“AITA For Breaking Up With My Fiancée For Being Too Negative?”

Some say opposites attract, but certain differences can stand in the way of a couple’s relationship or even end it in the long run.

Redditor u/PositivePercy0991 could no longer deal with his girlfriend’s negative ways and her sense of humor. The woman’s sarcastic wit was something others seemingly enjoyed, but it pushed her partner further and further away, until he reached the final straw. Scroll down to find the full story below.

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Being in a relationship often requires adjusting to the partner’s peculiarities

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This man was no longer willing to deal with his fiancée’s negative ways and sarcastic wit

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Whether positive or negative, emotions can be contagious

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Dealing with a person that always sees the glass as half empty can get pretty tiresome. Whether it’s a family member, a friend, a partner, or anyone else you spend your time with, they can bring you down as well, as similarly to laughter, negativity can be pretty contagious too.

A 2010 study suggests that emotions spread similarly to infectious disease, be it positive or negative ones. One of its authors, Harvard evolutionary dynamics researcher David Rand, compared them with the flu: “The more friends with flu that you have, the more likely you are to get it. But once you have the flu, how long it takes you to get better doesn’t depend on your contacts. The same thing is true of happiness and sadness,” he told Wired. “It fits with the infectious disease framework.”

According to the research, negative feelings seem to be more contagious than positive ones; a content person reportedly increases others’ chances of becoming content themselves by 11%, while “each discontent contact makes an individual 100% more likely to become discontent”.

That might be one of the reasons people typically don’t enjoy spending time with a constantly negative person. However, even though some tend to mumble and frown more than others, we are all wired in a way that makes us focus more on the negative things around us. Known as negativity bias, it makes us pay more attention to and learn from the negative information far more than it does from positive information.

Sarcastic remarks can have a detrimental effect on a couple’s relationship

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But it’s not only the fiancée’s negative ways that ate away at the OP overtime; he also wasn’t very fond of her sense of humor and sarcastic wit. His friends, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy it, and said the redditor should appreciate her intelligence. Research on sarcasm and complex thinking seconds the idea that sarcasm and intelligence often go hand in hand, which is something the OP didn’t deny, but he didn’t think their senses of humor meshed well together.

Science Of People pointed out that the word sarcasm itself derives from the Greek verb ‘sarkázein’, meaning ‘to tear flesh” or ‘to speak bitterly’. It also suggested that such an ironic way of expressing oneself often conveys mean messages, which are typically seen as less hurtful to the speaker than they actually are to the ones on the receiving end.

Because of its somewhat hurtful effect, psychologist and founder of Anger Management Education, Bernard Golden, Ph.D., considers sarcasm a cup that’s half-filled with humor and topped with anger. In a piece for Psychology Today, he suggested that sarcasm often reflects underlying resentment, and “extensive sarcasm may only exacerbate the likelihood of feeling hurt. When sarcasm is more pervasive, its anger is more difficult for the recipient to ignore.”

He also pointed out that in a relationship, such a way of communication can create tension and undermine mutual trust by promoting a sense of disconnection. Sarcasm wasn’t the only thing that arguably promoted a sense of disconnection in the OP’s case, and eventually, he came to realize that his fiancée and he simply weren’t compatible—something quite a few redditors in the comments seemed to agree with.

People in the comments didn’t consider the OP a jerk in this situation

The post “AITA For Breaking Up With My Fiancée For Being Too Negative?” first appeared on Bored Panda.
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