If you’ve found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, you might believe that nothing could ever tear you two apart. But how much weight should your family members’ opinions have on your relationship?
According to one man, if a sibling disapproves, it’s important to respect that decision. Below, you’ll find a story that a man recently shared on the Off My Chest subreddit, explaining how his brother tried to sabotage his relationship because he and his fiancé had history.
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This man recently got engaged to the love of his life
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But because she had briefly dated his brother in the past, his sibling decided that he would not be supporting their relationship
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Later, the man provided more information and clarified some details about the situation
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Readers assured the man he was right to be upset, noting that his brother was being immature
Later, he provided an update on the situation after talking everything through with his brother and fiancé
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Many of us consider the approval of friends and family necessary for our relationships to thrive
Romantic relationships are complicated enough without asking the peanut gallery for their opinions, but for some people, family approval is extremely important. According to research by Dr. Karen Blair at St. Francis Xavier University, those of us who perceive more support for our relationships report experiencing better relationship well-being, as well as less mental and physical health challenges than those without support for their relationships.
Researchers also found that support from friends was deemed even more important than support from family members, as it more significantly impacted relationship well-being and health outcomes. It can be incredibly stressful to feel like those you love most in the world are judging your relationship, but it can be extremely validating when they approve and are excited about it.
“If your current friends disapprove of your relationship, it might be worthwhile finding out why, seeing if you can change their minds, seeing if there’s something about your relationship that needs your attention, or perhaps making a decision to spend more time with friends who are supportive of your relationship,” Dr. Blair says.
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The idea of dating a sibling’s ex may seem taboo, but it’s not unheard of
When someone in your life is vocal about their disapproval of your relationship, however, it doesn’t mean that they always have a valid reason. Whether or not it’s appropriate to date a sibling’s ex depends on various factors. In this particular case on Reddit, the man noted that he didn’t even know about his brother and his partner’s past when they started dating.
And this family is certainly not the only one who has ever found themselves in a sticky situation like this. But according to HerNorm, there are ways to help manage the tension between a sibling and their ex/possible future sibling in law. First, it’s recommended to speak to them honestly about the situation and understand how important the relationship is to them. Remember not to compare yourself to your sibling either, and find healthy ways to manage your emotions. As much as you may want to center yourself, their relationship likely has nothing to do with you.
Remember why your relationship with this person ended, and don’t romanticize it. Clearly, it wasn’t perfect, so don’t assume that you’ve lost something. Instead, try to be happy for your sibling, and find a way to make peace with the situation. And if you find it necessary, get some space from your sibling and our ex, and take enough time to heal.
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Dealing with a toxic sibling can be exhausting and may require setting firm boundaries
If your sibling simply refuses to accept your relationship and starts behaving inappropriately, it might be time to acknowledge that they’re simply being toxic. It’s one thing to express hurt or concerns; it’s something entirely different to attempt to sabotage your relationship and drive a wedge between you and your fiancé.
A Place of Hope recommends setting firm boundaries with your brother or sister who is making your life unnecessarily difficult. That might mean going low or no contact, or in this case, uninviting the brother from the wedding. And don’t hesitate to get support for yourself. “Especially if you were abused by your sibling as a child, you may be living with trauma and emotional effects,” the experts at A Place of Hope explain. “It will be critical to get support for your mental health so you can heal from the aftereffects of this relationship and make decisions on how to move forward.”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Have you ever been in a similar situation with your siblings? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing sibling relationship drama, we recommend checking out this one next.
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Readers continued sharing sympathetic messages for the man and congratulated him on his engagement
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