after working all week” (we both worked full time) and then blamed me because I wasn’t a good partner. All while not noticing that I was deeply depressed
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When he became my fourth child. I gave birth to 3 children, I didn’t need a fourth
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We were married for 6 years and I was just…blind, not willing to give up on the marriage? It didn’t go downhill right away, he just got more and more lazy during the years, leaving all the chores for me (I also had a full time job). Luckily, we didn’t have kids. Trying to talk to him did nothing.
The lightbulb moment…I guess it happened when I came across a guy who was kind to me and thought of my needs (unlike my ex). It wasn’t at all easy to admit to myself that the marriage was over. I broke down because I had been ignoring my feelings for so long.
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When he told me that I’ve done nothing to show my love for him, even though I was the one constantly making him feel validated and fully supported financially.
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I was away for a couple of months, about a month in I cried on the phone with him because I missed him, and all I wanted was to know I wasn’t alone in this, that he missed me too.
He got angry and said I’m asking too much of him. So he stopped talking to me, cuz I was upset he didn’t miss me.
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When he told me am to hard to please .
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When he told me I should tell him what he should do that would make me happy? I mean if YOU on your OWN cannot think of single thing that would be able make me feel prioritised in your life and want ME to tell you even THAT. Then sorry bye!
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