The miracle of birth is one of the most difficult and life-changing events in a person’s life. As a partner, it’s up to you to become a one-stop shop of kindness, support, and entertainment. From rubbing their back to offering reassuring words, your role is to create an overall stress-free environment and just be there for your loved one. What childbirth doesn’t involve is for you to play games and constantly talk on the phone with your “bros”.
But not everyone gets that, as this is exactly what the husband of a recent poster Moody009 on Reddit’s AITA community did. As the woman explained in her story, her experience was neither convenient nor pretty as she opted for an epidural-free delivery and was in labor for 26 hours straight.
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Yet, her other half made everything even more challenging by being on his phone, complaining. Wishing to “be in pain in peace”, the user decided to kick him out of the room, something that only ensued further family drama. Scroll down to read the story in full, as well as the community reactions that followed. Then decide whether the wife’s actions are justified or not and be sure to weigh in on the situation in the comments.
This woman recently asked if she was wrong to kick her husband out of the delivery room for constantly being on the phone
Image credits: Jimmy Conover
Image credits: Thom Holmes
Image credits: Moody009
Many commenters expressed overwhelming support for the woman and noticed several red flags from the husband that burdened the relationship. Childbirth does not happen every day — it’s an emotional and physical journey like no other — so the fact that the man was more willing to spend this time talking with his friends and family frustrated the community members. Not to mention he left the hospital and missed the birth of his child, something that made people deem the husband was in the wrong in this situation.
Bringing a child into this world is an overwhelming adventure. A birth partner carries a vital role that may have a significant impact on the outcome of the birth experience. In fact, research shows that continuous support during childbirth leads to positive results for the person in labor and the little one. They are less likely to report negative ratings or feelings about their childbirth experience, and it might even reduce the length of the delivery process.
A supportive partner nearby creates a safe and comfortable environment, so people should strive to learn as many tips and tricks to know what to expect in the delivery room. To gain insight from an expert in the field, we reached out to Aleksandra Evanguelidi LM, CPM, who has been a midwife in Los Angeles for over 20 years and is the co-creator and host of the podcast Under the Hood. She currently specializes in prenatal nutrition, home waterbirth, and prepping women for the rigors of conception and pregnancy. She says we don’t just need more babies, we need healthy babies.
When it comes to the main things expected from a birth partner during labor, Aleks told Bored Panda the number one thing is for them to be present, capital P. “It’s fantastic if they can do a childbirth preparation class so that they can help their loved ones navigate the landscape of birth. Labor is for real the hardest thing a person will ever go through. There is literally no comparison in what it demands of you-so showing up means being present, being calm, and for the love of God, DO NOT GET ON YOUR CELL PHONE.”
Aleks pointed out a few wonderful things you can do during the delivery process: rub their back, continue to offer hydration, and speak sweet words. “Tell them the story about when you fell totally in love with them. Tell them how beautiful they are again and again. Thank them for doing this hard work for them and their child.”
“The amount of effort required to birth a baby is beyond imagination,” she continued. “The ability to focus on the sensations which are mind-blowingly intense requires everything we have and then more. This means that we have to focus on each contraction or wave as if our life depends on it. It is also massively rewarding work to birth your child into this world.”
But if the partner is not supportive, such as in the story in question, it can cause the other person to feel alone and vulnerable, and even contribute to having a traumatic birth experience. “When we do not feel heard during the process of childbirth, it can often trigger trauma from our childhood when we were not listened to or when we had experiences of pain that were beyond our ability to control,” Aleks said.
The expert noted that, unfortunately, trauma during childbirth happens far more often than we realize “and impacts not only the outcome of the birth experience but stays with us and our babies for the rest of our lives.”
“I often meet people having their second or third child who still grieve years later about how the birth of their children impacted them and remain a daily source of pain,” she added. “During childbirth, we are in the most vulnerable time of our lives — having support, being cared for, feeling safe and loved and witnessed is critical in informing how we feel about ourselves and our partners in years to come.”
After reading the story, people expressed support for the woman and sounded the alarm about this relationship
To help your loved one get through the delivery process, start preparing early. “Hire a skilled and loving doula,” Aleks advised. Doulas are there to help the birth process and advocate on behalf of the family to ensure their desires outweigh hospital policies. “They help educate you on your options and choices and often become the translator between the hospital staff and you.”
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Another tip Aleks shared for a supported birth and happy postpartum is to hire a midwife. “Midwives have excellent outcomes. In fact, countries that use midwives for Low-Risk pregnancies (including home birth) have the best Perinatal outcomes.”
“The United States is ranked 50th in perinatal outcomes among industrialized countries and we spend 2x as much on each pregnancy. There needs to be further research and education on the benefits and outcomes of safe midwifery care in the US.” The expert mentioned that the myth that home birth is dangerous puts fear into us and makes people choose hospital birth over home birth, “even though they might prefer an unmedicated delivery or want to feel empowered during the birth process, both of which are much harder to come by in the hospital.”
Moreover, Aleks suggested spending more time planning for postpartum care. “While it’s a luxury trend to hire a night nurse so new parents can sleep, the real benefit comes when you hire a postpartum doula who can cook nourishing foods, rub you in warming oils and help bind your belly postpartum.”
Lastly, take a childbirth preparation class. “You are not the expert in childbirth. Birth is a foreign landscape for most of us and the first time we are acquainted with pregnancy is when we pee positive and suddenly are faced with life taking on a completely new trajectory.”
According to her, there is a variety of classes available nowadays that offer the very best knowledge to help people prepare for the many parenting and life decisions ahead. “All the prep work done before labor really informs the kind of outcome we will end up with. The more we take classes and hire a provider that puts our desires and agendas first, the better the outcome. With birth, if you don’t educate yourself about your options, you don’t have any and the outcome will not be what you wanted but what the agenda is in the environment you give birth,” Aleks said.
At the end of the day, birth partners must be present and ensure their loved ones feel like they are in a supportive environment. Something that, unfortunately, the woman’s husband failed to fulfill. What did you think of his actions? Was kicking him out of the room the right choice? Do you have any similar experiences you would like to share? Be sure to weigh in on the discussion in the comments, we’d love to hear more from you down below!