Some relationships inevitably fail. And it’s only natural to question why. Was it something internal such as the couple having poor communication, different priorities, or a lack of respect for one another? Or was the reason entirely different and out of their control?

One of the external factors that can put an end to a relationship is a person outside of it.

Redditor Heyjalapeno was specifically curious about this, so she started an online discussion with the question “Couples who have broken up because of a third person that did not involve cheating, what happened?” Below you’ll find the most popular answers from people who had their relationships ruined in the most uncanny of ways.

While you’re scrolling through, don’t forget to check out a conversation we had with Heyjalapeno, who kindly agreed to tell us what inspired her to start this interesting debate.

Image credits: heyjalapeno

#1

Sometimes the third person is a pet. Someone wanted me to get rid of my cat and I said, “Door’s over there.”

Image credits: VapoursAndSpleen

#2

Teenage girlfriend. She would constantly talk about her best friend and how great he is. She was genuinely in love with him but wouldn’t admit it. So I asked him what he thought about her and he was also in love with my girlfriend. so I went to my girlfriend the next day and broke up and had a little fight over it. I told her all about how i know she is in love with her best friend but is too afraid to ask him out because she fears he doesn’t reciprocate and doesn’t want to ruin the friendship. Then I told her that he is also in love with her and feared the same thing. That was 15 years ago today and I know they’re still together. I’m happy for them.

Image credits: MrLagzy

#3

There’s a reason you never date a momma’s boy. You will never, ever win in that scenario.

Image credits: lil_adk_bird

Bored Panda reached out to Heyjalapeno who was pleasantly surprised to see her question attracting so many interested people. When asked what inspired her to start this kind of discussion, she said that it was sparked by a conversation she had with a friend who at the time was dating a guy from a different religion. Because of the couple’s differences in faith, marriage for them was quite impossible.

Heyjalapeno shared that “Marrying outside of your religion isn’t very common in the South Asian community, and more often than not, it’s the parents who present the staunchest opposition for the same. She is going to end her relationship with her boyfriend and marry a man from her community. I just wanted to know if people all over the world have had their relationship broken because of a third person that didn’t involve cheating and I was surprised. The answers to my question were like a nightmare come to life.”

#4

Interracial relationship. Her mom was very against it. Didn’t know this early on. Became a big issue. Broke up over it for almost two years. Been back together 12.5 years and married for 4.5 years.

Image credits: MonsieurAK

#5

Single co-workers.

We married young, 2 kids by 23 years of age. I was working 55-60 hrs a week, her only friends were her 4 co-workers who were single and in their early 20’s also. A once a week girls night out became 2 nights, then happy hours added, then a girls weekend…became a toxic pattern. She stopped talking to her parents who saw it developing as well.
She left when our kids were 4 & 6 years of age, packed her stuff and moved in w/ one of her co-workers.

Once the kids got into high school, she suddenly wanted to be involved with them.

Image credits: LostKnight99

#6

His mother. She was so overbearing I felt like I was dating her too. He and I weren’t together long. I saw where it was going and bailed early.

Image credits: Low-Focus-3879

Having seen this firsthand and having read so many similar stories from fellow redditors, she firmly believes that a healthy relationship can definitely end because of a third person.

“As much as we want to believe that communication and understanding solves everything, real life does not work that way. Sometimes it’s your religion, your friends, your family, or even your pet that can undo a relationship: you reach a place that only goes two ways. That being said, I truly believe a healthy relationship cannot be ruined by a third person but it can end because of one: those two aren’t the same thing according to me.”

#7

I had a boyfriend who was extremely insecure. His bros kept telling him he could do better than me because I was not conventionally attractive. He dropped me on their advice. I guess he found out he was not the chick magnet he thought he was. He begged me to take him back but I said I didn’t want anyone who was so easily led and flakey. This was a 35 year old man.

Image credits: moheagirl

#8

30 year old partner of 8 years joined a band with some 20 year olds. They convinced him that they will never get “big” if they have long term partners holding them back.

20 years later, still not big. Never made it as a musician.

Image credits: MrsSchneL

#9

My soon to be ex husband wouldn’t stop accusing me of cheating on him with my best friend. We are both female and have never done anything to cause him to think that. He seems to think I’m divorcing him because he was right and I must have cheated. Absolutely delusional.

Image credits: love6471

Something evident from the people contributing to this discussion was that often opinions or advice from others can impede a relationship. Our interviewee sees both sides to it.

“It’s such a double-edged sword getting relationship advice from strangers. On one hand, you get a third-person perspective about your relationship; on the other, it can make you think something is wrong with your relationship even when there isn’t. I, however, believe that the only reason you’d look for a third person’s perspective (mostly from an anonymous and unbiased jury) is when you already know your relationship isn’t what you want it to be.”

#10

Religious leader convinced my boyfriend that being gay was a sin and he should be celibate.

