Navigating romantic relationships can sometimes feel like stumbling through a maze in the dark. Only through time, patience, and a lot of practice can we figure out how to seamlessly go through this journey of life with another person. (And even then, there will always be some unexpected bumps along the road.) So if you’re looking for advice that might go a long way in improving your relationships, buckle up and come along for the ride.

Women on Reddit have been sharing small things that have positive impacts on relationships, what they need to feel safe and what they consider to be the bare minimum, so we’ve gathered some of their wisest words below. Keep reading to also find conversations with relationship consultant Dr. Ada Gonzalez and Amie the Dating Coach, and be sure to upvote the replies that hit home for you.

#1

Respecting the need for solitude and that it can be important to carve time for pursuing our individual curiosities, rather than always making compromises so we can do things together as a couple

Image credits: Ellie_D

#2

Viewing every relationship issue as “us vs. the problem” instead of “me vs. you”

Image credits: celestialism

Considering how natural and intuitive it should be, dating is often surprisingly challenging. So to gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to relationship coach Dr. Ada Gonzalez, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. First, we asked the expert if she could share some of her simplest tips that can go a long way in improving our romantic relationships. “Regularly expressing appreciation and gratitude for your partner. Being fully present when your partner is speaking to you. Spending quality time together regularly, even if it’s just a few minutes a day,” Dr. Gonzalez noted. 

“Making an effort to show your love and affection in small ways, such as holding hands or giving a hug. Being open and honest with your partner, even when it’s difficult. Making an effort to understand and accept your partner’s perspective, even if you disagree,” she added. “Doing things that show you care about your partner’s happiness and well-being, such as helping with chores or running errands.”

#3

One thing that I noticed about my partner that really makes me know I’ve found a good person is how much he’s willing to learn from me. In very very little ways. I spend a lot of time on AITA here and there’s constant stories of absolute garbage partners who won’t lift a finger and refuse to learn/try to contribute.

My partner will see me cooking something they don’t know how to cook, cleaning something they don’t know how to clean.. basically doing anything a certain way. And then he’ll come over and ask me about what I’m doing. Why I’m using certain products, how I know something is done.

To be clear, he already can cook and clean things lol. But it means a lot to me that he sees things I do and instead of thinking “I don’t have to worry because she’s got it” I can tell he’s thinking “how can I take this off her plate?”

Image credits: selkirkandarlington

“Setting and respecting boundaries to ensure both partners feel safe and respected,” Dr. Gonzalez continued. “Making time for intimacy and physical connection, whether through sex or other forms of physical touch. Continuously learning and growing together as a couple, whether through reading books, taking courses, or attending counseling or relationship coaching.”

#4

Finding time together. Life gets busy. Sometimes your relationship can’t be first, but you have time find moments to just BE together.

We used to get a sitter and run errands together. Grab a coffee and do the grocery/Target/oil change type stuff together.

Image credits: littlescreechyowl

#5

Trust. If that isn’t established from the start then the relationship is doomed from the very start.

Image credits: zenfem80

We were also lucky enough to get in touch with Amie Leadingham, or Amie the Dating Coach, to hear her thoughts on the topic. When it comes to small ways we can improve our relationships, Amie says, “Making a simple shift with active listening will create a safe space for two people to open up and be vulnerable about each other’s feelings. It isn’t only love that keeps a couple together. It is how they fight and resolve their problems. Often when a conflict arises, most listen to defend to ‘win’ rather than listen to understand each other’s point of view. By actively listening, you can make a partner feel seen and safe in the relationship.”

#6

2 different bathrooms. Trust me it’s a game changer.

Image credits: hallesrosebuds

#7

Understanding these overall concepts:

1. A relationship has an underlying contract, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. Over time the terms of that contract may change, but you have to make sure both parties sign off on all changes. Most relationships drift apart when one of the signing parties starts signing off on changes without presenting the contract to the other person for sign off. Communication is key, but so is awareness of the little changes we go through in desires and preferences as we grow and evolve as people.

2. Over time small cracks will develop in the structure that is your relationship. It is the job of both parties to perform regular maintenance to the structure, as sometimes only one of the two of you will be able to see these as they form. You may need to reference item 1 as these are patched up

3. Here is an uncomfortable truth nobody wants to acknowledge: you and your partner will likely both have desires to be with other people throughout the course of your relationship, at least sexually. We as human beings are wired this way and infidelity rates as well as statistics on breakup reasons highlight this reality. Whatever storybook romance or religious dogma taught you about only desiring one person for the rest of your life does not reflect reality for the majority of people with healthy sexualities. This does not in any way make it okay to cheat or lie to your partner, but developing the confidence to talk about this openly may actually go a long way in preventing such behavior. Sometimes the cracks developing in a relationship go un-patched because no one has the confidence to acknowledge them. While love and sexuality certainly have overlap, they are very much separate engines in the vehicle of life. In my experience, this is the single most under-communicated aspect of otherwise healthy relationships.

