There’s nothing wrong with having different interests from your significant other. For one, having separate hobbies from your partner allows you to grow as a person and try new things. Therapists even claim that couples who share too much in common often become bored in the relationship.
But redditor MotherNegotiation42’s husband wasn’t exactly supportive of her separate activities. He would often make snarky comments about her staying at home and working on her prized puzzles. Recently, they had an intense fight about it, making her realize she hated the person she’s been married to for six years.
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Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with Mother_Negotiation42, who kindly agreed to share more details about the situation.
Having separate hobbies from your partner can be healthy
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
However, this husband was mocking wife’s interests, which led to a divorce
Image credits: pernilla11 (not the actual photo)
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Image credits: sedrik2007 (not the actual photo)
After receiving many questions, the wife provided more information on the matter
Image source: Mother_Negotiation42
Her interest in puzzles started when she was young, in a small, rainy village where there wasn’t much to do
Bored Panda reached out to the original author of the story, Mother_Negotiation42, who kindly agreed to share more details about it. Firstly, we were curious to know what inspired her to take this online in the first place.
“I shared the story out of a place of deep frustration. At the time I wrote it, I still hadn’t had a proper conversation with my husband, and many people were telling me that I was wrong for looking into divorce so quickly. The comment that bothered me the most was made by one of his ex-girlfriends, with whom we both stayed friends. She told me I should be grateful for the “smooth sailing” relationship we’ve had and that I shouldn’t throw it all away over a silly puzzle fixation.”
She explains that her interest in puzzles started when she was young. She was growing up in a small, rainy village where there wasn’t much to do, especially being the only child. “I’d spend a lot of time doing board games with my grandma, who lived with us at the time, but I’d always had the most fun when spending time on these puzzles.”
Having taken her story online, she felt seen and validated in the decision she was going to make. “I knew from the very beginning that I wasn’t going to make my decision based solely on the replies I got from this post, but I wanted to know if I was completely incorrect in the whole situation because it felt like everyone in my life at the time was telling me so.”
Separate hobbies might bring frustration into a relationship
If it so happens that partners aren’t interested in the same things, having separate hobbies might be beneficial. But what if this fails and the other person starts to voice frustrations about your dissimilar activities?
When a spouse complains about different interests, it might be because they feel like the other person is often choosing their favorite pastime over spending quality time together. They may not even realize that they yearn for their significant other’s attention and they might gradually grow resentful of whatever the other is passionate about.
This basic need that becomes unmet can cause disagreements at the slightest inconvenience. The partner with a consuming hobby might start wondering why the other lashes out every time they go to build a puzzle or turn on a sports game.
It happens because, at some level, they feel neglected and would like to feel as important to their loved ones as their hobby is. As humans, we crave to be safe and secure in our relationships, and when we are nowhere near being the priority, we might start to feel uncertainty. Dealing with it might be difficult and often results in anxiety, edginess, and hostility.
Moreover, time-demanding hobbies tend to raise issues like deciding how to divide household chores, allocating time for themselves, and ensuring to have fun as a couple. The person who’s left with all the responsibilities might start to feel like they’re treated unfairly.
With some creativity, separate hobbies and relationships can be perfectly compatible
One way to avoid this is to give as much attention to marriage as they do to their hobbies. It might be a good idea to monitor how much time and money one spends on solo activities and put aside the same amount for when the two are together.
It’s also important to maintain respect throughout this, even though there might be tension or sorrowful feelings surrounding it. Experts advise letting the significant other know that you want to spend more moments together.
Instead of allowing frustration to take over, brainstorm some ideas for dates and movie nights and ask the partner to plan their schedule around them. This will make them feel like they can still enjoy their own things and nurture the relationship.
Another option is to try finding common interests that both of you might have missed out on from the beginning. Sometimes having completely separate interests can make people grow apart, so figuring out fun things you can do together can bring you closer.
Commenters were saying that the wife wasn’t wrong for wanting a divorce and that the puzzle was the least of their problems
The post “No Normal Human Should Care That Much”: Husband Throws Away Wife’s Puzzles, Ends Up Single first appeared on Bored Panda.
Source: boredpanda.com