Image credits: Sammeeeeeee

#11

This happened this week. My now ex (that hurts) boyfriend just started therapy a few months ago at my urging. The therapist helped him realize he wasn’t happy and that he was being dishonest to me by not breaking up. I’m grateful to the therapist for helping him in many ways, but man it hurts the most when there isn’t any major drama, just two people who care very much about each other realizing they aren’t compatible.

Image credits: Defiant_apricot

#12

Obviously many things leading up to all of which involved me not being a priority. But the last straw:

His sister announced her pregnancy during our engagement party. He gave her the green light to avoid ‘her getting mad at me.’ Engagement was over.

Image credits: justthemuffintop

#13

My ex’s mom hated me. I’d just turned 18 and never had a relationship before. He was my first everything. I’d shyly told his mom that he was my first boyfriend when I met her over dinner 3 months into our relationship. I had a cut on my lip that night because it was winter and my lips had gotten dry, and she pulled my ex aside to ask if we were using protection because she assumed it was a herpes sore.

Another time at dinner we had chips and salsa. I dipped a chip, took a bite off it, and then was gesturing with the chip while I spoke, and she interrupted me to say “Don’t you dare double dip that chip” out of nowhere.

She and her husband owned a million+ dollar home in the rich neighborhood of a major city. My parents made 20k/year combined. She didn’t think much of my prospects, clearly.

Joke’s on her. My ex is now 40 and still works as a waiter. His wife is an exotic dancer. I make six figures.

#14

My own mother. She had surgery and did absolutely everything to break us apart as she “needed” help. It’s been four months and I can’t ever forgive my mother.

Image credits: Ohnoherewego13

#15

Her son (he was 9), he was a brat and would bully other kids. We went to a birthday party and he punched another kid and I got mad at him and made him sit with me the rest of the party. Well his mom lost her s**t and told me im not allowed to discipline his son and that im not his father. I broke up with her right there and glad I did, her kid ended up in juvy for stabbing someone.

Image credits: mrironman11

#16

My therapist after many sessions just looked at me and said that every issue in my life is related to my wife and she, the wife, has said she will not change. You work it out. Was a lightbulb moment.

Image credits: pkfag

#17

My cousin broke up with her boyfriend of many many years because he became a far right conspiracy nut so I guess you could blame Alex Jones or Joe Rogan for that.

Image credits: Irate_Alligate1

#18

This idiot “life coach” she’s known since high school. I can’t blame him for everything but this f*****g moron just coached to shreds my marriage of 23 years.

Image credits: discardafterusage

#19

Her “gay” best friend talked her into dumping me. The next day he tried to hook up with her.

Image credits: slh236

#20

I gave a negative review of “Rock of Ages” starring Tom Cruise.

I used to gig movie reviews back in the day and my ex’s best friend was obsessed with Tom Cruise. I made a critical comment of him and it ignited a fury in her. She told the girl I was seeing it was either me or her – if she was going to date someone who hated Tom Cruise then she wouldn’t be her friend anymore. She chose her friend.

No this wasn’t high school.

Image credits: king-geass

#21

His mom decided that I was her competition and really did everything she could to keep us apart or make us fight. I finally gave up because there was no way I was going to win over his mother. She still threatened me with a gun when I was leaving their house. She actually sent me a message a week or so ago asking for help with medical care. She started the message saying passive-aggressively “hello (misspelled name), I bet you’re still hating on me….” She’s 65 and I’m 32. She used to always compare the things that we owned and made sure I knew her stuff was more expensive. It was really weird. I did not respond to her message. I really wanted to tell her “I don’t f**k your son anymore, so I don’t have to put up with you or interact with your passive aggressive b******t”

Edit: she contacted me after 12 years. So when she was comparing her money versus my money, I was only 20 years old and she was 52. Crazy.

Image credits: Expensive_Yam_2222

#22

Was in a relationship 2 years or so ago. The ex was in a cult group called sokka gakai and this group had a methodology of putting the young members in touch with older woman who would act as mother figures trying to tell them good from bad and how to prsctice and what now. Ex was brainwashed so bad by this group that all aspects of his life were being affected and he was oblivious to it. I tried raising my concerns against this “woman” and he got so f*****g defensive that she was like a mother to him. We broke up after that for a variety of reason but him being spineless was the majority of it. Later when i shared the entire story of this with my girl-friend she sent me a link about ex sokka gakai member on reddit. And from reading the thread i basically realized that this was modus operandi of the cult memebrs that they would try and break the relationships of ppl in the cult so they can push cult members to form families and thus grow. Even had a specific special term for kids born in the cult to two practicing members.
Dodged that bullet big time and thank GOD everyday for it!

#23

My mother in law. She divorced and need a spot to live. So, she moved in with us. She was very intrusive in our lives and relationship. Within a year, we also divorced.

Image credits: Vulcant50

#24

I once dated a guy who was more in love with his video games than me. Does that count as a third person?

Image credits: tmcellmarhba6

#25

Her sister forced herself on me and said that i initiated , i was the first to push her off me , but no one believed me and i was outcasted by her family , three months later my now ex gf tells me how she caught her drunk sister spilling the beans about she made a whole facade to break us up.

