Kids are naive, and we can’t blame them for it. Their wrong perspectives stem from their lack of life experience, and having at least a few is a natural part of growing up. But we sure as heck can laugh at them!
Reddit user Aqkj made a post on the platform, asking everyone, “What’s the dumbest thing you believed as a child?” It immediately went viral; as of now, it has over 16.8K comments! Turns out there are no limits to childhood stupidity—erh, I mean, creativity! It’s universal.
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I thought that little people (like peter dinklage) were so small because they were born on February 29th. I figured that since their birthday only came round once every 4 years, they would grow to be a quarter size.
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This will probably get lost, but I believed for many years when my mom told me that cows unroll haybales as sleeping bags at night and roll them back up in the morning.
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When I was a pre-schooler, my mom told me that you weren’t allowed to ride a motorcycle or get tattoos unless your mother was dead. One day, outside the grocery store I saw a big, tough looking dude covered in tats, straddling the loudest motorcycle ever. Damn 5 year old me went up to him and asked, “Hey. Is your mom dead?” Dude looked at me and said, “Yeah.” And I was shocked that my mom was right.
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I believed I owned a whale. My parents “adopted” one for me as a Christmas gift. I had a framed picture of her tail and everything. Her name was Ibis. This was about 30 years ago now. I hope she kept swimming. God speed, Ibis.
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That there was humans sitting in control rooms watching tons of traffic cams and turning red light to green lights and Visa versa
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My dad told me that I could have a pet chipmunk or squirrel if I caught one. He told me the key to catching one was to shake salt on their tail, they would **always** stop to lick the salt off and then I’d be able to catch it.
Not hard to figure out why he told us that, because my brother and I would spend hours a day running around the yard with a bucket and a salt shaker.
I think the last time I tried was when I was like 9. I never really though about it again until I was like 15 and it was mind blowing to realize it was all just to keep us busy outside lol
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I felt the need to personally thank the driver of the subway train every time we took it. I thought it would be rude and impolite to not do so.
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It must have been so embarrassing for my mom. The driver cabin had tinted windows and I demanded the driver lowered them so I could thank him lol. I was like 5 or 6.
Similarly, I was taught to give my seat to the elderly or pregnant women. One time, as soon as the door opened and an old looking man entered the wagon, I bolted from my seat and ran to him, grabbed him by the hand and brought him to the empty seat.
Thanks god I didn’t do that to a fat lady or my mom could have died from embarrassment.
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When I was young my parents told me that if I kept leaving the fridge open then I would freeze the whole world and then no on would like me 🙁
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I thought color was at one point discovered or invented. Like long ago we lived in a black and white world but eventually we changed for the better.
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I was a real picky eater as a child. My parents, in an attempt to get me to eat more, told me that each grain of rice in my bowl takes a year to grow, and so I should be more appreciative of my food.
Child me somehow took this to mean that every year only *one single* grain of rice can be grown, so my bowl was always filled with hundreds of years of rice. Thought, “heh, cool!”
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My dad made me believe that peanut butter came from squeezing squirrels. He also made me believe that white milk came from white cows, chocolate milk came from brown cows, and milkshakes came from shaking the cows.
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when I asked my mother ‘what killed the dinosaurs’ my mother, who doesn’t believe dinosaurs exist, told me that Shrek did it, and I believed her wholeheartedly.
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The Dairy Queen and Burger King were married, and ruled over a faraway kingdom of fast food. Edit: In the far away land of Inanoute, The Dairy Queen and Burger King rule from the White Castle. Their decrees tempered by the wisdom of their court magician and vizier, Jack of the Bockse, they hold sovereignty over the Fry Folk. Their daughter, Princess Wendy, is as beautiful as the Inanoute itself. She is betrothed to the brave knight, Carl II, of Hardee. The kingdom is protected by the great hero, Whataguy, and his cohort, Attaboy, while the noble Colonel Sanders commands the Royal Guard, composed of the five finest soldiers in the King’s army. But all is not well; dark forces gather in the White Castle’s evil counterpart, the Krystal, where the wizard McDonald plots to kidnap the Princess, force her to marry him, and usurp the throne of Inanoute.
