Do you have siblings? Whether you’re the first born, middle child, baby or somewhere else in between, chances are the role you play in your family has been shaped by where you fell in the birth order. But it’s not as simple as being destined for a life of high-achieving if you’re the first born, being overlooked if you’re in the middle and being coddled if you’re the youngest. According to one doctor, growing up in the same household does not even guarantee that we have the same parents as our siblings.
Dahlia Kurtz recently shared an interview with Dr. Gabor Maté on TikTok where he explained why no two children have the same parents, and his sentiments resonated with many viewers. Below, you’ll find his whole explanation that might also strike a chord with you, as well as some of the replies fascinated viewers have left.
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We would love to hear your thoughts on Dr. Maté’s insight in the comments if you grew up with brothers and sisters, and then if you’re looking for another Bored Panda article highling how vastly different siblings’ experiences can be, look no further than right here.
After being asked how siblings can turn out vastly different despite being raised in the same circumstances, physician Dr. Gabor Maté raised a fascinating point
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He explained that no two siblings can ever have the exact same experience with their parents
Dr. Maté is an expert on childhood development and often writes and speaks about topics such as this
Image credits: Gabor Maté
You can hear his full explanation right here
@dahliakurtz How could your sibling be raised the same but turn out so differently? Maybe even a narcissist? Dr. Gabor Mate has the facsinating answer. You’ll never see yor sibling the same…For the full conversation, check out rhe link in bio. #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #depressed #happy #gabormate #drgabormate #siblings #narcissism #parents #recoverty #trauma #help #healing #dahlia #bpd #anxiety #family #familygoals #siblingcheck #siblinggoals ♬ original sound – Dahlia Kurtz
When it comes to raising siblings the same way, the conversation usually revolves around raising boys and girls the same way. Parents are told not to impose gender roles or stereotypes onto their children that might cause them to grow up with prejudices or feel unsafe to explore their true personality and interests. That is a very important conversation to have, but far less often do we hear people call attention to the fact that siblings are actually never raised the same way.
We all know the stereotypes that are associated with each sibling depending on where they fall in the family birth order, but it’s not the childrens’ fault for living up to those archetypes. Their parents are probably just as responsible for treating them all slightly differently.
Pediatrician T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., told Parents.com that there are certain traps moms and dads often fall into where they treat each sibling differently without even realizing. Thus the cycle of filling these “sibling stereotypes” never ends. He cautions parents not to have unrealistically high expectations for their first born and to be careful not to give them too many responsibilities. They might be willing to help out from time to time, but they should not have to take on a role that their younger siblings don’t have.
When it comes to the middle child, Dr. Brazelton notes that they are often the most diplomatic and the least spoiled, as they often feel left out or overlooked. He recommends that parents be sure to show them gratitude for mediating sibling conflicts or compromising to please their brothers and sisters. It’s also usually important for them to seek friends outside of their family, so parents can be sure they have opportunities to socialize. And don’t forget to give the middle child one-on-one attention too. They never get a chance to have the house all to themselves with their parents, as their oldest and youngest siblings do, so it’s important to make them feel special too.
When it comes to the baby of the family, parents often have a tendency to make decisions for them, but they should resist that urge. Let them have autonomy. Also be sure to acknowledge their “firsts”. Just because their older siblings have done something before does not mean it’s any less exciting for them. They should also be given responsibilities to help them feel important and to learn that they can’t expect things to be done for them.
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Parenting kids differently is not an inherently negative thing, though. Kids do have different personalities, and as Dr. Maté explained, they will evoke something unique in their parents. But they will also respond differently to various behaviors. Parents can learn the most effective way to communicate with and motivate each of their kids, and it will make them feel supported, rather than treating them all exactly the same despite having vastly different personalities.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this video down below. Can you tell that you were raised differently than your siblings, or do you feel that it was pretty balanced in your household? Feel free to share your personal experiences, pandas, and then if you’re interested in gaining even more knowledge from Dr. Maté, you can find his website right here.
Dr. Maté’s insight resonated with many viewers, some even felt compelled to share their own experiences online
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