Image credits: turdutalp1

#26

10 years ago I was dating a girl who was a major Swiftie. We got into our one and only fight a week before Red came out and I swear to god if the album was about making things work with your partner instead of ending things forever I think we wouldn’t have broken up.

Image credits: Steezmoney

#27

Not just a third person but a whole friend group. They knew everything about me, even though I didn’t share much about myself.

We had an argument? They knew. I was out with friends? They knew. I was on my period? They knew. I had a bad day at work? They knew. Sex life, or lack of? (We had only dated a few weeks) They knew.

They would start showing up at my usual hangouts to “keep an eye on things” because they didn’t like that my friend group was co-ed. I would be downtown and happen to “run into” them. I would be at work and see them walking by multiple times a day.

I understand sharing things with your friends, but there’s a line. When your friends are just as involved in the relationship as your SO, it causes issues fast. Take a clingy boyfriend, multiply that by 6, and it’s terrifying.

#28

My husband, I and his sister started living together during the lockdown.

I started to realise things. How I did not have any friends anymore. I finally had a chance to compare how she interacted with me and how he did. I started to notice more emotional abuse.

She and I started to hang out more and he became more and more distant.

In the end, I divorced him. Do not talk to either of them. Even though I am thankful to her.

#29

She made a friend who introduced her to the poly lifestyle.

Image credits: limbodog

#30

Oh, s**t, I can actually throw my hat in the ring on this one. I had a partner who went to *one* therapy session and decided that we should stop being involved (after several years) because that single session convinced him that he needed to invert his entire life. I was never madly in love with him (I am not able to access that emotion), but it admittedly bothers me to this day that he didn’t consider me worthy of this ‘better self’ that he was apparently finally ready to craft after I had been pushing him to be more ambitious for years. He also asked me if I would still have sex with him on the side while he dated around because he liked getting eaten out and was worried that he wouldn’t find anyone else to do that. ? Boy, bye…I hate myself, but I will never hate myself that much. 

Image credits: forwardaboveallelse

#31

TL/DR: my dad’s narcissistic gf broke my fiancé and I up twice while convincing my fiancé she was bipolar and possible schizophrenic.

A bit of a long story (took place over the course of 5 years), but the short of it is that my dad’s girlfriend has broken my fiancé and I up twice. We used to live/work with them on and off while my fiancé and I were in school.

The first time we broke things off she had tried to convince my fiancé that I was some deadbeat a-hole. I admit I wasn’t as attentive as I could have been, I was working 2 jobs (including the one with them) and was a full time student, so my priorities weren’t quite where they should have been. After breaking things off my fiancé and I talked about what happened, decided we just needed a step back to reflect, but not a full blown breakup.

We did well for a few years, during which my dad’s GF convinced my fiancé that she was bipolar (possibly schizophrenic), she would go to my fiancés doctors appointment with her and got her prescribed an ever changing cocktail of meds, it turns out it’s hard to find the right balance of meds when you’re treating a problem you don’t have. My dad’s gf also convinced my fiancé she could never be a mother and should get a hysterectomy (luckily the doctors refused), when the idea was discussed with my I was confused because my fiancé always wanted kids, but my dads gf made it clear I didn’t have a say. My fiancé and I often talked about how things weren’t right and we needed to change something, but we felt stuck.

This all culminated in my fiancé having a mental breakdown (understandable so) and asking to be brought to a mental health facility. While there, my dads gf decided that my fiancé had “abandoned us” and that I needed to break up with her. Emotions were high and I knew I couldn’t let my fiancé come back, but I couldn’t think of any other way to get her out, so I reluctantly broke things off.

She left, we started talking again a couple weeks later after we both thought about what happened. My fiancé agreed that the only way to get her to not come back was to do what I did, so there’s thankfully no hard feelings. I have since left and my fiancé and I are back together and doing well. We haven’t talked to my dad and his gf since.

Narcissism is a hell of thing.

#32

Does a child count?

I was in a long term (gay) relationship for six years. From the beginning we were both adamantly child-free, not wanting to adopt, go through surrogacy or foster parent. AT ALL.

I moved across the country to follow this person’s job (he’s a foreign diplomat) and even had to spend two years in their home country between diplomatic assignments.

Fast forward to last year and we’re talking about getting married so they can stay here in the states when the current assignment is up, and find a job in the private sector. Then his father starts in with the whole, “I want to continue the family name, you need to have a child,” c**p. We both said no, thank you. Then his dad comes back with, “I will pay for surrogacy and childcare / college.” My spouse then changes his mind, thinking a kid might not be so bad, not listening to what I want at all.

Spouse flies to another state three times to jizz in a cup for the surrogate, I pack my bags the third time and move out.

#33

I broke up with my now-husband for awhile because of his daughter. She was an absolute nightmare with huge emotional issues and would have violent tantrums. She hit me and I walked out.
They got her into therapy and on meds, and she’s kind of better. Fewer tantrums, more typical entitled teenager behaviors.