Image credits: kestrel021

#8

Communication. Growing up trauma instilled by my parents included silent treatment when they disapproved of anything I did. When I first got into the relationship I am in now, I started to see how toxic it was to just not talk and wait for the problem to go away. Both my therapist and my fiancé helped me work through it and understand that it is not about “winning” and once you learn to put in effort and admit when you’re wrong and say sorry, the misundestandings become easier to talk through and don’t have to escalate into fights. We very rarely fight anymore because we communicate better, and are therefore happier.

Image credits: NinaMissedTheLastBus

#9

Figuring out how to disagree. Sometimes these turn into arguments, but as soon as it gets heated, or one person slams the door or yells, you may as well say “I’m not listening”. Trying to hear the other person out and understand where they’re coming from will benefit both people a ton in the long run.

Image credits: alltheplants05

#10

Loyalty. Proven loyalty. Not just a feeling of loyalty. The type of I can check your phone and know everything about you loyalty. I’ll do the same. If that’s a problem. Then get the fuck away from me.

Image credits: lmfao45678

#11

Kindness. Making sure you understand that you should be each others best friend and advocate. Even if you have conflict, be unfailingly kind.

This also means reminding your partner to be kind to themself. This morning my husband said something self-degrading and I gave my usual response-joking, “Don’t you talk like that about my husband!”

Image credits: BrideOfFirkenstein

#12

Two things:

1. Acknowlegement of the mental load of running the household, plus active participation in balancing that load.
2. Not cheating on me with anyone who would stand still long enough

Image credits: GetOffMyLawnLady

#13

If my husband could keep his drinking under control. It’s a work in progress. At least he is trying but I worry about it getting worse again in the future.

Image credits: redonreddit24

#14

That you two are two different people. He has his preferences. She has her own. Accepting that will save you from a lot of trouble.

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#15

Realizing that it won’t always be 50/50. Sometimes it’ll be 80/20. Also, having similar living habits definitely helps.

Image credits: AnalysisOnly1519

#16

Following up on promises.

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#17

An open mind. One thing that really sets me off is people yelling “what are you doing that is so weird!?!!” When they see me do anything mildly different, such as putting a condiment on my bread they’re not familiar with

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#18

Sharing bed and bills

Image credits: Hefty_Effective3650

#19

I need them to consistently show me through their actions that they are reliable and trustworthy. That when they say they care for you, support you and love you, they mean it and back it up with actions. Like they’ll come to you when you need them to, they’ll demonstrate their love for you through affection, compassion and intimacy.

Image credits: estria

#20

Someone who understands my need to have animals in my life. I go into a dark hole if I don’t. Luckily I married a man who turned out to be a big cat lover too. He never had animals before he met me but he’s all in. Our oldest cat is such a daddy’s girl too.

Image credits: WrestlingWoman

#21

Growth.

I panic when things go stagnant – I’m way too critical on myself to not constantly be bettering myself, and it makes me feel safe and comfortable if I know it’s a mutual desire and that we can act upon it together as a team. Because, for me, it’s not always a pretty process, and I need to feel like my SO is going to stand by me in my monstrous moments.

Teamwork.

I love having alone time, but I hate feeling alone. I love that my SO is so communicative, and supportive, and everything you’d need in a teammate to elevate your quality and performance. He doesn’t tell me what I want to hear, he tells me the honest truth and we grow from our shared truths. It’s not always easy, or again – pretty, but we have one diamond solid, beautiful relationship and I can confidently say I’ve never felt safer, more comfortable, more confident – than I do with him.

He’s vulnerable with me – probably more than I am with him! And that’s another thing.

Image credits: [deleted]

#22

Care. It’s big in my relationship because I’m severely Autistic and struggle with talking to people I don’t know, so whenever me and my boyfriend are out in public, he usually speaks for me whenever we visit a place like a store or cafe. It’s so helpful because I can barely ever start a sentence when I talk to someone I don’t know.

Image credits: Optimal-Wrangler2190

#23

Don’t act like i’m bothering you when i want to hang out.

Don’t make me feel bad for wanting to spend time together.

Image credits: Busy-Claim6797

#24

The guys I dated all seemed to believe giving me my own space and not rushing me was the way to go about my anxiety. I respect that but it wasn’t enough. A lot of times the reason I had relationship anxiety in the first place was lack of (enough) **emotional intimacy** and **emotional support by actions** as my love language is mostly actions. “You are hot and smart” is flattering and necessary for sexual compatibility, but “I know you are anxious about your cat’s vet trip but YOU GOT THIS” kind of texts in the morning for example means more about feeling secure in the relationship. And someone with anxiety disorder absolutely needs to feel secure in the relationship.

