What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word “satanism”? Is it the band Rammstein? A group of black-clothed youths gathering at the cemetery at the dawn of light? Or maybe it’s a witch, throwing animals into a pot to make a possession potion?

The 1980s Satanic Panic saw Christian fundamentalists push the idea that evil cults were systematically abusing children in rituals and committing widespread murder, and successfully convince the general public through sensational news coverage.

While religion can be a beautiful thing, those Christian groups typically misrepresented the Church’s beliefs and practices in order to fabricate a real-world villain behind the conspiracy for the media. And we can still see leftovers from this time.

They’re especially evident in a recent Reddit post where the user Dreammare56 asked others, “What’s the stupidest thing [you’ve] ever seen a religious person call ‘satanic’?”

From Coca-Cola to a microscope, here are some of the most ridiculous answers.

#1

The same teacher who taught abstinence only sex-ED class took away my deck of Magic cards because they were satanic.

How am i supposed to keep my virginity without my Magic cards!?

Image credits: 1 pixelfixation

#2

Rocks. I’m a rock hound, and collect rocks, gems, and stones. The link between crystals and spirituality has gotten me called a devil worshipper…for liking rocks. I don’t even use them spiritually, I just like shiny s**t.

Image credits: VermicelliNo2422

Dreammare56 said the thought of making this post was quite a spontaneous one. “I was watching TV and the question came into my head when I saw something about the Satanic Panic,” the Redditor told Bored Panda.

It was a time when preachers like Jerry Falwell and his Moral Majority, founded in 1979, gained prominence across the country, passing along a literal fire-and-brimstone style of Christianity.

Anti-occult crusaders like Pat Pulling, who believed her son’s death by suicide was actually the result of a Dungeons and Dragons curse, campaigned against role-playing games as something dangerous and demonic, backed by occult fearmongering from Chick and his Chick Tracts.

#3

Being left handed…a church I visited wouldn’t let me play music bc of it.

Image credits: boogboi89

#4

I was maybe 8 years old at most. Evangelical church my parents forced us to attend convinced my family that the following were satanic: Disney, dragons, music that wasn’t for God, Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh, all gaming consoles. Basically anything enjoyable for a kid.

My mom preceded to cut the tapes from our original cassette Disney collection. PlayStation was taken apart since the chip had the number “666” engraved in it. (It did not.) they tried driving over my gameboy with a truck and it didn’t break surprisingly. Then a lady from church flipped it open and she twisted it and bam there went my gameboy. Funny thing is the following week both her kids got gameboys.

To this day I’m still upset about that.

#5

Washing machine. Apparently if you watched the swirling motion for too long, you would get hypnotized and the devil could enter your head. So be warned.

Nothing made sense. But as Vox pointed out, even though the most damaging effects of Satanic Panic were felt within the legal system, there were broader ramifications, too — and many of them linger today.

Fans of Dungeons and Dragons and other allegedly “occult” games were demonized for years. Strange conspiracy theories flourished, including rumors of subliminal messages in rock music, a conspiracy about Procter & Gamble that won the company a $19.25 million settlement, the creepy clown hoax of 2016, and concern over one guy’s weird Airbnb decor.

“In my opinion, these people and their absurd claims do kinda bring down the reputation of religion as a whole, especially Christianity,” Dreammare56 said.

#6

Back in the 90’s my family had a home pc. We didn’t have much so this computer was a big deal to my brothers and I. For school work and some good old fashioned DOS games. My dad managed to figure out how to get a screen saver with sound onto the computer, was quite proud of himself too. He failed to mention this screensaver to my mother who is VERY religious.

So one day I am sitting in highschool and get called to the principals office mid 2nd period. Now I am a darn near straight A student, who didn’t get in trouble ever. So this isn’t something that has ever happened to me. I get to the office, and I was told my mother called and was very very distraught and I needed to head home to be with her. I hear the secretary telling another office staff that she was losing her mind, and a few variations to that effect.

I rush home to find the pastor from church, performing an exorcism on our computer. My mother praying fervently through gasping sobs. The pastor and my mother prayed for sometime, before my dad came home. My dad gets home mad he was called home then he just starts laughing hysterically. Calls my mom a few variations of dumb, goes and wiggles the mouse to bring the computer up and plays the darth vader screen saver he added to the computer. “Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant” “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” “You underestimate the power of the Dark Side. If you will not fight, then you will meet your destiny.” You know all the come to the darkside quotes. With a picture of darth vaders face. Of course my mother couldn’t get the computer to do it again because she kept messing with it, and it never went back to sleep mode. So of course her first thought was we had a evil satanic computer possessed by the devil himself. The pastor just quietly snuck out with me during my dads laughing and my moms sobs.