I believed that if you stopped at the “stop ahead” sign, you wouldn’t have to stop at the stop sign, because you stopped ahead of time.
It was eternally frustrating to me to watch my parents not take this incredibly obvious shortcut.
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When I was really young, I wondered about what was so special about women’s breasts that they had to cover them up all the time– surely there was something secret about them that everyone was hiding from me. My parents wouldn’t give me any straight answers. I have no idea why I came to this conclusion, but I thought that maybe there was something dangerous enough about them that they had to be contained. My guess was that they had little mouths with razor sharp teeth.
When I figured out that they were just a bigger version of what I had, I was very confused and disappointed.
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I thought a necromancer was someone who was just very into necks.
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I thought that if you chose to be President of the U.S., it was understood ( as in, part of the job description) that you would eventually be assassinated.
Which made me wonder why anyone would even choose that career to begin with.
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My aunt told me god was everywhere including inside me, so I stopped drinking apple juice to avoid getting him sticky. I was never even religious, and apparently didn’t care about everything else I ate that would get him sticky..
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There are midgets inside ATM’s. It’s their job to sit inside it and take your card to check it and then pass out money.
They also have a tv and food in there.
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That there was a legal age (13) for caffeine, like the way there is one for alcohol. When I was in high school, I saw some small kid buy a coffee from McDonald’s, and remarked that it was illegal. My friends still make fun of me for it.
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That there was an actual black market. I could never understand how the cops couldn’t find.
When I was a kid my two cousins from India were staying with our family as they were trying to settle in the country and become U.S. citizens. My cousins were in their mid twenties, fully grown men. One night I challenged them to an arm wrestling match. They acted like the couldn’t keep their arm up and they were breathing hard and stuff. And I beat both of them and they told me how strong I was as a seven year old girl. I thought I was hot stuff until I got to college and randomly challenged a guy to an arm wrestling match and lost pretty quickly. I literally sat there dumfounded and was like “wait how can this be….” And then it hit me.
Thunder was the sound of angels bowling.
My aunt said that she put a camera in my dog so I would walk him correctly
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That I could be anything I wanted when I grew up if I just worked hard enough.
That the rock group The Eagles were actually The Philadelphia Eagles doing a side project. When you’re 7 and hear “This is the latest from The Eagles” being announced on the radio and your Dad is a Philadelphia Eagles fan, what are you supposed to think?
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My dad used to tell us this very elaborate story of how we were born. He told us he had to cut off a piece of his flesh to implant into our mom’s stomach, and how excruciatingly painful it was for him, and why we should therefore be grateful for his sacrifice. He did this in front of our mother, a woman who natural-birthed four children without epidurals. I’m still amazed that she stood by and let him take the credit without saying a thing
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My sister and I believed that the ghosts in Pac-Man were played by kids in other countries who played the opposite video game.
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That the TV Guide in the newspaper told the TV what was coming on. I just couldn’t figure out out how to write cartoons in neatly enough to get it to work.
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My mom told me that every time I told a lie I would get a black mark in my heart and when my heart turned completely black I would go to hell when I died. This was in the early 2000’s
I asked my library teacher if I could go to the bathroom, she asked “Is it an emergency?”
I thought that meant she was going to call an ambulance. I got scared and said no. Almost pissed my pants that day lmfao
1. That babies came out of the belly button.
2. That everyone died when they reached 100 years old.
3. That a dad planted a seed in the mom’s tummy, which had a 50/50 chance of being born a baby or a fruit/vegetable.
4. That anyone who crossed the centre line while driving was a vampire.
5. That pee was only water, so it didn’t matter if I peed on the couch. It would dry!
6. That the ship painting in my bedroom had a face in it that watched me all night long.
7. That an alien spaceship would hang out by my window at night. It was the moon.
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That “Inc.” meant “in North Carolina.” I live in NC and my dad told me that that is what it meant and I believed it for an embarrassingly long time. I still cringe when I think about it. “Monsters in North Carolina” ugh EDIT: I’m crying. I didn’t expect this to take off and now I’m so embarrassed. THANKS, POP.
