Figuring out how to juggle a full-time job, childcare responsibilities and being a great parent isn’t easy. Every family is unique, and they must decide what works best for them.
But as one mother of four has learned over the years, sometimes people just can’t help but insert their own opinions on others’ parenting choices. Below, you’ll find a TikTok that Sheisapaigeturner recently shared, detailing why she and her husband choose to continue working and pay for childcare, rather than have one parent stay home with the kids.
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This working mother of four is tired of being asked why she doesn’t stay home with her children
Image credits: Sergey Makashin (not the actual photo)
So she shared a video detailing why she chooses to work and pay thousands of dollars a month for childcare
“My husband and I pay $5,000 a month for childcare for our four kids. And the question after that, once somebody finds that out, is always, ‘Well, why do you work?’ And the question is almost always directed at me. And the question is, ‘Do you make enough to warrant that? How do you have any money left over? Doesn’t it make more sense for you to stay home?’”
Image credits: sheisapaigeturner
“In our scenario, where my husband and I are similar earners, our on-the-year earnings are very similar. It does not make sense for one of us to stay at home right now. We are spending an astronomical amount of money on childcare, and I understand that some people can’t fathom it and some people don’t even make this in a year, right. And no, it’s crazy that we’re paying that much money, which I totally understand and I understand the privilege that comes with that.”
Image credits: sheisapaigeturner
“At the same time, the question as to why I work, one – always directed at me is somewhat insulting, but two – negates the next steps in my life. I am not a mother of young kids forever. I’m a mother of young kids for five to 10 years, depending on how widespread your children are. And so for me, in four years from now, my youngest child will be in full-time school. I will still have the cost of school, afterschool programs, kids activities, enrichment, camp, all of that. But I will not have the cost of childcare. There’s an end date to that and I can struggle and kind of grit my way there because we are still kind of, like, really piecing it together on our budget to make that childcare budget work for us. But there is an end date and I know that where I wanna go in my career and the compensation that I’m able to have, it’s there. It’s at my fingertips, right. And me stepping away from work for five to 10 years would throw me back from where I want to go and the life I want to live after my children are out of daycare.”
Image credits: sheisapaigeturner
“So right now, we’re really not taking a lot of family vacations. We’re not traveling far and wide with our children. We’re doing what we can. We’re doing local vacations, right. We also have four kids so flying with four kids is… I don’t even wanna think about it. So there’s that. And four years from now when my youngest is five and my oldest is nine or 10, that’s a different world for us. We have a different life ahead of us. And I’m not just planning for the next four years. I’m planning for the next 20, 30 years of my life and my kids’ life. And I know what’s important to me. And I also know as a woman, the question should not be directed at me as to why I work. The question should be, ‘Does it make sense with your combined incomes that one of you stay home?’ That should be the question – which one of you would stay home, not, ‘Why do you work, Paige?’ So there’s that.”
Image credits: sheisapaigeturner
“But also, I don’t know that anybody has the right to ask me why we’re paying an astronomical amount. The question is, why is daycare so expensive and so inaccessible? The follow-up question to that is, well, there must be value at the end of that, otherwise you likely wouldn’t be doing it. And it’s not just sending them there for fun. So it’s all about context.”
Image credits: sheisapaigeturner
You can hear Paige’s full explanation right here
@sheisapaigeturner The value in my career outweighs the cost of childcare for the next 4 years. My life is long and I am not just planning for today but planning for my and mt familieis future in mind. #costofchildcare #childcarecrisis #daycarechronicles101 #daycarekids #millennialmom #workingmoms #wfhmom #daycaremom ♬ original sound – sheisapaigeturner
Whether parents choose to stay at home or return to work should be completely up to them
Having children radically alters the trajectory of your life, and it forces adults to suddenly make many choices they’ve never had to previously. Some opt to become stay-at-home parents while their spouse or partner works, and others decide to continue with their careers and find some form of childcare for their children. Neither is right or wrong; it simply depends on what’s best for their family. And contrary to the belief that choosing to work means you’re putting your children on the backburner, research has found that that’s not necessarily the case. According to Stewart D. Friedman, an organizational psychologist at the Wharton School at Harvard, children have higher emotional health when their parents believe that family should come first, regardless of how many hours a week they spend working.
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And when it comes to whether or not mothers in particular should be working, Friedman found through his research that children are actually mentally healthier when their moms “have control over what happens to them when they are working.” So if you’re worried about how taking on more responsibility or a higher role in your company might affect your kids, don’t be. Reach for the stars! Of course, being a stay-at-home parent can yield benefits as well, as moms and dads who spend more time with their kids may be more involved in their children’s school performance, may be able to spend more quality time with their little ones and can lead to their kids having less stress and aggression, but it’s not something that moms or dads should be pressured into simply because their kids are young.
Image credits: Kelli McClintock (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, the exorbitant daycare costs in the United States often makes the decision for them
When Paige mentioned that she spends $5,000 per month on childcare, it’s possible that your jaw dropped, but unfortunately, one reason why some parents in the US choose to stay home with their kids is because they simply can’t afford the exorbitant prices of daycare. In the United States, the median annual price of childcare for infants is about $17,171 in cities. The price decreases slightly as children get older, but even for preschool-aged kids living in cities, their parents can easily spend over $12,000 a year on daycare. When you have 4 children like Paige, there’s no question that parents can spend $5,000 per month to ensure that their kids are safe and sound.
According to Wisevoter, the average household income in the United States is $71,538, meaning that there’s usually not thousands of dollars lying around to go straight to childcare. It’s possible that nearly all of Paige’s or her husband’s income is going directly to daycare costs, and it’s unfortunate that some parents are forced to leave their jobs due to being unable to pay these exorbitant fees. But it doesn’t have to be this way. If you compare the US to Sweden, for example, American parents tend to spend about 32% of their average wages on childcare costs, while Swedish parents spend only 5% of their total wages on ensuring their kids are looked after.
Image credits: Kostiantyn Li (not the actual photo)
Moms also tend to face harsher scrutiny than fathers when choosing to keep their jobs
As Paige also mentioned, it can be damaging to a mom or dad’s career if they decide to take a few years off to spend time with their little ones. While the average American mom takes off about 2 years after having children, that time can severely impact her work life when she returns. Over a third of working moms report struggling to be hired following a break in their careers, and 61% say that it was challenging to reenter the workforce. Over half of these working moms also say they worry about being judged for asking for more flexible hours to accommodate their families. Many even hide the fact that they’re parents at work to prevent roadblocks being placed in front of their careers. Of course, fathers are susceptible to similar struggles as well, but as Paige pointed out in her video, moms tend to face much harsher scrutiny when not staying at home with their kids.
At the end of the day, it’s every parent’s choice whether or not they want to return to the workforce while their children are young, and they should never feel judged for whatever decision they choose to make. Instead of questioning why this mother spends so much on childcare, perhaps we need to be asking why it is so inaccessible in the first place? We would love to hear your thoughts on this video in the comments below, pandas. Have you ever had to make the choice between going back to work or staying with your young children? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another article discussing the challenges that working moms often face, look no further than right here.
Image credits: Xavier Mouton Photographie (not the actual photo)
Some viewers supported Paige’s choice to continue working, noting how important our careers can be
On the other hand, some moms disagreed, sharing that they couldn’t bear being away from their little ones all day
The post “Doesn’t It Make More Sense For You To Stay Home?”: Mom Defends Her Choice To Keep Her Job And Spend K/Month On Childcare first appeared on Bored Panda.
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