Naming Rights up for Bids at Lost Art Press

Because of the extreme financial pressures of the pandemic unprecedented demand from readers, we have decided to offer naming rights to several of the valuable components of our business. With one small payment, you can put your product or service front and center with dozens and dozens of Lost Art Press visitors every year.

Here are a few of the opportunities available.

Listen beautiful relax classics on our Youtube channel.

The Lost Art Press Sanitary Room
Until now, we have called our bathroom the “Klaus Skrudland Memorial Sh*$-a-teria.” But seeing as Klaus is not dead, we have decided to offer up naming rights to this essential visitor area in the Lost Art Press headquarters.

What you get: Your company’s name or logo hand-painted on the frosted glass window of our bathroom. Plus, whenever someone in the building says they have to “go to the bathroom,” we will instead say, “I have to go to the Paycor Room to Make a Convenient Paycheck Deduction” (just an example).

What your donation pays for: Hand soap that Megan is not allergic to. New batteries for Mr. Chirpy, our electronic parrot.

Lost Art Press Kitchen
Every visitor compliments our tidy kitchen, and woodworking students spend their mornings and afternoons here with coffee and pastries. Currently we have our Lost Art Press logo painted on the floor. But if you are the winning bidder….

What you get: Your company’s name or logo hand-painted on the concrete floor. Plus, any time we offer coffee to visitors we will say, “Would you like a cup of Hot Synergy from our altafiber chamber?”

What your donation pays for: Lots of coffee. Chris’s toothpick collection.

The Electric Horse Garage
Yes, you can name the entire Lost Art Press machine room. 

What you get: Your company’s name or logo hand-painted on the shop door. Plus, any time we turn on a machine, we will say, “That’s the feeling of power you get from a Dr. Shoal’s Corn Scraper” (again, just an example). 

What your donation pays for: New carbide inserts for our jointer. Safety Police jumpsuits.

“Bean” in his previous role as a Soft Wax Spokespuss.

The Shop Cat
Bean eats a lot. And so we have decided to offer naming rights to this feline three-legged ambassador. Almost every visitor to our shop is greeted by a sniff from this friendly guy. 

What you get: We will shave your logo into his substantial side meat. Also, people say the cat’s name hundreds of times a day. Imagine the brand burnishing that will occur every time we say “Stop licking your butt, Mr. Vlasic Kosher Dill Gherkins!” Or when people get their photo taken with the cat and use the hashtag #SummersEvePuss.

What your donation pays for: New keys to the cellar. A vegetable plate at Christmas.

Let the bidding begin!

— Christopher Schwarz


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