Parenting is a full-time job, and everyone knows that to work well, one needs to find and use a variety of tricks. A clever worker knows to learn from others, since experience is good, but can take a lot of time.

So It’s no surprise that some forward-thinking internet users seek out others’ advice on how to get the most out of parenting. Netizens share the tips and tricks that helped them but be warned, these tidbits of advice are more clever, cunning, and unethical than cuddly. Be sure to upvote your favorites and comment your own suggestions below. 

#1

Tell your kid that they snore in their sleep really often, that way you’ll know if they’re pretending to sleep because they’ll fake snore

Image credits: fig-lebowski

#2

Ensure your kids won’t bother you by telling them to wake you up in an hour so we can start cleaning the house – they will do anything to avoid waking you

Image credits: firesofpompeii

#3

Play a game with your kids “Cop Cars” while traveling. Whoever spots the most cop cars from the start to end of the trip wins!

Great way to keep the kids occupied while also having an extra couple set of eyes looking out for cop cars you might not have noticed

Image credits: ironbattery

A quick perusal of these tips shows that a lot of them involve manipulating information. Or, to use a slightly more ugly word, lying. One doesn’t have to be an expert to know that lying isn’t an ethical skill to teach any child, but discerning truth, half-truths, and lies is a skill to start learning early. 

Setting aside questions of ethics, which is not something we actually recommend one does at any time, there could be some benefits of “lying” to your kids. Lying through omission, perhaps, but still not exactly telling the truth. In many situations, experience is the best teacher. We don’t recommend actually putting a child in danger, but touching a hot stove teaches one about the heat a whole lot faster than just being told about it.

#4

Going somewhere with your kids that doesn’t allow outside food. Pack sandwiches and chips anyway. When questioned at the entrance, just say these items (bread, chs, meat, etc.) are approved for your child’s “restricted diet”.
Just did this recently with my son twice this week at my local water park. Saved me about 40 dollars in 2 all day trips. Just make the food reasonably healthy of course

Image credits: matthewsforprez

#5

Hate your siblings? Buy their kids the loudest most obnoxious toys possible.

Image credits: yeskushnercan

#6

How to stop kids from ding dong ditching? Install motion controller sprinklers.

Image credits: erin_baile

Similarly, parenting is a lot of work, some might even say a full-time job. In 2023, most of us already have one full-time job, but what about a second? Parents do need to find ways to recuperate energy and if that means lying about chores to get a slightly longer nap, then all is good. At the end of the day, a parent needs to be rested in order to do all the things that are a part of raising a child. 

#7

If you have a newborn baby, try to teach it to say the other parent’s name first (e.g. “Dada”, “Mama”) then whenever the child is upset or needs something they will call for your partner not you, saving you a lot of hassle, especially at night.
…as a bonus you’ll probably seem very altruistic for teaching your child your partner’s name instead of your own as many people want their name to be baby’s “first word” and actively try to teach it theirs first.

Image credits: MagicBez

#8

Want your kids to become good liars? Overreact about every little thing they do growing up.

Image credits: Macluawn

#9

When your children are young, tell them that when they lie a vein pops up in the middle of their forehead. When they are lying to you, they will subconsciously cover their forehead with their hand and you will instantly be aware of their dishonesty!

Image credits: superchet

In fact, just the status of parenthood gives one a few tools for manipulation. Children have a slightly unhinged fascination with all things adult, so by selectively limiting or labeling certain activities, one can trick children into doing chores, for example. Tell them the lawnmower is very powerful and off-limits, then find an excuse for why you can’t use it and see how quickly they flock to mow the lawn. 

#10

Parents of young kids – Keep a stash of dead batteries with your good batteries. 1) Annoying toy. 2) Batteries go dead. 3) Replace batteries in front of kid from stash. 4) Aww, sorry honey, I just replaced the batteries but I guess it just doesn’t work anymore. 5) Is that wrong?

Image credits: cat_blep

#11

If you are a parent, use your child’s library card when checking books out of the library. Not only can you check out any book (adult or children’s), but there is no fee if you return them late.

Image credits: TheIntrovertedAuthor

#12

Have some rowdy children who want to play? Tell them that you’re all going to play hide and seek and that you’ll be “it”. Once you finish your countdown don’t go anywhere and just enjoy your peace and quiet.

Image credits: themenace117

Some parents might find that their kids figure out the deception later. This is also not a bad thing. Parents generally have a child’s best interests in mind, but out there in the real world, bosses, potential partners, and a whole slew of people are interested in manipulating and exploiting others. Best to teach them to always think a little and not take everything at face value. 

#13

Concerned about unvaccinated children spreading infection? Start rumours amongst antivaxxers that exposure to vaccinated children can cause their unvaccinated children to develop autism….the antivaxxers will be sure to keep their children at a safe distance.

#14

Next year get blackout drunk before you hide the kids Easter eggs. Finding them the next day will be fun for you too since you won’t remember where they are.

Image credits: mewantcookie83

#15

Make friends with a police officer in your city / town. If your teenagers ever get in trouble with the law, they’re more likely to be let off easy when the officer recognizes them as your child.

Image credits: mood_le

Ultimately, some of these methods fall into the category of incidental teaching. Often, it’s easier to retain lessons if they aren’t presented directly as lessons. Teaching through experience and example are all useful skills and tools, so the “unethical” part is more just a label than a true value judgment. 

