Being a parent is very much like being an academic researcher: everyone seems to have an opinion on how best to raise your kids, and you need to separate the signal from all the noise. There are a lot of contradictory opinions out there!
Certified sleep specialist, breastfeeding educator, and mom of three Rachael, @heysleepybaby, recently started up a TikTok video series where she shares ‘unpopular’ first-time mom advice. Many parents found her tips incredibly useful (though some were on the fence about a few of them). Scroll down to see what Rachael had to say.
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Bored Panda has reached out to Rachael via email, and we’ll update the article once we hear back from her.
More info: TikTok | Instagram | HeySleepyBaby.com
Sleep is essential both for babies and their parents
Image credits: ollinka (not the actual photo)
Sleep specialist and mom of three, Rachael, recently shared some ‘unpopular’ advice for first-time moms
Image credits: heysleepybaby
She suggested that parents shouldn’t be doing chores while their baby is napping
“First one is hard. No chores while baby is napping. I know a lot of times we don’t have a choice, okay? But when you can, try to use baby’s naptime as your rest time or your time to binge a show or do something for yourself. When baby’s awake and happy, you can set them on the floor, put them in a bouncer, wear them, do whatever you need to do to clean around the house or do any… whatever you have to do. Try not to save it all for naptime because then when naptime comes and if it doesn’t go well, you’re gonna freak out.”
Image credits: valeriygoncharukphoto (not the actual photo)
Rachael also suggested that moms should let their partners sleep at night
“If you’re breastfeeding, your partner should sleep at night. I know this is going to make a lot of people very unhappy. But if your partner is able to function the next day and they’re not sleep-deprived like you are, they’re going to be able to help a lot more. They’re gonna be able to take care of you, take care of the baby, let you nap. Plus, if you’re both exhausted, it’s just a recipe for more bickering.”
Image credits: IrynaKhabliuk (not the actual photo)
Moreover, introducing the baby to the bottle earlier might be something to keep in mind
“This one might get me in trouble with lactation consultants. But if you can introduce a bottle earlier than six weeks… I did that with my third baby and she’s taken a bottle much better than my last baby did. Just, like, once a week or something.”
Image credits: vladans (not the actual photo)
The mom of three is also a big fan of bouncers
“Get the BabyBjorn Bouncer, no further comment.”
Image credits: Nestea06 (not the actual photo)
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Rachael suggested that moms don’t scroll TikTok while breastfeeding
“Try not to scroll on your phone during nighttime feedings. It makes it so much harder to go back to sleep, especially on TikTok, you can come across so much traumatic sh*t on this app and you don’t need to see that when you’re trying to go back to sleep. Get a great audiobook and just pop your earbuds in during your feeding. When I had my last baby, I listened to Jessica Simpson’s autobiography and, honestly, 10 out of 10.”
Image credits: Solen Feyissa (not the actual photo)
What’s more, there’s no need for a schedule
“You don’t need a schedule but you can start incorporating little routines so that you don’t go absolutely insane. But no, you don’t need to have a schedule, especially in the newborn stage. Your life is going to change when you have a baby. I know a lot of people say, “Oh, just bring the baby along, baby just folds right into your life.” No, your life changes in pretty much every single way. Just roll with it.”
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual photo)
Self-care is also incredibly important
“Let’s talk about self-care because there’s so much pressure on moms to achieve self-care even when they’re postpartum. And lots of us just don’t want to leave our baby or can’t leave our baby for whatever reason to achieve, you know, massages, facials, girlfriend night out, whatever. You can have self-care with your baby, you can take yourself for a great walk, you can go have a really delicious meal, you can do a skincare routine while you’re nursing your baby at night. It doesn’t have to be complicated. If self-care is like adding one more thing to your plate then don’t overthink it.”
Image credits: Jared Rice (not the actual photo)
Contact napping is essential, too
“Last one, my favorite, let your baby contact-nap. It’s likely what they want to do and what is going to be the easiest. So if it’s feasible for you and you can contact-nap and you don’t mind, just do it. I contact-napped with my second kid till she was like two and I loved it, she loved it. She sleeps in her bed all night in her own room, 7 to 7. It’s fine. We didn’t have to sleep train her or anything. Just do it.”
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual photo)
Rachael’s goal is to help parents ditch the stress and pressure surrounding baby sleep: she wants the entire family to get “as much sleep as possible” so that everyone’s healthy. She doesn’t believe in sleep training, instead, she says that she provides a holistic and nurturing approach to giving other parents a helping hand “without compromising their parenting style.”
The mom of three has a very large following online. Over 371k people follow her on Instagram. Meanwhile, she also has 15.1k followers on TikTok. It’s no wonder she’s this popular—a lot of parents turn to her for advice.
The mom lives in San Francisco, California, and founded the ‘Hey, Sleepy Baby’ project because she felt frustrated with the situation with baby sleep advice.
You can watch the mom’s full video about unpopular advice right over here
@heysleepybaby Tell me yours!!! #momadvice #firsttimemom #postpartumadvice #momsoftiktokover30 ♬ original sound – Rachael | Heysleepybaby
“I’ve always loved working with children and families. I have a Bachelor’s and a Masters in Elementary and Special Education, and have worked as a K-5 teacher and Education Specialist over the last 9 years. When my first baby was born in 2017, I became absolutely obsessed with his (lack of) sleep. My own sleep deprivation combined with outside pressure to get his sleep under control had me spiraling with undiagnosed postpartum anxiety. It was too much,” Rachael writes on her website.
Image credits: Lisa Fotios (not the actual photo)
In 2020, she decided to leave teaching to pursue her new passion—being a sleep and well-being specialist. She pursued various certifications and now has a well-rounded background in topics such as baby sleep, feeding, attachment, and how they all interlink.
To say that sleep is important for a baby is an understatement—it is absolutely essential. How much sleep your child needs will depend on a lot of factors, including how old they are. According to the NHS, newborns can sleep anywhere from 8 to 16 or even 18 hours per day! They’ll wake up at night because they’re hungry. Meanwhile, being too hot or too cold will also rouse them from their sleep.
As your baby grows, it’ll sleep for longer at night and will need fewer night feeds. By the time your baby is 6 to 12 months old, it might sleep for 8 hours or longer at night. However, this isn’t hard science and the exact details and times will depend on your child. Teething and hunger might make your baby wake up in the middle of the night.
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual photo)
After their first birthday, babies will sleep from 12 to 15 hours per day, the NHS writes. Meanwhile, two-year-olds will sleep from 11 to 12 hours at night, alongside one or two naps throughout the day. By the time your child is 3 to 4 years old, it’ll need between 8 to 14 hours of sleep each day, including naps. Resting while your child is sleeping can be a way for parents to catch up on their sleep and fight back against exhaustion.
Here’s how some parents reacted after watching Rachael’s popular video
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