I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about this on Reddit before but my parents thought it would be hysterical if they made me believe I was a puppy.
Yes, I believed I was born a puppy.
Now. Before you think I’m just some gullible human let me fill you in.
They took down every single baby picture of me and replaced them with beagle pictures to prove it to me.
So for the first like 8 years of my life I believed I was born a beagle puppy and I left suspicious puddles and smelled funny when I was wet, so mom had gods cell phone number and asked him to turn me into a little girl when I turned 2.
Which in kid brain, is pretty logical. I mean, I didn’t remember before I was 2 did you?? So yeah. Spent a while believing I was a beagle
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I grew up poor in Colombia. One of my uncles bought a car and gave every single family member a ride around the block. When I finally got to see the inside of that car I thought I was in a space ship. Anyways I remember noticing the blinker arrows by the odometer. I could see them come on and off randomly, left, right, right etc. What I couldn’t see ? My uncle turning em on and off. I was 7 when this happened. I learned that the car is in fact NOT telling you where to turn at age 15 (in the good ol U S of A.)
My family was going to an event where we had to arrive at 7pm SHARP. I heard 7pm SHARK and thought it meant if we were late we would be fed to sharks.
Very late to the party, but here goes:
I grew up with a grandmother who was in a diving accident as a young girl. As such, she was relegated to a wheelchair for the rest of her life. Long story short I had a paralyzed grandmother.
When I was old enough to ask what she did for work, I was told she was a paralegal. This being around the time I was learning how prefixes worked in words I heard para, and legal. Thus my young brain made the brilliant connection and all the way until I was 14 years old, I lived believing that a paralegal was a lawyer in a wheelchair.
TL;DR I’m a f*****g idiot
My dad told me I could only push the crosswalk button once, because each additional push would take $1.00 off of my college fund. He also told me that when you get married, the National Honeymoon Foundation paid for your honeymoon.
My dad likes to f**k with people.
That a hellish monster would kill me if i didnt make it down the hallway and up the stairs in 10 seconds.
That it was illegal to have the inside car light on.
When I was a kid, my teacher said humans were mammals. I wasn’t paying much attention, and believed that she said humans were actually camels. So, being the lover of fun facts that I am, I told everyone I knew that humans were actually camels. No one ever corrected me. This went on for years until one day I heard that humans were mammals again and it all clicked.
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When I was about 4, my older sister told me that since the population of Japan was so high, Japanese people slept sideways on their beds so they could fit more people on every bed. I believed it until I went to a sleepover at 13 and suggested that we sleep “Japanese-style” on the bed so everyone could fit.
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That whenever I saw a store with a “help wanted” sign in the window I thought they were asking for help because of an emergency going on inside the store.
I remember watching the series finale of Friends when I was 10 years old. My parents kept saying it was the last episode ever, and I watched it with them.
After it was over, I went to bed and cried. I thought that once a TV show was over, it would never be shown again. I thought that I had just witnessed a part of history that would never be seen again in the future.
My mom had to come into my bedroom and console me, telling me that it would play again in reruns.
I have told this story a few times before, and always said I was about 6 years old. After looking up the air date of the final episode, it turns out I was actually 10 and a half, and I’m pretty embarrassed by that fact.
I understood decades, but not centuries.
This means I thought the Civil War and hippies protesting for peace were right after one another, followed by the American Revolutionary War and discos.
My grandpa told me bologna was made from elephant. I believed this until I was 19. Despite knowing the truth for all these years I still have never had bologna and I never will.
My dad is missing one of his fingers, when I asked him what happened to it he said it was because he picked his nose with that finger. That was the day I stopped picking my nose.
That the reason you tilt your head down when you pray was that you were shooting lasers out of your face at Satan…
I thought that because 3/4 of my grandparents had been alcoholics, that I had alcoholism running through my veins and the moment I took a sip of alcohol, I’d go off the rails.
Turns out I can enjoy alcohol when I want, but I don’t really drink often at all.
I used to think NHL training camps were held in the woods and the players practiced on frozen ponds.