#34

My ex boyfriend and I broke up because of his ex wife.

They were separated moving towards divorce when he and I met. She ran off with his best friend so no chance of reconciliation. But over the almost year and a half that he and I dated, he was never able to set boundaries with her or hold her accountable.

She financially ruined him. Opened cards in his name to fund her affair, but he wouldn’t report fraud. She stopped paying on her car, which was in his name, and when the license plates and tags showed up in the mail, he just handed them over to her. She took his dog in the separation, but any time she wanted to dip out of town, she would leave the dog with him for free pet sitting, regardless of his availability to accommodate. So on and so forth.

We fought about it all the time – I was picking up the tab during travel and dining out, and he was letting her walk all over him. But he thought if he played nice, he could protect his pension from her.

She only would’ve been entitled to 50% of 2.5 years of retirement, which is a drop in the bucket over a 30 year career. He did all of this to protect a small fraction of his pension.

Now I don’t date separated or newly divorced men.

#35

For my personal one, a very clearly unstable woman we had never met before that identified herself as a psychic insisted to my ex that she would go to university, study and succeed in fashion and find the love of her life there (while stood right in front of me) through a mutual friend. About 2 months later she left me, started attending online culinary and food science courses and started dating another student almost immediately after, moved in to his uni dorm (absolutely not allowed, btw) and insisted she was fulfilling what she wanted in life, even though this psychic was already wrong as she did not and still does not study fashion.

Fast forward half a year and she has jumped between at least 3 other guys in that time, the first of which she met because of the boyfriend she had following me, and attempting to come back to me being another one. Apparently still fully believes in her prophecy and talks to our mutual friends about it.

The juicier story that is NOT mine is 2 of my friends were dating for roughly a year. They were regulars at the bar I worked in, and the lady was best friends with my partner at the time so I always got the gossip. I hired an old friend of mine to my staff, who at first hooked up with a colleague that the girlfriend had previously slept with, then hooked up with my co-manager, and then wound up having regular threesomes with the couple, verging on being a 3-piece relationship.

About a month into this, boyfriend breaks up with girlfriend and immediately starts dating my colleague. Colleague quits her job, starts living with him, colleague and girlfriend start feuding pretty hardcore for a while. This goes on for 2 months, before colleague breaks up with boyfriend for reasons still unknown. Colleague and girlfriend start hanging out quite a lot, unexpected but nice to see women coming together and making up. And then they started making out. Colleague and girlfriend are now girlfriend and girlfriend, and have been for over a year, own a home and 2 dogs together. These were 2 of the most straight women who had always insisted on themselves being heterosexual and the best relationship they’ve both ever had is with each other.

#36

I was dating a divorced single mom. Her ex husband was petty as all hell. Any time we had something special planned, he would decide that was the perfect time to drum up drama, or discuss amending their co-parenting agreement, and so on.

She was a good mom, but had no boundaries where her ex was concerned. After several months, I realized that our relationship was third in line behind her kids and her ex. Kids coming first is fine, but that wasn’t for me, so I kindly broke it off. We never spoke again, so I do not know if she ever enacted reasonable boundaries, or if he is still sabotaging her still to this day.

#37

Her mom lost her house, moved in, and was a terror. I was working 12 hour days doing construction. I’d get home and hop in the shower, and whenever it was just her mom and me in the house, the water would randomly get scalding hot.  Set up a camera and saw her running the cold water from every faucet not on the bathroom.  Just one of the things she did to me for no discernible reason.

My GF didn’t believe me and took her mom’s side. 

#38

At a party, I asked a couple, “How is it going with living together?” The guy responded, “Fine, it’s not my first time living with someone, so we’re doing great, etc.” However, when he said that, the girl gave him a death stare. To make a long story short, they had a fight and left the party. The next day, the girl came to the party venue and told us that she had broken up with him. She revealed that the guy had a son with another girl, but he had lied to her, claiming he didn’t live with the child’s mother.

Additionally, someone made a joke that I live alone with my cats, and a the girl (whom I just met at the party) asked if she could live with me sometime. I promptly said no.

#39

Her roomate was jelous my GF was in a relationship and she wasn’t. She undermined everything for months until they were away together for a couple days and as soon as my GF was back in town she called me to end it. Everything she said in the breakup didn’t make sense but it was all from the perspective of the roommate.

#40

His mentally ill brother.

To make a long story short, his brother insisted on living independently and far away from us. He was never able to properly care for his health, mental or physical, and was continually getting into situations where my partner had to leave for long periods to fix things and care for his brother. It ruined my partner’s career, drained our finances, and left my partner totally emotionally depleted.

#41

My ex-gf slapped me across the face one day out of the blue. I warned her if that ever happened again the relationship was done. 