Image credits: Tahitisummer

#7

Tampons.

I’m not joking or lying. When I was a kid, early 90’s, there was a “God Botherer” protesting outside a Superdrug (UK Pharmacy chain) screaming about the Satanism of feminine hygiene products corrupting women into sin. This God Botherer was a woman.

Image credits: Bedlamcitylimit

#8

An injured bat. The person I knew smashed the poor thing to death because it was “satanic.” F**king awful.

#9

So many things, but this one’s my favorite. Ready? Paleontologists. The idea is that the dinosaurs never actually existed and paleontologists just plant the fossils and bones to steer people away from “The Truth”. Clearly the work of the devil! Eek!

My eyes rolled so far back in my head they almost got stuck.

#10

I knew this Christian lady that refused to eat deviled eggs.

Edit: my wife said her cousins weren’t allowed to eat candy on Halloween when they were kids because their mom didn’t want to celebrate the “devils birthday”.

Image credits: whateva_iGuess

#11

My father was a Baptist pastor and had no issue with me playing D&D (3.5 at the time). When he married my step mother, she was a religious zealot and kept at my dad to stop me. One day I came home from school and they were both sitting in the living room and had all my D&D books in a plastic bag, SM having convinced my father they should trash them. I challenged them saying, how could they know they were bad. SM pulled out the players handbook and started reading the description of the cleric spell Chant. “If two clerics of the same religion are chanting, the bonuses are whatever (she didn’t know the word cumulative)”. I turned to my dad and said, how can you say these are bad if you don’t even know what the words mean. He agreed and gave me my books back.
TL,DR: My step mother’s limited vocabulary saved my D&D books

#12

Dark brown eyes. There was this batshit lady at my old church who worked in the youth ministry. She accused my sister of devil worship saying that she had “shark eyes”.

Image credits: Juxtra_

#13

“Godzilla” because god’s name shouldn’t be used like that. Told his kids there was a spelling error and it’s actually called “Goodzilla”.

Image credits: Odoacker

#14

Without a shred of sarcasm I once heard an evangelical describe hot cheetos as a product of the devil.

Image credits: PM_meurbewbs_nbutts

#15

Sporks.

I once heard someone say, “The spork is ‘the devil’s utensil’ because it is the amalgamation of the masculine fork and the feminine spoon and is trying to blur gender lines in society.”

Image credits: -eDgAR-

#16

My grandma bought this cute bunny hat to wear. She loves hats because her head gets cold. This bunny ear hat was her favorite. She wore it to church and the pastor told her it was a demonic hat, grabbed it from her head, and threw it into the trash (so I’m told, i wasn’t there).

She came home without her hat and was pissed. The church people came over to perform an EXORCISM because she was possessed by the devil.

I remember going upstairs hearing a group of church people sign hymns loudly while the pastor was forcing his hand on my grandma’s head.

I was a kid when this happened and remembered feeling angry and confused. My mom told me to go downstairs. I wish those b***hes would come back and try that same shit. I’ll personally throw them out the house.

#17

I remember a lady saying she refused to eat mushrooms, they were satanic because they grew in the dark.

Image credits: DickPin

#18

Hard rock.

My idiot aunt thought that AC/DC stood for “Anti-Christ, Devil Child.” F**kin’ idiot.

She is also the most obviously in-the-closet person I’ve ever met in my life. I have a gaydar that barely functions, but she’s super duper mega ultra gay. Perhaps she’d have had a happier life if she’d spent less time poring over “Balls to the Wall” like it was a Satanic verse and kissed a girl instead.

#19

The Lord of the Rings works and The Chronicles of Narnia. Both Tolkien and Lewis were devout Christians.

Image credits: CartoonistExisting30

#20

That dog who got abandoned by his Christian owners bc he was ‘gay’.