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For the longest time I was confused about the whole Native American Indians and Indians from India. The child version of me presumed that they just really hated cowboys and went to America to put an end to those poor western renegades.
I received quite the shock when I was 11 and learned the truth but to be fair I am not from America. What a day that was!
I always heard people say “it went down the wrong hole” when they choked on something and little me automatically assumed that humans had separate “holes” for food and drink and when we swallow it just automatically sorts out. Believed that until I was like 12 when I swallowed a french fry wrong in the car with my mom. I said that it must of went down my drink hole and my mom was super confused and had to explain to me how swallowing food actually works.
I was fortunate enough to have a computer when I was growing up back in the early 90s. We had a few games on floppy disc that I played all the time but I always wanted more and couldn’t convince my parents to buy them for me.
One day my dumb a*s thought “if I just scribble out the name of the game on the disc and write the name of the game I want…that should do the trick!”
I told my dad about my idea and he just shook his head. He was probably ashamed of the idiot he was raising. I wasn’t discouraged though. I grabbed a pen and scribbled “ghost busters” on a copy of some flight simulator game, popped it in and fired it up.
I was disappointed. I’m also still not a smart man.
I believed that when a woman was pregnant with anything more than twins, the babies weren’t all in her stomach area because there was no way they would fit. At the time there was a news story about someone who had sextuplets and I thought the setup was two in the stomach, one in each calf, and one in the underside of each arm.
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That Stephen Hawking was in wheelchair because he was too intelligent. Y’know like his brain was damaged from being so smart
I was about 9. The lady that was taking care of me at the time was driving me down the interstate and I rolled the window down and she said, “Boy!! You better roll that window up before a snake jump in here, miss you and hit me!!!! You see the way them snakes be jumping back and forth across that road!!!!”
For years I believed that snakes jump into vehicles and attack motorists.
I mean…..my dad thought he was a funny guy. He told me that I was black but he gave me white shots so that I would match the rest of our family. That f****d me up for a little bit.
Edit: he actually did a lot of a uff like that. Most of it to keep me safe and some to play pranks on me. We had exposed insulation in our attic and crawl space and he knew I would go in there if he didn’t scare me. So he stomped around in the attic screaming “ooooboooo! Ooooooboooo!” And then he came down and told me I had a monster brother that was mean and angry and would eat me if I went up there. He told me there was a pack of wild dogs in the crawl space to keep me out of there. Just stuff like that. One time he gave me a walk talky and told me and my best pal to go into his office and he would talk to us. It was a rainy night and when we got in there he told us over the walk talky to lock the door because there was a wild hog loose in the house. We were freaked but then he ran up the stairs on what sounded like all fours and squeezed like a pig and ran into the door and scratched it. Typing it out now it sounds like mental abuse but it was exhilarating at the time
I read this article in The Enquirer when I was like 8 about flying carpets. Totally thought they were coming out for mass production. Oh, how I wanted to be rich enough to buy one.
That If I spit three dots of spit around a worm, usually found on the sidewalk, that it would give me good luck for the rest of the day. No one ever told me this. I just made it up and started doing it for about 2 to 3 years or so.
My father convinced me that jackrabbits were a secret that the women of the world weren’t in on. He basically told me they weren’t real but my mother and sister and all other women didn’t know and I wasn’t to tell anyone. This made for an awkward moment in like 5th grade at an Applebee’s. I was with my mom and we started talking about the animal mounted on the wall and I couldn’t stop smiling. She then proceeded to bust the conspiracy and destroy my dreams of a worldwide gender conspiracy.
That when people flew away in hot air balloons, they never came back.
I grew up near the mountains. On major mountain roads there are pullouts with “no parking” signs that also say “30 min chain up.” Sometime in middle school I learned that those signs meant you could stop for 30 min to put snow chains on your car, not that you would be chained up for 30 min as punishment for parking there.
