Negative Yelp Reviews of my Chair Class

Sadly, it’s another day, and we still have exactly zero weird Yelp reviews for our classes.

I mentioned this today to the students in my chair class as we were working on our combs, and we started brainstorming what some negative Yelp reviews of my chair class might sound like. Here are a few.

Listen beautiful relax classics on our Youtube channel.

  1. Very limited vegan options for gluing.
  2. “Red oak” offered up was more “brown” than what a reasonable person – which I am – would consider as “red.”
  3. There are zero – zip, nada – Spanish tarts at “Los Tarts Press.”
  4. Too noisy for intimate conversation. Lighting was too harsh. Not enough televisions. ONLY ONE BATHROOM!!!! Will not return.
  5. Wanted to make a table, was told they had only chairs.
  6. Wish I could give ZERO stars. Asked for walnut, was given something that was DEFINITELY not walnut.
  7. Mallets need cushier handles. Visible sores after three uses.
  8. Limited alcohol menu – denatured only.
  9. No metric rulers – very unwelcoming environment for base-10 beings.
  10. Workbenches were stained, pock-marked with holes and DEFINITELY not 38” high. Unsuitable work environment for fine woodworking. Will not return.
  11. Floor littered with debris the entire time. Staff seemed unconcerned and ACTUALLY threw more garbage on the floor!!!! Don’t know how this place is still in business.
  12. Not a castle (as promised). Instructor didn’t have British accent. Didn’t once use a router plane.

We welcome your negative reviews in the comments below.

— Christopher Schwarz


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