Fast forward a few weeks and we were at my friends birthday party. Lo and behold one of my friends friends (who I had hung out with a couple times) revealed to me she was an ex of his. He then explains that she was f*****g bonkers and would get violent often enough. So after a week or two I broke up with her. Thanks Bill if you’re out there. Saved me a lot of trouble! 

#42

A toxic friend who openly prided herself on ruining ‘relationships that shouldn’t work out’. Really she just took my ex-fiance out and spewed toxic nonsense in her ear about how I’m not doing enough for her and she should look elsewhere.

Image credits: tonygenius

#43

Had a friend who did everything with me. She would constantly go through boyfriends left and right, but I never thought anything of it. It wasn’t until I got in a relationship that I realized I was her 3rd person that was ruining all her relationships. She wanted to be with me and kept dating these guys in an attempt to make me jealous. These guys worshipped her, and she just wanted me. I didn’t have a clue until she started getting jealous of my gf and trying to break us up. I finally cut her off and she just blatantly accused me of raping her, despite the fact that I never had. It was her “if I can’t have him, no one will” moment. It took years to recover what was left of my reputation after that. I hate that I was the reason all those other guys got their hearts broken though. 

#44

She had a psycho mother who would poke her head into every aspect of our relationship.

At one point her mom was going to work and watching me on the security cameras from the time i woke up until i went to work or bed.

I only found out later it was so when i left she would bring my girlfriend at the times Ex over to try and force me out of the situation. He was abusive, unkept, unemployed but easily controlled by her mom to do anything she wanted. He also was/is known for selling her nudes for cash.

The tipping point was when her mom forcibly moved back in to the house she was no longer paying for, then began stealing groceries, money, and medical cannabis to take to her other daughter (unemployed high school drop out with 3 kids)

Called her mom out, she spit on my face and called me selfish.

I havent spoken to that ex since. And looking back I can’t believe I even put myself through it. Her, and her family were equally insane.

Also found out after everything ended that my Ex and her ex (the guy who would sneak over) were responsible for the death of their 1 month child but never charged. The world’s kind of f****d up sometimes.

#45

He was massively hung up on his straight friend and his straight friend was massively hung up on the attention.

We lasted a few weeks, the only time we were alone was bedtime.

#46

His friend liked me. I had no interest in his friend and made this very clear. Not sure what the logic was!

Image credits: kermitinaturtleneck

#47

His grandma was racist and just a hateful woman and he wouldn’t consider a life where he didn’t live with her. Turns out she bankrolled his whole life and he spent her money while telling me it was his. I asked him to consider moving in with me and he said any future we have together is going to be us living with her. Nope.

#48

The girl best friend that acted more like a toxic MIL than a friend of a grown man. I only met her briefly like once, she had no reason to dislike me. But she threw a fit when he gave me a key, a big romantic moment for us and she planted doubt in his head that he was moving too fast. We got pregnant and she told him I wasn’t actually pregnant, wasn’t his baby if I was etc, also planted doubt and made him extremely distant for the first 3 months of our first pregnancy. We were dealing with postpartum during our THIRD child and she convinced him I was controlling and ruined all his friendships. What ruined all his friendships was having 3 infants/toddlers??? I didn’t care if he hung out with friends. She never came to visit, never brought gifts for the kids, never tried to know me, but she had weird overly affectionate pet names for my kids because she “loved anything that was part of him.”

Anyway she eventually convinced him to leave me and he says stuff like “I can’t just choose my loyalty between my friend of several decades and you.” I have never urged him to choose, she did. Also she never wanted to date him, never attempted anything. Very strange.

#49

Girlfriend’s dad died, i tried to be supportive but couldn’t handle the devastation that a thing like that would cause a person. We broke up.

Guess this kinda counts.

Image credits: undersquirl

#50

He kept accusing me of sleeping with this one particular guy friend. He’s never seen the friend or met anyone that knew him. In fact this guy friend lived on the other coast. Kept accusing me of riding all over that d**k which is super f*****g gross honestly because although that friend is conventionally attractive, we never saw each other like that. Ex’s paranoia grew so much he was constantly stalking this guy friend and imagining crazy s**t that he would “accuse me of doing with him in bed.” It felt like mental sexual assault because I never even considered kissing this person and vice versa we are just college classmates. Eventually, he did not allow me to talk to anyone who ever knew this friend which is everyone I went to college with. Escalated to him putting his hands on me because the more I denied it the more of a liar he thought I was.

#51

The state of Florida? He wanted to move there – and he did. I did not want to move there and stayed put. Many years later I’m glad that things happened this way. No, we did not stay in touch.

#52

This was back in 2016 when I still had a leftover private twitter from high school… anyways someone I didn’t recognize follow requested and I accepted. A couple weeks later my bf at the time has a brand new instagram account message him screenshots from my private twitter. Nothing crazy, just venting about young relationship bs. The ONLY person that account was following was his roommate. Roomie tried to create a wedge and maybe it did influence my ex cause he dumped me a month or two later. But it was crazy that my ex wasn’t convinced it was the roommate. The roommate wasn’t popular on insta or anything so to me there is no other person it could be. Plus he hated me!

