66 Times People Shut Down Online Absurdity With Their Savage Comebacks (Best Of All Time)

Having a good comeback to anything is a skill that doesn’t come easy to some people. At least to me anyway. Sometimes I wish a spider would bite me, and I would magically turn into a master of quick and witty remarks. Which, let’s be honest, would probably up my quality of life only slightly.

However, some folks are naturally born this way. Luckily for us, they occasionally put their superpowers to noble use by shutting down online absurdity. Today, we have an impressive collection of some of the best savage comebacks that might inspire you to sharpen your wits and get your keyboard ready to fight some internet trolls.

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#1 I’m Gonna Take The Surgeon’s Side On This One

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#2 Your Bigotry Is Showing

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#3 Let’s All Make A Pledge

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If you ever suffered from “l’esprit de l’escalier” or “the wit of the staircase,” that is, thinking of a comeback once you’ve reached the stairwell of your home, don’t worry; experts have several tips that can help with that. 

They emphasize that in order to have a witty answer, timing is everything. This means that your remark should be as fast as the words that took you by surprise. The key to doing that is honing your listening skills so that you can essentially respond at lightning speed.

#4 Dammit George!

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#5 I Proudly Served In The Gay Wars Of ’07

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#6 Who Doesn’t Love Irony?

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Luckily, people tend to think faster than others speak, giving the hearer additional time to come up with a reply, even though they might look as if they are still listening. This is especially handy when a conversation turns sour and someone needs to defend themselves. 

Such a skill can definitely be improved with practice. One strategy for better listening skills is playing a game of one-word volleyball, where two people are telling a story by quickly taking turns and adding words to what the other said before them. The simple exercise forces players to be less focused on what they are going to say and instead helps them listen and respond to others spontaneously.

#7 Yellow Tape Around Her Body It’s A Homicide

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#8 Cow Goes Moo

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#9 That’s A Stupid Reason To Ban Transgender People

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Belina Raffy, the CEO of Maffick, who often uses improv skills in business, adds that not overthinking the situation is key. “You’re taking yourself out of unfolding reality if you think too much,” she told Mental Floss. It’s important to be in the moment and to deliver an answer that is relevant in the instant. After all, a comeback that is off-topic most likely won’t be effective or amusing.

#10 On A Comment Thread About UPS And USPS Workers

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#11 Girls Have Ankles Too

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#12 Disabled Parking Should Only Be Valid During Business Hours 9 To 5

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In addition, if you find yourself thinking about the reply too much, chances are you may end up saying nothing at all. Meanwhile, putting too much pressure on yourself can make your mind go blank, similar to a fight-or-flight situation. In a quick and witty comeback, this is the opposite effect you want to achieve, so try not to take it so seriously and just let your personality shine through.

#13 Now Sit Down, Stefan

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#14 Anti Vaxxer Pretends To Be Educated

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#15 Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

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Something else that might help with quick-wittedness is expanding your knowledge, whether that’s learning new things or techniques from your comedy heroes. For this, you may want to watch some comedy specials or your favorite sitcoms. It’s not necessarily about memorizing certain lines or imitating them, but picking up certain subtleties like amusing observations or timing. 

#16 A Very Important Point

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#17 Women Aren’t People, Apparently

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#18 Shots Fired, Two Men Down

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Even if you wish to pass certain comebacks as your own, there’s no shame in doing that. Winston Churchill, who was famous for them, has borrowed a lot of them. One of his well-known lines was in response to politician Bessie Braddock’s remark, “Sir, you are drunk.” The PM replied, “And you, Bessie, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning, and you will still be ugly.”

#19 And Now, For Something Not Involving Politics

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#20 In The Interests Of Public Safety

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#21 Waddaya Say, Then?

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This iconic phrase was copied from American actor and comedian W.C. Fields. Despite this, it took quick thinking to recall and adapt the quote in the moment, which is why Churchill was considered a master of timing. “It was an off-the-cuff recall of something he had synthesized, composed earlier, and that he was waiting to perform,” Tim Riley, director and chief curator at the National Churchill Museum, said.

#22 Yes, The Answer Is Yes

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#23 Babies Are Not A Plaything

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#24 The Fact That He Never Removed The Post Surprises Me

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Lastly, as with any skill, practice is what makes one improve. For a quick-wit exercise, Hack Spirit recommends trying to make a mental note of something you’ve heard a person say during the day. Then set a timer for 5 minutes and try to come up with as many witty things as you can during that time. Some of them might not be that good yet, and that’s totally fine. The activity is all about training your brain, and over time, you will get better.

#25 Columbus Day

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#26 Apparently She Was A Raging Dumb*ss Five Years Ago, Too

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#27 This Belongs Here

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#28 Due For Some Good Luck Eventually

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#29 You Dense Mother —!

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#30 Apparently, It’s Impossible For Women To Be Smart And Beautiful At The Same Time

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#31 Satanists Just Don’t Acknowledge Religions

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#32 Cut The S**t Lady. You Chose The Bathroom

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#33 M*rdered By Kindness

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#34 Science Is Hard

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#35 That Backfired

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#36 It’s Never Just About A Cake

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#37 Well, When You Put It That Way

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#38 Mmm Spicy

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#39 Find A Different Career

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#40 Grandmothers Are Overrated

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#41 America, F**k Yeah!

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#42 Tomi Lahren

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#43 $10 To Clean The Bathroom?!

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#44 See Ya, Wouldn’t Wanna Be Ya

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#45 Bit Of A Stretch

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#46 That’s Got To Hurt

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#47 Yeah, That’ll Work

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#48 Honestly, You’re Not Important Enough To Be Microchipped

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#49 The Best Putdowns Come From The Truth

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#50 “Educate Your Self”

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#51 Deutscher Patriotismus vs. American Patriotism

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#52 I Love It

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#53 Pray Away The Gay

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#54 All Of A Sudden “Law & Order” Doesn’t Apply?

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#55 “I Don’t Understand Marches”

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#56 This Guy Wants All The Cake

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#57 Wise Advice!

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#58 Room Temperature Iq Is My New Favourite Insult

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#59 Sarah Has Been Reported Dead

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#60 I Love Arnold’s Wholesome M*rders

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#61 If He Were Here He’d Consume These Morons With Fireballs From His Eyes And Bolts Of Lightning From His Arse

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#62 Pot, Meet Kettle

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#63 Beautifully Pointing Out How Jack Doesn’t Know Why A Vaccine Is

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#64 Don’t B Confused

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#65 Maybe She’s Just Not Getting Any

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#66 The Media Makes It To Be A Feel Good Story Over A Dystopian Nightmare

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Source: boredpanda.com

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