#16

Teach your kids that the ice cream truck only plays music when it is out of ice cream. It will make your life SO much easier. Trust me.

Image credits: iamreeb

#17

Is your child waiting on a package? When you receive it, hide it before they see it. Every day they will offer to get the mail for you until it “arrives”.

Image credits: leafninjadog

#18

Wanna find out if your kids are doing drugs? Tell them you’re going on a weekend away and come back that evening.

Image credits: HenryArthur21

#19

When picking pumpkins this year, secretly buy them beforehand at Aldi’s where it’s significant cheaper and put them in the trunk. Then, take the kids to the pumpkin patch and have them pick out their pumpkin and tell them the workers will put them in the trunk for them.

Image credits: crazypancakes

#20

Acquire a taste for spicy food and you most likely won’t have to share with your kids.

#21

Set your toddlers YouTubeKids videos to 0.75X speed so they’re distracted for longer.

Image credits: Unotheserfreeright24

#22

If you decide to adopt kids, tell them that if anyone makes fun of them for being adopted, they should say “At least I was wanted. You were probably a mistake and your parents didn’t have the heart to tell you.”.

Image credits: anon

#23

Occupy small children for hours by hiding four sweets in their bedroom and telling them you have hidden five.

#24

Tell your kid that if he or she doesn’t brush their teeth well enough, they’ll all fall out. When they start to lose their baby teeth, tell them they didn’t do a good enough job. This way, they’ll brush their adult teeth really well.

Image credits: CougarDave7309

#25

As a parent of a baby, smell their diaper. If you DON’T smell poop, say, “Woah, somebody has a poopy diaper. “ Then take them to the other room and pretend to change them. Then the next time they poop tell your spouse, “It’s your turn. I changed them last time.”

Image credits: existentialzebra

#26

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments underneath

Image credits: ttayl107

#27

If you hold up your phone at the right angle during present unwrapping you can browse reddit while making it look like your taking family photos

Image credits: OneBigBrownDog

#28

Kid doesn’t want to eat something? Send them to a friends house to hangout, and give/tell the parents to cook the food your kid doesn’t like! He will be forced to eat it, or be super embarrassing to a friend’s family.

Image credits: AdrianeXUS

#29

Snot nosed brat bothering you? Blast a frequency you can’t hear but will drive them INSANE.
As we grow older, We lose the ability to hear higher frequencies. Certain frequencies can only be heard by people of a younger age.

#30

Tell your kids that every time they lie or break a promise, they permanently lose a strand of hair on their head, and that if they lie too much, they will go bald at a very young age. Works like a charm!
Note: Avoid if you are bald, and also make them promise to keep it a secret at least till they turn 15 or something. Believe me, you don’t want them going to a relative and be like “I see that you lie a lot” “No I don’t, who told you that?” “LIAR LIAR!!! My mum told me!”

You can also add that they earn a strand everytime they help you, do a good deed or something…

Image credits: varungupta3009

#31

Going to a baseball game? Keep an old ball with you so if you catch the ball from the game you have a decoy ball to give to a kid who tries to get it. Not only do you look like a good guy but you get to keep the real ball from the game

#32

Before age 5, tell your children about the tooth fairy and how she places curses on bad kids that slowly make their teeth fall out.

Before age 5, begin telling your children about the evil tooth fairy and how she looks for kids who lie and act bad when their parents aren’t looking. When she finds one, she places a curse on the kids that slowly causes their teeth to fall out. When it starts to happen, act scared and tell them that if they start acting extra good their teeth will grow back bigger and stronger.

Image credits: PancakeExprationDate

#33

If you’re a teenage parent, name your child your EXACT name. No JR no 3rd etc. It will come in handy when you select singular personal healthcare later in life. Age between 20 and 40 is extremely difficult to discern.

Image credits: Gorthax

#34

Need to take a long flight with small children? To minimize stress, send them as unaccompanied minors on a flight with a long layover, and take a direct flight yourself.

#35

When someone elderly asks what your children want for Christmas, tell them a gadget or video game you really want. The elderly relative thinks they are being cool, your child won’t want the gift so you can have it, and they will get plenty of other presents anyway.

#36

Buy cases of fund raising candy from a distributor, then send your kids out to sell candy bars for a “charity.”

#37

Exploit people’s softness for kids by using your kid to get free stuff. That sports player you like tossing free tshirts/balls/pucks? Send your kid. Then take the item from your kid as “tax” so they learn to hate the IRS early on

#38

Give your kids a bag of coal each for Christmas this year. When they cry just tell them Santa is wrong and you’ll get it sorted. Once the shops open buy what they asked for. They will think you are a legend and Santa is a jerk. You will also get the presents for half price.

Image credits: gingerbhoy

#39

Chuck E Cheese has timed cards as well as points, but the trick is that you can swipe the timed cards every 10-15 secs, So Instead of having to buy 4 cards for my kids, I just buy 1 timed card for them to all share & it works out perfectly, spent 2 hours having a ball with 2 60 min cards.

#40

When buying a cat for your young kids buy one that is all black or white that way when it dies you can replace it easily with out your kids even knowing.

Image credits: msjoelle

#41

If you buy a hamster or a fish for your kids, get one in a solid, common color so you can easily replace it when it dies before they notice. Also, if already dead, you can “take it to the vet” and swap it. Hell, do some CPR and sleight of hand and “save” it.
Source: boredpanda.com