Jokes on them, that was the best thing to ever happen to me ?

#53

She couldn’t process that her romantic feelings towards her best friend(me) because she was very attached to identity as a straight person and we’re both women . She was very conflicted about her sexual attraction to me. instead of being honest with herself , her boyfriend or me.. she just started acting weird. She would dump her boyfriend, then come over to my house. In private she would rizz me up !
She would playfully pin me to wall and make eyes at me , or offer to give me a topless massage – stuff that can’t really be explained away by “ girl friendship “.

The next day she would freak out and claim it was all “ joking” then get back with her boyfriend. I understand what to find yourself crushing on a female friend and what it’s like to come out while living in a red state. I just told her it’s cool we can just be friends. ( my heart was crushed but she was a cool girl and I’d rather be friends than not) . The same week she got back together with her boyfriend . A few weeks later right when I’m mentally moving on and chatting up a new person and she’s getting less attention from me then BAM she dumps him again and calls me up. repeat.

Her and I never officially dated, she was technically broken up with them when we hooked up but all her boyfriends were dumped ,taken back , dumped again and had no idea why. I think we were all in love with her but she was in love with attention and had us all on rotation?

#54

My math teacher did not like seeing a nice, middle-class white boy with a poor, black girl like me so she called his dad and told him. The next day, the boy told me his dad forbade him from seeing me and that was that.

Same math teacher decided I should be put into the lowest math class instead of honors (I was a B+ student in her class) so I could stop stealing a spot from a more deserving (white) kid. It threw me off the highest track and messed up my STEM major because I couldn’t catch up to the math class I needed in order to finish my major in time.

Image credits: Prior_Alps1728

#55

My ex got seriously worked up over my best friend. They thought she was trying to steal me or turn us into a throuple. They’d get jealous over anything I did with her and eventually tried to put a cap on how much we hung out and talked.

Things hit the breaking point when they accused me of cheating because I grabbed coffee with my best friend and parents while my ex was at work. I was just so tired after arguing about it for months. To top it off my friend is straight so the whole cheating thing makes absolutely no sense anyway.

After we split, chatting with friends and family made me realize nobody really trusted my ex. Looking back I see a ton of red flags, and I think they were trying to cut me off from everyone else in my life. Crazy how you miss these things in the moment.

#56

A girl I dated in highschool broke up with me because her best friend said that I “Wasn’t good for her” and that she never got to see her because she was always spending time with me.

Within a month of breaking up, her friend was never available to hang out because she was always with *her* boyfriend, and it could only ever be the 2 of them.

#57

That was some ages ago, but I was dating a new person after a rough breakup.

A few months later, I got tipped that my ex girlfriend was having an ongoing mental health crisis. I notified my new girlfriend I was going to help – yeah, I was angry at her, for sure, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to sit and do nothing if she’s in trouble.

The plan was just to get her off the street and make sure she gets appropriate psychiatric care. Nothing else. She didn’t even have to talk to me. 

My new girlfriend was furious, and gave me an ultimatum: if I get involved helping my ex, she’s out.

I chose sending my ex to rehab. I stand by that choice. This is how I work. If it bothered her so much, we were clearly not a good match.

#58

Gay dating is exhausting because it seems like everyone has a weird codependent relationship with at least 1 ex. Why would I want to stay in a relationship when I feel like a 3rd wheel in their relationship with their ex?

#59

Do unhealthy nonmonogamous situations count?

If they do, I’ve had a couple of non-monogamous relationships go south because of unhealthy dynamics between multiple partners. In one case, a married couple was looking for partners; the wife had been having non-mono relationships for a few years already & was having such a good time of it that she encouraged her husband to do so as well. Initially he was reluctant, but eventually decided to go for it.

If you’re thinking that he and I started dating, hit it off and suddenly his wife got cold feet and shut everything down, you’re right: she was fine opening the relationship as long as *she* was getting her needs and wants met, but once her husband was interested in another person she couldn’t handle it. She dumped all her partners and turned into Sweet Suzie Homemaker, her life all about her devotion to her beloved husband, overnight. He was terribly conflicted about it. I saw where it was going so I broke it off.

My last non-mono relationship was with an old friend. He started dating another woman right about the time he and I started dating. For a while things were fine, but they were never truly balanced. He prioritized his other girlfriend from the very beginning. After a few years of letting him talk me into believing that everything was really equal when it absolutely wasn’t, I finally realized that she was his girlfriend and I was just his side chick. I promptly kicked him to the curb.

That non-monogamous period in my life wasn’t good. I don’t regret trying it out and seeing what it was like, or the lessons learned from it, the biggest of which is that I’m definitely happiest in a monogamous relationship. I will never have a poly or non-mono relationship again – there’s too many variables, too many unhealthy people in the community, and I don’t need that in my life. I’ve definitely known folks who are poly and it works great, that just absolutely isn’t me.