(He was then adopted by a lesbian couple)

#21

Back in the 70s it was a lot of stupid: bar codes. The little symbol on Proctor & Gamble products. Yoga and/or meditation. Lots of different music by different artists. My small town Christian private school had a particular teacher who was absolutely dying mad about his students’ fondness for Michael Jackson, AC/DC, and other bands of the time.

The funniest one of all was dancing. The joke around my (conservative Christian) college in the 80s was that sex was outlawed because it could lead to dancing… for some bizarre reason the administration thought dancing was totally evil.

Image credits: SociallyAwkardTurtle

#22

Unicorns. Their horns are the sign of satan. I wish I was making this up.

Image credits: ZincLloyd

#23

Frank Zappa’s album “Jazz From Hell” was required to have an “Explicit lyrics” sticker.

It is instrumental.

#24

A microscope. An acquaintance of mine called a microscope a “gift from the devil” because it makes people question the divine plan.

Image credits: ArbutusPhD

#25

A toothache. “The devil is trying to enter my body.” Was the quote. Initially i thought they were making a weird joke. They were serious.

Image credits: RoniCorningstone

#26

Star Trek. Mostly, I think, because my racist uncle couldn’t stomach a black woman and an asian dude being functional members of a spaceship crew.

#27

Wifi. Because they didn’t understand how it could work without wires.

Image credits: coda001

#28

My very religious aunt once referred to Hooters as “satan’s snack shop”.

Her husband was a frequent visitor and she found the receipts in his truck lol

Image credits: momogirl200

#29

My mom called my pants satanic (there was a chain on them).

#30

I wanted to learn to play the violin as a child but was told I couldn’t because it was the devil’s instrument.

Image credits: iswiftny2000

#31

Women speaking or asking questions in church.

#32

My mom called my art satanic because I drew dragons and wolves with horns when I was a kid.

Image credits: nukaaaKIIN

#33

My mom was terrified I’d accidentally summon a demon playing yugioh.

Image credits: MindlessPut7675

#34

My dad wouldn’t let me watch anything that had magic or monsters because he thought it would let demons into the house. This included power rangers, Ben 10, H20 just add water, harry potter, scooby doo and more.

The most ridiculous one was not letting me watch Jessie on Disney channel. This had no magic or monsters but he thought that the pet lizard one of the characters had represented the snake that deceived Eve into eating the apple.

Image credits: tobi310500

#35

“Masters of the Universe”. It was back in the 80’s. My crazy, over the top, religious aunt said ,” it’s satanic! There is only ONE master of the universe and it’s god!!!” 6 yo me rolled my eyes so hard, I’m sure you could hear the noise it made.

Image credits: Regular_Sample_5197

#36

i was once wearing my hat backwards and got called a devil worshipper.

Image credits: Guapp5tarr

#37

Having more than 2pets at home.

Image credits: RedditIsNice6969

#38

Oh man.

A paperback copy of Frankenstein’s monster with an illustration of the monster on the front.

The experience of feeling desire for black men.

Pokémon.

Yoga.

Source: grew up in a fundamentalist Christian community rampant with ignorance and bigotry of all kinds.

Image credits: AccomplishedNet4235

#39

F**king Hello Kitty. Some religious f**ktards from my sister-in-law’s family, took away all the Hello Kitty toys from my niece and burnt them because… sigh… there is a demon in the sumerian mythology who, just like the famous cartoon cat, has no mouth, so Hello Kitty is obviously daemonic.

Image credits: V02D

#40

My wife’s mother pulled her out of the carebears movie when she was a kid because the bears were casting satanic spells out of their stomachs. My wife still holds a grudge.

#41

I saw a sign yesterday that called fat people who eat excessively, satanic.

The guy holding the sign was at least 100lbs heavier than I am, and I’m 230lbs. Also, the sign didn’t make any sense to begin with…

#42

Acting – the entire profession.

Backwards satanic messages in the “Mr. Ed” theme song.

Liberalism – everything liberal is satanic.

I’ve heard all three.

#43

Being born in March. My father’s mother told my mom she was birthing the anti christ because my sister was due in March. Just so happened to also fall around my aunt’s wedding. Which is probably why. Aside from her hating my mother. Jokes on her. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and are very happy.

#44

I’ve heard someone say black people were demons because their skin is burnt from being in hell so long.

#45

For awhile I wasn’t allowed to use the word “weird” because it was associated with witchcraft. Apparently because Shakespeare wrote about the witches of “weird”.

Image credits: daizers

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