Image credits: Redhaired103

#25

I wish my bf would acknowledge how hard it is for me to interact with others, and encourage me, rather than just saying, “You just gotta get out of your head!” Ummm, yeah. If I could do that as simply as that statement implies, wouldn’t I have already done that? It’s disheartening when I’m treated as if being hurt, confused, and stressed is somehow me just being miserable on purpose.

Image credits: Known-Potential-3603

#26

Optimism and a positive outlook in there, no relationship benefitted from the kind of mentality that keeps thinking separation is inevitable because reasons.

Image credits: MrsVana

#27

Hugs and reassurance. Anything on top of that is above and beyond

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#28

Effort. It’s the little stuff like wanting to make someone happy, doing chores unprompted, checking in on each other. Exhibiting desire both physically and emotionally. Being a good person Carrie’s over in to your romantic relationships.

Obviously good communication skills.

The ability to take an ego hit or shed an egotistical thought or reaction in order to work through the issue with your partner instead of defensively hiding or shutting down.

Image credits: TikaPants

#29

Caring about each other’s well being, safety and happiness (and showing actions to this.)

Communication. Feeling safe to be vulnerable. Being honest about feelings and what’s happening in your life.

Trust and respect.

#30

Honestly, all I want is a partner who will put my needs first – that’s what I do by nature, sacrifice to make sure people have what they need, take into consideration how my life impacts theirs.

I think if 2 people put each others needs/feelings above their own, each will feel heard, love, respected, and safe.

#31

Respect.

#32

My partner to ask my opinions and actually listen when I give them.

#33

Ability for both to be vulnerable.

#34

Your life is made better by them being in it.

#35

Patience is probably the biggest thing… Setting boundaries and respecting boundaries. No yelling. Being able to tell each other if something is a problem and both of us being able to work through it. Respect for each other’s opinion and in a serious relationship/marriage making decisions together and having the ability to compromise.

#36

I have anxious attachment… so sometimes I might need a bit of reassurance. Just for them to tell me they don’t hate me from time to time……..

#37

Communication, as everyone said.

I also asked my husband not to watch porn, which he didn’t have a problem with as he wasn’t a big fan to begin with. (We are Gen-X’ers and already adults when broadband internet came out and porn exploded, so it’s probably a little different for us.) But he was totally understanding, gave me no guff about it, and I trust him absolutely. In 12 years I’ve never worried about what was on his phone or anything, and i feel incredibly grateful for that. I feel so bad for what I hear other women going through, so i don’t take him for granted.

#38

Honestly I wish I could get my boyfriend to tell the answer to this but he’s asleep. He’s honest, patient, kind, consistent, communicative and more certainly.

#39

Being present & in the moment.
Need to see that effort.

#40

Communication

Image credits: turdlollipop

#41

We have an alarm at the end of everyday called grateful. My husband’s suggestion. We spend a minute just highlighting any thing big or small that the other person has done that we’re grateful for, or if we’ve had a fight, what the other person did that helped that helped conflict resolution/repair. It helps each partner remember the good things the other person has done and where they’ve put effort into the relationship. It also helps to hear the other persons reflection of what helped so we understand each other’s experiences and perspectives better. It provides reinforcement of all the good that occurs so we don’t dwell on what we might have gotten wrong, but also what we got right and where it helps. Definitely has helped strengthen the relationship through different conflict styles and neurodiverse differences.

Image credits: Girllikethat33

#42

Doing little things for my wife. Bringing her morning coffee, packing her lunches. Every day acts of affection matter.

Image credits: JoJo-likes-bikes

#43

Dishwasher

Image credits: Altruistic_41

#44

If my husband went to bed at the same time as me. It’s a simple thing, but doesn’t happen often since I get sleepy much earlier than he does. I think it would make a positive impact, because I would sleep better and he would get more affection.

#45

In my marriage, trust, healthy communication skills and the willingness to work through difficulties and finding a resolution which works for both of us.

#46

Communication and playing to our strengths.

#47

Being listened to and not controlled. I also need quality time and words of affirmation.

#48

Open communication, congruency (as in their actions match their words), someone who is NOT quick to anger. Quick to anger is an immediate red flag for me.

#49

Willingness to take accountability

#50

Honesty, integrity, and empathy

#51

Acceptance and patience

#52

Calm and soft communication, my last few relationships weren’t that great

OH AND CUDDLES LOTS AND LOTS OF CUDDLES AND KISSES

#53

To know I don’t have to worry about them cheating on me

#54

A cupboard full of chips and a cozy warm blanket

#55

Ability to communicate without being rude or insulting when they’re angry.
Source: boredpanda.com