A lot of dumb things, here are a few examples: We lived in my great aunt’s house for a while when I was a kid and my parents were getting back onto their feet and there was this heater in the living room. It had a little window where you could see the pilot light in there and when I was a kid I was facinated by it. I thought that because the flame was blue that it would be cold to the touch. It sorta makes sense, but it was incredibly stupid considering this flame was keeping a heater going. One day I decided to stick my fingers through this little chip in the glass to test it out. The flame was not cold, it was hot like regular fire and burned me, luckily not too bad though. When I found out that the little thing at the end when you pluck out a hair is called a root, I thought that maybe I would be able to plant it anywhere on my body. For a long time I tried very hard to grow hairs on my fingertips. I don’t know why exactly, just seemed like at cool place at that age and I could use freak people out. Although I eventually found out in theory that method does work and is used, the way I was doing it by letting it sit there on my fingertips does not. Do you remember the commercial where they planted Skittles in the ground and a rainbow grew? Well, when I was a kid my parents convinced me it was true, but took longer than the commercial showed. For about a month or two I tried very hard to grow a rainbow in my backyard, watering it when I would get home from school. Eventually they told me the truth and now as an adult I feel like I would find that pretty to do to my kid too.
Elementary school is the worst part of life. Everything after this will be amazing.
My step mom told me eating my boogers recycled my brain cells.
My dad once told me to dry my head first after a bath because “that’s where all the water came from.” I naturally assumed this meant that your body absorbed water during a bath and it could only come out through your head.
If you got a game over in a video game, the game was literally over and you could never play again
My birth parents split when I was four and my mom soon remarried a guy who, while an amazing stepdad, was *profoundly* the polar opposite of my old man and it made Dad f*****g crazy. So, any chance he got, my father would lay something outrageous on me that he knew would make me look askance at my sweet-natured stepdad. My favorite is the time –I must have been six or seven by then–that, out of the blue, Dad asked “Hey Boo, what kind of beer does Bob drink?” I told him that he drank Rolling Rock and my brilliant sh*tbag father instantly replied “Oh, Rolling Rock! I’ll tell you something amazing about Rolling Rock… Have you ever looked at the can? It has polar bears frolicking under a waterfall, right? Well, here’s why that is: In Pennsylvania, where they bottle Rolling Rock, they maintain a nature preserve that is full of nothing BUT polar bears. Well, once a month, they send a bunch of mean men inside the area with the bears and they chase them around in jeeps and trucks, scaring all the bears… Then, once they’re certain that they all have upset tummies, they herd them all into this big pool of water at the top of the waterfall, right? Well, Boo, the moment those bears get in that water they starting p***ing and barfing and shooting diarrhea everywhere… Then, all the p**s/s**t/barf water flowers over the waterfall and they have men at the bottom with barrels and they collect that water… And THAT is how they make Rolling Rock beer.” And then he just went on with the rest of his day… Look, in the back of my mind, I *knew* that had to be b******t, right? But, goddamnit, as an elementary-aged kid, there was always just a tiny part of me that thought my stepdad was unknowingly drinking foul Polar Bear excrement/lol. And there, in a single anecdote, kind stranger, you now know everything you need to know about my pop.
My wife thought that Sloth from The Goonies was a real person with facial deformity that they cast for the role. She only learned last year that it was make-up. She’s 38.
I heard that you shouldn’t pour warm water on frostbite so I figured, logically, you shouldn’t pour cool water on a burn.
I told my friend to pour hot water on her hand when she burned it on the stove.
I for real thought that gay sex was like sword fighting with d***s. I went to a Catholic school so asking for clarification was out of the question.
That dad was coming home.
My older brother told me I was severely mentally challenged and that everyone felt bad for me so no-one will ever tell me but him. Still haven’t figured out how to prove him wrong/right.
Edit: Oh reddit, my most highest rated comment is now about how “special” my big bro made me feel as a kid. He also tried convincing me I was adopted. If anyone is wondering, I’ve concluded I either really milked the pity train good my whole life or he was just doing what big brothers do…..be d***s /s.
My older sister once told me that a new day didn’t start until 12:03 a.m. instead of 12:00 a.m.
I believed that s**t until I was like 16.
I thought people being diagnosed meant that they *willingly* got whatever they received. Made no sense to me to go to the doctor just to get diagnosed with cancer.