So, lessons learned.

#60

He wanted to be at his sister’s or mom’s house every weekend for 6 hours at a time. Barely gave any time to our family.

#61

We had been talking about separating when the kids graduated HS because she was a lesbian. A few people knew about this. One of them got her a promotion 2 hours away. It was enough money she could be self sufficient and buy a house. We ended up having a conversation we had been kicking down the road a few years early.

#62

I know a few who divorced because of the in-laws. Sometimes a person’s family is too crazy.

Evermist:
 
Had a friend who broke it off with her fiance because her mother in law to be was so hostile and he refused to do anything about it or break off contact.

#63

No cheating, but it really seemed like she was in love with her best friend… she bent over backwards for this woman, constantly, and yet every time she’d talk about her to me it never seemed to be anything remotely positive. I never could  understand why she was persisting with their friendship. 
Plus always badmouthing whoever her friend was dating- some may have deserved it, but it started to feel like a pattern… like she was jealous. 

I never asked, or accused, any of this. But six months in (it should have been sooner), it was finally crystal clear to me I wasn’t going to get anywhere near the level of effort I was giving, or even half of the output she was putting into this girl.
Called it off, and really felt quite good to end it.

Epilogue: about four or five months ago (two years after I ended things, and not a word to each other since), I walked into a banh mi shop to place an order. Went to wait outside since it was busy, glanced up and at a table outside, I noticed her friend.. then a familiar blonde ponytail with their back to me. Not at all interested in any interaction- even accidental- I went back into the shop. Picked up my sandwich, walked a different way out of the shop to avoid passing them.

Later that night at the pub, I get a private phone call. Ignore. Call again a few minutes later. Ignore. 
Get a voicemail. It’s the friend saying to leave the ex alone, or she’d have to go to the police… I was confused, but really couldn’t do anything but laugh it off and move on with my day.

Frankly, they deserve each other. 

#64

I was in a long distance relationship with the eldest son of a family from the South of Italy for three years. I am not Italian. (Italians reading this already know where this is going) We met in Milan when I was there for work and he was visiting friends. We would try to meet once a month, in my country and different cities in Italy. After some time, he invited me to meet his family and we started to stay at his family’s house. To say his mother wasn’t a fan, is an understatement. Loved his dad though, great man. I didn’t really speak Italian, I took lessons but their accent made it hard to follow. She would occasionally burst into our room, screaming her head of at me in Italian (me – deer in headlights), hide or take my stuff and make things difficult. Knowing that we would have to take her in later in life, him being the eldest son and traditions being what they are, made it easier for me when it ended.

#65

He was still in love with his ex. I found out. He got scary mad as he left. Guess it was emotional cheating. I honestly hadn’t seen it that way (probably because I didn’t want to). But yeah, it wasn’t just well-managed feelings…

#66

She was a classmate of his who had a huge crush on him and he pretended not to notice so he could “stay friends with her” and get his ego stroked. I begged him to put some boundaries up with her and he refused ¯_(ツ)_/¯

#67

She was my best friend, and worked with my fiancé at the time so she was pretty close to both of us. We were going through a rough patch and I thought I could vent in trust and in confidence to my *best friend* but instead she took my words and twisted them, and regurgitated the bastardized version of my vent to my fiancé, in turn making the problems worse and fester; and would do the same same thing with his vents to her, giving me the bastardized twisted version of what was supposed to be his in confidence vent to a friend. Towards the end we took a one week long “trip of solitude and reflection” where we went camping in the middle of nowhere with no distractions, no technology for a week to talk and discuss our life together. It was during that week of discussing what had been going on recently that it came out that she was giving him a very different version of what I was venting to her about, and vice versa to me, which was causing more problems between us. we chalked it up to her own bad track record of relationships – misery loves company after all. During that week she started a new job at a different company, so I ended up ghosting her and blocking her number, and my fiancé didn’t have to see her at work anymore so it was pretty easy and effective to fully cut her out of our lives. I didn’t need an explanation on why she was doing what she was doing and frankly I didn’t owe her any explanation on ending the friendship based based on what she was doing Our relationship still broke down because it was irreparable at the point, but I’d never experienced such underhanded friendship in my whole life as that one. Turns out he was cheating, just not with her. And apparently one of the contentions was that he was upset that she wouldn’t sleep with him despite knowing the whole time that he was cheating on me.

#68

My ex and I broke up due to how he reacted when I had a friend visit.

At the time my then-bf and I were living together. I had moved across the country and all of my friends were his friends first. I asked a few months ahead if a friend of mine could visit and my ex said yes. The visit comes around and my ex has a bit of a mental breakdown that results in him asking me not to touch him, me sleeping on the floor of our room, and getting a hotel room while my friend goes to stay with other friends of theirs in the area. (For timeline here, it was literally a three day visit – Saturday fly in, Tuesday fly out)

My ex and I talk about it and I ask him to go to couples therapy with me. He agrees. Fast forward a month and he’s refusing to go to any of the therapists I’ve researched, citing any excuse until he finally admits that he sees it as a punishment and thinks I should go to therapy alone. He also refuses to apologize to me for his actions since he feels like I forced him to act that way.

