It’s hard to say ‘no’ when your family asks for help. However, there’s always a limit to someone’s generosity. You can’t keep saying ‘yes’ every single time they need a hand—you have your own life to live as well, and you can’t sacrifice all of your plans, hopes, and dreams. Sometimes, enough is enough.
Redditor u/ThrowAwayUncle44 shared how he got into a huge argument with his brother and sister-in-law after refusing to look after his nephew anymore. The entire situation blew up. Scroll down for the full story, as well as the OP’s update.
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Bored Panda has reached out to u/ThrowAwayUncle44 via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from him.
Helping out your family is one thing, but nobody wants to be an unpaid babysitter for their relatives all the time
Image credits: samer daboul (not the actual photo)
One man opened up about how his family reacted after he chose a trip with his partner over taking care of his nephew
Image credits: vadymvdrobot (not the actual photo)
Image credits: nd3000 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowAwayUncle44
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The uncle later gave an update about how the situation escalated further
Image credits: InnaVlasova (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowAwayUncle44
The family was appalled when the uncle pushed back against their demands
The argument that followed the redditor’s proclamation that he’d like to go on a trip with his girlfriend instead of taking care of his nephew was of epic proportions. Everyone said a lot of mean things they probably regretted. And the OP’s family accused him of not pulling his own weight. There were some suggestions thrown about that he should be sacrificing everything for his family.
However, his family seemed to think that he was their go-to babysitter, at their beck and call whenever they needed his help. It seems unfair to dump such a huge responsibility on a close family member, especially when they don’t seem particularly thrilled about being a nanny. The entire situation raises a lot of questions about why the kid’s parents aren’t looking after him more… and why all the other family members aren’t stepping in to volunteer and help.
The vast majority of the redditors who read the story thought that the OP was clearly in the right. Meanwhile, in an update, the redditor shared how he apologized to his family. However, his relatives didn’t apologize back. It seemed like the only thing that they cared about was whether or not he’d be their babysitter again.
Establishing clear boundaries is essential for healthy familial relationships
There seem to be two main issues at work here. The first has to do with setting boundaries with family members and how they’re struggling to accept this new reality. The second appears to be linked to something that can cause arguments in any family—money.
When it comes to setting boundaries, there’s no alternative to good communication. Everyone needs to set expectations and be on the same page. It’s essential that you don’t take a relative’s willingness to help for granted. Asking for a spot of help from time to time is fine. But turning babysitting into an annoying and challenging part-time job is probably not the best way to get on someone’s good side.
Living without any boundaries means living at your expense. They’re essential for healthy and thriving relationships, whether they’re familial or romantic. It’s not selfish to have boundaries. Quite the opposite. If you don’t communicate and enforce them, then you’ll start resenting those who cross them.
It’s fine to make your boundaries more flexible the closer you are to someone else as you look for compromises (you care about these people, after all), but it would be a mistake to do whatever someone else tells you to, whenever they tell you to, just because you’re related to them. Being a family member doesn’t mean giving up your entire identity.
Some families see each relative’s time and money as shared resources
The second issue at play here is a bit more subtle. From redditor u/ThrowAwayUncle44’s posts, it appears that he’s doing pretty well, financially. He’s able to take monthly trips with his girlfriend. And his relatives even mentioned that he should pay for his nephew’s daycare, as well as some other expenses.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help your family members financially—plenty of people would do just that. The problem, however, is that there’s an expectation that the OP has to do these things. It’s expected of him. His family seems to view his resources as theirs. It’s not really a gift if someone demands something from you, now is it?
As we’ve covered on Bored Panda before, when someone gets rich, their family, friends, and acquaintances will start doing mental calculations on what they can ask of you. If you don’t comply with their wishes, they might start resenting you. Your best approaches are to practice stealth wealth (live an outwardly middle-class lifestyle) or explain that you’ve got your money set to be donated to charities that you care about. If there’s any money left over after that, you can give it to your nearest and dearest as you please, without any expectations or strings attached.
The author of the post shared some more details in the comments
The readers gave the man some spot-on advice. Here’s what they had to say
The post “Some Horrible Things Were Said”: Family Rages At Uncle Who Wants To Go On A Trip Instead Of Babysitting His Nephew first appeared on Bored Panda.
Source: boredpanda.com