A month later, after we try to talk about it more and try to fix things, I finally break up with him. And honestly I’m much, much happier now.

Edit: friend is nonbinary, I’m a guy. Since that’s come up a few times

#69

My step son ended up being to intolerable, and was likely to be living with us until we died.. I just couldn’t..

#70

My exes housemate and “best friend” for 1.5 years would treat me like rubbish and my ex was completely oblivious to the whole thing and seriously avoidant of conflict. She would only speak to me via him, never made eye contact, would walk out of the room as soon as I came in. If we were in a group setting I’d try and engage in conversation with her and she’d ignore me and talk to someone else in the group. It was subtle enough for most people not to notice but my friends picked up on it once when we bumped into her in a nightclub, I said hi and introduced her to my friends, turned around to check the bar as I was going to offer her a drink, when i turned back around she’d walked off! My ex swore it was all in my head despite the fact that in 18 months of part time living with her, we’d never managed to have a conversation. He never believed me or engaged in it at all. I confronted her over Facebook messenger so she couldn’t ignore me and I’d have evidence. She denied everything. It was such a frustrating situation. I couldn’t believe my partner at the time was happy to let this fester and refused to believe my side of the story at all. I knew i couldn’t be with a partner who wouldn’t emotionally engage with me and who couldn’t resolve the conflict in a healthy way. What’s worse is his friends got involved and backed him up, like it was high-school. I was just flabbergasted. You definitely need to get on with your partners key friends and family members or it just won’t work, and your partner needs to have your back for sure.

#71

My cousin poisoned my mind over the girl I dated in college. She and I didn’t speak for like a year and a half. We became friends again eventually and ten years later we got back together. When we made it FB official that same cousin said “finally.” He admitted he was wrong and that we just make sense. Gf and I have been together 4 years second time around.

#72

He was very controlling towards his niece and when told to back off by me, he freaked out and dumped me. He caused such drama her mom kicked her out. Problem was, she was 16 and her uncle was 19yo but everyone believed what he said and never her.

#73

An ex had this weird clingy guy friend who was just *always around*. She wasn’t the kind of person to cheat, and I’m like 99% sure this guy was gay, but it was still highly annoying. Like if we were in the back yard, he’d randomly walk around the side of his house and barge into my perfectly peaceful evening. Then he’d start talking and wouldn’t stop until he left hours later. He had absolutely no f*****g concept of personal space. I’d get pissed, but if I said something, my ex would immediately defend him. It all came to a head one day when we were getting ready to leave. He bangs on the door and just starts talking. I keep trying to politely tell him that we didn’t have time, but he wouldn’t listen. Eventually he ropes my ex into some dumb f*****g conversation, and once again, I try to politely tell him that we had to go. He looks at me, then looks back at her, and keeps talking. This time I poke him in the shoulder and yell “get the f**k out of here Kenny”. This lead to a big ol’ fight, and me eventually breaking up with her. Just thinking of that dude makes my p**s boil.

#74

My ex and I recently broke up because I had a problem with her texting a friend from work from morning to night. She would text him all the time and I said it made me uncomfortable and we would get into huge fights over it. I explained to her that I wanted to work on our texting and connecting months prior. She choose to do it with somebody from work. So 3 years down the drain because of a friend from work.

#75

The stereotypical “best friend” who lowkey wants their friends to be miserable like them. They were so quick to tell my ex to break up with me instead of just talking to me. (They’re 28y/o with literally 0 relationship experience. The only expertise they have comes from fkn TikTok.) I never did get to tell my ex how much of a problem her “friend” was but it’s not my problem anymore. Maybe she’ll realize it down the road.

#76

My exes friends talked c**p about how I was older than him and at two years he up and left. It was fantastic. I was like…damn you can be swayed that easily by others..

#77

Regular at her bar, would help out when it got busy, always there, sat and chatted constantly. Would be buddy buddy when I was there to help out or visit and have a beer when it was slow but as soon as I left he would badmouth me. When you hear it every day constantly you start to believe it, long story short the relationship ended, he was the “good guy” I wasnt, she “gave him a chance” found out hes a slug, and apologized to me profusely for everything said she reached out and tried to clear my name to those mutuals she badmouthed me too and moved closer to her parents to “restart”. The guy ended up marrying one of his buddies girlfriends iirc

#78

Work husband, said he could treat her better.

#79

I dated a guy for three years that, despite graduating #1 in his class, double bachelors in Business and Accounting from a private college, and holding down a full-time job, lived on the farm with his parents and younger brother. He was 42 when we met. I was an idiot in love with a guy who put me near the top of his priorities, right beneath God, his specific Catholic church, his mom, his dad, his brother, and the farm. Unless, of course, he wanted to mess around, then most of that was abandoned.
Source: boredpanda.com